Misdirection
by AvyQuinn
Summary: Much as it pained him, he reminded himself that he barely knew Lightning Farron anymore.  **Sequel to Hero's Charge. Please read Hero's Charge before Misdirection!**
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Misdirection is a continuation of my previous work: Hero's Charge. Please refer to that work before reading this one! ^_^_

_Welcome back, readers. Enjoy. :)_

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* * *

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_Wake up._

Her eyes were impossibly heavy as consciousness trickled back into her neglected brain.

_Wake up. They're all waiting for you._

A bright light beat at her eyelids. Squinting against it, she turned her head away. "Too... bright. Ugnh..."

"What, Light?" said a voice, sounding far away. "What did you say?" it encouraged. She followed it with her ear. "Get her some water!" it whispered urgently.

She heard the splash of water in a glass, and felt the cool edge at her lips. She gulped at it, water soothing her parched airway. She sputtered, choking.

"Easy, Light. Go slow." A hand was clasped against the back of her head, supporting it as she drank.

She let a little more of the liquid linger in her mouth and closed her lips. The glass was lifted away from her face. Swallowing, she tried to speak once more. "Too damn bright..." Her words elicited a familiar chuckle, and the shades were drawn, cutting off the blinding light. Opening her eyes fully now, she could make out items in the room that belonged to her, as they adjusted to the darkness. She was in her own room, in her own house. "Were's Serah?" she whispered.

"She's ok. She went to get some food. She'll be back." the calm voice assured; hand lingering in her tresses as she was lowered to rest on the pillow once more.

Lightning's eyes shifted to look at the person who kept her bedside. "Hope." He smiled at her. His face was no longer frozen as she remembered it before; the youthful features were round and full of relief. Scanning the room, Sazh was leaning up against the door frame. "Sazh." She saw some commotion coming from behind him.

"In the flesh!" he confirmed, smiling broadly at her.

"Kweh! Kweh!" The chocobo chick squawked excitedly. Squinting, she could make out a cute feathery face with a long neck and a chubby yellow body atop of a pair of unsturdy stick legs. The gangly little thing was obviously too big to nest in Sazh's hair anymore. _Must have had a growth spurt_.

"We didn't know if you were ever going to wake up. You must have been exhausted..." Sazh trailed off. She nodded slightly.

"Welcome back, Light." said Hope, bringing her attention back to himself. He took her hand in both of his and squeezed it warmly.

She had no smile to offer as she looked back to her keeper. She scanned the room again, noting the lack of brute. A lump rose in her throat. "Snow..." She looked down at her hand enclosed in Hope's. "He's... gone. Isn't he?" She wanted Hope to tell her that Snow was alive and that he and Serah had _both_ gone to get food. It had been a long time and surely the refrigerator was empty. The milk was set to expire the day after she left for the Purge train. There was some leftover lasagne that was probably moldy, too. Had she paid the electric bill? Useless thoughts flooded her head, trying to dilute the one undeniable fact that threatened to resurface. Then as if someone had backhanded her, her mind went blank as Hope's voice confirmed it.

"Yeah. Serah's already made arrangements for tomorrow..." he started quietly, his youthful timbre becoming thin.

"We don't need to talk about that now, Hope. Let's give Lightning a little time to wake up." interrupted Sazh putting a hand on the boy's shoulder and leading him to the door. "If you need anything, holler." He waved a lazy hand as he escorted Hope outside her room, chocobo close behind.

She leaned back heavily against her mattress. Wondering how long she'd been asleep for, she sighed, looking around the room. Her room was more functional than fashionable. Just as she left it. There was a bed, a plain dark wood desk with an alarm clock in the corner of the room with a black wheeled chair. In the other corner sat an old rocking chair; the one her mother used to rock her and Serah to sleep in. Her clothes were slung over the chair, seemingly unwashed. Stiffly swivelling around in bed, she put her feet on the floor, and hands on the side of the bed. She stretched her neck from side to side; cracking from the slight strain. Inspecting her appearance, she realized she was wearing the black cotton pants and matching camisole she'd worn the night before she'd boarded the Purge train; before all this started. Rogue beams of light peeked through the edges of the shades. It must be late in the afternoon. She wondered how long she'd been out for. Her eyes moved again to the pile of clothes. Steadying herself on the edge of the bed, she made her way over the rocker. Reaching out a hand to her white overcoat she pulled it off the pile. It was stiff. She unfolded it as best she could and held it out to look at it. The front of it was completely covered with dried blood. _Snow..._ She sat back down on the bed with the garment in her arms, holding it against her. _Did all that really happen? Was Serah really awake? Is he really gone?_

She sat on the edge of her childhood bed, numb, clutching the tangible reminder of her loss. Her heart felt heavy, and she stared at the wall, willing the crushing feelings to keep their distance. Numb was desirable right now. _Serah's already made arrangements._ Hope had said. She took to her feet, reluctantly parting with the bloodied memento, and padded barefoot into the kitchen. Hope noticed her and stood up at the table as she entered the room. She waved her hand dismissively at him. "Sit." He did so, watching her carefully. Sazh sat on the other side of their long table. Their faces were filled with concern as she took a place at the table. No one spoke for a moment, Hope just stared at her. "How long was I out?"

"A couple days." said Sazh.

"How did we get _here_?" she motioned around her, posing her questions to the older man.

"The kids from NORA found us and brought us back here. Serah said we were all passed out next to each other with this little guy watching over us." He motioned to the feathery mass beside him who stood up proudly when motioned at. "But I guess we weren't crystals anymore. They loaded us up on their bikes and the rest is history. I was unconscious too, so I don't actually remember anything..."

"Is Dajh alright?" she asked, remembering the spirited little kid Sazh so fondly spoke of. The little chick warbled happily at the mention of his name, flapping its fledgling wings.

"Yup. He's just fine. He's sleeping now; safe and sound."

"I'm glad." she said honestly. They had quite a few rooms in this house. Room enough for every one of their companions that remained. She hadn't seen Fang or Vanille since she'd seen _him_ last, and neither of them now occupied the kitchen. Things still seemed disconnected in her mind. "What happened?"

"We're not quite sure yet, but apparently they did it. Fang and Vanille saved Cocoon and achieved their focus." offered Hope. "People are already making their way to Gran Pulse from Cocoon. Wait until you see it, Light. What they did - it's amazing."

The fact that they were sitting in her kitchen was proof enough that Cocoon still existed. She stared out the window. "They changed into Ragnarok then?"

Hope nodded, opening his mouth to add to his explanation but was interrupted.

"Hey guys! I'm back! Is Light-" Serah appeared in the doorway to the kitchen from the vestibule and stopped. A wide smile graced her features as she saw the older Farron sitting at the table. She pushed the paper bag of groceries onto the counter nearest to her and dashed to Lightning, throwing her arms around her in a tight embrace. Lightning's heart pounded nervously in her chest, but she felt relief at finally being reunited with her sister. "I'm so glad you're ok! It feels like you've been sleeping _forever_!"

Lightning's mouth opened and she couldn't stop herself from blurting out an apology. She pressed her face into Serah's soft torso and clutched onto her, balling her fists in the small of her back. "Oh Serah." Her voice was broken. "I'm _so_ sorry."

Serah ran her fingers soothingly through her sister's hair. "It's ok, sis. There wasn't anything you could have done. Hope told me what happened. You all came for me, and now we're home and Cocoon is safe."

"But I couldn't bring him home." Lightning looked up at Serah, her face desperate. "All he wanted was to be with you again, and... I...I..." she diverted her eyes.

"I know." Serah touched Lightning's bruised cheeks. "I know he loved me." Her face was calm; accepting. Lightning wondered how she could look so put together. Usually she was the one crumbling, not Lightning. "We'll be together again. I just wish that I could have touched his face one last time." Her expression turned wistful.

Lightning hid her head in Serah's belly again. "Serah..." _If you only knew what I'd done. Would you hate me? First I betray you, and then I let him die._ Her head felt abnormally heavy, as if all the thoughts in it were weighing her down.

She patted Lightning's head after a few moments. "You should go have a bath, sis. You'll feel better. I'll get something started for dinner."

"I'll help!" said Sazh, pulling Serah's frilly pink apron over his head and posing cutely to break the heavy mood in the room. She giggled at him, turning her attention away from Lightning and to the paper bag filled with groceries on the counter.

Lightning stared at her hands in her lap, his blood still under her fingernails.

"Light. C'mon. Let's go." Hope had his arm around her shoulder gently helping her up. She couldn't meet his gaze; not in the state she was in. He walked slowly with her back to the bedroom and sat awkwardly on the bed, hands in his lap, fidgeting. "Light, I'm sorry." he whispered.

She looked up at him. "For what?" she asked quietly, her eyes bleary, blinking away a blurred second Hope.

"I was weak. He died because I wasn't strong enough." Hope muttered, his hands clenched into small fists. When she looked at Hope, she saw herself. "I wanted to protect _you_ and in the end I couldn't even do that. A-and then he died. And poor Serah." Hope sniffled, wiping his eyes with his sleeve.

Lightning gathered Hope into her arms, taking a seat beside him on the bed, and crushed him in a firm hug. She felt him sob against her stroking his soft silver strands of hair for a long while before speaking. Her voice was a gentle tone against Hope's ear. "It isn't your fault. He died how he lived. There could be no other way for him." This she believed. He died a Hero's death; protecting the ones that were precious to him. "We all did what we had to do. We've all lost something dear to us. Now we have to live for them." She felt Hope tighten his embrace on her. She would tell Hope whatever she needed to make him feel better about things, but when it came down to it, she didn't _want_ to live. The cool unconsciousness had been preferable over this stabbing pain of loss. And now that she was awake to face the real world, the light seemed too bright; voices too harsh. Everywhere she looked things were painted dull colours as if she'd been looking through weary, used up eyes. She felt so small in the big picture; like it had all happened so long ago, and to someone else. Something fundamental had changed within her; a piece of her soul had been ripped from her and there was nothing she could do to stem the bleeding. She felt as though life may have been too painful to continue with; the same way she'd felt when her parents died suddenly and she'd been left alone to take care of Serah and fend for herself. Serah was an adult now though. No longer was she the crying child with the scraped knee that Lightning had to tend to and soothe with comforting words. Life was harsh, and it may have been better to learn that the hard way. Even though she entertained the thought of death, she'd been given life as a gift from his hands. She couldn't waste it; he'd not die in vain. _I have things to atone for first._ She looked up at the ceiling and wondered if he was watching them. _Do I even deserve absolution? _She didn't think so.

* * *

Turning the hot water tap full on, she turned to the vanity. Looking at herself, she studied her expressionless face. She looked well rested on the outside; sleeping for two days had done wonders for the dark circles under her eyes that had been slowly creeping up since the Purge Train incident. If she looked healthy on the outside, maybe she could keep up a facade of mental health as well. Uncertain of what she would do now, Lightning found herself skipping from plan to plan, dismissing ideas and creating new scenarios for her future. She felt mentally capable, but she was far from stable; and almost completely unable to commit to a coping strategy.

Steam billowed from the tub, fogging the top of the vanity, as the hot water finally kicked in. It always took forever to warm up; she'd have to call a plumber to take a look at it. Again, meaningless thoughts invaded her mind as she tempered the hot water with cold, placing the plug in the bottom. Standing up, she noticed the bottle of bubble bath Serah had bought her for some birthday past. She always kept everything Serah gave her for her birthdays; never wanting to make Serah think she didn't like and or appreciate her gifts even if she had no intention of ever using them. Reaching for it, she twisted the cap off and poured a stream of the thick pearly liquid into the tub. It smelled like fresh honeysuckle after a night rain. Putting the bottle back she undressed, tossing her clothing carelessly aside and pulling her hair up into a messy mass on her head, regarding her form in the mirror again. She stood nude looking at herself for a long while standing rigidly at first; then trailing a pointed finger down her neck, to the hollow at her throat. Her fingers were calloused but nowhere near as large or as heavy his hands had been tracing circles in her flesh. Placing her fingers against flat of her chest, she pushed them down between her breasts, tipping her head back slightly, eyes closed, slipping into a fantasy.

She was back there with him, her hand was now his in her mind's eye, caressing the soft sensitive skin between her breasts where her brand had been. He made sounds in her ear, nothing she understood linguistically, but her heart understood the significance. His eyes were slightly crinkled at the corners as he smiled down at her. _Did I ever smile at him?_ She was sure she hadn't; she was too busy wallowing in self-imposed inner turmoil to ever show him any real tenderness until it was far too late. There was a lust for him that fuelled her actions, but she never once demonstrated to him the depth of the feelings she harboured. The transcendence of the animalistic urges had happened easily; they were still there, but they had evolved into something else. Cupping her breast, he moved the tip of his index finger over her pert nipple, causing her breath to catch in her throat, still grinning at her. Rushing water was in her ears, the air becoming heavy; her skin beading moisture. She could feel the warmth of his breath on her neck and shoulders as she arched herself against the hand that palmed her breast, wanting to feel more of the probing curiosity. She took a step back, pressing her thighs against the counter, water splashing under foot. Snapping out of her indulgent fantasy she cursed, looking at the soaked floor, quickly reaching for the tap to halt the honey-scented overflow. "Dammit."

Grabbing a couple of drab towels from the linen closet, she tossed them hastily on the floor to sop up the water. She closed her eyes and exhaled slowly; her knees giving out, sitting down hard on the plush stool in front of the vanity. Clutching her pink-haired head in her hands, she grasped the strands roughly, tears spilling onto the flooded floor at her feet. Would there ever be a day when he didn't invade her every thought; her every regret; her every desire?

* * *

Dinner was eaten in silence. And although Serah was an excellent cook, the food tasted like ash to Lightning. She wasn't hungry and pushed the food around her plate, mouthing the odd piece of cooked vegetable. Sitting in the kitchen with her sister and the others only catered to her loneliness; a painful reminder of those who should have occupied the empty chairs at the big table. She took her leave of the group a few minutes after service had started. She needed some air and escaped to the back deck. Sitting alone outside gave her a temporary sense of relief; the weight on her chest lifting slightly so she might be able to breathe a little. The air was cool on her agitated body and the sounds of the night soothed her weary mind.

After a time, Sazh had sought out Lightning to recount the story as he had experienced it. After Snow had been struck down, Vanille, Fang and he destroyed Orphan to fulfil everyone's focuses. Once Orphan had fallen, the eternal friends joined together to save Cocoon as best they could. Vanille had vowed never to let harm come to Cocoon, and she made good on that vow. Sazh had explained the crystal column that now joined Gran Pulse and their world, and made mention of the news reports that those left in charge of the government were making plans to explore and populate it. He said that Cocoon had sustained some major damage in areas directly within the vicinity of the column Ragnarok had created, but the human casualties were minimal.

Serah had come out to the deck and brought some glasses of lemonade with her, expertly balancing them on a tray. Sazh politely took a glass, excused himself, and retired to the house to give them some privacy.

They sat in silence for a long moment.

"The vigil is tomorrow after sundown. I'm not sure what he would have wanted, but he wasn't one for big complicated things. I figured that Gadot and the rest of NORA would want to be here, and I told them to invite who they thought should come." she paused again, fidgeting with her hands. "I'm going to make some of his favourite things..." she stared off into the creeping darkness. "The hospital is swamped, so they can't prepare his body yet." She sighed slightly. "I figured by the time they get around to it, cremation would be better."

The perpetual lump in her throat rose again, and she only nodded taking a sip of the lemonade mechanically. Were they really having this conversation? She looked at Serah. Her face was long; eyes sunken. Her playful innocence had all but disappeared. How cruel that she should have to make _arrangements_ for the man that had gone to Hell and back to save her. Fate didn't even see fit to let her see him one last time before it tore him from their lives.

"I keep expecting him to walk through the door, and laugh at me for thinking that I could get rid of him so easily." She gripped the edge of the table. "Heroes don't die." She quoted him, choking back tears. She hadn't seen Serah break down yet, and her eyes weren't red rimmed. Being strong was something she had little practice at; she never needed to be strong, Lightning saw to that. She had protected Serah as well as she could over the years, making sure that she never had to suffer at another's hand. But now they both suffered, and Lightning felt that _she_ was the one at a disadvantage. Serah quickly turned in her chair to look at Lightning.

"Tell me. Tell me how it happened. Sis, I need to know."

She met her sister's longing gaze, but Lightning didn't want to go back there. It was too dark.

"You were there with him, right?" she prompted.

Lightning only nodded.

"Did he say anything?"

Lightning shook her head; her hand balled into a fist. _He hadn't had a chance._

"I think he was gone... when I got to him." she admitted, replaying the horrific scene in her mind, clinging to him begging him to stay with her. His last breath parted from his body before she ever even got near him. Her heart throbbed painfully in her chest; every beat accented by a pang of self-loathing. "I tried... to revive him." It was true that she tried, but she failed him. She failed _them_. He should have been sitting out here on their deck right now with a glass of Serah's special lemonade; laughing at some inane joke; relaying the story of their adventure to his loving fiancee. Serah could have been _smiling_. But instead they came up short. She looked at the thin glass of lemonade sitting before her. It was sweaty from the ice, the lemonade a light yellow. She had drank half the glass during the conversation, but she could not recall the taste. The only taste that remained on her tongue was bitterness. Bile rose in her throat as her hand tightened around the glass and, standing suddenly, she pitched the delicate piece at the siding of the house. It shattered shrilly, sending shards and ice and cold liquid in all directions. Serah rocked in her seat at Lightning's sudden display of violence.

Turning on her heel, the older Farron disappeared through the patio door.

* * *

The house was quiet. After her little outburst everyone had left her alone, and Lightning wasn't sure of what to do with herself. She had tossed and turned in bed, every time she closed her eyes he was there waiting for her, bloody and broken. She glared at the clock advising her that it was well into the wee hours of the morning and that soon the sun would be up. The blade Serah had given her for her birthday sat by her beside and she took it in hand toying with it; the same blade with which Hope intended to exact revenge on the now conspicuously absent Hero. She ran the flat of the blade along the inside of her forearm over and over, staring absently, breathing slow and deep. The metal was cold against her thin skin; she could almost see the pulse in her wrist. Her heart ached with loss and clenched with anger all at once as she pressed the flat of the blade firmly against the thin skin. Puling it away, she closed the blade and slammed it down on the side table.

Huffing, she walked over to her closet and opened the door noiselessly. Pulling her extra uniform out of the closet, she tossed it on the bed. Stripping down to her bra and panties, she caught her reflection in the long mirror on the wall. She'd never felt the touch of a man, and she never wanted to feel one again if it didn't belong to him. Shaking her head and blinking back tears, she dressed in the spare set of clothes. Retrieving the boots from the closet, she sat on the bed to put them on, spying the stained uniform from the corner of her eye. She finished buckling her boots and took the jacket in hand, reaching inside the hidden breast pocket where she kept her ID, and house key. The pocket was snug, and her fingers fumbled around inside it grasping a soft piece of fabric. She pulled it out, metal and plastic hitting the floor. Recognizing the black piece of cloth, her eyes again welled with the insubordinate tears. It unravelled to reveal the silver bloom she'd saved and kept close to her heart. _When did he -...?_ She raised the clean cloth to her nose and inhaled his unforgettable scent, eyes closing, brows knit together sorrowfully.

Rolling the bandana up into a long strip, she secured it with a knot between the two leather bands that already adorned her upper arm. Looking at her reflection in the mirror again, she stroked the new decoration with her index finger. Living wasn't going to be easy but she had to do it for him; she owed him that much. Reaching into her desk drawer she pulled out a small, thin picture book. The cover depicted two pink-haired little girls holding hands and smiling for the camera. She opened it and placed the averia between two pages. Using a rubber band, she secured the book closed and stashed it in her leg pack. Retrieving the key from the floor, she set it on the desk. Stuffing her ID back in the breast pocket of her clean uniform, she glanced around the room once more before she opened the door and turned out the light.

Stepping silently down the carpeted hall, she heard the faintest of sobs coming from Serah's room. It was a first that Serah wanted to be alone with her grief; usually she would cry on whoever let her. The company of other people made her feel better, but this time it was different. Her little sister seemed stronger now. Lightning told herself that Serah would be ok, eventually. The rationalization was empty and selfish on her part, but she didn't care. She owed Serah a steep debt she felt she could not repay anytime soon, especially if she was broken.

Lightning hoped that her young companion remembered the promise he made to her. _If something happens to me, I need you to watch over Serah._ At least Serah would have someone to stand by her who wasn't tainted.

Crossing the kitchen to the vestibule, she grabbed the doorknob of the front door and turned it, stopping for a moment to bow her head solemnly. _Can sins ever be forgiven?_

She didn't know, and couldn't find the will to find out for herself.


	2. Chapter 2

The streets were abandoned; there had been a curfew enforced in the small city for the last few days. She kept to the shadows, avoiding discovery as she made her way to the Bodhum Regiment headquarters. She needed a way out of town, and the keycard in her breast pocket would be her ticket... if it hadn't been deactivated yet. She was no longer a member of the Guardian Corps; she'd turned in her resignation the day she'd boarded the Purge train. When she'd gone to Amodar that day he seemed to take her resignation rather lightly. They had always had a comfortable relationship; he was a pretty decent boss when she thought about it. He preferred to use informal language during their dealings, and always had more than enough praise about and for her. He was a number of years older than she, and her superior, but he treated her as an equal. His lack of formality had been somewhat uncomfortable at first, and she never fully relaxed around him due to the respect she held for his rank and for the man himself. She appreciated that he felt comfortable around her to be able to speak freely; even if she did not share the sentiment.

She hadn't intended on divulging her plan to him when she entered his office, and in the end she had only told him that she needed time to take care of some family matters. He simply nodded; never the type to pry even though it was his right to do just that. The Bodhum Regiment was small and everyone knew everything about everyone else; so usually the information was there if one sought it out. Lightning Farron, although, was a private one. She wasn't chummy with any of the other officers and didn't have any real friends in the squad. A few times the lunchroom quieted at her entrance as if she'd been the topic of conversation but never feeling the need to interact more than she had to or chat mindlessly with her comrades in arms. She did her job to the best of her ability; finished every task assigned to her with great care and attention to detail, and even her paperwork was immaculate. Amodar had often praised her as the finest officer he had; even to a certain blond haired hero. The praise hadn't stopped even when Lightning's annoyed embarrassment was more than apparent; she wished she could have clobbered her Lieutenant to shut him up.

"When you get back, just let me know." he told her, barely looking up from his paperwork.

"Well, this is my resignation, Sir." she reminded him. She didn't know what would happen once she boarded the Purge train, but she was sure that things would certainly change afterward; the least of which, her position within the Guardian Corps. He grunted at her, taking a sip of his usual candied coffee. She stared at the cup. _Four sugars, two cream._

"Noted. Dismissed." he said. She was a bit taken aback at his nonchalant attitude considering how often he had proclaimed that she was invaluable to him. Saluting him for the last time she turned to leave his office. "Sergeant Farron." She turned back. He looked up at her and met her gaze with his signature smile. "You'll always have a place in my squad. Take care of yourself."

"Thank you, Sir." she nodded with a small smile and left the office.

Now she found herself standing in front of the very same compound she'd left only weeks before, when she had no idea whether she was to ever return. She figured once she used the keycard, the usage would be logged and they'd know she had accessed the building, so she had taken no measures to conceal her identity. If she was to ever come back to the regiment, she would have some explaining to do, but she didn't really care. She wasn't able to go back to her life with Serah now, considering all that happened, so she felt the need to escape Bodhum, and fast. Her plan was to _borrow_ a vehicle from the Corps and do just that.

Reaching into the pocket that held her regiment access ID card, she pulled it out quickly and glanced around before sliding it through the reader. Holding her breath, she stared at the little red light of the reader as it accessed the information on the card. It beeped once as the light turned green and the lock clicked open. _Good old Amodar._ If it was one thing he was good at, it was seeing through people, and he obviously knew she'd be back before she even did. Turning the handle she slipped inside, placing a hand on the door behind her, closing it noiselessly. Lightning could navigate the building with her eyes closed; she'd traversed it almost everyday for the last two years. She didn't even need the dull after-hours illumination to get through the abandoned corridors. Every hall had been measured by her constant stride, every step accounted for, counting down the number to each turn; each doorway. The building was modest; old and rundown. Nothing ever happened in Bodhum, so it was left with the small regiment she had been part of until recently. Before the news of the Pulse fal'Cie had broke, the city had been overwhelmed with more Guardian Corps members as well as those from PSICOM, putting the residents on edge. The Sanctum had wanted to keep it under wraps, but Bodhum was a small place and once the information got out, it spread like wildfire.

Amodar had warned her to stay away out of the proverbial fire, and she had every intention of doing just that until she found out that Serah was being held prisoner by the fal'Cie. She could have strangled Snow with her bare hands when he came to her and told her about Serah; he'd had a look of desperation on his face when he confessed, but Lightning couldn't do more than turn away from him. Back then she'd not felt anything more for the burly man than sheer annoyance; but at that juncture she let him escape unscathed. There was something bigger happening than the pending pulverization of her sister's suitor. Perhaps it was the look of devastating loss on his face and his watery eyes that stayed her hand, but she felt something then. If she were the lost one, would he have come for her? She didn't think that she had ever meant that much to anyone.

Reaching the hangar, she swiped her card one last time through the reader and again she held her breath until the indicator changed from red to green. When she heard the lock click she pushed the door open carefully, closing it behind her as soundlessly as the last. It was completely dark, but there was a light switch to her left, her hand automatically moving to flip it on. As her eyes adjusted to the overhead lighting, she glanced around for something to make her escape with. A car was a bit too conspicuous; especially since they all had some sort of identifying logo on the door. There was a dozen or so hoverbikes, not dissimilar to the ones NORA used, but she was not overly fond of heights, or those deathtraps by extension. Weaving around the various vehicles, she spied a sleek black motorcycle clear across the lot. A smirk played on her features. _Perfect. _Quickly closing the distance between herself and it, she reached a hand out to run her fingers down the length of the was Amodar's Corps issued bike and in the morning he'd know that she took it. She was sure he'd laugh loudly; he'd definitely not expect her, of all people, to borrow it.

A flat black helmet rested on the back part of the seat. Catching her hair in her hands, she piled it on top of her head and slipped the featherweight helmet over it. Moving to straddle the leather seat, she checked the fuel gauge, wrapping her fingers around the key that was perpetually in the ignition.

Seconds later the engine purred to life and she gave the bike a bit of gas, maneuvering towards the final cardlock. Pushing the card through the open slot, the door creaked and moaned as it was drawn up, revealing the faintly lightening sky. Dawn was coming; and it would come again and again, as long as she drew breath. And as long as she drew breath she would think of him; and as long as she thought of him her heart could never hope to mend. She tucked the ID back in her pocket, and moved her hand to rest on the black fabric now wrapped about her bicep. She wasn't sure where she was going, but she couldn't get far enough away from where she didn't want to be. Pulling down the visor in the helmet she leaned over the bike and pinned it, tearing out of the hangar, cloak and dust flying behind her.

* * *

That first day she'd driven from dawn until dusk on the motorcycle before she had to stop for fuel. Her body ached from keeping the necessary posture, and since she had nowhere else to be, she decided that this was as good a place as any to stop for the night. The small settlement had one street; a gas station, grocers, motel and bar. Stopping outside the rental office of the motel, she ducked inside. She took off the stuffy helmet, holding it in the crook of her left elbow, pink hair cascading around her shoulders. The small office was tidy but sparsely decorated; a couple pictures on the wall and phone in the corner on a tiny table. Three wooden chairs sat around the perimeter of the room. Turning her attention to the desk, she saw no one, but heard the sound of a television somewhere unseen. Touching the pads of her index and middle finger to the nub of the hospitality bell that sat on the empty desk, it rang shrilly. A tall, red headed middle aged man came from around the corner and smiled at her.

"Welcome, lass. Will ye be needin' accommodations?"

"Please." she replied dully.

"Jus' fer ye?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"Yes, please."

"500 gil a night. Checkout at 10:30 in the a.m." Turning around, he reached a long red haired arm out to a vertical board stacked with room keys and slid one off a peg. Lightning retrieved the necessary payment from her leg pouch and slid it towards the innkeeper. He offered her the key, and she took it by the tag from his hand. "Room 12, out the door, to yer right."

She nodded once and turned away from him to head to the exit.

"Miss." She turned back to see him pushing a thick book and pen towards the end of the counter. "Ye forgot ta sign tha registry."

Returning to the desk she took the pen in her right hand and pressed the tip to the next empty space in the book. After automatically forming an _L_, she stopped. She could feel the innkeeper's eye on her as she hesitated. After the _L _she left a wide space and pressed the tip to the paper again. In her neat scrawl she wrote '_Villiers' _ next to it. Laying the pen gently in the middle of the book, she stared down at the name for a moment, eyes stinging, a lump growing in her throat.

"Thank ye, lass." said the voice. She didn't dare look up; turning away she left the office as quickly as she could and got back on her bike, heading for the promised solitude of room 12. It was near the end of the complex and as she came to a stop, she pushed the kickstand down with her foot and rested the motorcycle on it; dismounting. Pulling the key out of the ignition, still gripping the room key in her hand, she walked slowly to the door and slid the key in the lock.

The twilight was quickly dominating the sky; a starry blanket oppressing the faded colours of dusk. Once inside the room, she searched the wall to the right with her hand. Flipping the switch on, she glanced around the room, now illuminated. Very simple, mostly clean; bed table, chair, TV and dresser. A small room in the back, she guessed the bathroom. Closing the door, she sat her helmet down and tossed the keys on the table next to an aged magazine; _Pet Pals. _With a great exasperated sigh she flopped down on the squeaky bed and looked at the clock. It was just after 10:30. She'd been travelling all day, thinking about nothing, mind absolutely blank only paying attention to the open road as she cut through the wind on the powerful piece of metal between her legs.

Now that she was alone, things started to leak back into her mind. What had she been thinking when she signed _his_ name in the guest registry. Not that it mattered, there was no one else around to share that name; her hand would be the last to compose it. He would have teased her if he caught her doing such things, but if he were there she wouldn't have had to sign his name. He could have done it himself. Maybe they could have escaped Bodhum together; she would have trusted him to drive; she'd sit behind him with her arms around his waist, holding on a little tighter than she needed to. Her mind had been so easily invaded by thoughts of him since she awoke from her unconscious state a few days ago to the cold realization that thoughts and memories of him were all she had left. She touched her arm and undid the knot in the bandana, bringing the treasured textile to her nose, inhaling deeply. His scent lingered still. She hoped it would never go away. She hoped to never forget a single detail about him or their time together, even though she cursed herself for reliving every moment over and over until her heart begged for quiet numbness. To have to eventually give into time's slow degradation of her cherished memories seemed more than she could bear, but how could she remember him as vividly as she wished when doing so blurred the lines between sane and insane? Time might heal all wounds, but time also served to dull pleasure as well as pain. She looked at the clock on the nightstand again. It was 11:00. Lightning hadn't asked her little sister about the details of Snow's vigil; she only knew there was going to be one tonight. It was probably already over. Serah would be crushed Lightning didn't return home, and she hadn't left a note either. She didn't know what to say or how to explain anything, so she chose not to. Hope and Sazh would have to take care of Serah for the night. If she thought her little sister would be crushed to find Lightning gone, then Hope would be in a state of utter desperation; it was like he didn't know how to breathe when she wasn't around. She'd done so many despicable things lately and hurt almost all the people she loved; and all she could do in the wake of her actions was to run away and abandon them instead of facing them and her demons.

She closed her eyes shutting out the light and laid perfectly still, willing her mind to follow suit.

After a few seconds of perfect peace, it started with regular faint taps on the wall at her head, then the taps grew more urgent. She sat up and listened, straining against the silence of the room. After a moment she heard what sounded like moaning... it was a feminine voice at first, then an unmistakably masculine voice joined; the two of them creating a chorus of pleasured gasps and grunts; tapping turning to banging. The squeaking of bed springs, not dissimilar to her own bed's objections, could also be heard from next door.

Lightning's face flushed a deep red when she realized what the two strangers must have been enjoying practically under her nose. She felt a familiar, but now unwelcome, tingle in her body and she stood hastily. "You've _got_ to be _kidding_ me!" Shoving the black cloth down the front of her jacket, she was too livid to replace it on her arm. Snatching her keys off the table and flinging the motel door open she stomped out of the room, heels clicking loudly on the pavement as she headed to the bar across the street. Her pulse pounded in her ears, and her palms were sweaty as she pulled open the door to the establishment. Making a bee-line for the tall stools at the front of the bar, she planted herself on one and the bartender quickly noticed her. She wasn't the type that frequented a place like this. He approached the end of the bar she sat at, flipping the bar towel that was in his hand over his shoulder. Giving her a friendly smile he asked her what she'd have.

"Nothing." she said icily.

"Nothing, eh? Well, this is a licensed drinking establishment. Usually people come here for a reason; typically to imbibe various, often mass quantities of alcoholic beverages." he provided with another smile, this one a bit cheeky. "You look like you could use a drink. May I suggest an ice cold ale?"

She touched her cheek with the back of her fingers, she was still warm to the touch. He was right. The sounds coming from the neighbours had been salacious and she'd been teetering on a constant frustrated edge. "No." she said simply, refusing. His smile faded into a slight pout. _Ah, what the hell._ "I mean, yes. I'll take one." He smiled at her again, turning and opening the cooler, bringing out a richly amber tinted bottle. Popping the cap off with a metal opener, it hit the floor with a clink as he presented the open bottle to her on a square cardboard coaster. Gripping the bottle, she took a big swig, a drop escaping from the corner of her mouth as she gulped. The icy liquid slid seductively down her throat; the feel of it in her mouth was blissfully soothing; a feeling she could track all the way down to her belly. It extinguished all manner of fire that had been haunting her deep down. When she took the bottle away from her lips, she wiped the corner of her mouth with the side of her hand, a throaty _mmmm_ escaping her lips. She looked back at the bartender; he'd been staring at her slack-jawed. Clearing his throat, he looked away, feigning busyness with the towel now in his hand wiping a clean glass. "That was good. Thank you." she admitted, not noticing the handsome bartender's stare; obviously a bit taken with her.

"Never had an ale before?" he asked glancing back to her nonchalantly, shifting his weight.

"I don't drink." Lightning told him, looking at the half empty bottle in her hand. _Guess I do now._ She raised the foamy brew to her lips once again and drained the bottle.

"Oh, well, that one is on the house then." he grinned, hanging the glass he'd been 'cleaning' from a rack overhead.

She sat her empty bottle on the bar and pushed it towards him. The coolness in her belly turned pleasantly warm and fuzzy; the rest of her body feeling loose. He leaned over the bar slightly, palms flat against it, to look in her face. She could feel her cheeks heating up again as he looked over her features. "Would you like another?" he smiled, his voice turning velvety.

She mimicked his positioning, her face dangerously close to his. They stood starting for a few tension filled moments, then she shook her head, trying to clear it, resituating herself on the bar stool. A haze drifted through her brain. _What am I doing?_ She put a hand on her forehead, trying to ground herself; her other hand in a fist on the bar. Concern flickered over the bartender's face.

"Hey, are you ok...?" he asked, touching her clenched hand.

_Hey, are you ok...?_ The question echoed in her head nostalgically; _his_ voice in her ear. She felt the warm touch on her skin and she looked up hopefully. The bartender's unfamiliar face came into her field of vision and she yanked her hand hastily back from under his, clutching it as though his touch was physically painful. She stood up unsteadily and hurried out of the building, hearing the barman call after her, running full out by the time she reached the road to cross to get back to the motel.

Fumbling in her leg pouch for the room key she finally shoved it in the lock, flinging the door open and slamming it behind her. She leaned on the door in the cheap dimness of the rented room, sliding down it as tears welled in her eyes. Remembering the soft piece of cloth she hadn't replaced in her haste to escape from the motel room, she looked down, seeing it nestled in her casually unzipped top. Taking it into her hands, she buried her head in it. Muffled sobs broke the silence, and she sat on the floor for quite a while, still feeling lightheaded from the single drink she had so quickly consumed. The haze dulled her senses, and she soon stopped crying, as well as thinking. She was exhausted, and without turning off the lights, she moved from the doorway to the bed and fell fast asleep without another thought, still clutching the scrap.

* * *

Days turned into weeks as she travelled aimlessly from city to city. She'd been staying at a hotel in Galbad while she considered her options, but every night had been spent the same way; looking for her answers, and a way out, at the bottom of a bottle. The pain was far too great when she was lucid, and she could never sleep without a nightcap, so she avoided sobriety at all costs. She had started drinking regularly, preferring the easily distracted, addled brain to the agonizing drone of constant remorse. This night was not unlike any other in recent memory. She frequented slummy bars all over Cocoon these days befriending no one, sitting alone, self-medicating to stave off heartbreak accompanied by an icy, unfriendly aura.

Tonight's pub was crowded and very noisy. She preferred quieter venues, but she had not yet graduated to drinking alone in her room. She'd had to sit at the bar; no darkened tables were available to suit her brooding mood. A large television screen behind the bar broadcast the news – something she hadn't been current with in a few weeks. Watching it, she nodded at the bartender when he took her empty bottle away. "Gimme another." She fished out the necessary gil, setting it on the bar, taking the full bottle and raising it to her lips, still watching the screen.

"_It's been several weeks now since the cataclysmic event orchestrated by the now fallen Sanctum government. This station, and our sister station in Nautilus have been attempting to contact the infamous Pulse l'Cie about the events passed, but no one has been available for comment."_ The blonde-haired woman sat alone at the news desk with a couple of sheets of paper in her hands.

_Tch. I'll give you a comment. _Lightning thought bitterly, tipping the bottle against her lips.

A group of barely legal drinking age guys sat behind her making noise and laughing obnoxiously, but quieted down at the mention of the l'Cie.

"_The government has been keeping a tight lid on the events leading up to the cataclysm, but we have unearthed the identify of one former Pulse l'Cie. Snow Villiers, the identified l'Cie and resident of Bodhum was confirmed to have been a causality of the events three weeks ago tomorrow..." _reported the newscaster, a picture of the_ 'infamous' _l'Cie replacing that of the blonde woman. She gripped the sweaty bottle in her hand and sat it on the bar none too gently before she could be tempted to hurtle it at the screen. He was smiling in the picture; his infectious, lighthearted smile. The same stubble she ran her hands over and kissed poked out of his chin; thick and growing in every direction. How could anyone call a face like that 'infamous'. He was probably more of a man than any _boy_ in this bar could hope to be.

"Goddamned l'Cie. If it wasn't for them Cocoon wouldn't be in this mess!" said one of the loudmouthed boys behind her. She found herself not altogether in disagreement at his statement. It wasn't the l'Cie's fault per se, but they'd been portrayed to be the "bad guys" to the general populace. His buddies agreed enthusiastically."Good riddance I say! Too bad they're all not dead!" he continued, pounding his fist on the table for emphasis.

His second comment, although, she wholeheartedly disagreed with. Lightning turned around to look at the group zeroing in on the commentator, face composed, but secretly seething. They didn't notice her, all of them stinking drunk and chattering amongst themselves.

She stood up from her stool, approaching him and his friends unawares. Reaching an open palm out to the back of his head with one quick motion, she grabbed a handful of hair, slamming his face down on the table. "What was that?" she ground out between clenched teeth, pressing her weight onto the head in her hand.

His voice was muffled against the table, so she yanked his head back up by the handful of hair to look in his disoriented eyes.

"Good.. riddance...?" He said as clearly as his drunk mouth could manage.

"Ah. Thanks for the clarification." Without a moments hesitation, she slammed his head into the table over and over again, his nose bloodied after the first few impacts to the smooth oak surface.

The other youngsters at the table only sat there watching her defacing their drinking buddy until one of them spoke. "You're her! T-t- the l'Cie they almost caught in Palompolum!" he stuttered. She stopped her violence, letting the guy slump forward in his chair, turning her feral gaze on the others across the table.

"Do you have a similar comment you'd like to voice?" she glanced at his unconscious friend, then back to the intimidated youth.

He shook his head emphatically, mouth hanging open.

"No? That's what I thought." she turned back to her drink, finishing it off. Tossing a few extra gil on the bar for clean up, she left as quietly as she had arrived and without a look back.

* * *

_It's not your time. Go back. She needs you._

There had been nothing, and then he found himself conscious, standing encased in a white expanse, looking towards a voice that spoke to him. "What..? Who? Who needs me?" he asked the emptiness.

No reply. Was he dreaming?

He looked around him, spinning on his barefooted heel. "Wait! Tell me what's going on!" He pleaded. His body felt light as he started to run aimlessly, nothing but emptiness around him and as far, or near, as he could see.

Heavily accented, the disembodied voice spoke again. It was warm and friendly; very familiar.

_Go back. This is no place for a hero._

He kept running, but there was just enduring nothingness. Breathless, he stopped his chase, clutching at his chest and falling to his knees, an unseen force closing around him. Then everything went black.


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Sorry about the delay in posting this chapter! It's been a rough week, full of life's little challenges. Enjoy!_

* * *

Sitting upright he gasped a deep, desperate breath; breaking the dead silence in the air. His mouth felt like an eroded desert; throat dry and cracked. The lungs in his chest burned painfully as they reinflated; breaking into coughing fits as the room spun unstably around him. His warm exhales clouded the freezing air surrounding his body and after the first breath subsequent ones came easier and automatically, but his stiff chest still protested the abandoned habit. His whole body felt heavy and sluggish. Rubbing his forehead, he shuddered against the icy darkness in the room as his eyes started to focus on nearby points of light. Overhead lamps provided stark illumination and his gaze turned to a sheeted form a few feet away from him. He noticed another, and another, laid out in a calculated clinical pattern. His eyes were still fuzzy as he rubbed them with numb fists trying to focus on what he was actually seeing. Squinting, he could make out curves under the sheet closest to him. The hair on his neck stood up while looking at what was lying only feet from his own self and panic rose in his chest. _What the -?_ The sheet tented slightly near the top and at the bottom.

Adrenaline pumped in his chest as he spun on the table, dropping his bare feet to the cold floor and standing unsteadily. Weakened knees carried him the short distance to the adjacent table and he reached out a hand to the cool cloth, ripping it off with one fluid motion. Just as he suspected, under the cloth was a blue-tinted slab of human flesh. _Ugh! _Snow turned his head away as quickly as he'd uncovered the cadaver before him, clamping his hand over his mouth. Regaining some composure, he looked back at the form, morbid curiosity getting the better of him. It's mouth was fixed in a disinterested line; the lips bloodless and flat. He stared at the face, something about it jogging a particularly vivid memory about him running his fingers possessively over the heated flesh of a woman. The corpse that lay before him completely naked on the glinting metal table had blush coloured hair like the woman from his memory, but the flickering recollection remained unfocused and hazy. Staring between the mounds of the woman's ample breasts, he saw the black brand of the l'Cie. Casting an eye upward he stared at her face. The once relaxed eyelids opened and twinkled with recognition as he gazed upon them, the familiar mouth forming his name silently. He knew the taste of this woman's lips; now smiling at him. He felt himself return the smile as he reached out to touch her; the skin clammy and pale, the woman's eyes rolling back in her head as his fingers met flesh, life resending. The warmth he felt was cruelly fictitious and he yanked his hand back in disbelief. "Lightning?" he asked the uninhabited shell. He shook his head, backing away from the cold metal table, bumping into his; stumbling, knees bending as he seated himself before he crumpled to the ground. He squeezed his eyes shut and clutched his head; his breathing ragged and shallow. "No no no..." He was positive the last time he saw her she was very much alive. What must have happened while he was meandering lost between this world and the next? He forced himself to look upon the body once again, his face twisted in desperation, but it no longer held the visage of the cherished woman from his memories.

"Oh, man." Shaking his head he ran his quivering hands down his face. When he looked down at himself for the first time he realized he was without a stitch of clothing; not unlike the woman across from him. "What... what is going on here?" Hastily grabbing the white sheet he assumed used to cover _his _lifeless body, he wrapped it around himself, tying the ends in a knot at his hip. Once covered, he scanned the large room, seeing countless other unoccupied human remains. Spying a bright red sign that said 'exit' posted over a set of double doors, he headed that way, weaving carefully around the metal tables. His distressed pulse throbbed in his ear. Peeking through the windows, he figured he must have been in a hospital; the exceptionally drab decor and white walls gave it away, not to mention the smell of disinfectant and the sickly scent of death. The corridors seemed to be empty, so he put his hands on the chilly door handle and pulled. It didn't open. He tried again; the twisting and pulling more urgent as he began to panic again. "Damn!"

Staring hopelessly out the tiny window in the door, goosebumps popped up on the flesh of his arms. He'd been aware of the cold, but only now it dawned on him how dire his situation might be. He could think of only a few things worse than being locked in a sub-zero meat locker. He was sure that he'd been dead before this new consciousness came upon him; but he'd be damned if he woke up only to die _this_ way. He crossed his arms in front of his chest to rub numb hands over his upper arms, trying to gain some warmth through friction. Someone would have to come in here sooner or later, and then he'd make his escape. It would be awkward to explain that he'd just come back to life while laying on the table, better to incapacitate the next unlucky soul that came along. He'd easily be able to knock someone out if he needed to, but he hoped it wouldn't come to that. Of more immediate concern, he needed to stay alive until that someone came along. He blew warm breath into his hands and repeated the friction inducing motions. His hands were warming, but the rest of him was not. He shuddered, his feet feeling like blocks of ice. Nothing in this room was warm and there was no where he could stand or sit that might provide some relief. He walked back to his abandoned steel bed and, not looking at the body he had uncovered, bent to pick up the sheet to recloak the woman. It felt wrong to leave her uncovered, even though the shell was void of anything, least of all potential embarrassment.

Trying to stay active, he started to walk the perimeter of the room, bones aching. Noticing a cupboard on the far side, he quickly closed the distance. Cold fingers manipulated the latch, and it creaked open. Inside was a stack of stark white sheets like he had around his waist. It was something at least. The sheets were quite long, and he drew one out of the cupboard, ripping it in half with a grunt. Doubling up the one side, he stepped on it and tied the ends around his foot, creating makeshift socks. He grinned his patented boyish grin at his cleverness and did the same to the other foot. At least he didn't have to walk on the cold tile anymore. He took another sheet to wrap around his shoulders, and an extra to rip into restraints for later use. _These will do nicely._ Crouching beside the locked set of doors, he ripped the sheet into long strips meant for binding; losing track of time as he lay in wait for his unsuspecting victim. His breath puffed out of him slower and slower as time drug on, and his brain stopped plotting his escape and drifted to other things.

There wasn't anyone on Gran Pulse, as far he as his fellow l'Cie had seen in their exploration of it's various regions. He figured since there was no one on Gran Pulse there couldn't be any working hospitals, although, he had no idea how long he'd laid in this chilly room as a corpse. Not to mention he was dead and now he wasn't, so anything was possible.

His teeth chattered almost constantly, and he could feel his core temperature continually dropping. He'd never had problems with being cold; in fact, he thought his temperature must have run a little higher than a normal person's. So much so that people used him as a portable heater. Serah loved to cuddle up to him on cool nights as they sat outside on the beach and watched the stars. She'd sit between his legs and he'd wrap his arms and coat around her. He shared an apartment with Gadot in Bodhum, but the redhead was usually there playing video games when they weren't out on a mission, so he rarely made her endure his uncouth best friend. They couldn't go to Serah's because even though Lightning was gone a lot, she kept odd hours, and in the beginning Lightning wasn't very tolerant of the new man in her sister's life. He didn't want the older Farron to give his fiancee trouble, so he avoided going there as well. In the end they had a couple places they would visit to be alone, but Serah preferred the company of others anyway. They often ended up at the Shack where Lebreau tended the bar. Maqui and Yuj hung out there as well and Maqui was very fond of Serah; the two were actually quite close.

They'd only been alone a handful of times, but the scene usually ended up being a bit awkward; Snow leaning a little too close, or maintaining a kiss a little too long. Oft times their encounters seemed a bit platonic, and Snow had wondered if Serah liked him in _that_ way. He'd gone so far as to ask her why she seemed cool towards him when he wanted to show her how much he cared for her in a more physical manner. They'd been seeing each other a little while, but they'd not progressed farther than a french kiss, and even then, those were few and far between. She sheepishly admitted to him that she had little experience with boys, not because she hadn't had the opportunity, but rather that she wanted her first time to be special. She was waiting to share herself with her husband. He thought that was amazing; when most guys would laugh or consider her virginity a matter of conquest. There were _other_ things they could do, but she seemed to be unresponsive to most of it. She knew what she wanted, and that was commendable. Honestly he had been waiting for her to reciprocate any of the various moves he made on her, and during that time he kind of gave up. She was a pretty little thing, but that was part of the problem. She was like a bird in the palm of his hand and he was unable to play rough with her. He almost preferred the non-sexual relationship they had formed; there was no pressure, no expectations, and it made things blissfully simple. Until, of course, the l'Cie thing.

Again he blew lukewarm air into his numbing hands, entirely unaware of how long he'd been crouched beside the door in his make-shift booties, waiting for someone to come into the room so he could make his escape. He _had_ to make it out of this room; _had_ to get back to her; them. _Ugh, things could get very complicated._

Whenever he thought about the older Farron, a tingling sense of excitement crackled around him. '_Fulla spit and vinegar'_ Fang had once said about her. They had things in common, they were both leaders and strong willed; stubborn as mules most certainly. Snow had been a little more yielding when it came to Lightning to try and win her over, but it seemed he was always getting himself in trouble. No less trouble could have come to him than that one night when he went wandering off looking for Lightning and found her. He could have named _her_ trouble, in fact, she had been the cause of his, and apparently still was as he felt the surge of heat in his gut. A heat that was absent no matter how much he thought of his fiancee. He remembered the way Lightning had trembled in his arms as emotion overtook her; they'd not talked about anything that had happened, he felt unable to bridge the subject with her and she'd kept her distance from him. He recognized her attempts to distance herself from him, but he also saw the questions on her face. The tension was thick, but they'd been forced into another intimate situation where he was sure Lightning saved his life. She was exhausted but she never gave up on him and brought him back from what could have been a very permanent unconsciousness. All he could do in return was to administer whatever healing his untrained hands could muster. In spite of the unrelenting evidence to the contrary, he couldn't shake the feeling that she still hated him. He had attempted to provoke her into spilling her guts, but it hadn't worked. Not verbally at least. Her frenzied kisses and impatient caresses weakened his resolve once again, and he found himself giving into the villain walled within him; except he didn't care this time. She was a woman possessed as the words she kept from him flowed from her in another form of communication; if only he were able to receive the entire message... Excellent timing on Fang's part had shown them the end of that very private and very intimate moment. If he had another chance with her ever again he made a vow that he would make her say all the things she hadn't said. He would have her say all those things she held back in the past, present and future because he wanted to know her as much as he possibly could. With just a look she could throw him into an ardent mess of unrestrained want and desire, and he wanted so badly to return the favour. He felt himself shiver, but it wasn't due to the relentless cold; in fact, he felt his chest warm as wanton thoughts of her trampled through his lethargic brain. He wasn't planning on dying in here, but just in case he did, he wanted her to, once again, be the last thing he was thinking about.

Lightning was perfect; her body lithe with long, lean muscles under milky skin. The gentle curves of her neck and shoulders begged to be kissed, long tendrils of rosy hair spilled around those shoulders. Unwavering blue eyes stared resolutely framed by long dark lashes as she stood facing him; stripped, the water pooling low around the swell of her hips. Back then he hadn't wanted to take advantage of her vulnerability, and so he took a page from her playbook; the unreadable face. He regarded her nudity in a respectful manner; and that in itself had been difficult. She was so delicious under his palms, and when he dared journey down the valley between her pale pink tinted bosom a sound he'd never forget escaped her. That inspired hum toppled what was left of his own resolve and there was nothing else in the world he wanted more in that moment than to taste her. He wanted to keep tasting until his tongue knew every single inch of her quivering flesh. He wanted to take what he wanted; what the man wanted from the woman, but she was so emotionally impoverished that he felt he needed to give and not take from her. As their mouths met, her hands were in his locks of hair clutching desperately at the blond mane. Every urgent tug only served to fan the flames that threatened to burn out of control in him.

He considered what he might have done had he been less than a gentleman. She appeared rushed and unsure, not hesitant, but inexperienced as she latched onto him, seemingly wanting to devour him as much as he did her. He wondered what the skin on the inside of her thigh felt like if the outside was that unbelievably smooth and satiny. Maybe it was similar to the unblemished, supple skin of her freshly blushed breasts. He'd noticed their gentle darkened peaks when she let his eyes roam over her, imaging himself kneeling, hands splayed on her back, unable to resist capturing a taut nipple between his lips. Her hands would have most certainly been buried in his hair; she seemed to enjoy playing with it as he cupped and kissed each weighty mound in succession, showing equal favour.

Of course he wanted more, oh so much more, but it was a callous blessing that they were interrupted when they were. If they had kept the pace up they might have done something they couldn't pretend didn't happen. But he still wondered if she wanted him the same way he wanted her. He hoped that he wasn't a passing whim; comfort when she felt the most alone and didn't know how to deal. She demanded that he forget her, but that would be like asking him to forget how to breathe. They were part of each other now; that fact sweetly irrefutable.

Now here he was; someone or something had given him a second chance. _She needs you._ The voice had told him. But which _she_ did they mean?

A faint sound made him perk up his ears and snap back to the present, rather bizarre situation. _Footsteps!_ Breathing one last long breath into his hands, he rubbed his crouched thighs in preparation to spring on whoever came through those doors. Gripping the strips of sheet he'd torn, he lay in wait. Moments passed as the clicking heels grew louder and finally the double doors unlocked and opened, admitting a small lady dressed in a white lab coat stained red by the light of the glowing exit sign. A lazy whistled tune filled the room as she entered, looking at a clipboard.

Snow sprung up silently behind her, putting a hand over her mouth, the clipboard clattering to the floor as her tiny hands clutched in vain against his. Feeling her tense under him, he spoke in a low voice next to her ear. "Don't be afraid. I'm not going to hurt you. But I don't want to put a gag in your mouth, so don't scream, ok?" She mumbled against his hand, but nodded in compliance when he didn't free her mouth. He gripped her small wrists, tying her hands out in front of her. Once secure he took another long strip and covered her eyes with it, tying it loosely in the back. Her small stature reminded him of Serah; she felt breakable beneath him.

"What do you want?" she asked quietly. His eyes flickered over the contents of the clipboard; he wasn't sure why he'd even bother to glance at it. _Request for Cremation_ was the title of the form attached under the clip. Taking his hands off the woman he picked up the board and scanned it a little more thoroughly. Apparently the request was for his own cremation later on in the afternoon. He shuddered. Whoever chose to wake him up today had an interesting sense of humour and, apparently, perfect timing.

"I just need to get out of here. I got... locked in." he replied awkwardly taking the single paper from the board, ripping it up and tossing the shreds in a small trash can nearby. Shuffling his captive outside the cold room, the notably warmer air in the hallway enveloped his frigid skin and he sighed, instantly more comfortable. "I'm really sorry..." he apologized, looking at her name badge. _Dr. R. Farrell _"...Doctor Farrell. I'll send someone down to help you, so please be quiet for a little while longer." She remained quiet as he asked, sitting her under the plaque on the wall beside the doors.

_Morgue_

_Guess I can add 'died' to the list of things I've done._ He thought lightly. Releasing the tied sheets from his feet, the marble flooring felt blissfully warm under his weight as he turned to start down the hallway. He also left the sheet that shielded his shoulders and chest from the cold behind, favouring the warm blanket of air. He did entertain the idea that he was dreaming; and if he was he might as well play it out. Either way, he had to find some sort of clothing to cover himself in if he was to escape this place unnoticed. Peeking once again through another set of double doors into an abandoned room, he made out another plaque at the far side.

_Staff Lounge_

_Bound to be something in there I can wear._ He looked back quickly to assure himself that the bound woman was still there and pushed the door open carefully. Turning his attention back to his escape, he checked the room to make sure there was no one to see him. He tiptoed hurriedly across the room and into the lounge. Searching this room for any inhabitants, a sigh of relief passed through his lips when his search turned up no one. The windows at the end of the room were dark; shards of moonbeams cut through, casting their light on the short berber carpet. He found some lockers off the main part of the room, a couple of which weren't locked. He rifled through one. Some scrub pants, a couple masks, a pair of stretchy shoe cover things. Nothing he could really use. Another was empty except for a gum wrapper. He opened the next unlocked compartment, and pulled out a masculine looking backpack. Sitting down on the bench he unzipped the bag and stuck his hand in. Feeling around, he grasped a piece of denim and pulled it out. It was a pair of faded dark wash jeans. He shook them out and held them up. _Might fit. _Glad to be ditching the morbid sheet, he stepped into the leg holes and yanked them up and over his muscled thighs, securing them just below his navel and carefully zipped the fly. They were a bit tight for his liking, and a bit short, but it was hard to find pants that would fit someone his height on an ideal day and in either case, beggars couldn't be choosers. Stuffing his hand back into the bag, he pulled out a tailored black button down shirt and tossed it over his back, sliding his hands into the sleeves. His chest was too broad to be able to button it past a few buttons from the bottom, so he left the rest open. The fabric felt good on his skin and he immediately started to warm up. Deciding it was time to go, he tossed the pillaged backpack back into the locker and made his way to the door.

There was a cork board beside the door with various postings, selling furniture, giving away kittens, a playbill for _Loveless_ staged by the near-by high school and some other goings on in the community of Bodhum. At least he was in Bodhum, although he was curious about how he ended up back here. A newspaper on a side table caught his eye; picking it up he glanced at the date. Almost a month, give or take since he'd last been aware of _anything_. The simple fact that he was standing there reading the newspaper was a good indicator of the outcome of his teammates focus.

_I guess they did it. I wonder what's happened to everyone else._

The first page article talked of the repopulation of Gran Pulse and how there was unrest among the general Cocoon populace. Anti-Pulse organizations sprung up over night; they were dangerous and unpredictable as they fought against the government's plans for reformation. Snow himself was all for rebellion in any way, shape or form, but innocent people were getting hurt during the violent demonstrations staged by these Anti-Pulse revolutionaries. He couldn't condone their actions.

_Men fight men; men battle beasts; Cocoon wars with Pulse. There can be no end to such conflict. _ The old man Bartandelus had said once. Snow shook his head and returned the newspaper to the table. It was going to take a long time to change people's minds about Pulse.

"Oh. The doctor!" he looked around the lounge for a phone. On the other side of the doorway, one hung on the wall. He picked it up, and underneath the receiver there were internal department dialing instructions. Glancing at them he pressed 678 on the keypad and ringing began on the other end.

"Front desk, Maria speaking." The female voice on the other end was richly accented, and exotic sounding.

"Hey, Maria." he said casually, "Can you page someone to come down to the morgue? Dr. Farrell needs a hand."

"Uh, sure. Who is this...?"

Snow hung up the phone without explanation.

* * *

The streets were quiet as he made his way, still barefoot, to the Farron household. Things had certainly changed in the days he'd been... away. The signs of civil unrest were obvious; litter in the street, broken windows, strange shouts in the night. He'd been able to escape the hospital without notice due to the busyness of the place, no one looked at him twice. In fact, he'd left through the emergency door when there'd been a convenient commotion.

His footsteps were quick, he wanted to get back to her house as swiftly as possible. If the world was still here, then maybe Serah was too. Not knowing what had happened to everyone was killing him. The last thing he remembered was Lightning swinging that blade of hers after he'd gotten slapped around by the fal'Cie. She'd had a very genuine look of panic and fear on her face and she stared at him. He remembered watching her with admiration before he'd lost the ability to keep conscious, her name on his last breath. What about Hope? Had he been able to save the boy from certain death? Many questions weighed on his mind as he took a shortcut through a darkened park.

Long, unkempt grass tickled the soles of his feet. It was unusual for the park to look so disused and abandoned. Things must have been more dire than he first thought. This park was a hot spot for kids, and although it was natural to be quiet at night, it looked like no kids had played here in some time. There was some graffiti on the sides of the play structures and most of the chains on the swings were broken. It made him a little sad. An air of tension floated around Bodhum, the usually cheerful streets were ominous and eerily quiet. He pressed on towards the Farron's residence.

His heart skipped a beat at the thought of seeing Lightning again. It would come as a shock for her to see him again, alive and well. Would she embrace him? He thought not. Maybe Lightning had confessed everything to Serah. He didn't think she would do that either. His stomach took the opportunity to remind him that he was very much alive with a hungry protest. _Serah's cooking would hit the spot right about now._ He hoped she'd be glad to see him; can't get rid of the hero so easily. Elated at the prospect of seeing familiar faces, he saw their home come into view, and broke into a run as a goofy smile crossed his lips. _It's nice to be home at any rate. No one is going to believe what I've been through tonight._ The closer he got, he could see the trademark pink Farron hair through the window he approached. The happy blue gingham curtains fluttered in the slight breeze; nothing was ever so beautiful to him as that scene. Excitedly, he hurried to the window to peek through, plotting how he should spring his resurrection on them. Putting his face to the screen, hands on the sill, he opened his mouth to make some obnoxious noise to scare whichever sister was posted in the kitchen. He assumed it was Serah, she had mentioned that Lightning typically stayed out of that room at all costs.

The scene he saw made the sound die in his throat. Past the flapping of the curtains, the pale pink hair he saw was that of his intended, but arms that obviously weren't his were secured rather intimately around her waist. With eyes that were wide and unblinking, realization took a long time to wash over him. Spiky blond hair bobbed as the interloper moved his head to lip wrestle with his fiancee. The tightness in his chest crushed his heart as he watched her enjoying herself with him. He elicited cute noises from her as he kissed her; something Snow rarely was able to do. His young looking fingers caressed her pale skin up and down the length of her spine. Snow's big hands clutched the wooden sill tightly, splintering it along the edge. Something about her tactile companion was all too familiar.

"Eh? Did you hear something?" Serah said, pulling away from his embrace. Snow ducked away from the window before he got a look at the blond's face.

"Nope. Did you?" came the response, a bit breathless.

Snow recognized that voice instantly.

_Maqui._

As fast as he could run, his feet took him towards their back yard. He dove into a bush, rolling to a stop on his back to stare blankly into the empty darkened sky. Did he just witness his fiancee kissing one of his most trusted companions? His heart ached with the knowledge as the scene played over in his mind; unable to deny the truth. He'd only been gone for a month and Serah had already moved on. Not just _moved on_, but moved on to Maqui. He wondered what Serah preferred in his blond protege. He remembered the promise that he made to Lightning about Serah. _This tear will be her last._ Did that apply now that she had so obviously and enthusiastically moved on? Even though his heart was a little more cramped with memories of his time with Lightning, he stubbornly held onto them, still convinced there was room for both. Maybe he should move on too. He'd done the same thing as Serah did, only his transgression was more unforgivable. He and Serah had only really been together for a short time before he'd proposed to her, so maybe that's why she'd been able to move on so quickly. Afterall, Serah wasn't dead when his heart suddenly shifted towards her sister; but Snow _had_ been dead, no matter how long it had been. How could he judge her? For Snow though, nothing had changed for him in the month he'd been gone. Wherever he was consciousness was altered and time was non-existent. But he'd keep his promise no matter what; Serah would have to get rid of _him_.

Hearing some shifting in the house through the open windows, it sounded like Maqui was getting ready to leave. He dashed from the bush to the side of the house, hiding in the shadows and watched as Serah saw the young man out. Snow hadn't even noticed the hoverbike in front of the house; he'd been too excited to see a familiar face and got more than he bargained for. The two embraced one last time, Maqui planting a soft kiss on Serah's cheek, then he got on the bike and left; Serah waving lifting a hand to his departing form. As she turned around and headed back for the house he could see her face. It was vacant, her aura absolutely listless. He expected her to be sad, but it almost seemed as though there was something else that weighed on her. Instantly his heart surged with warmth for his betrothed. It was many minutes after she entered the house locking the door behind her before he had enough courage to cross the lawn and walk up the sidewalk. Heart thumping unevenly in his chest, he raised a loose fist to the wooden barrier and knocked.

The door opened slowly to reveal his promised, and their eyes locked.

"Hey." said Snow with a lazy wave, breaking the silence, hoping his trademarked grin didn't seem entirely contrived.

"Oh my..." breathed Serah before she fainted, falling forward; Snow easily catching her in his arms.


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Thank you, everyone, for all your reviews! I appreciate each and every one of them. ^_^ _

* * *

"I don't know what happened. I just woke up and I was stuck in an oversized icebox." he said, watching Serah reach for the lemonade pitcher. He extended his hand automatically to fill her glass for her, and when their fingers touched beside the dewy decanter, she smiled awkwardly at him, withdrawing her reach. He omitted the part about the voice that was encouraging him to wake up and what it was encouraging him towards, considering it better to keep that to himself until he knew who the voice was actually referring to. She'd not said too much since he showed up on her doorstep a few hours ago. They sat in the kitchen at the table, the sun's early morning rays painting the floor, sharing a stiff conversation.

"That must have been scary." she said, glancing at him.

"Not really.. It was actually kinda... cool." he grinned teasingly at her. She didn't look like she was in the mood for his jokes. He rubbed the back of his neck. _Tough crowd._ "So, I was wondering how I managed to get back to Bodhum. I mean, I don't remember anything after getting my ass handed to me by the fal'Cie."

"NORA came looking for you. Well, us. I guess they had a hunch they might find us on the other end of that crystal column." Serah provided.

He vaguely remembered a picture accompanying the story he'd seen in the newspaper. The haphazard column joining Cocoon and Gran Pulse must have been what Serah was talking about; Vanille and Fang's handiwork. Besides the fact that Fang seemed to be plugged into his subconscious, he somehow knew not to expect to see them again. "Ah, I think I saw a picture of it in the paper after I woke up. I guess I should have known they already knew I'd be where the trouble is."

"Yeah. When they got there, Dajh and I were already awake, and the rest were coming out of stasis. You were already ... y'know." she paused, her voice thinning. "I didn't know what to do with... you. So the guys just took you to the hospital and I explained what happened. They told me that they'd put you in cold storage until I knew what I wanted to do, since I am kind of your next of kin. That and the hospital has been very busy lately." she sighed heavily. "I didn't know what to do, Snow. I was so scared. I've never had to do anything like that before. Lightning took care of everything with my parents. I guess she spoiled me."

His face turned serious as he reached across the table to take her hand in his. "I missed you. I'm glad you're ok." He said honestly; after all, he'd laid down his life so that she may be saved and keep on living. He didn't want anything bad to happen, for he truly cared for her. And even sitting with her, he was reminded of her gentle nature and why he had found himself falling for her in the first place.

She met his gaze for a moment, letting him stroke her hand with his fingertips. The look on his face was so tender as his heart swelled with compassion. Serah must have been fighting a battle inside; something similar to what he'd fought when his heart started to betray him. She'd not been herself since he was delivered into this changed world and he wished that he could make it easier on her, but he'd not do or say anything to sway Serah from the natural course she was on. For now it was best to treat Serah as if he hadn't seen her filling the gap inside her heart left by his absence with his young friend's affections. Initially his heart had been distressed when he'd been surprised by them, but the more he thought about it, the more he was convinced that maybe this is what was supposed to happen.

"I'm glad you're ok too." she said softly, squeezing his hand, offering him a sweet smile. "Welcome home, Snow." The contact ended; both of them withdrawing, the mood returning to it's former frigidness.

He sipped his lemonade quietly and stared out at the rising skyline. "Hey, Serah..." he started. He wanted to ask where Lightning was when Serah made mention of doing things by herself, but he had hesitated. He didn't see any indication that she was around, but that didn't mean she wasn't. He hoped that he'd see her and they might talk. Hell, he'd even welcome a fist to the face as long as it was from her.

"Yeah?"

"Where's Light?" he asked as casually as possible. When she didn't speak, he looked over at her. Her head hung slightly, her usually good posture shifting into a formless slump. Her face held the same listlessness as it had when she walked back to the house after seeing Maqui out. He heard her sigh; the tightness in his chest a prelude to rising anxiety.

"I don't know. She disappeared the night before your vigil. She took your death really hard; blamed herself I think. Never once did anyone blame her for what happened to you, but you know how she is." she paused, running her finger in a persistent pattern on the tabletop. "I thought she'd come out of it, but she didn't, and the next thing I knew she was gone. I went to wake her up the next day, but her bed was empty and she left her house key on her desk. That was a little more than a month ago." Her tracing stopped; head bowed to the table. "She didn't leave a note, and I have no idea where she is now." He saw a tear drip silently from her lashes.

"Hey, hey." He stood and approached Serah, easily pivoting her chair to face him, wrapping his arms around her petite frame to bring her into a tender embrace. "No tears. I'm sure she's fine. She just needs some time, I guess. She'll call when she's ready to talk." _I hope._ He thought it was unusual for her not to call and check in, since she demanded that behaviour from her little sister. Serah said that she took his death pretty hard. Maybe she felt something for him then; something beyond the bittersweet emptiness that claimed them both a few short weeks ago.

_Forget me._ Her voice came back to him.

He shook his head. _Never._

Pulling away, he looked down at his precious Serah. Her eyes were tear-free, but still slightly red-rimmed. "That's my girl." he smiled, brushing a thumb across the salty trail on her porcelain cheek. Her eyes searched his as his thumb lingered near the corner of her mouth. He could feel her delicate hands on his chest, and he watched as she closed her eyes. Her lips pursed cutely; cheeks tinted a most delicate pink. His lids drooped as he started to bring his face towards hers. Then he saw a flash of his young friend's countenance and his brows creased low over his eyes. He diverted, kissing her forehead quickly and chastely before reclaiming his seat, creating a very deliberate distance between them. "What about everyone else?" he asked, clearing his throat.

"Uh..." she started, swallowing tightly, swiveling uncomfortably in her seat. "Sazh took Dajh back home. They stayed for a couple days after your vigil and left. I don't blame them for wanting to move on from all of this. Hope's dad wanted him back home for a bit, so he went back to Palompolum. As far as I know, he wants to move here to finish school. From what I gather he was really close with my sister."

"He was." He knew Hope had a crush of epic proportions on Lightning. He'd been jealous a time or two of Hope and how easily Lightning let him invade her space. Something must have been very wrong if she left him in the dark. "She didn't even tell him where she was going?"

"Nope. He was absolutely devastated, poor thing." She took a sip of lemonade and continued. "I don't mind him coming here if that's what he wants. He's a sweet kid. I can see why Light took a liking to him. Besides, the house will be lonely without Light around and I could use the company." Then, as if she said something she shouldn't have, her eyes widened; quickly adding "Uh, if that's ok with you."

Now Snow had been accused of being dense at times, but it sure sounded to him that Serah's plans for the future were at the very least unclear or at the very worst didn't include him. He didn't know that seeing Serah would flood him with all these uncertainties about what he felt, and seeing her with Maqui of all people made it worse. Things had always been so easy for him. His loyalty to those he loved was fierce and unwavering; and they loved him back or didn't. He was dedicated to whomever he loved to a fault, and although that was a trait that scared many potential girlfriends off, he hoped that Serah had been the one to see his dedication for what it really was and could embrace it. He wanted someone to love deeply and meaningfully for the rest of his life. He'd never been the one to stray, even for a second, and now he was on shaky ground. He looked away and out the window to hide the pang of awkward embarrassment on his face at being tossed aside so easily. Serah obviously didn't know what she wanted, but was he any better? Another conversation for another day, he decided.

"Yeah, of course it's ok."

* * *

Some days were better than others; some days she was drunker than others, but everyday she just wanted it to end. For the last six months, she was drowning in feelings of guilt and anger and self pity. Things had not gotten better like she had hoped they would. The jagged chasm in her heart was unable to seal and her existence unable to progress beyond the day to day. It had been months since the end of the world as they knew it; the end of her world. The only man she'd ever felt anything for had been cut down before her very eyes. Things had definitely changed. She'd left Bodhum and her sister behind, unable to deal with the tragedy and loss, but no matter where she went, she could not escape it. Eventually she'd sober from the constant haze she tried to maintain and everything would flood back. On a good day, usually when she could manage to be sober and not succumb to depression, she would take to the open road. This time she had ended up in Nautilus with some gil in her pocket and a craving for oblivion.

Nautilus, the city of dreams, was a shadow of it's former touristy glory. In fact, it was barely recognizable; it had taken heavy damage in the fall of Cocoon. During and after the cataclysmic changes that marred the face of their home, rioters had destroyed many of the familiar landmarks and attractions that Nautilus once boasted. Crumbled ruins of buildings and dangerous remnants of violent days past lined the streets now; only a few businesses still open and running. Many of the residents had decided to jump on the Gran Pulse bandwagon and take up residence there. It was because of this that once bustling towns now fought for survival. The grungy bar where she sat was one such business. She had been developing a tolerance for the quantities of booze she consumed almost daily now, and so she had decided to move on to something a little more potent.

Downing a shot glass of foul smelling amber liquid, she cleared her throat as the burning alcohol screamed it's way down to her belly. She solidly planted the glass on the bar and nodded at the bartender. "Another." She wondered how many times she'd uttered that word and to how many different bartenders all over Cocoon. He obliged, looking at her subversively as he poured. She'd lost count when it came to how many she'd already downed; getting to the point where her head was pleasantly light and her appendages warm; her body loose, joints sufficiently lubricated. Wrapping her fingers around the glass she stared at it for a second as if to see a vision; her path hidden in it's shallow reserve. Seeing no such premonition, she snorted slightly and put it to bed. Tipping her head back lazily to look at the ceiling, the bartender sat another drink down in front of her. It was a dark brown shot of... something. She looked at him quizzically, raising an eyebrow.

"From the guy over at the end of the bar." he said, nodding his bald head in the direction of the man.

She made no attempt to look at her admirer. _Tch._ "I don't want it." her tone was cold. She slid the shot glass toward him. _Time to leave._ It seemed that she attracted some attention wherever she went, but she didn't appreciate it. She didn't know if it was because of her unusual hair colour or her sparkling personality, but whenever it happened she took that as her cue to leave. She didn't want any trouble. "Pour me one for the road, will ya?" He sat down the refused drink and poured her another of her own brand, a slight grin on his face. She nodded to him and downed it, hissing against the familiar burn as it trickled down her throat.

Without another word he took the glass with the brown stuff in his hand and walked it back over to the end of the bar. When he disappeared from her peripheral vision, she reached in her pocket for her wallet, pulling out a suitable amount of bills to lay on the counter, under the empty.

She rose to leave, putting her hand on the stool where she sat, head woozy. She closed her eyes until the room evened out, then turned her attention to the door. She had a room at one of the only hotels left standing in town; stumbling distance from the bar. Making her way towards the door, she heard stools moving behind her as she made her exit.

The cool night air fanned across her face, and she breathed deeply. The streets were dim; most of the lighting had been damaged during the riots and the lights overhead that did work flickered ominously. She had been going from place to place for a few months. Sometimes just sitting in a hotel room for days on end; living on the last bits of pay that was in her account from before she'd been branded a l'Cie, usually drunk or putting in her best effort to get that way. Unfeeling was the new black nowadays. In her states of drunkenness she didn't have to focus on anything, or _anyone_, until she woke up in and the cycle started all over again. Tonight she had decided to go out instead of drinking by herself. It was her mother's birthday today. If her mother had been alive she would have spilled her guts by now to the sympathetic ear, and wondered what advice would have been dispensed. She remembered her mother, but only in a childish manner, not as an adult. Maybe her mother had been caught in a web similar to herself; a man she loved betrothed to another. Had her mother ever betrayed anyone like Lightning had betrayed her little sister? She thought about Serah, and wondered how she was. Hopefully this evening she fared better, and was far more sober than the elder sister. Today she would force herself to think about her. Maybe she should at least call her; surely she would be thinking of their mother as well. Inevitably, when she thought about Serah she'd think about _him._ His face surfaced in her mind, and she clenched her fists. How she missed him. All she could think was how she'd unwittingly sent him to meet his end. They should have been better prepared, she should have been closer to them; she should have protected them. But now he was gone, and she was defective. Frustrated by the broken record that had become her memory, it tormented her with biting recollections of pain and loss; parading his demise before her. Hot tears stung her eyes as she walked faster, trying in vain to leave it behind.

Without a sound or warning she felt a clammy hand clamp around her mouth, and one strong arm around her throat, knees unwittingly buckling beneath her. She struggled feebly against the assailant, trying to regain her footing but she was too drunk; her attempted motions jerky and poorly executed. Her head was clouded from the effects of the booze as well as her desperate grief and she was pulled back into a dimmed alley out of sight of the abandoned street. She mumbled incoherently against the hand as she was manhandled, finally slammed against the side of a brick building. The back of her head collided with the wall, pain lancing through her skull, her neck muscles loose and unhelpful. Her vision doubled as her head bobbed; fighting against a wave of lethargy. A man was pressed against her, his hands running up her thighs, hiking her skirt. His mouth left slobbery trails of sticky saliva down her neck as she writhed under him. Her eyes clenched together as he pushed the palm of his hand roughly against the flimsy cotton between her legs. Her eyes widened at the violation, alarm chipping at the alcoholic wall. _Shit!_ With as much gusto as she could muster, she brought her knee up between his legs, but he pulled back dodging her clumsy attack. She threw herself forward in an attempt to escape, but the distance between them was too small and the opportunity too brief. He caught her with a large hand in the middle of her chest pinning her back to the wall, a strangled yelp escaping her lips.

"That wasn't very nice. It's also not very nice to refuse a drink that a gentleman buys you. Didn't anyone ever tell you that?" He shoved his hand under her skirt again, this time slipping his dirty fingers past the elastic barrier. Her arms felt weak as she fought for control of them, dangling loosely at her sides. She must have been drunker than she thought.

"You're no gentleman." said Lightning obstinately through clenched teeth, trying to ignore his abusive touch on her most intimate place.

"You got me there." he said. "But maybe I should teach you some manners, you little bitch." He hissed, his hot breath reeking of alcohol and stale cigarettes.

_Manners, huh? I bet._

Gripping her jacket to pull her forward, almost off her feet, his knuckles met her face as he backhanded her, sending her reeling to the ground. Her knees and palms scraped against the cracked asphalt. Cheek stinging, her lips instantly swelled, tinny fluid filling her mouth as she sputtered; droplets of blood spraying on his boots. The attacker pushed her down flat on her back and ripped open her overcoat; fabric tearing and metal clasps snapping under the strain. The whole scene was eerily quiet as she struggled feebly against him again, but he had her hands pinned under his knees, straddling her. Her vision spotted as she blinked rapidly, trying to hang onto consciousness.

"Don't fight, no one is coming for you." he sneered, unzipping her sweater so his hands were free to feel her flesh as he molested her bra-clad breasts.

_That's right... no one _ is_ coming for me. _She remembered, the realization ripping through her; seeing him cradled again in her arms and as she sobbed he reached out a hand to her. She wanted so badly to take that hand and follow him to heaven or hell; neither mattered if she could be with him again. Her body grew limp; the frantic thrashing stopped. _You're dead. _She stared past the unfamiliar shadowed face to the darkened sky above preparing to detach herself from the looming promise of pain and shame; longing for sweet release from tortured days. The drunk man on top of her stopped as well when she halted her fight. She wasn't looking at him, her stare was dull, one of resignation. She'd let him do what he wanted and hopefully he'd be quick about it. Her bloodied lips parted, her voice a whisper.

"Just kill me when you're done with me."

His face transitioned from rage filled attacker to baffled blankness at her utterance, and he simply sat there, pinning her prone form to the concrete beneath.

She remembered him clearly now. His bright smile, the unruly blond hair, his scruffy chin, and indomitable attitude, so different from hers. She battered him; surely bruising him with both her words and her fists, but still he showed her unrelenting tenderness and understanding. Never had she regretted anything like she regretted the way she dismissed him; rolling her eyes and scoffing at anything and everything he said and did. But in reality she admired those traits that made him the man he was. In the next life she vowed to find him no matter where or who he was and never ever let a day go by without telling him what he meant to her. She loved the man that he was and she'd never let him forget it. Fearlessly and without thought to his own safety he had saved them, and her, over and over again. Then somehow, when they were so near to the end, she lost him.

"It should have been me." she whispered, looking at nothing.

"What the fuck?" the aggressor cursed, understanding beyond his reach. His gaze turned sadistic as he pulled back his fist to strike her.

In that instant she realized something. She realized she couldn't give up. He didn't. He did all he could do until the very end. He'd given his very life in practice of the beliefs he held dearest. _Stay strong._ She had said to him once. He housed great strength not only in body, but in mind; in spirit, and now she was the one that need to follow his example. Her mind cleared a little, adrenaline coursing through her body, undiluted by the constant presence of willingly ingested poison. She'd drug her knuckles against the unyielding conglomerate of rock, flesh tearing under the weight of the heavy knee, savagely yanking a hand free. Pain shot through her fingers and up her arm, catching the surprised man's fist in her own as it cut the air towards her face. He gritted his teeth against her renewed strength as she overpowered him, earning the advantage. Regaining her footing, she pulled him up by the scruff of the neck and thrust him against the wall where she'd been a short moment ago, but now she was the menace. Without ceremony, she dealt him a blow to the face and witnessed blood spurt satisfyingly from his nose.

Her body was quickly overwhelmed with the thoughts she had been avoiding or quelled with copious amounts of alcohol. It wasn't fair. They'd done everything the fal'Cie bid of them whether they wanted to or not and whether they knew it or not, so why did they have to take him?

Her fist met flesh again. _Why?_

Why couldn't she heal him when she needed to; why couldn't anyone? All she thought about in the empty place while she was encased in crystal slumber was him. If he was all she ever thought about for the rest of her life; the regrets, the sorrow and the longing would drive her mad. She never got to tell him all the things she couldn't say; they didn't have time – and she didn't have the courage. But, given another chance, she'd not make the same mistake. And poor Serah. Abandoning her like she did had haunted her everyday since she escaped like a thief in the night from her own home. But what was she to do? Would she and Serah sit in the kitchen crying together for the man they both loved and lost? No, she was still no good to Serah, but for the first time in a long while she felt the faint stirrings of hope within her.

Grunting, she hit the man over and over again until his features were painted scarlet and swollen beyond recognition. Every strike cooled her enmity as reason returned to her. She looked at her gory hands, then back at his face; eyes almost completely caked shut with coagulated blood, mouth hanging open uselessly. Letting go of his collar, he slid down the blood spattered wall, and she regarded him thoughtfully.

She knew she had to stop. Tonight was the last time she'd wallow; the last time she'd allow herself to agonize over the past. She had to stop dying and start living; if not for herself, for him; for Serah, for the other people that cared about her. Lightning wanted to honour her fallen hero, not squander the life he'd given her. From this day forward she'd begin the journey to reconstruct herself.

She zipped up her top and pulled her skirt back into place. Rubbing the back of her neck with a hand, pain pulsated through her body reminding her she was no longer a l'Cie; _that_ life was over. She may have not had any magical powers anymore, but she was no defenseless damsel. Taking a step back and looking down at her impaired would-be rapist, she snorted condescendingly. "You hit like a girl."

* * *

She hadn't been completely sober when she got back to her hotel room to shower and clean up, but while she stood in the shower, with water running over her head watching the blood swirl down the drain in the floor, she grasped some semblance of clarity. This wasn't the life she wanted, but it was what she had let herself be reduced to, and it was pathetic. That much she knew. But she didn't feel ready to return to Bodhum and deal with Serah. Besides that, Serah was an adult now, and Lightning could only hope that she'd raised her with the right amount of everything she needed to be a good and capable person. She just felt bad that she didn't even tell anyone she was leaving and she had to admit, it was more than a little unfeeling of her. She could have thought up a good enough excuse to leave, but the blow to her fortitude had been crushing, and no longer could her cold, slightly vacant stare shield the constant malcontent underneath.

Her hand throbbed, her right middle finger was badly swollen and disfigured. She must have dislocated it when she pulled it out from under that jerk's knee, and it probably didn't help that it was also the hand with which she exacted her revenge. She had been through basic medical training in the Corps; part of which had been resetting dislocations. Her finger needed treatment if she were to ever have proper use of it again, so she took a deep breath to calm herself and without further delay pulled the joint back into place. Slamming her other fist into the tiled wall of the shower, her stomach churned with the waves of agony. She whimpered finally, once the stabbing in her digits subsided. With her good hand she turned off the shower, feeling like death. Every part of her body ached, but for the first time in a long while her heart didn't. She stepped out of the stall to towel herself off, finally twisting her hair in the sheet and over her shoulder.

As her eyes looked down the length of her bare arm, to her fingertips, she saw the black armband resting within reach. Since she found it tucked away almost half a year ago, it left her skin only when she bathed. It was almost painful to wear; a constant reminder of him, but as she looked at it resting on the counter top she realized it symbolized not pain, but his enduring legacy; his sacrifice. She still wondered how he got it in her pocket without her realizing, as she rarely ever took off her coat in those days. But now it was always the first thing she replaced on her body. Rubbing her hair dry in the towel, she tossed it aside and gave her teeth a once over with a toothbrush. The minty aftertaste added to her refreshment, and she actually felt clean for once.

Coming out of the tiny bathroom, she glanced at the telephone resting on the bedside table. She knew it was there. She'd considered using it but had not been able to summon the courage to actually talk to Serah yet. What would she say to her sister about where she'd been for these last months? She owed some sort of explanation, but anything she thought she might be able to say sounded inadequate in her own mind.

Dressing as quickly as she could in her faded wide leg blue jeans, and a worn black and white raglan tee, she slipped on her mules and left the room. Even though she had reset her wrecked finger she needed a few supplies from the all night chemist down the street.

With a bag of supplies slung over her arm she exited the store, keeping a paranoid eye over her shoulder. On the way back, she passed a payphone and stopped in her tracks. Completely unprepared, she pulled some change out of her pocket and into her palm. Picking out a few gil she pocketed the rest and hoisted the heavy receiver. Taking a deep breath, she dropped the coins into the pay phone's slot and dialed the number she knew better than the back of her hand. It rang once; twice; three times and Lightning was relieved. Maybe she was asleep already. Getting ready to replace the receiver, she heard a rushed voice from the other end. Movement stopped.

"Yes, hello?" came her sister's familiar voice.

She couldn't say anything; the words netted in her throat.

"Hello?" and after a long pause. "Claire? Is that you?"

Tears welled in her eyes and she sniffled slightly. Serah always called her Claire and she hated it, but right now it was the most beautiful thing she'd ever heard.

"Claire? Are you ok?"

So maybe she wasn't ready yet to talk to Serah yet. She shook her head mutely, she absolutely was not ok, but she was working on it.

"Please, Claire. Tell me where you are. Whatever it is, we can work it out. Come home, sis. We miss you..."

Silence on the line as she tried to push some words past her swollen lips, but they never came. Lightning finally hung up the receiver, drooping her head in failure. She thought she could at least try to talk to her little sister, and she would... one day.

_Come home, sis._

She wanted to, but she couldn't. Not yet.


	5. Chapter 5

It was late. Snow rolled around in bed trying to get comfortable, sheets tying themselves around his body. The house was quiet and he was alone. Serah was asleep in her room, Hope in his. The kid had come back a few weeks ago. It seemed that he had no intention of going back to school once he'd arrived in Bodhum, away from the watchful eye of his father, but Serah had been quite insistent that he go back. After all, part of the deal for Hope to live with them was dictated by his father, Bartholomew, and that part was his continued attendance in school. Snow agreed with Serah on the issue, but he did tell Hope that he needed a little help with his all too diligent monster-hunting business. NORA turned out to be quite indispensable in the last few months, but their numbers had dwindled with the migrations to Pulse; the team of eighteen had been reduced to a mere ten members. Only the original founders, completely dedicated to their cause, remained to pick up the slack. Few people had wanted to get involved in the dangerous volunteer organization since the gil that came from ventures on Gran Pulse flowed easily and freely to those with a strong back and a willingness to get dirt under their nails. If Hope went back to school and kept his grades up, Snow said he would take him along on the weekends when NORA did the bulk of their hunting. Seeing that Serah wasn't going to give in, but would compromise and let him go with Snow on the weekends, he reluctantly agreed to the deal. There was a lot of work and Hope kept his end of the bargain, making Snow proud.

The black market for all things Pulse was huge; people paying thousands of gil for an animal especially. So people had started collecting "pets" from Gran Pulse but once the cute little "kitty" got too big for an unwitting owner to handle, they cut it loose. Of course, once loose it wreaked havoc on the local populace and native wildlife. Sometimes NORA got contracted out to larger cities to take care of their exotic pet problems, and soon they were no longer a volunteer organization, but a full blown business with full pay for its employees. And that pay was good.

While Snow had been "deceased", Gadot had found a new roommate so he was stuck for a place to stay. He didn't want to stay at the Farron residence, knowing what he knew about Serah's extracurricular activities, not to mention his own, but she had insisted he stay there with her. It was very apparent that she still didn't know what she wanted, even after all these months. They'd gotten close a few times, but something unbeknownst to Snow would happen and they'd find themselves growing farther apart. He wondered if Maqui was giving Serah a problem or if she was giving herself a problem, but they were never as close as they had been; that much was true. Serah seemed to object to Snow's, rather NORA's, dangerous lifestyle, and the pair would often argue about it. She had found a volunteer job working at the hospital in town, but she worked the later shift so she and Snow didn't cross paths too often; only a couple of awkward days a week. He wondered if she was ever going to cut him loose. Not that he had anything to move on to...

When Serah was gone on her overnight shifts and, as embarrassing as it would have been to have to explain to Hope, he found himself sneaking into Lightning's bedroom in the dead of night. While in her small private space, he fingered the various objects that sat in the room, feeling closer to her as he did so. He'd not been caught, but he could scarcely help himself. Sometimes he swore that he could _smell_ her when he was there. Touching the bed she'd slept on – sometimes even laying on it and sitting in the rocking chair with her permanently stained uniform draped across the back seemed to comfort him. Serah had washed the uniform over and over, and yet the stain of his lifeblood remained, so whenever he snuck into her room and sat in that chair he'd lean his head against it and close his eyes.

He'd secretly given her his favourite bandana; the same one they'd used to cover each other's wounds, and tucked it away in her coat the last time they'd been together on Cocoon. She kept the silver flower he'd given her as well. It had been stashed in her breast pocket, and when he found it he remembered a feeling of elation that she'd kept such a memento. It wasn't dried out and brittle, the petals remained pliable as he placed it within careful folds. He wondered where his romantic side came from, feeling silly brushing his lips against the material before he returned it to the pocket for her to find later. There was so much that he wanted to say, but back then he choked underneath the uncertain nature of their relationship. Words never seemed their strong suit, but some things begged to be spoken aloud. These days, often when his brain wouldn't quiet down and sleep wouldn't come, he'd need something of hers to cling to. Tonight was such a night. He rose from his bed, clad in cotton sleep pants, and peeked his head out the door to make sure all was silent, and walked the familiar path to her room across the hall.

As his hand touched the door handle, the phone in the kitchen rang. Looking towards the sound, he froze in his tracks. Rushed footfalls from the other side of the house met his ears, and he slowly approached the kitchen, lingering in the shadows of the hallway, listening.

"Yes, hello?" answered Serah, halting the shrill ring.

"Hello?" she said again.

"Claire? Is that you? Claire? Are you ok?"

_Lightning!_ His heartbeat quickened. But there was something wrong, the conversation sounded very one sided. Serah spoke again.

"Please, Claire. Tell me where you are. Whatever it is, we can work it out. Come home, sis. We miss you..." Another pause.

"Claire..." said Serah wistfully, hanging up the phone. She stood at the counter in front of the window, head in her hands as Snow walked in on her.

"Serah? Was that...?" Snow asked, suspecting he already knew the answer. Serah had given him an explanation of what happened after they'd come to following their confrontation with the fal'Cie, but she'd been unable to convey why her big sister had become so emotionally volatile. She'd been at a lack of reasoning as to why Lightning disappeared the night before Snow's vigil and where she could have possibly gone. He expected to find the sisters together once he'd been returned to consciousness, but the scene he'd been greeted with was totally unexpected... She turned to face him, her eyes glittering with fresh tears.

"Yeah, I think it was Light." she said weakly, looking at the floor.

"What did she say?"

Serah just shook her head.

Snow walked across the kitchen and took the little Farron in his embrace, partially to comfort and partially to hide the disappointment that crossed his features. She wrapped her arms around him and buried her head in his chest, her words muffled. "Why didn't she say anything? Sis has always been distant, but this time it's different. What did I do to make her leave?" Those were the same questions he would have liked the answers to.

"You didn't make her leave, Serah. She must have had something to deal with. You know her, she can't let anyone see her with her walls down." he said, a little detached, comforting himself more than the pink haired girl in his arms. He stared at the pale blue walls of the kitchen, running his hands delicately through her hair, raising strands of it to his nose; the feeling identical to _hers _between his fingers. What was Lightning thinking when she called, obviously unable to say anything. Where was she and why wouldn't she come home? What was she wrestling with inside? He missed her, but more than that, he wanted to protect her and being out in the cold like this, he felt useless. His feelings were so simple and so basic. He wanted to be the constant in her inconstant world.

Serah pulled back from Snow. The look on her tear-stained face was dysphoric; her eyes empty but needy as she gripped Snow's shoulders and pulled his mouth to hers. He watched her eyes close as her lips pressed urgently against his, but he was stunned at the sudden caress, eyelids frozen in surprise. A myriad of emotions warred within him and as she caressed the smooth warm skin of his chest. Why was she doing this to him? He didn't want this anymore; he didn't want Serah anymore and he was almost certain she didn't want him. In spite of that, the familiar touch eased the tattered remnants inside him and his eyelids finally slid shut, conceding to the feel of her. She teased him with kisses, pulling away as he leaned into her, then pushing against him with intent; playing and unwittingly provoking him. He opened his lips against hers, responding with unintentional enthusiasm to her initiation. Replacing the taste of Serah's tongue with the memory of her savoury sister, he started to lose himself in the fabrication as she twined handfuls of his hair in her hands pulling him closer, her lush lips eager and all too familiar. Sliding his hands down low around her bottom to lift her against him, he hoisted her onto the counter, never leaving the thrilling moistness of her mouth. She shivered under his urgency as he drug his fingers up her thighs from knee to just past the lacy hemline of her night shirt. With a busy hand on each knee, he parted them and stepped in between, his self control ebbing as she sensually clenched his hips with her thighs. Her fingers inched their way down his sides, just under the low slung waistband, gently pinching handfuls of flesh, pulling him into her.

He growled low in his throat, gripping her waist a little roughly, grinding his hips against her. Craning his neck, he nestled his nose in between the neckline of her nightie and her collarbone, snaking his tongue out to taste the flesh there. _Lightning... _"I miss you..." he panted. Behind his eyes was Lightning's face and hers was the only scent that weighed upon the air. It brought about a familiar lightheadedness.

"Stop..." she said, barely audible.

The words dropped in his ears, but he did not want to comply. He felt her posture stiffen as his possessive palms moved to her thighs, again squeezing too tightly; heated hands greedily touching the untouched. _Don't make me stop... _ "I want you..." his voice bubbled dangerously with lust, scalding the outside of her ear.

Serah gasped and pushed him away. "STOP!" she nearly shouted, crossing her hands over her chest, snapping her legs shut protectively.

Staggering backwards, his eyes grew wide as he realized what he was doing, and much to his chagrin, _who_ he was doing it to. He stood mutely, blinking, trying to pull the veil of fantasy away from his eyes. He clenched his fists and hung his head, ashamed. "Serah, I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me." he lied. He knew exactly what came over him; he couldn't get her out of his head, or his heart. He'd gotten carried away with Serah and almost made another mistake. What he craved was not this delicate bird of his past, but the wayward Valkyrie of his future; the woman he would pursue to the ends of this world and the next.

"Guys? Is everything ok?"

Snow turned to see Hope standing in the doorway to the kitchen in his pajamas and sleep hat. Serah slid off the counter and turned towards the window, hiding her face.

When he received no reply from either, he addressed Snow with questioning eyes. "Snow?"

"Yeah, everything is ok." he paused. "Lightning just called."

Hope's face brightened, eyes widened in excitement. "She did? Is she ok? Where is she?"

"Nautilus, according to the number." Serah said simply. Snow could see her thoughtful reflection in the blackened window. Hope looked from Serah to Snow and back. He'd missed something; the slightly confused look on his face spoke volumes but silence filled the room again.

"I'm going to find Lightning and bring her home." Snow was looking down at the floor when he finally spoke.

"I'll come too!" said Hope excitedly.

"No." Snow and Serah said in unison as she turned around to face the boys. "You have school tomorrow. Snow can handle it."

"But-" The young man started, his happy expression failing.

"It's ok, Hope. I'll take care of it. Promise." he put his large hand on Hope's silver head and ruffled his hair. Hope sighed, outvoted. "I'll leave for Nautilus in the morning."

* * *

Snow hadn't slept a wink after the scene in the kitchen, and left early in the morning without waking Serah or Hope. With his preparations completed for the journey ahead, he noticed Serah had left an envelope with his name on the side table by the door. He flipped it over and saw Serah's cursive on the back. '_Bring her home.' _ Inside was a picture of Lightning. His eyes widened as he chuckled to himself, looking upon the captured image. It looked a few years old, but she was sitting at the same kitchen table, the same blue gingham curtains in the background. She wasn't really smiling, but her face wasn't set in it's usual unimpressed scowl. Her hair was styled similarly, flowing down the front of her shoulder, her skin as smooth and flawless as he remembered it to be. She was devastatingly beautiful; a rare flower like the one he had plucked for her back on Pulse. His arms were so lonely; every minute of every day for the past six months they'd not been able to forget how she moulded so naturally against him in their few stolen embraces. He passed his thumb over her beloved face and tucked the picture back into the envelope, sliding it into the breast pocket over his heart. Snow didn't know if he'd get another chance to track Lightning down, so he didn't want to waste any time; it was a long drive to Nautilus. If he made good time, he'd be there in the early afternoon. The others would have to take care of NORA's business for the day without him. He had thought about picking up Gadot on the way out of town, but if he found Lightning, he had some things to say to her that weren't appropriate for an audience.

As he headed towards Nautilus in the early darkness, he couldn't think about anything but the prospect of seeing her again. Maybe he scared her off and she didn't _want_ to come back home to the 'happy' couple. But honestly, without Lightning, Snow was far from happy. He thought he could be content with Serah, but the fact that the emotions for her sister swirling within him felt like something bought but never worn had kept him from settling down with her in the manner in which he had intended. Knowing now that there was so much more to love than what he'd had with Serah made him feel cheated. That and she had her own agenda it seemed; one for which he was wholly unsuited. He'd not let on that he knew about her and Maqui, and he knew that she'd seen him since his return. Quite a few times in fact. He never grilled her about where she had been since her hours at the hospital were so erratic, it wasn't his place. Of course he'd been lonely, but he tried to put up a brave front. He'd been able to stay away from Serah as he usually ended up making ridiculous, and sometimes embarrassing, comparisons between the two sisters.

He found Serah was hot and cold towards him, and he chalked it up to her being conflicted about the Maqui situation, but last night he'd gotten a first hand account at just how conflicted she may be. She seemed more than willing to lose herself in him last night, and he'd been no stronger than she, but something happened all of a sudden to make her push him away. The hope that the phone call from Lightning gave him was immeasurable and he'd been cheered by her attempt to make contact. Somehow a simple conversation between him and Serah had turned into a very heated moment with him imaging what he always did; that he was with the older of the Farron sisters.

He winced when he remembered how she looked at him when she pushed him away. The memory of Lightning was so intense that when he even got close to Serah, _she_ would take the place of the little sister and whatever he did, or was about to do was to _her._ In his mind she'd always been there with him. Maybe he was crazy, but sometimes she seemed as real to him as his own flesh. He'd dream of her often, she was always running from him; but he'd chase her. He always chased her. Only one time had he caught her, and the dream turned erotic quite quickly. Teasing kisses were accompanied by bold caresses, and boldness made way for deliberate temptation which escalated to frantic need. Soon they were entwined in each other, not sure where one started and the other ended. The dream had been an assault on his senses as well, as if to remind him of all the things that she was so he'd not forget. Not like he ever could forget. She was all he thought about, and after he woke aching and unfulfilled, the cycle would start anew.

He squirmed in his seat and surveyed the road and land that lay before him. He needed something else to think about. Since it was so early in the morning he'd not have to worry about the local detachment that enforced the speed laws in this area, so he set a brisk pace. Watching the road ahead was hypnotizing, and again he slipped into thoughts of her. Snow still didn't know exactly how she felt about him, but he decided he would confess his love for her either way. He would lay himself at her mercy on the impossible chance that she might reciprocate. Even if she hated him, he would regret it for the rest of his life if he didn't tell her. He'd died once without being able to tell her how he felt, and he didn't want to make that mistake again. She had to have been hurting, she left in a most uncharacteristic manner and spoke to none of her friends or family for the last six months; save for Serah last night. More than Serah, more than Hope, more than NORA... Lightning was his primary concern. He had to find her and bring her home or continue to be a slave to her memory.

* * *

She awoke late in the morning to her empty life, room spinning and guts churning. It was more than tempting to dive back into that bottle to relieve some of the more unpleasant effects of rediscovered sobriety, but she resisted. She suspected it was the first of many battles to come and instead of giving in, she picked up the phone and dialed a familiar number. At the end of the line she was greeted by her old friend and former boss.

"Hello, Sir. It's Lightning -" she started.

"...Farron. Well, I'll be damned. I wondered when I might hear from you again!" said Amodar, chuckling. She could hear the smile on his face. His expressions were always contagious even over the line, and she found herself smiling slightly. "Well, what can I do for you, Farron?"

"Uh, well, I was wondering if you had an empty place on your roster for me..." she trailed off, feeling a bit awkward, wondering if he remembered what he said to her the last time she'd seen him.

"Well, shoot. I don't actually have a squad anymore." he said, sounding a bit regretful. "They gave me a position on Pulse; overseeing some Corps bases here. Made me a Colonel and gave me a nice air conditioned office."

"Oh! That's great, Sir. Congratulations." she meant it. Amodar was a good officer, but what made him truly stand out was the fair and equal treatment he offered to all his subordinates. He was easily _the_ most liked superiour in the Corps. Even outside his official behaviour, he was reliable and approachable; an all 'round good guy. She was very happy for him, but honestly she wondered where that might leave her. Not wanting to go back to the grunt work she was doing before the Purge, she had hoped he would be willing to help her train for something a little higher up.

"So, you want to come back to work, Farron?"

"Actually, yes. I do, Sir."

"Hmm. I might have something for my favourite _former_ officer." she could hear that grin on his face again. "Get your ass on the next transport from Palompolum to Gran Pulse and come to my office. You can't miss it, it's right next to the station; big building. Tomorrow morning by oh-nine-hundred."

"Yes Sir! I'll be there, Sir. Thank you, Sir." she said, an excited chord in her voice.

"Alright, Farron." he guffawed. "Oh. And one more thing..."

"Sir?" she queried, her breath catching in her throat.

"Bring my hog back with you?"

She blushed. "Yes, Sir. No problem."

* * *

She had a long way to drive, so she donned her leather trousers and jacket. All she had left to do was gather her meagre things, stop by the chemist for a bottle of headache medicine, and check out. Her body was sore from the dangerous, albeit enlightening, encounter last night but she pushed it to the back of her mind. Too many other things to think about, and that wasn't a pressing one at the moment. Examining her appearance in the mirror over the sink, her attention was drawn to her quivering hands. She had managed to fix her disjointed finger and her ring finger together for support with medical tape, though it would hamper her driving. Her mane of hair was wild from falling asleep with it wet. Turning on the tap and running a wet hand through some of the more stubborn areas, she watched the dark strands fall through her pale fingers. She'd bought a package of permanent black hair dye from the chemist and with hardly a second thought became committed, practically up to her elbows in the thick stuff. She had decided _this_ would be her symbol of change; since she was at a new crossroads. The striking black tresses made her _look_ bold and exotic; even to herself. While smoothing the hair to one side in her regular style, she stopped. _Why stop at the colour?_ Messing up the style with a head shake and a flip, she regarded herself again and nodded, the strands strewn messily over both shoulders a few shorter pieces in her eyes. This was what she felt was needed; change. Boldness and a little courage – from wherever she could manage to dig it up.

Resting a hand on her arm she regarded the tied black band. His scent had faded a long time ago, but every time she took it off she would raise it to her nose anyway. Now the only thing she could smell were the winds of change. Unbuckling her leg pouch, she stuck her hand inside and fished out the small album she'd taken from her room back in Bodhum. On each page was a different picture of her and Serah, she was always smiling and Lightning always frowning. She hoped that, in spite of everything, Serah was still smiling. Maybe one day she'd learn to stop frowning so much and could start smiling too. Turning one more page, she slid the averia out from between them and into her palm. It had dried out a little more than last time she'd looked at it, probably months ago, but it was still as vibrantly coloured as when it had been freshly plucked. Maybe one day she could even smile when she thought about _him_. At least now she had hope, and with a little help from Amodar, maybe a future.

Closing the little book, she stuffed it back in her pouch and, begrudgingly satisfied with her appearance, slung her bag over her shoulder. Taking her helmet with her good hand and room key in the other, she left the room.

* * *

He'd heard that Nautilus had taken some damage, but he didn't realize just how much. From the most updated city information that he had, it indicated that there were very few businesses actually up and running within the vacation quarter. It also had one of the few remaining hotels in town, so he'd start there. The strip the hotel was on was almost completely deserted. Most of the populace had abandoned Nautilus in favour of the new settlements that were springing up everyday on Gran Pulse. He'd given moving to Pulse a thought a couple times in the last few months, but decided that keeping his promise to Lightning was much more important. Then NORA's contracts had really taken off and he'd put his ineffective love life on the back burner, preferring to live inside his head with the memory of the captivating soldier who had wriggled out of his grasp.

Pulling into the small lot beside the weathered hotel, he parked and got out of his equally weathered vehicle. The door protested as he hip checked it to get the latch closed. Hope had been teasing him about the rusted out vehicle he now used as his makeshift office, and he had been meaning to buy something new, he just hadn't gotten around to it yet. Random papers and invoices were strewn about the back seat, empty coffee cups and lidless bottles provided some splashes of colour to the chaotic decor. The trunk was a portable closet; some shirts, pants and most importantly, underwear were stashed there.

When he had Serah call to get his effects back from the hospital, they claimed that they didn't have anything under his name, and when Serah had started working there, she found the hospital hadn't been lying. It was like Snow never died. It was all very strange. Either way, he hadn't found a replacement for his favourite tattered trench coat, due to its sentimental value, so his friends chipped in to buy him a sleek grey leather bomber. He accepted the gift graciously even if it didn't entirely thrill him. Everyone teased him that one day he might have to wear a suit when NORA got too big for him to manage by himself. He laughed and waved his hand assuring everyone that it would be a boring life if he ever had to wear a suit. He added that if he ever was forced to, he'd even wear it in the field. That elicited quite a few chuckles from the group of friends.

"Snow hunting behemoths in a suit and tie like a Turk or something? I'd _pay_ to see that!" Lebreau had giggled suggestively, comparing her boss to the popular TV show characters, much to Snow's embarrassment.

They'd all been out at the Seaside Shack drinking that night, celebrating Snow's return. After Snow was sufficiently lubricated, Serah and Maqui had disappeared, but he pretended not to notice. They'd rejoined the party later on with Serah collecting her drunken fiancee and taking him back to her place to put him to bed. He pretended to be passed out as Serah sat with his large head in her lap, stroking his hair. At one point he thought he heard her sobbing quietly, so he smacked his lips and rolled over to nuzzle his face into her belly, still feigning sleep. She giggled softly, the cute sound making him smile against the fabric of her shirt. He still felt so tenderly towards her, and he knew she didn't want to hurt him, because he didn't want to hurt her either, but they both knew neither one wanted to marry the other. They were better off as friends.

He smiled at the memory, and looked around the parking lot. It was almost completely empty except for a sleek black motorcycle across the way. He whistled admiringly. _Maybe I should get me one of those babies. _It looked like whoever owned it took very good care of it; the afternoon sun glared off the chrome, the paint was unblemished and polished. It actually looked sort of familiar, but he couldn't place it. He'd get a better look at it after he checked out the hotel. There was no time to be drooling over a piece of machinery no matter how spectacular it was.

Making his way to the front door, he took a deep breath before pulling it open. As he entered the run down lobby, he noticed the unmanned desk and approached it, resting his forearm on top.

"Hello?" he called.

A tall, shapely redhead came out from the back room and smiled amiably. "Good afternoon, Handsome. Do you need a room for the night?"

_Handsome, eh? People in Nautilus are sure as friendly as ever. _He remembered a wild road trip he took with Gadot here when they were teenagers. They had snuck out of the orphanage one night and didn't return for almost 3 days. It was not a good scene when they arrived back in Bodhum, delivered to the orphanage by police escort. He and Gadot were punished with extra chores for three months, but he'd never forget those three days. _Good times._ He returned her smile and shook his head. "I'm actually looking for someone..."

She raised an eyebrow at him; the smile on her lips twisting at bit. "Looking for someone? Are you looking for someone specific... or... will just anyone do?" She leaned over the desk slightly, pressing her ample bosom against the counter, creating some tantalizing cleavage.

Snow stammered slightly, taken aback by her offer of 'assistance'. He diverted his eyes from her little show. "Uh... I think you misunderstand. I'm actually looking for a woman."

Her eyebrow raised again and she reached out to trace her manicured down his turned away chin, pulling his eyes back to look at her. "A woman? Well, that's what I am, sweetie. I can be any woman you want me to be..." she purred.

He stepped back and swallowed stiffly. "I.. think we've got this all wrong. I'm actually looking for a woman that might have stayed here in the last few days. Her name is Lightning Farron. She might go by Claire as well."

The forward concierge answered immediately, a bored look crossing her features. "Doesn't ring a bell." She pulled an emery board out from under the desk and started filing her nails, ignoring his presence.

"It's very important that I find her. Do you keep records of your guests?" he asked, probing for the information. He couldn't let it slip through his fingers; not when he felt he was so close.

"Sure we do. Legally we have to. Not everyone uses their real names though, and even if I did want to let you see the registry, I couldn't." she looked at him from the corner of her eye, suggestively raising that eyebrow again. "It's confidential." she informed him, looking back at her nails.

"Hmm." he said out loud, reaching into his back pocket for his wallet. "And how much is 'confidentiality' worth these days?" He saw her eye his wallet like a hungry cat would eye a bowl of milk as she put down her nail file and faced him again. He reached inside, pulled out a 500 gil note and placed it on the counter by her fingertips.

She looked at the note then back at him, that playful smile on her lips once again. "Your girl might have been through here, but I see so many people..." she sighed, feigning deep thought, looking at him again from the side of her eyes. "What does this _Claire_ look like?"

"If you saw her, you'd know. She's tall and beautiful, blue eyes, pink hair." She shook her head slightly, lips pursed. He took out an identical bill and laid it on the other. "Will this help you remember?"

"Oh... I think it's coming back to me now." She took Snow's money with a triumphant grin and folded it, making it disappear into that plump cleavage of hers. Reaching under the counter, she pulled out a thick, heavy book. With a thump, she put the neatly bound volume on the counter and opened it, turning page after page. "Ah, here it is." She turned the book around so Snow could read the entry and tapped at a name written neatly on the line. "See? People don't use their real names around here. Good thing you told me what your beauty looks like or else I might have never remembered her."

He looked at the entry indicated and almost choked. _L. Villiers_. As far as he knew, Villiers was a pretty uncommon name around Cocoon. He'd been all over the place and never run into his name anywhere else. "You're sure this is it?" he asked somewhat unbelievably._ Of course she's sure._ But why was Lightning signing his name in a hotel registry?

"Leggy, blue eyes, pink hair... gorgeous. Yeah, that's her. Didn't say much, but she spent a lot of time at the bar a couple blocks down."

"Is she still here?" The intonation of his voice rose as his heart thumped in his chest.

"Nope, checked out an hour ago."

_Ah hell._ "Did she say where she was going?"

"Nope." she said simply, returning to her nail filing.

"Well, did you see which way she went?" he tried again.

"Nope."

With slumped shoulders he sighed, disheartened. _Dead end._ Very little could bring Snow down, but this was one instance where he felt lower than low; hope beyond his reach. "Thanks..." Assuming the conversation was over, he turned around and headed for the door.

He heard the redhead's voice from behind him as he walked away; feeling her stare. "I would have told you for a kiss." She said, her voice sultry.

He stopped to turn back to the busty woman, his features unreadable. "I would have paid five thousand." And with that he left the hotel.

Crossing the parking lot outside the door, he headed for the alehouse.

The afternoon sun was stifling, and he didn't realize until now how hot it really was and how it seemed to take forever to cover the couple blocks to the establishment noted by the rather forward innkeeper. The vibrant blond strands over his forehead were damp with sweat as he tried to sweep them out of his eyes. He no longer wore the bandana over his thick mass of hair; it reminded him of Lightning and how she liked to rob him of it. He had been excited when he'd arrived and he almost floated into the hotel, not even noticing anything beyond his own interest; his own desires for reunion. Now faced with the realization that he had figuratively passed Lightning in the parking lot and she was already gone, the hope he'd had all morning staved off the old ache in his heart, but now it returned with a vengeance. To say he was disappointed was an understatement.

The pub was easy to find, it was one of the only ones open, non-boarded up buildings along the street. Putting his hand on the metal door plate, he pushed it open with ease. The room was very dark, beams of dusty light peeking through the shade-drawn windows. He walked in slowly, waiting for his eyes to adjust. Tall wooden stools lined the outside of the darkly stained bar, and he sat on one, waiting for the bartender to give notice. The bald male nodded to him.

"What can I get ya, bub?"

"Nothing, thanks. I'm just here to ask if you've seen this girl." Snow reached inside his coat pocket and pulled out the envelope with Lightning's picture inside. Displaying the picture to the man, he took it from the blond and nodded again.

"Yeah, she's been in here a couple times. Pretty. Likes whiskey. Not overly friendly though." He passed the picture back to Snow, turning it around and sliding it across the bar.

_Whiskey? I had no idea she even drank. _"When was the last time you saw her? Do you know where she went?" He put his fingertips on the white border around the picture.

"She left here last night with quite a few under her belt is all I can tell ya. And as I said, she wasn't very friendly. Kinda looked like she was missing something... or some_one._" he eyed Snow.

"She wasn't _missin'_ anyone last night." came a voice from across the bar. Both men turned towards the owner of the intrusive voice chuckled, his expression smug. Snow knew right away he wanted to wipe that grin off his face... "That hellcat was with _me_ last night."

"_You?" _asked Snow skeptically, raising an eyebrow. The man that spoke looked roughed up. His face was swollen, bandages stuck haphazardly here and there. It was hard to tell what he looked like under all that, but from the way he spoke, he wasn't exactly Lightning's type. But then again, what did he know about her type? Just because he _wanted_ to be her type; just because she had kissed him a few times...

"Yeah. _Me_. Gotta problem with that?" the man stood up, favouring his right side a little.

Snow matched the man's actions, and started to approach him, rolling up the sleeves of his button down shirt. The man who spoke out of turn with the interesting claim was much shorter than he, but then again, most people were. The bald man watched them cautiously. He clenched his fists at his side grinning tightly. "Did she rearrange your face for you while you were _with_ her?"

"She liked it rough. What can I say?" the guy started, watching Snow draw nearer. Snow's proximity only made him bolder. "She was a good fuck, she scratched the hell outta my back."

A cruel mental image flashed itself in Snow's mind; this wreaked looking drunkard sweating and grinning atop the woman he loved. He growled lowly, now close enough to reach out and grab the jerk by the scruff of the neck. "You probably should stop saying _anything,_ before you get me really pissed." he threatened. "I can see a few places that aren't bruised yet."

"Heh. Did I touch a nerve, _hero_?" taunted the shorter man grinning that same pompous grin again. Snow definitely wanted to wipe it off his face. Actually, he wanted to rip the guy's battered head clean off. He had no proof that the man was actually telling the truth, but to say such things about her was unforgivable. As Snow tried to contain his rage, the scoundrel raised his visibly calloused fingers to his nose and inhaled deeply, licking his lips. "Mmm I can still _smell_ her."

The giant of a man snapped, snarling as he forced the smaller man back a few paces. He pressed him easily up against the wall, forearm across his throat, feet off the ground. Someone obviously had a death wish; and from the looks of his worked over face, Snow wasn't the only one willing to carry out such a request. "She wouldn't have willingly had anything to do with scum like you." he said with a confidence he didn't possess. She had been passionate during the encounters they had together, one could even accuse her of being rough, but it was ludicrous to think that she willingly... _Surely_ she wouldn't have had given herself to this piece of trash; but he was sure that she didn't drink either; nor did she run away from her problems. Now he wondered what was true and what wasn't. What had she been doing these last few months? _Could she have fallen so far...?_ He squashed the line of thought, bringing his attention back to the man in question as he started to sputter and choke under Snow's forearm crushing his trachea.

_He's not worth it._ Said a familiarly accented voice in his head, calming his rage enough for him to start thinking straight again.

"If I ever see you again, I won't be so nice." Snow warned, releasing the man to the floor. "But this time it seems someone already taught you the lesson I wanted to teach you." He turned on his heel and nodded to the bartender, snatching the picture of Lightning from it's resting place on the bar and quickly made his exit. His heart thumped unevenly against his ribcage, rage controlled but still bubbling under the surface.

The blocks went by now without his notice, and rounding the corner to the small parking lot, he stopped, staring at rough red brick. He held Lightning's picture against the wall and closed his eyes, resting his forehead against it's cool shade. A new wave of anger flushed his cheeks as he drew his fist back to pummel the unfeeling bricks, crushing them until red anguish dripped from his knuckles. Raising his eyes again to the familiar picture, held above his head like an idol; his only tangible reminder of her beauty, he let tears slide down his face. He stood there in the shade, bawling, not caring if anyone witnessed it or not, until his breathing returned to normal and the tears subsided. He wanted to find her. He wanted to bring her home with him and make her his. He wanted this torture to end, but it would only end if he could make good on his promise.

As he pulled away from the hotel, returning empty handed to Bodhum, he noted the absence of the sleek, black motorcycle; but he couldn't have known at the time that he'd see it again, though not for many years...


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: Thank you for all your reviews and your continued support of my story! I'm sorry for the long delays in between chapters lately. And now... the next installation of Misdirection._

* * *

Snow had time to calm down on his trip back to Bodhum. Going back empty-handed was not what he planned for. He never expected Lightning to be gone when he got there. Now Serah and Hope would be crushed that he didn't bring her home. What would he say to them?

Thinking about all the things he had to say to her and all the kisses he wanted to smother her with floated around in his head, and he gripped the steering wheel; knuckles white. He couldn't keep his feelings from boiling over when he was alone, flying down the roadway. He shook his head and pushed on the brake pedal, pulling onto the shoulder of the road and stopping with a jerk.

He brought his bruised fist down hard on the dashboard. "Why are you running?" he shouted in frustration, to the empty space beside him. Maybe if he thought about the sequence of events that lead up to Lightning's disappearance he'd find some clue as to why she was gone.

_Ok, so there was the time at the waterfall, when we fell in the hole, the fal'Cie when I "died"... I woke up and saw Serah with Maqui and found out Lightning was gone..._

He played the events over and over; sure that Serah hadn't left out any details, closing his eyes.

_Serah said NORA found us and brought us back to Bodhum, and they took me to the hospital. She said that they had a vigil and a gathering, and that Lightning had left before that happened... and then I woke up almost a month later._

He drummed his fingers manically on the steering wheel as he thought._ Think, man!_

_Lightning left before... the vigil..._ his eyes snapped open.

"She doesn't know I'm alive... she couldn't have. I didn't wake up until after she left!" he said aloud, once again to no one. _But..._ he looked thoughtfully down at his hand on the wheel, asking himself the question again. _Why leave?_

"Maybe she _missed_ me." he whispered and closed his eyes again, his chest tight with compassionate realization. There was no other explanation; if she hadn't cared she would have stayed. Why leave her home, and leave Serah, if she was fine? Why not just move on... unless she couldn't. Maybe that's why she started drinking too. Or... maybe he was just flattering himself.

Until he could ask Lightning in person, he decided to keep his theories to himself and would try to not dwell on them. But Light _did _have feelings. He knew she was complicated, but he just now came to the realization that her feelings included him, and it made a lump rise in his throat. Even so, he had no way to get in touch with her and he could only assume that another phone call from her may never come; but he would wait for one. He would bide his time with Serah and Hope and whatever was to come in the future until the day he got that phone call and then his whole life would change.

* * *

The sky was inky when Snow's heavy boots clomped up the narrow walkway. Taking a breath, he put his hand on the knob and started in the house. "I'm back!" His keys clattered as they met the side table where he'd found Lightning's picture that morning. Poking his head into the kitchen, he didn't see anyone, so he went out back to check the deck. Through the patio door he could see Serah and Hope sitting outside playing cards. He took another deep breath.

"Snow! You're back! Where's Light?" asked Hope excitedly, tossing his card hand down on the table standing to face the older man as he emerged onto the deck. Snow, although, didn't have a smile to offer.

He shook his head. "I just missed her. The hotel said she checked out an hour before I got there. I'm sorry, guys." He leaned back against the wall, running a hand through his messy locks and over his face.

"Oh..." said Hope, staring blankly at him. He also saw Serah looking at him from the corner of his eye, yet he couldn't meet either of their gazes. Feeling guilt rise, Snow shifted uncomfortably under their scrutiny.

"Hey, Hope... Can you excuse us? I would like to talk to Snow alone." said Serah, starting to collect the discarded playing cards on the table.

"Uh... Yeah. Sure." he said awkwardly, looking at Snow almost as if to ask if it was ok to leave them alone. Hope and Snow had grown close in the last few weeks. They spent the last few weekends together bonding over monster's corpses, and Hope was starting to develop into quite the young man with the help and guidance of Snow's friendship. Their relationship had been very easy since he returned to Bodhum and Snow was quick to love Hope like the little brother he had always wanted. On more than one occasion, Hope had demonstrated his astute perception and had alluded to knowing that Serah wasn't being entirely faithful to Snow, but he didn't want to get into it, so he played dumb. Hope dropped the issue and never addressed it again, but seemed to become more protective of the protector.

Snow nodded and smiled slightly, ruffling his hair familiarly with a large hand and Hope went inside without another word.

The patio door closed with a whisper and Serah motioned for Snow to sit in Hope's vacant seat. She tapped the deck of cards on the table to even them out, and tucked them back into their box.

"I don't know how to say this, so I guess I'll just say it." she looked at him and shrugged slightly.

Snow's eyebrows furrowed a bit at her forthcoming straightforwardness. He wasn't sure how much more he could take today. "Okay..."

"I'm leaving." she said clearly but failed to meet Snow's gaze. "I'm going to the university in Eden. The new semester starts at the end of the week."

"So soon?" Snow gaped.

"Yeah. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I didn't want you to try and talk me out of it." Her voice dropped off to a whisper. "I knew that you wouldn't come with me."

"You could have at least asked me!" He snapped at her without thinking. The fact that she had made a decision like that stung him. He thought he was at least worth keeping in the loop.

Serah's face turned very serious as she turned in her seat to look at him. "Snow. Would you leave Bodhum, and NORA and Hope to come to Eden and be with me while I go to school?"

_Leave Bodhum and NORA and Hope..._ He saw her point and immediately felt like a jackass."I can't."

"I know." Her smile was sincerely sad, but she still played the part. He could never leave his work here in Bodhum with NORA. They were really starting to make things work; the new dangers feeding their desire to protect the people and the places that they loved. Hope was finally starting to settle in and things were going well for him. She stood awkwardly looking at Snow expectantly for a few moments when his rich timbre continued.

"But what about _us?_" he asked, his features soft. He knew where this was going; she was dumping him.

"I think it's best that we just stay friends. I worry about you so much when you go off to take care of a contract." This time when she spoke she sounded the most confident she had in the last few months.

Before he knew what he was saying, he reminded her that the trip to Eden was a short one, and that he could come all the time to visit and that they wouldn't have to break up. It all seemed to tumble out in desperation. Even though their relationship had naturally degraded, he still felt like a failure and it was hard to let things slip away. He remembered a time when Serah was all that mattered to him; a time when things were so simple and unambiguous. It had been fun while it lasted. And even though Snow had been ignorant as to what real passion was, he could never go back. How could you miss something you never had? The real pain came from knowing he had had it and let it slip through his fingers.

She smiled, coming to stand in front of his seated figure. He watched her face as she caressed his cheek with her doll-like hand. "Snow, I'll always love you." She started. "I'll always remember how you came for me. You will always have a very special place in my heart. I can't stand in the way of your work with NORA any more than you can stand in the way of my going to school. I want to make something of myself and help this new world Vanille and Fang gave us." She pressed her forehead to his. "I love you, but I can't sit at home and wonder if you'll come back to me alive. I went through your death once already. I don't think I could live through it again." He closed his eyes, putting his hands around the backs of her knees.

He nodded slightly, standing up to wrap his thick arms around her small frame in a big bear hug. She squeaked cutely as he squeezed her, her feet off the ground. He chuckled at the noise. "I'm gonna miss you."

"I don't think you'll have time to miss me." He put her down, and kissed her cheek sweetly. "I'll need someone to watch the house for me while I'm away. I would appreciate it if you and Hope would stay on here and take care of the place."

"Of course. Hope and I will be fine here. I'll keep an eye on him." Snow could hardly believe this was happening, and happening so soon. He knew one day they would come to part ways, but he didn't expect it now.

"There's one other thing I want to do before I leave. One other person who might know where Lightning is. I wanted to see if I can track down her old commanding officer, Amoda."

* * *

"Well, kiddo. I guess it's just you and me now." said Snow, coming into Hope's room through the open door. It really didn't look like the room of a fifteen year old. It was clean and tidy; nothing on the floor that shouldn't be and everything in its place. Serah had never gotten on Hope to clean his room or anything, so Snow guessed the kid had always been that way. Snow couldn't even keep his room clean now, and _he_ was twenty-one.

Hope looked up from his book, curiosity getting the better of him. "What do you mean?"

"Serah just told me that she's leaving for school in Eden..." Snow sat down on the made bed at the end of Hope's outstretched legs. "... the day after tomorrow."

"Wow. So soon. Is she going to be _living_ there too?" asked Hope, his voice holding a note of excitement. If Snow didn't know that Hope had caught onto Serah's little secret, he would have never known how much the teenager resented Serah. Although, Serah wasn't the only one that deserved Hope's resentment. He was sure that if the kid ever found out about him and Lightning he'd be crushed, especially since Snow was completely aware of their similar feelings for the fair soldier.

On this occasion, Hope looked like the cat that swallowed the canary because he could always get away with more with Snow than Serah. Snow sighed slightly. Though he couldn't entirely blame the kid for being excited about the lack of Serah's motherly presence. Hope was still a kid and had a long way to go when it came to tact. He still had that biting honesty of a child; a kid who spoke the truth no matter how much it hurt. To his credit though, Hope always spoke from the heart, whether he was using words to get his point across or not.

"Oh." Hope looked down at his hands. "Sorry. That was pretty insensitive..."

"Naw, it's ok, kid." Snow stared at the clean beige wall. "Serah will be much happier away from me. I don't think we would have gotten married in the end anyway..." he said quietly, and mostly to himself.

"What about us? Will we get to stay here? Or do I have to go back home...?"

"Actually, she's putting the house up for sale. I'm moving in with Gadot and you're moving in with Yuj and Maqui." said Snow, trying to be as serious sounding as possible. He knew Hope didn't get on well with those two.

"No way!" Hope said, giving Snow the rise he was hoping for. "I can't stand those guys! They're so immature! And have you seen their place? It's a pig sty!"

Snow couldn't hold back the laughter anymore and started chuckling.

"I'd rather live with Lebr – hey! What are you laughing about?" Hope demanded, crawling to his knees on the bed, punching Snow in the arm.

"Oh ho ho! Lebreau, hey? Maybe you have a little crush on her...? You'd probably love to move in with her! Maybe catch her getting out of the shower. Hmm?" he said teasingly, watching Hope's face redden as he received the little fists in his arm over and over. Still laughing maniacally, Snow dodged his playful lunge, wrapping an arm around Hope's throat, turning him around, rubbing his knuckles ruthlessly over the young man's scalp.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ok! I give up!" gasped Hope between gulps of air and fits of laughter. Snow let him go and they both went sprawling on the bed, panting and guffawing. As their breathing slowed, Hope threw out one last cheap shot to Snow's abdomen, making the blond cough and bend in surprise.

"Oh! That's _it!_" Snow declared with a grin, getting on his knees to loom over the scrawny boy with his mitts spread open, ready to tickle.

Hope's eyes widened. "Noooo!" he backpedalled, squirming on the bed, hands held out in front of him defensively. "Peace! Peace! I promise I'll stop!"

Snow flashed his signature grin. "Ha! I won!" He flopped down across the bed, lacing his hands behind his head. Soon the ticking of the clock on the wall over Hope's bed filled the room.

"Hey Snow?"

"Hey Hope...?" Snow looked over at him for a moment.

"Don't take this the wrong way, 'kay?" Hope said quietly.

_Ah hell. What now?_ Thought Snow grimly, waiting for the kid to continue.

"I..." The corners of Hope's mouth were downturned with an enduring sorrow. "I miss Light."

Snow rolled his head away to look at the ceiling. "I know. Me too."

* * *

It was clear that Amodar hadn't been aware of all that had happened to Lightning after she'd become a l'Cie. All he knew about the situation was what he heard reported on various newscasts from around Cocoon, and what the Corps fed him; which was nothing but propaganda. She'd filled him in with just the most crucial details in order to provide a skeleton for her quasi-report. He didn't need to know that she was heartbroken over the death of her sister's fiancee who she fell in love with and had just spent the last six months spending an exorbitant amount of money destroying her liver in order to forget him. No, he didn't need to know that.

He sat and listened intently to her story, as clinical as it was, his eyes absently taking in her changed features. When she was done, he clucked his tongue and regarded her for a few moments. She was never one to divulge too much information, but she was sure that she was wearing her emotions on her sleeve. She hoped he couldn't see how fragile she felt, even now, and realized that she needed practice now to restore her calm countenance. With alcohol coursing through her veins, it seemed easier to hide the things she didn't want people to see... or maybe she just didn't care when she was drunk. Amodar could always see through her anyway, and she did entertain the thought for a split second of spilling her guts to him, but she thought better of it. Even though he had always been friendly and unassuming with her, he was her boss. She didn't feel like sharing and answering all of the eventual questions he'd have for her.

"Well, what I have for you isn't very glamourous, but it's a start back. If you want it." he shrugged slightly.

"Sir?" she asked, cocking an eyebrow curiously.

He rose from his seat behind the desk and faced the wall of windows that overlooked various construction sites inside the new settlement. "I need someone to do some research. The post I'm offering you involves taking geological samples and recording weather data. You'll live by yourself on a small compound accessible only by air with supplies delivered to you monthly and travel by all terrain vehicle from site to site collecting data and samples. The areas are remote and you'll always have to be on the lookout for dangerous wildlife, but from what you've told me, you already know that." He turned around and eyed her knowingly. "It's a lonely life, but it suits some, and it's a good place to sort out one's thoughts."

As usual, he was right. She needed time to sort things out now that she was moving towards a more stable mindset, and this was a good opportunity. "I think it'll be good for me. I need some time to... readjust."

He grinned and nodded, gathering some papers in his hands. "Great! I'll just get you to fill these out, and you'll be on a transport tomorrow. Your predecessor will be there to show you the ropes for a few days, then she'll be reassigned to another compound." He offered Lightning a pen, motioning for her to sit.

Taking it in hand, she hovered over the blank for her name. She needed time alone, away from people. Serah would come looking for her; maybe tomorrow, maybe next week, maybe next year; eventually. Maybe she should safeguard against that for now. After all, she wasn't able to say anything to Serah over the phone, but Serah had known it was her. That would have to be good enough for now. How could she face her devastated sister when she was just as devastated over his passing? What could she say to Serah to make her feel better when she herself was crumbling inside? The last time she'd seen Serah, she'd been a pillar of strength – at least in public and Lightning felt like the teary widow. _Tch._ No, the next time she talked to her sibling, she'd be fully prepared; her facade repaired and even better than before.

Quickly scribbling a name into the blank, she filled out the rest of the paperwork and handed it to Amodar, who was sitting back at his desk, sipping a cup of coffee.

Looking it over, his eyes moved to meet hers curiously. "Are you sure you want to do this, Farron?"

"Quite sure, Sir." It was time. She had no intention of ever being Lightning Farron ever again. She needed to leave things behind now. Especially since he was dead. She needed a fresh start. Deciding to change her appearance was symbolic. A way to reinvent; but also, a way to escape. Now she would cement the change and complete the transformation as she had in the past; with a new name.

He regarded her for a long time. Her face was deadly serious, he didn't need to ask twice. "I'll make the preparations. The transport leaves tomorrow morning. There's a couple of suites on the top floor. You can stay in one of those for the night. I'll have my assistant take you up and bring you whatever you want for dinner and whatever else you need for the time being. Just let him know."

Lightning rose from her chair, as did he. He walked her to the door and as he opened it, she turned to him and extended her hand for a friendly handshake. He guffawed and bypassed her hand, pulling her into a familiar hug. "Welcome back." She felt herself stiffen, but smiled slightly in spite of herself.

"Thank you, Sir."

* * *

"What can I get you for lunch Miss Farron?" asked Amodar's assistant, G. He was a tall, fit and trim looking man, in his early thirties. He had a handsome shade of auburn hair, kept in a calculated mess on his head and piercing blue eyes. She felt a bit nervous being alone with him in a strange place; her heart thudding awkwardly against her breastbone. She knew Amodar wouldn't have sent her off with anyone questionable, and after all, G wasn't some predator in a bar. Still, she had a hard time looking him in the eye and it irritated her. Keeping her distance from him, she fidgeted as they conversed.

"Nothing. I'm okay." she said. Truthfully, she was so hungry she could eat a whole chocobo, but she didn't want to be a bother. But then her stomach gave her away, emitting an embarrassing protest. _Dammit!_ She shifted her eyes away from him, feeling heat rise in her cheeks.

He looked at her, eyebrows raised. "I told the Colonel that you'd be well taken care of. Please let me do my job." He smiled at her kindly; disarmingly. It was almost like he didn't want to spook her. "What would you prefer for lunch?"

"Something light maybe." she half muttered, clasping her shaky hands behind her back. She'd had tremors all morning, and more than food, she wanted booze. Alcohol would make the tremors stop, even if her stomach still churned, but she had to resist; remind herself that wasn't the life she wanted anymore.

"Alright. I'll see what I can do. Please -" he motioned to the interior of the large suite. "Make yourself at home. If you need anything, don't hesitate call me."

She nodded mutely, and G left the room; his strides purposeful.

Once the door closed behind her she sighed, her anxiety no longer spiking. Making a bee-line for the bed, she sat carefully on the edge. She couldn't just sit on the corner. The softness of the bed drew her in so that the edge was flush with her bent knees, feet dangling. The wine coloured comforter she sat on of must have had feathers in it; when she pushed it flat against the mattress with her hand, its outline remained. She smoothed it back out and looked around her.

The room was huge. In the main area there was the four post bed where she sat, and a long couch and recliner facing a large television screen mounted on the wall. Further into the room there was an oval table with four chairs; a huge vase of fresh flowers sat in the middle. She recognized a few of the flowers from her travels on Pulse, but most of the mix was totally foreign to her. Their perfume was delicate though, and she was glad. Anything heavier and she'd have thrown them out the window to save herself from succumbing to the nausea that was rotting her stomach. Heavy curtains that lined the walls were pulled aside to let natural light in. The slight tint of the windows dimmed the strong rays of sunlight.

She stood up from the blissfully soft bed before she was tempted to lay down and fall asleep, dragging her discarded bag towards what had to be the bathroom.

The doors to the bathroom were sliding shoji screens and as she pulled one open, the elegant bathroom was revealed to her. The cooled tile felt good on her sore feet as she entered. In the middle of the room was a large angular stand up shower enclosed with spotless glass walls running all the way up to the ceiling. At the front of the shower there was an open sliding door. A large vanity with an equally large mirror was on one side of the wall, and on the other there were dark stained wooden cabinets stocked with fluffy white towels. Tucked into the far corner of the room was a large jetted tub. The last time she had wanted to take a bath, she'd been rather unsuccessful. She'd have to try out _this_ tub tonight. On one side of the vanity was a sit down toilet, and on the other side was an elegant looking urinal. The only urinals she remembered seeing were the ones in the shower rooms at the Bodhum regiment, and those had been well-used and disgusting. Like everything else in the room, the toilet facilities were perfectly sanitary. The same tinted windows with the same heavy curtains were in the bathroom, running the length of the walls. She went to the windows and looked out over the ever expanding city. From the 20th floor she had a good view, but no one from down there had a good view of her.

The whole room was impressive, and she wondered what exactly Amodar was in charge of if they provided his guests with accommodations as lavish as this.

"Miss Farron?" called G from the front room. She left the view in the bathroom to meet the assistant. He glanced at her with a smile. "Do you like the room?" he asked.

"Yes." she said, that uneasy feeling creeping back into her chest.

"Your food should be here any minute now..." G glanced at his watch. As if on queue, there came a rap at the door. "Ah. There it is. I didn't know what you'd like, so I ordered a little of this and a little of that. Make sure you try the apples." he smiled, walking to the door. He opened it, conversed briefly with the steward and brought the cart into the room himself. Lightning watched him. Every movement was fluid and smooth, like the lines of his body. He took each covered silver tray and placed it on the oval table. There were six altogether, but he left them covered. His hands were polished, not the hands she would have expected from a soldier like herself, but by the way he handled himself she was sure he had been in the forces. She wondered where on Cocoon he was from and what side he'd been on during the Purge.

He wasn't anything like the rugged cavalier of her fantasies. His frame was tall and lithe, not sturdy and thick, handsome definitely, but not as handsome as... The man she wanted but would never have again. She found herself staring at the empty cart when the even voice spoke her name, pulling her away from her dark thoughts.

"Miss Farron?"

She blinked, looking at him, a tear dropping from her eyelashes. Her lashes fluttered, as she fought to look casual, hastily brushing any salty remnants away, sniffling once. "Hmm?"

"If you wish, I will take your clothes with me when I leave and have them cleaned." Lightning stood there and looked at him awkwardly, barely hearing what he said. He shifted his weight and motioned patiently towards the bathroom. "There are robes in the bathroom, I will return your clothing later on this evening."

"Of course. Just a moment." she picked up her heavy feet and trudged to the bathroom. Sleepiness swept over her and she wasn't sure how long it took to undress in the bathroom, but she was sure it was more time than Amodar's assistant had to be spending on her. Sliding her tired arms through the sleeves of the fluffy robe, she secured the belt around her waist, trading her clothing for the package of odds and ends in the duffel bag. Bag in arm she exited the bathroom and offered it to G. Her voice was weak when she started to apologize. "I'm sorry if I seem kind of -"

"No need to explain. You've been through a lot." He smiled at her again, relieving her of the weight. "Rest here tonight knowing you are safe. Enjoy the food, and once again, if you need anything please call me."

_Amodar sure can pick 'em_. She thought. The handsome man seemed to see right through her, just like Amodar did. She hadn't felt this vulnerable since that first night with Snow. She nodded slightly, and he bowed to her, finally taking his leave.

Turning her attention to the spread on the table, she started lifting lids.

* * *

She felt infinitely better after she'd finished eating. G hadn't been kidding when he said a little of this and a little of that. There had been fruits as well as some breakfast foods, eggs and meats and even some dry cereal with milk and orange juice. And those strange looking apples were divine. She'd only really picked at everything but it was more than she'd eaten in one sitting in the last six months. Afterwards she turned on the TV and found a music channel that played some nice soothing sort of ambient music, and headed for the bathroom to make use of that luxurious tub.

Lightning dropped the robe to the floor and submerged herself into the steaming bath. Untying the bandana from around her arm, she laid it gingerly on the edge of the tub. There were shallow seats around the perimetre, so she sat on one side with her long legs stretched across the length to rest on the other seat. Tipping her head back, she let the music that drifted in past the door her as she cleared her mind. Splashing some water over her throat with her hands, she let her fingers trail down her neck and over her collarbone. Licking her lips, she thought it would be nice to not have to be alone in such a spacious bath; her ideal company would make it not so... empty... at the very least.

The warm water felt akin to his gentle embrace as she sunk down farther and crossed her arms over her chest. Slowly she drew one arm away from her body, resting it outside the bath leaving one crossed arm to linger on her breast. Her skin tingled strangely under her palm, but, squeezing the soft mound gently made her lips part with a sigh. If Fang had not interrupted them when she did, Lightning would have given herself to Snow with nary a second thought. At that point, all the events leading to their final intimate moment should have culminated with a passionate flare. They both wanted it and it had been within their grasp, but what then? At least, with that threshold unbreached, they could keep the veil of denial between them and continue on. No, Fang had done them a favour... but how could Lightning have known what tragedy was to come? Now that she knew Snow's fate, she regretted not ignoring the calls from their Pulsian friend. They were l'Cie. Surely they could have gotten themselves out of that hole and at the very least they could have survived a few hours until someone came for them; but it hadn't happened that way. The cruel fates had seen fit to tease and test them and, in the end, when it mattered most, she failed. She never got to tell him how much she loved him and even if the words were difficult, there wasn't enough time for action.

And in these months after his death all she could do was pretend. Pretend he was touching her, recalling memories of him. Hanging on to the fleeting moments that they'd had, hoping that they would be enough to keep her for a lifetime.

Slipping the drying hand back under the water and down her belly, running over the expanse of her hip she caressed the skin of her thigh, breath starting to quicken. He had been attentive as far as she could remember through the fog of lust that he created within her. She'd always been trying to get closer to him and he would press himself against her, wanting the same. The way he steadied her body as she lost her mind, placing her trust within his arms again and again. No one had created stirrings of this nature within her; he'd awoken a part of her she didn't need or care about, but now she longed for his nurturing. If she was to have a life beyond constant sorrow, she had to learn to harmonize her memories and reality.

Touching her fingers to the plumped folds of skin between her legs, she jolted upright, splashing water on the floor, a sharp pain originating at the site of her touch. A lingering feeling of roughness and invasion made her knees bash together.

_No one is coming for you._

Clamping her eyes shut, a tear escaped, trailing down her cheek. She sat rigidly, too paralyzed to move, reliving the violation. She regretted not killing that scum after he had put his hands on her; _in _her. How could she have let him touch her there? Her arms were so heavy at her sides, her head ached. She remembered the feeling of his fingers leaving trails of shame in their wake. Maybe she just should have accepted the drink and been done with it. What could have been the harm in that? Why did she always have to be so proud and stubborn? More tears came as she quivered, water lapping at the sides of the tub.

Hadn't she been through enough pain?

Now she couldn't even soothe herself.

* * *

She could see Cocoon from the tinted window across from the bed where she lay, and as she thought about her family she drifted off to sleep. Dreams had eluded her over the last few months. She didn't remember a single dream and even though her sleep was dreamless, it was sound when she managed to get any. If she'd dreamed about him when she was awake _and_ asleep surely she would have drunk herself to death or at least gone mad. But this afternoon that found her safe and soundly asleep, was not bereft of dreams...

She woke in someone's arms. She could feel reassuring body heat under her and when she opened her eyes, she saw a shock of blond hair so familiar she reached out her hand to touch it. No sooner than her fingers brushed the coarse hair did he look down at her. She felt something wet drop on her cheek. An urgent blue gaze fell upon her as her heart swelled; her throat choked with emotion. She raised her hand to his handsome face, brushing the hair out of his eyes, trailing fingers down the scratchy scruff on his cheeks and chin. From behind his smiling visage light spilled over the top of his head illuminating his masculine features, providing shade over her own. She felt herself smile back at him, her throat dry; unable to find a voice to confess her love. He was just smiling at her with wet eyes, brows pushed together concerned, unblinking until he moved his face towards her and she felt his warm breath drift over her lips. She felt his warmth on her but she was unable to return his kiss. Her breath became tight in her chest and panic rose to the surface. The blond pulled back to look at her, mouthing words she couldn't hear; her own lips forming words that her throat could not voice. What was happening? He was cradling her in his arms, hands clutched at his shirt leaving trails of red in their wake. _Blood?_

Lightning awoke to the sound of her own screams as she lurched up from the comfort of the sunken mattress. Panting, she clutched at her throat and spoke his name. "Snow!" She looked around the room, familiarity soothing her panic. Spreading her hands out in front of her, she inspected them for blood. They were clean but they were shaking when she brought them to her temples, pressing her palms tightly against her head, her body rocking back and forth of it's own accord. A wave of nausea overtook her and she dashed for the bathroom, glad the shoji screen was already open. She knelt over the porcelain toilet, emptying the formerly tasty contents of her stomach into the bowl, cold water splashing back on her face. She wretched another three times before there was nothing left to bring up and felt for the wooden handle hanging from a chain by the tank. Pulling it, she sank to the blissfully cool tile as itdrained the heat from her feverish skin. She lay trembling on the floor for an uncertain few minutes as her stomach settled.

The dream puzzled and scared her but she figured it was purely symbolic; just like the one she'd had months ago that started her down this path. It made no sense at all and was probably the product of a guilty conscience. If she hadn't been wasting time by attempting to mask this pain and regret of hers, she might be on the road to recovery by now, but she very obviously was not. Cheek pressed against the floor, she ran her hand up the length of her arm, stopping to finger the softness of his memento wrapped about her bicep. Maybe she wasn't on the road yet, but she would be. His memory; his _sacrifice_ would drive her. No longer did she want to remember him with anguish, though too recently she had wallowed in it like some lovesick teenager. Missing him didn't comfort her but remembering did; or at least it would have if she could remember him without the pain of missing him. Right now she couldn't even imagine something like that could even be possible.

She needed exile. She needed solitude and silence, not just around her but within her as well. It couldn't possibly get any worse than this.

* * *

With most of the spotlight now off Bodhum, the need for anything more than the standard regiment was nil. As Snow promised, he went with Serah to the regiment headquarters to investigate Lightning's whereabouts. The ride over had been quiet, but strangely comfortable, Snow behind the wheel and Serah sitting in the passenger's seat. Getting out of the vehicle, they walked beside each other across the lot; Snow holding the door for Serah, admitting her into the building's cool air conditioning. He was actually grateful that she had broken things off, he felt some weight off his shoulders at the very least, now it hardly mattered that he was in love with her sister. Or, at least that's what he told himself.

"Good morning. Can I help you?" said a pretty young woman sitting behind the reception desk, looking up at Serah as she approached. The woman behind the desk had striking green eyes and long braided red-brown hair with a pink ribbon tied in the back. She looked exotic. Snow concluded that she wasn't from around here.

"Yes. Good morning. I'm looking for my sister. Her name is Lightning Farron. She was part of the Bodhum regiment before the Purge."

"Looking for her?" the girl tilted her head slightly.

"Yes, you see, she left town without telling anyone, and we haven't heard from her since. I would appreciate it if you could give me any information about her, or get someone to look into it for me." prompted Serah.

"I can tell you if she's currently employed by the corps. Personnel records are public record. Just give me a few moments, here..." she set into some rather rapid typing on the keyboard, stopping to read various bits of information. "Hmm, what did you say her name was?"

"Lightning Farron." said Serah. Snow watched the worry flicker over her face as she watched the receptionist's keystrokes.

"Hmm. I see her file, but it's old. She resigned over six months ago." she said finally.

_Before the Purge_. Thought Snow, taking a seat within earshot.

"Oh. I see. She actually worked under Lieutenant Amodar. Is there a way I can get in contact with him?"

"Let me check for you..." she set about to typing once again.

Serah looked at Snow and caught his attention with her long face. He shot her a brave smile.

"Ok. I have the number of his new office on Gran Pulse." She looked at her watch. "There's a two hour time difference. It's a little early there, so the office won't be open for another couple hours." Jotting a string of numbers down on the back of a business card, she offered it to Serah. "Is that all I can do for you today?"

"Yes. Thank you for all your help." Serah smiled automatically.

"You're very welcome. Good luck in finding your sister." The receptionist returned Serah's smile, and also had one for Snow as well as he stood, waiting to open the door for his petite ex-fiancee. He returned it and nodded thankfully.

* * *

Later on that morning, Snow sat out on the back deck of the Farron household alone with a sweaty amber bottle. Mulling over the events at the pub the previous afternoon in Nautilus, he wondered again what Lightning could have been thinking. If she did miss him he hoped to hell that she wouldn't have found solace in that undeserving man's arms. The only thing about his story that bothered Snow, besides the obvious, was that the guy was all messed up. Even the most violent sexual encounter wouldn't have left him like _that_...

"Hey Snow." Serah peeked her head out of the screen door. "I'm going to call now. Would you come sit with me?"

How could he refuse? But he was glad that Hope was at school already. The sadness in his voice last night sliced at Snow's already damaged heart. They all missed her. All for different reasons, but the end result was the same. And now he and Serah sat in the kitchen, phone in her hand, as she dialed the number given her.

"Good morning. Is Lieutenant Amodar in? Oh. _Colonel_ Amodar then..." she paused and nodded after a second, looking at Snow hopefully. He squeezed her hand gently.

_Colonel, huh? He's moving up in the world..._ thought Snow of his acquaintance. He still remembered the day he met Amodar and Lightning. The Lieutenant sung her praises as she stood there red-faced. Snow could scarcely take his eyes off her, but he was sure Lightning had hated him right off the bat.

"My name is Serah Farron. Thank you. Yes, I'll wait." Another pause.

This was _killing_ Snow. He had been so disappointed when he'd missed Lightning last night and he desperately held out hope for any scrap of information. If he had _anything _to go on, he'd run with it; and do all that he could to find her. Now he hung on Serah's every word.

"Hello! Yes, my name is Serah Farron. I don't think we've met formally, but my sister used to work in your squad in Bodhum. Yes, Lightning..." Serah nodded and smiled. "That's her. You haven't seen her lately, have you? She left six months ago without saying a word."

Snow was staring at Serah as she talked, clenching and unclenching his other hand into a fist nervously.

"Oh. You haven't, huh?" Serah's face fell, making eye contact with Snow. "Well if you do see her, could you please tell her to call home?"

He sighed heavily, still holding Serah's hand but now averting his gaze. Surely someone knew where she was. He'd talk to as many people as he knew around Cocoon. Pass around her picture. Pound pavement, beat down doors. Someone was bound to see her somewhere at some point. He couldn't give up. He _wouldn't_ give up.

"Thank you for your time." She hung up the phone.

They sat in silence for a while before Serah stood, patting his hand amiably. She spoke softly as she touched him. "You'll find her."

Snow looked up at her words only to see her walking out of the room.


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: Once again. Thank you to everyone who come back week after week to read, and thank you to those who review. Keep em coming! I love to hear what you think about where things are going. :)_

* * *

From the day she gave up the drink and for the last three years she had the same recurring dream. At first it had been every night. The same place, same scents, same sounds. The same tight embrace, the same heavy hands. Always _him_. Night after night she prayed for a dreamless sleep; reprieve from the one jagged regret in her life. She wanted to crawl back into that bitter bottle and get lost again, but the fact that she couldn't make impulse purchases of booze was the only thing that saved her. She'd spit and curse herself for taking this post out in the middle of nowhere, but in the end it was more of a haven than a hell.

The intensity of the dreams lessened over time as she started to pick up the shattered pieces of herself but along with silence, guilt and regret were her constant companions. She'd never known such merciless feelings of loss and despair, even through the loss of her parents. Every time she closed her eyes, he was there. Why did she let him get so deep under her skin? She'd not been able to catch her breath since she left Bodhum, and she'd almost grown to hate him once again in a desperate yet feeble attempt to push this all back into the container it burst out of. Slowly but surely her desire for mercy was granted. After so many days and nights of torture and self-examination, birthdays, holidays and seasons passed, she finally was granted clemency; the lesser sentence of a quiet, persistent ache.

Now the dreams no longer plagued her. They came often enough as she transitioned; time working as a salve upon her wounds, but she was thankful that the dreams never completely went away. Recently they were very lucid; almost like he would come back to her. As her heart started to ache less from day to day, they not only changed in frequency, but in content as well. Gone were the horrific scenes where she relived his death, replaced by true figments of her imagination. In one instance they sat together in an empty restaurant or a cafe, as she watched muted words fall from his lips. In another they faced each other, his hands on her face as he spoke to her, but she never could hear him. Both scenarios filled her with feelings of peace, and even though she felt empty in the morning, she appreciated the time they had together in the dead of night and the comfort of her bed.

This last night it had been the latter of the two scenarios. He had the most relieved look on his face as he stared longingly into her eyes, cupping her chin in his huge hand, his mouth forming words and smiling down at her. She shook her head, not able to understand; her ears deaf to him. Caressing her lips with the rough pad of his thumb, he placed feathery kisses all over her face and she felt herself shiver with a new found liveliness as she almost collapsed into his embrace. She felt his warm breath on the curl of her ear as if he were whispering to her; taking her in his arms and crushing her frame against his.

Then the alarm clock buzzed annoyingly and the bittersweet vision dropped into nothingness like a burst bubble.

_Ugh._

Lightning slammed her fist down on the unfortunate time piece, silencing it. The table that held the clock shuddered and creaked under her annoyed abuse.

It was going to be a long day.

Running her hands over her face, lingering a moment over her lips, then through her wild black tresses, she reached over to her rickety nightstand and plucked a thin hair tie out of the top drawer, sliding it down onto her wrist. Overtaken by a yawn, she stretched her arms above her head and pointed her toes. Her blanket was sprawled on the floor and the tall, poorly insulated windows of her bedroom were wide open. The long sheer curtains caught the fresh breeze that wafted through the bug screen and cooled Lightning's dampened nude skin as she lay there for a few more minutes before hauling herself out of bed. From the scent and feeling of heaviness in the air she could tell it had rained last night.

The air conditioning unit had broken shortly after last month's delivery so she had to sleep and eat and generally attempt to function in the sweltering heat until the next round of supplies was scheduled. Thankfully that was tomorrow. Then she'd have the replacement part that would orchestrate her deliverance into sweet temperature regulation and be sleeping with her blanket again. It was so hot that even the concrete floor in her bathroom provided no relief. She had been paranoid for the first couple years of sleeping nude; thinking someone would come upon her, but that never happened. The only person that might stumble upon her dwelling was the Colonel, and he would always message ahead. No one was out here. Over the last few years as the population of Gran Pulse swelled with Cocoon families, no native inhabitants were ever found, and no one ever did figure out what happened to all those people who used to live on this planet.

Pulling her hair back into a ponytail with the tie she put her hands on the vanity, leaning forward to peer at herself in the mirror. Grabbing her toothbrush, she added paste, stuffed it in her mouth and started brushing. Her heart hurt this morning. Instead of an all-consuming pain, it was a shadow of it's former torture. Though the burning ache was diminished, that didn't mean she wouldn't think about him today; her feelings for him never extinguished. She still felt the need for him and still felt the sting of that need being unfulfilled. There were still days when she wanted to give up. She not only missed him, but she was beginning to miss Serah as well. If she couldn't summon the courage to go and visit her beloved little sister, why even bother going on herself? She had been working on the issues that weighed her down and was making decent progress, but she still didn't feel ready. She wondered if the pain of his passing lingered for Serah as well, genuinely hoping that she was still young enough to get over it. No one should have to go through what Serah went through.

When everything you had is lost, what is left to live for? She sincerely hoped Serah had found something to live for.

Once in the quicksand of self-pity, her day was pretty much ruined. She still hadn't figured out how to pull herself out of the sand trap yet; but she'd made some real progress over the last twelve months. Turning on the tap, she splashed ice cold water on her face, thankful that _something_ in the house was cold. Cold dribbles down her chest felt like shocks, temporarily grounding her; bringing her back to her reality. Looking back into the mirror, she scoffed at her reflection. _Tch._

"You're a fool."

This had become a daily ritual. It was either a pep talk, very personal condemnation, disapproval or reprimand; pick one. She'd done them all. She looked at the situation a million different ways. What could she have done differently? In reality she never told Snow how she felt about him. After that night by the waterfall, she had been so cold towards him. He'd wanted to talk about it, but she flat out refused. That was a mistake; she realized that now. And then the gods had given her another chance to say what she wanted to say; and he had demanded it from her, but still she couldn't. Sometimes her wrist still tingled when she thought about his hand clutching her, begging to hear her confession. No one had ever made her feel the way that he had and from the very beginning she knew that he was nothing but trouble, but in the end and in spite of all her cautionary actions, he turned her into a quivering, wanting mess.

_Tch!_ Bringing more water to her face, she scoured her skin and rinsed again. If she kept thinking like this all day she'd never get anything done. Stripping Snow's memento from around her arm, she laid the piece of cloth gently on the side of the sink, forcing herself to look away. Tapping a on a panel beside the door, the soft sound of music filled the room. Before she arrived here, she'd been a fan of silence, but the entire house was equipped with speakers in every room. The speakers were primarily used for hands-free, wireless communication with head office, but the previous officer had modified the system so that it also piped music throughout the house.

Opening the door to the shower, she turned on the water and stepped inside. Showering quickly and wrapping herself in a towel, she went back into her room to dress. Picking up the discarded blanket, she made the bed, tucking it in absently wondering why she even bothered to make the bed. Though, she knew why. At first she hadn't bothered with the bed, convinced that it didn't matter. But as it turned out, something so mundane helped her to keep her brain busy and her thoughts from straying. With the bed tucked in neatly and wet towel hung up, she dressed in her modified uniform and headed for the kitchen.

She learned early on in her adventures on Pulse that a skirt in the wilderness didn't do her any favours, so she added some thigh high socks to her wardrobe. The first few times she went out without protection, her thighs got flogged by low hanging branches, bitten by hungry bugs and slashed by thorns and thistles. It didn't take her long to order a near lifetime supply of the knit socks. She went through a pair a week. She had thought about getting slacks to wear, but it was so humid and they were incredibly uncomfortable. Even though she was alone in the wilderness, her hesitant nudity didn't extend to anywhere outside her domicile, so a second skin of pants wasn't going to work. With the socks, she could push them down or take them off as her skin demanded.

Popping some bread into the toaster, she went to the fridge and poured herself some orange juice. Her fridge was pitifully bare; it was always like that when the month drew to a close. Grabbing the butter and a knife, she stood at the toaster looking absently out the open window at the breathtaking scenery. She never got tired of looking at the trees and the terrain. This was almost like heaven; like Cocoon had been before all that l'Cie mess. In a month it would be midsummer; when everything would be at its greenest from the persistent rains and once upon a time, all of Cocoon had marked the event by wishing on extravagant fireworks. Midsummer also brought her birthday. She'd be twenty-five this year.

Just like every morning for the last three years, she went through the same motions. Usually a couple buttered slices of toast, sometimes a bagel, and orange juice for breakfast. This day was no different. Tapping the blade of the knife on the counter she wondered what Snow had liked to eat for breakfast. She wasn't much of a cook, but she fancied the idea of making him toast and getting him a glass of milk. Knowing him, they'd probably have an argument about who was going to serve who breakfast.

Her mind was all over this morning thanks to Snow's starring role in her dream. Sitting down to eat, she focused on the things she needed to accomplish today. Primarily she had to go and collect her water containers to record the amount of rainfall last night. Her job on Pulse wasn't difficult by any means, and she loved living out in the wild. There had been the odd time where she'd have to fight off a monster or two to complete a task, but encounters were few and far between. Amodar had replaced her gunblade with an updated model and she trained for a couple hours a day to stay in top form. One couldn't be soft out here; soft things got eaten or worse. Finishing her breakfast leisurely, she rinsed her dish and cup and headed for the door.

There were a dozen rain stations in her area and the Corps supplied her with a quick and compact air bike to use to get around. She hated the damn things, but it cut her travel time in half. She'd gotten so good on it that she didn't even have to dismount at some stations. In the beginning, she needed a map for the first six months to find her way around the complex area, and when she made her way to the final station the sun hung low in the sky. This was her favourite rain station; she had to walk about a couple hundred feet into the brush to get to it. This is where the high socks were really useful. Since her l'Cie brand had disappeared, she didn't have any sort of magic at her disposal, so whatever scrapes and bruises she acquired out here had to heal the old fashioned way. Luck was on her side when it came to random encounters though and the wildlife she did run into she could deal with. As she approached the man-made pole, she spit on her hands and rubbed them together, readying them for the short climb to the top to observe and record. Once at the top, she scribbled the data down on the notepad retrieved from her leg pouch. Taking a moment to look at the sunset, she breathed deeply, freshness and fragrance swaddling her body. There was really no other place that could quiet her soul like right here. Countless times over the last three years she found herself teetering on this perch in the sky watching the fiery horizon at sunset; bright oranges and hot reds. The contrast with the lush greens below appealed to her sense of beauty, almost taking her breath away. It instilled within her a sense of simplicity and sometimes she came here with no purpose other than to watch the day draw to a close. Today had taken longer than was usual for her rounds, but when she awoke this morning to realize she'd dreamt of him, she knew it was bound to happen. Terribly unfocused, she had taken a wrong turn a few hours ago and added at least an hour to her work day.

_Oh well, not like there's anyone to hurry home to._

Admonishing herself still, she tucked away the pad and started to make her way down the thick wooden shaft.

As she came to a stand on the moss, she heard a rustle in the trees. She stopped and listened for it, muting all other sounds that weren't relevant, creating a picture in her head of the area and the approximate distance to the sound. Again the rustling came and she looked towards the noise. It drew closer. She reached around her back and clutched the handle of her weapon. Silently, she inched back towards where she had parked her vehicle. The rustling grew louder still, but now she started to feel tremors at her feet and as she took note of them, a young behemoth came barrelling out of the brush and yelped when it saw her, screeching to a halt.

_Shit. Not good._

She knew where a little behemoth was, there was a big one right behind it. They apparently were very attentive parents, and even though they were fierce on their own, when one of their young felt threatened it would yelp and the parent would blindly engage whatever threat lay ahead. Although Lightning wasn't stupid enough to do it, she might have been able to take on a single youth, but even on her best day a full grown Behemoth would end her real quick. Game over.

Swallowing the panic in her throat, she was quickly calculating the distance to clear the brush and how fast her legs could carry her, deciding to make a run for it. The tremors grew more intense as she knew the Behemoth was closing the distance between itself and it's offspring. While she backed away, a twig snapped loudly under her foot, breaking the tense silence.

_Shit._

Pivoting on that foot, she sprinted away from the youth. Low hanging branches stung her face as she ran full tilt towards her bike. Once she reached that, she'd put some quick vertical distance between herself and the raging adult. Behind her, although, she heard the youth giving chase, and it was gaining on her.

_Hrmph._

The proximity of the animal and the thrill of the chase had her limbs primed for action as she heard it snarl behind her. Snapping her fingers, the anti-gravity unit jolted to life as she launched herself forward and away from the Behemoth's unpracticed paw swipe. Recalculating the distance, she didn't dare glance behind her for fear of being stopped quite suddenly by one of the trees she now found herself weaving in and out of. Even if she managed to get away from the little one, the big one wasn't far behind, but safety couldn't be much farther now. A sharp lurch of the ground made her lose her footing and she hit the ground hard, even with the anti-gravity device activated. Her face raked against something unyielding and sharp, and something pierced into her, pain lancing up her right side, but she had no time to think about what was happening. She scampered to her feet, discombobulated with a familiar metallic taste in her mouth, turning to face the threat. Drawing her blade and aiming directly in front of her, she barely saw the beast as it lunged, going in for the kill.

_Not so fast..._

Pulling back on the trigger, five shots fired off in rapid succession into her target's skull. On auto-pilot and adrenaline, she pushed herself out of the way as it went limp, sliding past her leaving a path of broken vegetation in it's wake. Sheathing her weapon, she touched her face to feel the sticky liquid that dripped off her chin. Unbuckling her white coat, she wiped at her chin smearing her own blood all over the coat and planted it underneath the young one's paw. At least that would serve to give her some extra time to escape.

Leaving the scene behind her, she continued her short sprint to safety.

Once she was safely astride her ride and far enough in the air to keep her away from a pissed off Behemoth, the adrenaline wore off and she felt woozy. Her right side felt wet and she put a hesitant hand under her arm and winced. Her zip up sweater was soaked through with her warm blood. _Tch._ At least her life blood bought her enough time to escape that scene, or else she'd been dead. _Focus._ She told herself. _It's not far now._

_

* * *

_

She wasn't sure how she managed to make it into the house considering how much blood she lost. Nevertheless, if she didn't get herself fixed soon she was going to pass out from exhaustion and maybe bleed to death in the process.

Stripping off her clothing as she staggered to the bathroom, she looked at her gory mess of a body in the full length mirror. Lifting right her arm gingerly to see, the gash started just under her arm and was quite long, and fairly deep; but thankfully it was mostly clean. She hastily picked out a couple of large, bloody wooden splinters, tossing them on the floor. The wound needed to be stitched up, she reckoned.

_Great. Note to self. Avoid running full tilt through thick brush._

There was a sewing kit and rubbing alcohol for just such an occasion in the shallow closet of the bathroom. Armed with the knowledge she acquired in training about having to sew someone up, she set to the task at hand. Her hands were shaking erratically when she washed them clean of her blood in the sink. Pouring some rubbing alcohol in a cup, she dropped in some thread from the sewing kit she found, soaking it. Grabbing the lighter she used to light a candle in the bathroom every now and again, she retrieved the thin, straight needle supplied in the sewing kit and ran it through the flame a few times. Picking up the alcohol soaked thread, she ran the end through the eye of the sterilized needle, tying a thick knot at the other end. She sat stark naked on a wash stool in front of the mirror, arm in the air, trying to calm herself and her trembling hands. She didn't have anything to numb the site with, so she was inevitably going to feel every stitch. Closing her eyes, attempting to recall courage to her side, she was presented with Snow's smiling visage. His masculine timbre came back to her. _Hang in there, there's still hope._

The first stitch was absolute torture. Between the pain of the wound and her lethargic stitching, she almost doubted she could go through with the rest. With tears in her eyes, she gritted her teeth and continued. Slowly, painfully and with difficulty, she completed her fleshy seam and covered her handiwork with a large pad of gauze and some medical tape.

"Man, I could really use a drink..." Lightning muttered, sitting on the chair for a few extra minutes before tending to the rest of her wounds.

Surveying her bloodied face in the mirror, she cursed, hoping it looked worse than it was. Opening the medicine cabinet under the sink, she pulled out a few things to continue the self-repair. Remembering the panel on the wall, she tapped it, prompting soft music to once again fill the room as she got down to work.

After dabbing at her face to soften the crusted blood, she tossed ball after ball of cotton into the garbage as she uncovered the full extent of her wounds. She must have fell on a rock, a large gash split her right cheek. Thankfully this one _didn't_ need stitching up. She wasn't sure if she could do that twice in one day. Dipping a clean cotton ball into some medicinal concoction she found under the sink, she blotted the wound. It stung like hell and a string of obscenities seeped through her clenched teeth. As she moved down the cut, it fizzed slightly, stinging the entire time. Once again she reflected that those l'Cie powers would have been useful to help take care of the healing process, but that was only a memory now. The erotic feel of Snow laying hands on her while they sat at the bottom of some dark hole, getting to know each other intimately by sharing energies pushed itself to the forefront of her mind. She'd been scared for his life back then, but never really doubted her ability to save him. The power of the l'Cie had never failed them. Not until the end; not until it really mattered.

Unsheathing a couple of sticky cloth bandages, she pressed the wound together and plastered them on. She cleaned the other abrasions and noted that her lips were already unusually plump, the bottom one split down the centre. Staring at her battered face in the mirror, she reflected on the last time her face looked like this. That was the night that she had made the decision to turn her life around. Back then she had no idea how hard the next few years were going to be. She sighed and wobbled to her bed, too tired to put away the supplies and clean up.

Zack was going to be asking questions about her face tomorrow. _Tch. _She almost loathed the compassionate attention that she was bound to receive from him. Besides the Colonel, her only other link to the outside world came in the form of the dark haired, handsome young man who worked for the delivery service. When she first met him, she didn't even have time to realize that she knew him, because he instantly threw his arms, rather familiarly, around her. He reminded her that he had served her the first alcoholic drink she'd ever had.

"How could I forget someone like you?" He had told her with a wink. She thought initially that he must have had a tic because he was _always_ winking.

She entertained that perhaps if he'd never served her that drink she may never had been a drunk. That was in the past at any rate. Still, he was a tactile sort and she often reminded him that his touches were unwanted, and for the remainder of the visit he would respect her wishes. But the next month it was like he forgot her warnings and she'd have to remind him again. Other than his selective memory, he was a pleasant fellow; very energetic. His happy-go-lucky attitude and excited outlook on life annoyed her at first, but she soon appreciated his monthly visits, even looked forward to them. Lightning was never good with people, but he seemed to not care about her almost silent treatment and chattered at her as if she were an old friend. He came like clockwork once a month to deliver goods and supplies to her out in the wilds of Gran Pulse and after unloading the supply plane he'd stay for a while and talk with Lightning, keeping her abreast about matters pertaining to the outside world. One day a month it was like she was normal again, but regrettably the time passed all too quickly.

Leaving the dim lamp in her room on, she crawled into bed. Before sleep took her, she found herself hoping for something she, in the past, wanted no part of; but tonight she hoped to dream of Snow again.

* * *

Last night she'd slept soundly enough despite - or maybe because of - her injuries but Snow hadn't come to her. Maybe had she lost too much blood to dream, she had no idea how things like that worked.

She strolled stiffly down the pier towards the supply plane, watching Zack work. His gravity defying black hair shone under the morning sun; almost with a hint of blue in it. He was always punctual and always ready to chat. If there was nothing pressing that day, she typically took delivery days as her 'day off' to enjoy the captive company. Although, some times it felt she was the one captive, but she rarely minded.

On her days off she always went barefoot. Her uniform was comfortable enough, but she liked to change now and again. Today she couldn't have worn her uniform even if she wanted to. It painfully compressed the slash on her side, so instead, she sported a pale yellow t-shirt and some wide leg jeans. Coming to a stop a few feet away from him, she stood there and observed until he noticed her.

Coming out of the back of the plane with a heavy looking box in his arms, he finally noticed her and put the box down, saluting her with his usual vigor. "Hey!" Seeing her reddened skin and abrasions, he cut his salute short and walked towards her, concern creasing his features. "Whoa, Av! What happened to you?" He reached a hand out toward the side of her face, the backs of his fingers brushing her cheek. She recoiled; his touch sending a shock through her. He'd never touched her face before.

Zack pulled his hand back awkwardly. "Sorry. Uh... What happened?" He leaned in a little towards her to get a better look, but kept his hands to himself.

"Behemoth." Lightning said shortly, looking away from him out the side of her eyes.

"Jeeze. You gonna be ok?"

"Yeah. You should see the other guy." She cracked dryly. It had been funnier when Snow had said it.

Zack looked at her blankly for a moment then chuckled. "Good one."

Lightning shifted her weight awkwardly.

"Oh! I brought something for you. Hold on!" His lively blue eyes lit up as he ran back into the plane. She looked over the supply crates and boxes that he'd unloaded, spying the box that housed the air conditioner part she needed. Finally she'd have relief from the unrelenting heat. Maybe she'd still sleep nude though, she kind of liked it.

"I've seen your food requisitions. You might as well be eating styrofoam. So..." he brought a brown paper sack out from behind his back and presented it. "I brought us lunch!"

She had to admit that she was pleasantly surprised. She also assumed that was Zack's intention. He'd been relentless in his attempts at making her smile and she'd shot him down after every single one of them. Never one for meaningless gestures and artificial shows of emotion, Lightning couldn't remember the last time she actually _felt_ like smiling.

"Let's go eat. I'll finish unloading your stuff later." Zach nodded at her and started down the pier.

Stifling a groan, she carefully picked up the box with the precious air conditioning part and followed, muttering. "I'm not here to eat. I'm here to work..."

"I hope you like fried rice and veggies!" he sung to her, turning his head to the side. She rolled her eyes at the enthusiastic grin plastered on his profile.

As they approached the door to the house, she turned to head to the back to repair the air conditioning unit. "There's plates in the kitchen. I'm gonna go and fix the air conditioner. I'll be back."

"Air conditioner? Oh, right. That part. Why don't you go inside and I'll go fix it?" he offered her the brown bag.

Lightning looked at the bag then back to his face with a raised eyebrow. "I've got it."

"I _insist_. You look like a Juggernaut's chew toy." He put the bag by the door when she didn't take it, smiling easily, putting his hands on the other end of the medium sized box.

Her look was one of utter annoyance. "I said I've _got _it." He let go of the box, her silent glare promising bodily harm if he didn't. She turned around with the box and shuffled off.

"You're scary sometimes, Av!" He called from behind her. She rolled her eyes again and kept walking.

She knew exactly how to repair the unit, so it took very little time. In fact, she invested more time in attempting to painlessly walk from place to place. Lightning had never been what one would call useless. Whatever tasks needed to be done after her parents died fell upon her to complete and so she actually had a wide variety of skills. When Zack had 'insisted' that he take care of the work and she go take care of things in the kitchen, she reacted poorly to his offer. Did anything about her say 'housewife'? _I think not._ Then again, she reminded herself that Zack might have genuinely wanted to help and that he didn't actually deserve her ire. Just like how he didn't deserve her constant suspicion regarding his merciless courtesy and thoughtfulness. In her experience people like that weren't genuine and always had a hidden agenda. Over the last year she'd known him, he never once did anything that made her mistrust him; with the exception of the touchy-feely stuff, but he was never vulgar or disrespectful. All his touches had been friendly and warm, just like his eyes. It was nice to think that she had a friend after so long, but she'd never admit that to him.

She finished up with the unit and wiped her forehead with the back of her hand. The heat never gave up around here. Entering the house from the back door, she headed for the kitchen, the delicious smell wafting past her nostrils. When she arrived in the kitchen she noticed that Zack had everything out and open on the table. He smiled at her when she came into the room. He hadn't started eating yet. She walked past him and washed her oily hands up in the sink, drying them on a nearby tea towel. He was watching her.

"You have something on your forehead..." he said, tapping his own to provide her with an estimation of where the something was. She raised her hand and rubbed where he'd shown her. "Ah, the other side." She moved her hand to rub there. "You're missing it..." he stood and approached her, reaching his hand out to buff away the offending smear of oil left over from the fix-it job. He was very tall, easily half a foot taller than she. Not as tall as Snow, and built quite differently, but he was still imposing. Touching the pads of his fingers to her tanned skin, he gently rubbed away the smudge. The first touch out on the pier shocked her; barely feeling it before it was gone. He obviously didn't catch the hint the first time, but the counter top behind her prevented her from pulling away from him this time.

And for the second time inside a half an hour, he touched her face. "Zack..." she started, looking up into his face, her voice a little breathier than she would have liked. Butterflies fluttered uncomfortably in her stomach.

"Yes, Av?" he said quietly, his voice slipping into a sensual baritone that sent a shiver up her spine. His fingertips had migrated to her cheekbone and he started to slowly move his face towards hers.

She stood unable to move or speak only for a moment, dazzled, but quickly she recovered and found her voice. "...keep your hands to yourself." she finished flatly, walking past him and taking a chair at the table. She could hear him release a small sigh and a grin tugged at the corner of her lips. As he turned around, she was sure to force her mouth back into its usual tight line.

"Right. Sorry." Clearing his throat, he took his place back at the table. "Well! Dig in!" His smile returned to its familiar easiness as he handed her one of the take out containers. She took it from his hand and they commenced the meal.

While they ate he was chattering on about this and that, and she mostly tuned out what he was saying in favour of concentrating on the drone of his voice. His voice was quite youthful sounding, not very deep at all when speaking in his usual jovial manner, but she found it pleasant nonetheless. It was nice to visit with him and even though she spurned his attempts to get close to her, no matter what his underlying intentions may have been, she had come to appreciate that he must have liked her very much. Her interaction with men on a personal level had been limited at best, but she was no dummy. She had no intention of leading him on, but she had to admit that she enjoyed every interaction with him and because of that, she was never too harsh in refusing his affections. After all, her heart was still damaged, and Zack deserved better than damaged goods...

"There was a skirmish involving an anti-Pulse group in Bodhum a couple weeks ago." he said the name of her hometown, and her ears perked up. He knew she was from there.

She looked up from her plate, heart in her throat. _Serah._ "Oh?"

"Yeah. Thankfully no one was hurt, just a huge mess. Some vandalism and mild violence. I don't know when people will understand that Gran Pulse isn't what we were lead to believe." his tone changed. "I guess it will take a lot of work undo centuries of lies..." He chewed thoughtfully. "Oh! That reminds me. I brought you a Bodhum newspaper." Reaching over the back of the chair for his bag, he dug around and pulled out a thin fold of black and white paper and sat it on the table.

Resting her chopsticks on the edge of her plate she took the offering and glanced eagerly at the front page. _Hero saves local farming family. _Under the headline was a picture of the 'hero' standing with, what she assumed to be, the family mentioned in the headline. The picture was grainy, and he looked a few years older, but he was absolutely unmistakable. She felt herself sigh gently with warm recognition.

"Av? What's wrong?" Zack must have seen the odd look on her face.

She couldn't rip her eyes from the page. "I know him."

* * *

_A/N: I made a little mistake above - and it doesn't actually change the story to come at all - I don't know how it got past me, tbh. To those who have already read, sorry about that!_


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N: Wow! You all left a ton of reviews for Chapter 7! Thank you very much for all the faves and comments. :)  
_

_I am having some house guests for a week at the end of the month, so I won't have a chapter posted next week. The next update will be July 7th at the very latest. Some interesting stuff to come ...  
_

* * *

Snow no longer wanted the spotlight that came with being a hero. In fact, he didn't want to be a hero anymore. He sure didn't feel like one since he was given a second chance to '_help her'_ more than three years ago. Unable to keep up his end of the bargain, he hadn't helped her; the last important thing he had set out to do he had failed. Now he was just a man; just Snow.

His work with NORA had been busier than ever, and he was thankful to have Hope at his side as well as the others that remained. Yuj, Lebreau, Gadot and even Maqui had been the support he needed to make lemonade out of the lemons he'd been handed over the last few years and now the core of NORA was more close knit than ever. Yuj, the only one that desired notoriety, quickly became the face of the company, and as such, he was the one to take care of the public relations dirty work. Even though Snow was the founder of the group, all he wanted to do was what he'd always done; fight the bad guys. Since the fall of the evil Sanctum and in lieu of the 'bad guys' they had plenty of monsters to take care of on a daily basis.

Maqui had been pretty depressed when Serah had left, and Yuj had even told Snow that he heard the kid actually crying over it, though Snow was expressly not to know about that part. Maqui had begged Snow for forgiveness, explaining that because he was so close to Serah it hurt him to see her depressed over her deceased fiancee and he had just wanted to give her some peace. Betrayal never crossed his mind and he had the intentions of keeping things platonic, but the peace had snowballed into something else, and he no longer sought to comfort Serah. Instead he sought to take the place of their long lost hero; the man he modeled himself after. He knew he wouldn't have been able to take Snow's place in Serah's heart, and after Snow's return the simple peace he wished for Serah turned into an unhealthy and obsessive secret. Serah had been simply unable to see a future with Snow after she had accepted a future without him. How could she tell him that she didn't want him when he'd been her knight in shining armour? In her mind she moved on, and Maqui was just a means to an end, so when she broke things off with him, it was like she was breaking things off with Snow as well. Snow never pressed her about Maqui so she never felt the pressure to admit to her extra curricular relationship with him. The kid had been used, and Snow held nothing but compassion for the young man. Unfortunately he'd learned a hard lesson.

Snow didn't blame anyone for what happened; except himself. If he hadn't come back, he was convinced that so much would have been different. Death made people do strange things; Maqui and Serah were no exception. Everyone longed to make sense of death; to understand and to forget the sense of loss within themselves, and move on. That in itself was complex enough, but to have a loved one come back from the dead? That was unprecedented. No one could have predicted what would have happened after that. The only thing that Snow wished he had more control over was Lightning. The very idea that he could have _any_ control over the spirited woman made him chuckle.

He'd been away with Yuj, Lebreau and a small squad for the entire week filling a huge contract outside of Palompolum. While near the city, he took the opportunity to stop in and visit with Hope's dad, giving him the skinny on his rapidly growing son. Snow was so proud of the man he was becoming that when he spoke to Bartholomew, his report was overflowing with praise.

"To be honest with you, Snow." started Bartholomew "Hope has really only two people to thank for the man that he is. His mother and you. I really had no hand in his upbringing. I was too busy with my work to ever be much of a father." he sounded regretful. "I just hope that some day he can find it in his heart to forgive his old workaholic dad."

Hope was growing towards adulthood in every manner, and he assured the older man that his son would come around. Eventually he would come to see and appreciate the support that Bartholomew offered. He'd done things right by not forcing the boy to stay with him when he didn't want to. Snow imagined it would have been hard to let his son go, but a good parent always looked out for the welfare of their children, or so he'd been told. After receiving high praise from Hope's dad, Snow's heart swelled with even more love for the boy turned man; almost like an adopted father's might. After a nice visit and the completion of the contract, the three left the city and headed for home.

It had been only a few short years, but things had slipped back into a pretty normal routine; well, as normal as it can be with NORA being a household name. It had taken him a long time to accept that Lightning was gone and that she'd come back on her own one day. She had to come back either way, but Snow hoped he wouldn't be too old to give her the ravishing she sorely deserved. That being said, he figured he had a lot of explaining to do before that could ever happen.

No matter how busy the days got, and no matter where he went, he always waited for the phone call that would herald her return. He'd had the house number transferred to a cell phone; his cell, so if she called the Farron family number his phone would ring. He always answered the line. It didn't matter what he was doing. If he was eating dinner, playing football with the guys, hunting some dangerous monster; he _always_ answered it. An unusual number on the display would make his heart lurch with anticipation, but it had never been her on the other end. Someone trying to sell him life insurance or a subscription to a magazine was kindly refused as his heart would, once again, take it's place at the bottom of his gut. Year after year he remained in the drought of unrealized love from the older sister but, ever the optimist, he never lost hope.

He thought several times that he should talk to one of his friends about it, maybe ease his mental burden, but he became unable to even speak her name without a lump in his throat. Being on the edge; teetering between hopelessness and sheer bliss at the mercy of her ignorance to reality made him almost giggle with ironic madness. If she'd only call; misunderstanding would be understood and wrongs would be righted. Just pick up the phone because she missed Serah, or Hope or anyone else and discover the truth. He was waiting for her to discover him and the fervent adoration he wanted to spill over her.

_Just pick up the phone..._

"Snooooooow!" Lebreau's voice trilled, summoning him back to reality.

"Wha...?" He looked up from the cell phone in his hand.

"Are you ok? We've been talking to you, but you're all spacey."

"Oh. Yeah. Sorry. It's been a long week." Lebreau was eying his phone. Self consciously, he pocketed it.

"You expecting a call?"

"No, why?" he smiled questioningly at her.

"Oh. Looked like you were." replied Lebreau casually, turning back to watch the road.

_No one ever calls. Not anyone important anyway. _Snow changed the subject to something a little more safe. "How far out are we?"

"Couple hours." replied Yuj from behind the wheel.

"Ugh, I need a real shower when we get back to Bodhum. This travelling is for the birds." complained Lebreau. Snow nodded in agreement. It would be nice to get back home to sleep in his own bed. He had sneakily stripped Lightning's bed of it's comforter and now used it on his own. It was an odd sort of comfort he got from falling asleep under the very blanket that she had slept under. His heart couldn't feel any closer to her than it already did, but somehow, sleeping with her blanket draped over him made him feel physically closer.

"We did good though. Cleaned up the whole area!" said Yuj encouragingly, looking at the boss in the rear view mirror. Snow was staring absently out the side window at the passing scenery.

"_For now_." scoffed the raven haired woman. "More idiots will buy those pests as pets and we'll be back out there in a month..."

He put his hand in his pocket, contact with the device lessening his slight anxiety. Lightning's birthday was next month. He wondered what he should get her this year. Feeling rather silly about it, he never told anyone that he bought her gifts for her birthday, _or_ that they were piling up in his closet unopened.

* * *

NORA was busier than ever these days, and they had to resort to spreading themselves pretty thin. Usually a group of at least three was dispatched to complete a contract, but today it was just Snow and Hope. They'd been called out to a small farming community outside Bodhum that had an Ochu with a nasty disposition on the loose. As if there were any other kind.

"I thought you were going to buy something new, Snow..." The blond glanced over at Hope with a grin. "We should have taken my car..."

"What's wrong with the ol' girl?" asked Snow, feigning offence, patting the dashboard of his ancient piece of metal. Everyone made fun of his ride, so he was used to it. "She still works real good." As if his beloved two seater heard him, it coughed and sputtered insubordinately. Snow raised his eyebrows at the protest.

Hope laughed. "It sounds like she wants to die, Snow. You should just put her out of her misery." he teased. It sputtered again. "Is this hunk of junk going to get us there and back?"

"Well..." Snow paused. "I hope so." He grinned at Hope again, making him laugh louder than before. He really enjoyed these outings with the lanky kid. Nearly nineteen, Hope was beginning to fill out. 'A late bloomer' Snow labelled him teasingly, much to Hope's dismay. In the last couple years though, even Snow couldn't deny that the kid had grown. Not just physically, but emotionally and intellectually as well. In fact, they both had grown emotionally. They trusted each other implicitly; they had each other's back no matter what. Everyone in NORA was pretty close, but nothing like Hope and Snow. That's why Bartholomew's words had honoured Snow; once the kid had hated him, but now they had a bond closer than that of the closest friends. They were comrades; cohorts; partners in crime. Most of all they were family, and they would be family until their end.

"Hey! I think I see it! Stop the car!" said Hope quickly, pointing out the passenger side window. In the distance there was a huge Ochu lashing out at a small building destructively, pieces of splintered wood flying high into the air. Snow pulled over onto the shoulder of the dirt road and before he knew what he was looking at, he flung open the door and threw himself into the sunlight, sprinting towards the beast. Hope had given up his original l'Cie weapon, the boomerang, in favour of something more deadly and, sliding his crossbow onto his back, he followed suit, keeping pace with the older man quite well. As they got closer to the scene, they saw that this particular Ochu was on a rampage, destroying everything in its path. A man and a child stood at a safe distance from the rickety shack the Ochu was devastating, waving their arms when they saw Snow and Hope approach.

"Are you two ok?" shouted Snow towards the panicked pair.

The distressed man spoke hurriedly. "My wife -"

A terrorized scream came from the shack. Both Snow and Hope's heads snapped in the direction of the noise and Hope took off like a shot. He saw Hope run around to a window near the back end of the shack. Snatching something off the ground, he smashed the glass to climb inside. Snow needed to get that Ochu's attention and he had to do it now.

"Hey! Over here!" he yelled at it. Snow got close enough to launch a fair sized rock at the Ochu. The green monster ignored his shout and projectile. _Dammit. _The shack started to lean dangerously as the Ochu relentlessly continued it's frenzied attack.

"I've got her!" he heard Hope shout from within the shack, over the breaking and creaking of boards and trusses.

"Hope! Get out of there! It's gonna collapse!" Snow planted his feet and lept forward to slam his fist into the soft body of the Ochu, stunning it. Backing off, the attention now on himself, he egged it on hoping that Hope would be able to escape with the person inside before the structure gave out. "Yeah! Now you see me, huh? Damn, you're ugly." taunted Snow, grinning devilishly, holding his fists out in front of him, poised for a fight. There was one last groan of abused wood before the great racket of boards collapsing against boards as the shack finally gave out. It all happened so fast. Snow's face drained of colour as he watched his friend become buried in the rubble. "Hope!" A tentacle whizzed past the tip of his nose, a little too close for comfort and he forced his attention back to his own pressing situation. One hit and Snow would be dealing with some serious poison from the barbs on its tentacles. He had left his bag stacked with antidotes back in the car though...

Dodging the quick attacks from the green skinned monster, Snow waited for a good time to launch an attack of his own. _Damn__ this thing's fast..._ he lamented, his legs starting to ache from all the jumping and ducking. Reaching into a small pack on his side, he grabbed a flash grenade but before he could pull the pin, a great flash and tremor seemingly came from nowhere, temporarily blinding both attacker and defender. As the tremble from the ground subsided, Snow's vision returned to him and he assessed the Ochu. It looked like it was still incapacitated from the flash. Glancing to where Hope was buried, he saw the kid running towards the father and daughter with something in his arms. He handed the package to the relieved looking man and turned around, dashing back towards Snow. _How did he...?_

With a great wet slap, a slimy tentacle met Snow's unguarded chest and knocked him off his feet. "Ow!" he exclaimed as the breath was knocked out of him. "Ah, you jerk!" he wheezed. Dizziness forced him to stay lying down as he started to feel the Ochu's poison in his system. The great beast towered over him and prepared a final assault on the prone blond. Before it was able to continue, Snow witnessed a crossbow bolt wedge itself in the Ochu's right eye; gore squirting from the puncture. A few seconds later a matching bolt was lodged in the left eye as well and the monster shrieked, slumping over, tentacles falling limply to the ground. Snow lay still as the poison coursed through his veins; his body slowly becoming paralyzed. He saw Hope taking off back towards the car and the next thing he knew a bitter liquid was dripping down his throat, cooling the poisonous fire in his veins. Feeling quickly returned to his extremities and Hope helped him to his feet. The family came running towards the pair, the little girl leading the pack as she wrapped herself around Hope's knees.

Shaking and stretching his limbs out, Snow surveyed the aftermath. The shack that once spelled certain doom for the mother of this family was now completely destroyed, but after the strange flash and quake, the rubble lay in a peculiar circled pattern. The body of the Ochu was lifeless; it's scaled skin glistened in the hot afternoon sun. Hope and the mother wore matching faces of dirt and abrasions. Staggering slightly, he went over to the forgotten pack Hope retrieved from the vehicle and pulled out a bottle of alcohol, dousing the Ochu's body with its entire contents. Dropping a lit match onto the body, it flared up. Dusting off his hands, he turned to the family and gave them a thumbs up. Noticing Hope inspecting his arm, he opened his mouth to inquire about how Hope managed to escape the wreckage with the woman intact.

The little girl looked up at Hope, her eyes sparkling. "Thank you for saving my mommy." Hope smiled at her and patted her head. His emerald eyes were so gentle when he regarded the girl, and Snow swore he saw them tear up a little.

"That was amazing you two!" shouted an excited voice. A young man with a camera around his neck and a pencil stuck behind his ear came upon them and introduced himself as a reporter from the local newspaper. "I need to get a picture of you guys!" He was trying to round everyone up for the snapshot and asked everyone's name. The little girl had permanently attached herself to Hope's leg, hiding shyly from the man, impeding Hope's movement.

"The guy you want is that silver haired kid over there. He did all the work." interjected Snow when the young reporter came to ask his name.

"Oh, ok. What's his name?"

Snow grinned. "Hope Estheim." he peeked at the reporter's notes and started to correct him on the spelling. "E – s – t – _h _..."

"Hey!" Hope motioned to Snow while being monopolized by the gushing family. They thanked Hope over and over as he blushed shades of red Snow had never seen before. Hope really was a modest guy; almost too modest. He never took credit for anything and never sought fame. Snow decided that that should change. It was time for Hope to be seen for the brave guy he was. "Well, you gotta get in this picture too!"

"Naw, I'm good. Besides. You're the real hero here." said Snow, not budging from his spot beside the young newspaper man. "You'll have to beat the ladies off with a stick once they see your picture in the paper! See?" he motioned to the pretty little girl holding onto him. "You already have a fan." Snow's teasing grin only made Hope look more uncomfortable as the onlooking parents laughed.

"Buuuut..." Hope pleaded, walking out of the frame towards the blond, the little girl trailing him.

"It's lonely at the top. Sorry, kid." he said with a wink, picking up the little girl and handing her to Hope, much to her delight as she wrapped her little arms around his neck. Manhandling the younger man, Snow turned him around, pushing him back into the frame. "Sorry, he's ready now." Stepping back to watch the scene, he considered what had just happened. Hope had saved everyone; even Snow. First with the slaying of the Ochu and then with the administration of the antidote. He'd even come somewhat full circle by saving that little girl's mother. Snow couldn't help but smile widely at the days events, even though he still felt pretty terrible as the poison was cleared out of his bloodstream. Everyone was safe; everyone was ok. That had to make the boy feel pretty damn good, he figured. When did Hope grow up? Even though he'd seen changes in his young charge, he still felt like it had just happened in the blink of an eye.

The photographer smiled at their antics and got down to business with the subjects of the picture. "Ok! Give us a nice smile for the camera!" He directed and snapped a few pictures of Hope and the rural family. "Thanks, guys. This'll make the front page! You better watch for it!" said the reporter excitedly.

After a few more minutes of thank yous and hugs, they bid farewell to the grateful family and headed for home in Snow's rusted out car.

"Good job, kid!" Snow clapped Hope on the back affectionately. "Let's go home and celebrate!"

* * *

Once back in Bodhum the two men stopped at home, the Farron residence, to shower and clean up before going to the Shack for a celebratory drink or two. Snow contacted what he could of the NORA team, telling them to assemble there. Hope usually took forever to get ready, but Snow was way less maintenance, his beaten up old ride being the prefect example of this low maintenance, and once again he was killing time waiting for the younger man.

With their new found fortunes, each member of NORA had different things in mind when it came to what to spend money on. Yuj and Hope had each bought themselves state of the art vehicles. Lebreau dumped a bunch of gil into renovations for the Seaside Shack. Gadot's apartment was video game central. He had everything a gamer – young OR old – could have ever wanted. Maqui made a side business out of his tinkering. People would bring him old or broken things and he'd fix them.

As for Snow, the only thing he'd bought since their hobby turned lucrative was a grand piano. The Farron house had a large, mostly empty sitting room in which the piano was kept. While he grew up in the orphanage, the very pious ladies that ran it insisted that all their children develop an artistic talent. Some played violins or any other measure of ancient instrument, some sang, others were painters, but Snow didn't exhibit any sort of talent, or interest for that matter, in an art. He was too busy trying to get into trouble that he didn't care for any of the finer hobbies offered to him. The only thing he eventually showed interest in was the dusty old piano that sat in the foyer of the orphanage. One of their caretakers scoffed and told him that he was a clumsy boy and that he could never play such a beautiful contraption with any proficiency. Even then he was tenacious, and with a little help from a sympathetic teacher, he quickly learned to play. As the doubting woman once foretold of him, Snow never became proficient on the instrument, he'd come of age and had to leave the orphanage far before. He didn't have access to a piano then, so he just gave it up; never thinking he'd ever have a piano of his own one day.

Then when NORA started to get off the ground and they started to make some serious gil, Gadot questioned Snow about what he was going to buy with his first pay cheque. Honestly at that time, he was so busy that he rarely got to think about anything but work.

Shortly after Hope had returned from Palompolum, and Serah had already left for university, Snow and Gadot took Hope back to the orphanage where they were raised and volunteered some time there to help out with the influx of new kids. And there, in the main hall of the orphanage, sat the very piano Snow played hour after hour in an attempt to prove that he was more than what he appeared to be; that he could be more than anyone ever expected of him.

Now he sat sideways in the darkened room on the black stained bench, running a finger over the stark white keys. The points of failing light that shone through the vertical blinds in the room glinted off the piano's impeccably polished surface. He actually had the piano brought from New Eden – the same city in which Serah now resided. There was a master craftsman of ancient instruments there who he commissioned to make him the piano. It really was a masterpiece even though it would never be played by a master. It was a huge thing; almost made Snow look not so big. Turning to sit properly at the bench, Snow placed his fingers on the keys. His left middle was a bit crooked from being broken a few times, and the remainder were thick and clumsy and calloused; not at all like a piano player's fingers should be.

Very quietly, a forlorn melody filled the air as Snow's fingers moved from key to key; playing for a bittersweet few moments before letting his hands fall limply to his side. He wanted to compose something for her birthday, but when he sat down to play all he could ever express was sadness for that which he lost. He reached for his phone in his pocket, maybe he felt it vibrate.

It hadn't.

He looked blankly at it's inactive black screen until Hope came into the room.

"Hey, everything ok?" asked Hope quietly.

Snow looked up and smiled brightly, stuffing the phone back into his jeans pocket. "Yeah! Why wouldn't it be? I get to buy a drink for a real life hero!" He stood up from the bench and threw his arm around Hope's much smaller shoulders, taking them out of the room and towards the front door.

"But I don't drink..." started Hope, sounding a bit nervous.

"Tonight we'll change all that!" assured Snow with a grin.

"Fine, fine. But do me a favour and let's take my car. Give the beast a break, she had a long day." said Hope rather cheekily.

"Hey, don't hate. She was my first." He winked at Hope, trying to make him blush.

Hope grinned. He must have been in a good mood, rising to Snow's challenge. "Your first, huh? What about Serah?"

Snow laughed. "Let's go, kid."

* * *

When they got to the Shack, almost all of NORA was already there. Cheers erupted when Snow pushed Hope in before himself. He had told Gadot to spread the word to everyone about Hope's heroics earlier and apparently his old friend hadn't let him down. In fact, the redhead got to his feet and shook Hope's hand. Gadot and Snow knew that Hope had fought to be accepted by the rest of NORA ever since that day in Eden so long ago. That first meeting had seen Hope as an awkward kid of fourteen, but now everyone had grown up and attitudes had changed. The only attitude that didn't change was Hope's towards Maqui and Snow knew why. _I wonder if he still holds a grudge against me..._ he couldn't help but wonder. Knowing what he did about the silver haired young man, he didn't think there was any harboured feelings left on Hope's end.

Tonight was the night that Hope became one of the group; tonight would be a celebration and Hope's coming of age.

Revelry was present in mass quantities as everyone laughed and joked and rough-housed with each other; Lebreau looking on, shaking her head in mock disapproval. And Hope was presented with a new drink before the old one had run dry.

One by one, the members of NORA left the Shack, bidding a good evening to Hope and Snow, who sat beside each other. Snow was a very capable imbiber of alcoholic beverages, only Gadot presenting a challenge when they tried to drink each other under the table. After a couple hours of drinking tonight, Snow had been freely handing out the jokes and jibes to the others, taking his fair share as well. Once things had started to quiet down a bit, Lebreau came to sit beside Hope, to stroke his ego a little bit.

"From how we heard it, you were very courageous, Hope. Climbing into that building to save that little girl's mom from the Ochu! Those things are scary!" Lebreau was laying it on thick as she touched his arm familiarly. Snow knew something Hope didn't. The dark haired cutie actually had taken quite a shine to the eighteen year old. She usually ended up with unappreciative jerks who took advantage of the fact she was like one of the guys, but when she wanted to be a girl, she couldn't be. She had told Snow all about it... like there was something he could do. Hope broke the mould for her though, and Snow was actually surprised that she didn't hit on the kid earlier. Watching them, he saw that Hope looked a little bit uncomfortable as Lebreau leaned into his personal space to talk to him. "You did a good thing." She was a beautiful woman, though. They might have made a cute couple.

"Hey, Lebreau! Phone call!" called a voice from behind the bar.

Snow saw the annoyance in her eyes at being interrupted, but her voice stayed even. "Sorry. I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere." His eyes crinkled with a smile as he watched her touch Hope's chin with a fingertip, pressing a lingering kiss on his reddened cheek before leaving the table. As soon as she was gone Hope took a big swig of ale and shook his head, unbelieving.

"Heh. She looked ready to eat you up." Chuckled Snow knowingly, elbowing Hope in the ribs. "You should go for it!"

For the umpteenth time Hope blushed and shook his head, silver strands hiding his face, looking down into his lap.

"Oh come on, she's pretty cute, isn't she?" prompted Snow.

"Well yeah. But there's someone else." Hope took another long sip from under the curtain of hair.

Snow's lips curled into a wicked grin. "_Someone else?_" he asked suggestively, watching Hope's mouth clamp shut. "Spill it! Who is it?"

Hope shook his head stubbornly. "No one."

"Hope..." prodded the older man. For Hope to let something uncalculated slip meant that he was already drunk and Snow was not about to give in. He was having too much fun watching him squirm.

"I was just kidding!" declared Hope, a little loudly, a hiccup adding itself to the end of the proclamation. His eyes were starting to droop a little.

"No you weren't!" Snow leaned forward and made a big show of speaking quietly. "I won't tell anyone. Promise!"

Hope regarded Snow behind his squinted eyes; the blond inclining his eyebrows encouragingly. Looking away, the kid fidgeted with the bottle, rolling it around on the tabletop. He could tell Hope was on the verge of spilling his secret. Finally, his youthful lips parted and the words tumbled out meekly. "I wanted Light to be my first..."

Snow clapped him on the back, hearing but not realizing the meaning of Hope's words. "I don't know how much she could teach ya! She don't know much herself." he exclaimed which elicited a shocked look from his protege. During their encounters, Lightning seemed less than an amateur; she was wild and unskilled in her touches. Maybe that's what drove him crazy about her. _She was -_

"What...?" Hope turned in his chair to eye Snow.

"What?" Snow said dumbly, wondering what he missed in the last few seconds while thinking about the allure and mystery that was the girl in question.

"You just said that she doesn't know much herself. But... how would you know that?" Hope filled in his blanks, still staring, jaw slightly unhinged.

"Uh. I don't. I was just guessing." Snow raised his drink to his lips to shut his big mouth and drained the bottle. _Ah hell._ Hope wasn't the only one the alcohol was getting to.

There was silence for an awkward minute before either man spoke again, looking in opposite directions. Snow was trying to figure out what to say next, but he had a bad feeling that if he opened his mouth again something just as dangerous might come out. Hope just looked like he was trying to process what went unsaid. "What happened between you two?"

_You'd hate me if you knew._ Thought Snow sadly. He had to turn this conversation around, for the better of them both. His proverbial boat was sinking. There was no way he could tell Hope that he was in love with the older Farron. His head was hazy though, and he was sure it sounded like he was hesitating. Where the hell was Lebreau? He needed saving!"I don't know what you're talking about, Hope. You know Lightning would have killed me if I ever even _looked_ at any girl other than Serah. Besides, she hates me. Remember?"

Hope raised an eyebrow in Snow's direction.

"Yeah, you remember that time when she decked me out at Lake Bresha?"

The kid started laughing, the earlier tension slipping away. Snow's distraction attempt seemed to be working. "That was hilarious! She didn't do it just once either! She let you have it twice at least!" Hope was giggling inanely now.

"Well, I don't remember it as overly funny or anything..." muttered the butt of the joke.

"Huh?" asked Hope.

Snow recovered, laughing. " Three times! She slugged me in the vestage before that even. She's got a mean right hook!" He rubbed his jaw animatedly.

Hope cackled drunkenly, slapping his mentor's knee. If Snow was lucky, he'd be too drunk to remember any of this in the morning.

* * *

_I wanted Light to be my first..._ Snow recalled Hope confessing to him last night. It confirmed that Hope had feelings for Lightning, but the thing Snow had been surprised by was the depth of those feelings and for the amount of time that Hope carried them. Snow reminded himself that he and Hope weren't unalike in that aspect. Here it was, three years since Lightning's untimely disappearance, and Snow still longed for her. He thought that Hope was the lucky one; he'd never experienced her mind numbing touch, tasted her honeysuckle lips, or been pressed against that responsive body of hers. Snow had images in his head he would rather be able to forget; especially if he would have to exist for a lifetime without a chance to relive them.

Although, Hope really had received all of Lightning that he could have considering their ages and the gap within. Lightning had accepted him into her inner circle and he'd been closer to her than Snow had. Even though Snow had more intimate dealings with the blossom haired woman, she still had a barrier up to keep him out. Hope had transcended that barrier and knew a side of the woman no one ever knew, possibly not even her sister. They connected in a way that Snow only wished he could have with her, so why should it surprise him that Hope held a flame after all these years. After all, Hope was a private sort, whereas he wore his heart on his sleeve.

Lightning had left because of him. Well, that was his theory anyway. If she felt something other than familial love for Hope he figured she would have stuck around, or at least kept in touch with him. But she didn't keep in touch with anyone.

Pouring himself a cup of strong black coffee, he headed down the hallway towards Hope's room. He wondered how the boy was feeling this morning. He knocked on the nondescript door. Waiting for a reply, he scratched his bare belly and yawned. "Hope? Are you awake?" Still no reply. Snow cracked open the door and peeked his head inside. "Hellooooooo..." Hope was nowhere to be found.

_Hmm, he musta gone on ahead._

Snow had been hoping to talk to the kid about what happened out in the field yesterday, the strange tremors and flash of light had worried him, even though things really turned out for the better. He thought he saw Hope checking the same wrist his l'Cie tattoo had been on, but he couldn't see it for himself. Had something happened to Hope that granted him the strength to save himself and the woman from the collapsed building? He thought it important to find out.

Although, much to his trepidation, each morning for the next two days Hope was gone before Snow even got up. He was going to work, but considering how close everyone was, he must have been going out of his way in order to avoid Snow.

Early in the afternoon of the second day, Maqui had called Snow to tell him that he wasn't feeling well and wouldn't be accompanying him to Thamasa. He hated to call Hope on his day off, but he had to. The contract had to be fulfilled today or they'd lose it.

"Hey. I was supposed to go to Thamasa today with Maqui, but he's not feeling well. If you're not busy, I'd appreciate some help. I know it's your day off, and I feel like an ass calling you but I'm in a bind here, bud."

Silence on the other end. Snow had called him directly; he couldn't avoid his blond boss forever. "Yeah. I'll meet you there. I've got something to take care of first." Then the call ended. Snow looked at the phone, a bit exasperated at Hope's recent behaviour, and tossed it onto the passenger seat. He was already on his way to the small town.

When Hope said he had something to do, he wasn't kidding. Snow's stomach growled loudly. He had only had breakfast to eat today. He skipped lunch in favour of getting this contract in Thamasa over with early. So much for that. By his estimation, Hope was over three hours late and Thamasa was only an hour from Bodhum. "Where the hell is that kid...?" he muttered, leaning against his rickety vehicle, arms crossed. Snow sighed heavily. He thought Hope must have remembered what was said that night. That would explain why Hope was avoiding him; that _had_ to be it. Ever since those words slipped out of his mouth he'd been kicking himself. If Hope ever forgave him he swore he'd swear off booze.

* * *

When Hope finally pulled up, he totally ignored Snow, walking past him towards the area where the sighting was. Sighing again, Snow followed. The area was a sort of oasis in the desert around Thamasa. The residents would come to enjoy the waters of the oasis and had run into the imposing alien fauna. NORA was called in when the rogue monster had attacked a young man who took it upon himself to try and chase the huge animal away. They were advised that whenever someone would approach the waters, or entered them, _it_ would charge, attempting to chase off anyone who dared get near. Snow picked up a small, flat rock from the ground at the water's edge and skipped it five times over the surface. It didn't take long for the problem to arrive in the form of an aggressive armour plated lizard _thing_. Snow remembered taking them on back in the day when they, as l'Cie, were the only ones to traverse the plains of Pulse. He remembered them being hard to kill. This one seemed different though.

"Hmm, did they always have a built in flail?" referring to the huge boney spiked ball on the tip of its tail. Hope didn't respond. He just pulled his crossbow off his back and readied himself for the attack. "Hrmph."

Snow was correct when he remembered it being hard to kill. He punched at the thing over and over and over to shatter plate after plate protecting the monster's only vulnerability. Once he'd broken the bone plates, Hope would shoot a bolt into the soft body underneath to stop the plates from regenerating. When they had most of the outer scales broken, Hope had run out of bolts. So it was up to Snow's two hands to finish the job. In a desperate attempt to escape, the huge beast swung it's flail-like tail around manically to try and sweep the men off their feet. The razor sharp edge of a spike caught the hem of Hope's loose pants as he jumped out of the way, and with a flick the monster brought the young man down out of the air, slamming him to the ground.

Snow sprung into action with the monster's attention now solely on Hope. Jumping on the thing's back, he delivered blow after devastating blow to the back of its cranium until it finally collapsed under the assault.

Hope sat under a tree with a ripped pant leg, surveying the wound. Snow scampered off the back of the beast and took to his friend's side.

"I had it under control." Hope spat out shortly.

"Hey, take it easy. We're partners. I was just trying to help." said Snow, completely taken aback by Hope's uncharacteristic reaction. Still he offered him a helping hand up.

"_Well, don't_. I don't _need_ your help." Hope bypassed Snow's outreached hand and stood on his own, blood dripping down his leg. With the empty crossbow slung over his shoulders, he started the walk back towards the car.

_Ok, that was not what I was expecting._ Snow stood there, watching, feeling tension thicken in the air. Something was about to be said that couldn't be unsaid; something was about to boil over.

Hope stopped and rounded on the older man. "Tell me one thing."

"What's that?" Snow said as unoffendingly as possible, despite his own rising anger, trying to catch Hope's gaze. _Here it comes..._

"Are you in love with her?" Hope's face was set in a determined line. His question was not rhetorical.

How Hope turned his words in the pub into a matter of love was beyond him, but he reminded himself that that the boy was very astute. That must have been what Hope had been stewing about these last couple days. The kid bottled everything up inside, and even though he knew something was wrong, Snow had waited too long to address it. His reluctance to discuss Lightning stemmed from his own fear of this very scenario.

"Ah, Hope..."

Snow wrestled with that answer. Should he continue to lie to everyone even though it really didn't matter anymore? Serah didn't want him and Lightning was so unavailable that she may as well not even exist. If he kept the lie intact, people would be none the wiser, but he himself would know. For the last few years he had tried to keep so busy he wouldn't have time to think about her, but it wasn't fair that he couldn't speak to anyone about what was in his heart. Snow was constantly surrounded by people, but he was always alone.

No. Heroes didn't lie; and even though he wanted to relinquish the title he knew he could never be any less. The honour and the goodness was ingrained in him; it was undeniable. So even if the lie patched things up, it was still grounded in deceit, which could only lead to a path of darkness. One lie would lead to another; truths would become contorted or even forgotten in the false comfort and soon the light of honesty would be snuffed out. Even if the truth hurt more than the lie, this truth would make a clean cut; deep but clean.

He no longer wanted to hide his feelings. "Yes."

Hope stared blankly for a moment, then nodded and walked away, leaving Snow and the oasis behind.


	9. Chapter 9

Lightning had been planning to turn in early. It was her birthday, after all, and she could do whatever she wanted. Not that she had anything better to do anyway. Today had been a bit of a trying day. Her core sample set-ups had been trampled by wild animals overnight and when she had arrived this morning to collect them and record data, she found her equipment strewn all over a mile or more around the site. Usually she was able to predict the migratory patterns of the animals nearby, and her sister station was there to do just that, but last night had been somewhat odd. There weren't supposed to be any large groupings of animals in the area until the fall, but something must have scared them off their regular paths.

Dipping her hands into the sink full of warm, soapy water, she washed up the dishes from her unexciting birthday dinner of broiled chicken, carrots and rice. The usual classical music floated throughout the house.

Every year she replayed the events of her twenty-first birthday in the kitchen of her childhood home and inevitably those events lead to her examining them. Would things have turned out different if she'd accepted her sister's predicament instead of calling her a liar and disavowing her rapidly advancing relationship with Snow? These familiar memories had been run ragged in her mind birthday after birthday. Even though she would never have wished for Serah to have to endure the death of another loved one, she wasn't sure how she would have reacted to seeing them together. She reminded herself that this line of thought would never be useful in any way, but she still couldn't help but wonder if she could have let him go, given the chance to do so, blessed with some closure.

Despite her heavy thoughts, today she felt lighter than she typically did on this day. Looking thoughtfully out into the starless pitch black sky through her kitchen window, she heard a knock on the screen door behind her.

She spun around surprised, soapy water splashing out of the sink as she snatched a rather large kitchen knife from the knife block and hurled it at the edge of the door's frame. The power behind it saw the blade halfway through the wood.

"Oh, hey hey easy, there..." said Zack, standing stick still, face white, staring at the couple of inches of sharp, exposed steel jammed through the frame. "Good thing I knocked first?" he said lightly with a wink from behind the mesh door.

"Zack." she shook her head. "It's not healthy for you to be sneaking up on me. What the hell are you doing here, anyway? " asked Lightning as she motioned for her friend to come in.

"I'm glad to see you too, Av." Opening the screen door, he gripped the knife handle, prying it out of the frame with a creak. He strode in and put it back in the block. She regarded him carefully. He was up to something; looking particularly satisfied with himself.

"What do you want?" she said curtly, turning back to the sink to wipe up the soapy mess she'd made as he took a seat behind her at the table.

"Well... a little birdie told me that it's somebody's birthday today." sang Zack in that mischievous voice of his.

Lightning rolled her eyes. _Dammit, Amodar._

"Do you have any idea whose birthday it is today?" Zack teased.

"Yours?"

"If it was mine, would you give me a kiss?" he raised his eyebrows at her back.

"No." she deadpanned.

"Oh. Not even a little one?"

"No."

"Awww. You're mean, Av."

She chuckled slightly, draining the water from the sink, turning around to face him, drying her hands on a tea towel. "So you've said before."

"Well, even though you're mean and scary, I thought I'd take you out for your birthday." Zack winked at her again.

_He seriously must have a tic_. She thought to herself.

"Zack. Need I remind you that we're in the middle of nowhere?"

"I'm taking you to the mainland."

She raised an eyebrow. _The mainland, huh?_

_

* * *

_

"Naw, I'll have to take a rain cheque, man. I've got too much work to do. Since Hope left I've been playing catch up with the books. I don't even _do_ the books, but because we all have to sleep sometime I've been doing them for Yuj to give him a break."

Hope left NORA at a rather inopportune time. They had been short handed as it was, but now things were nearing their breaking point. Snow knew that the kid was hurt, but he was sure that if they had talked it out, they could have come to some sort of resolution. Hope had not given him a chance to explain himself or to make up for his loose lips. Even though he wasn't sure what he could have said to make the kid feel better there had to have been something. After Snow had returned to the Farron residence from Thamasa, he discovered Hope had packed up his stuff and left. He tried calling Hope's cell a few times but as expected, the young man wasn't ready to talk, so his calls went unanswered. Were the unguarded words that fell from his lips about Lightning really worth Hope abandoning their friendship over? Even though it was true that Snow was in love with Lightning, he could just imagine the things that were running around in Hope's overactive teenage head.

Gadot stood staunchly in the doorway dressed up and obviously ready to find himself a date. "I'm not taking no for an answer. You need to relax or you're gonna burn out and be no good to anyone."

Snow looked up at his best friend. "You're not gonna leave me alone, are you?"

"All work and no play makes Snow a dull boss." Gadot said, shaking his head.

He sighed. "Fine. Let's go." Tonight wasn't just any night, after all. It was Lightning's birthday. He had plans to sit and drink all by his lonesome, like every other year. But maybe for a change he'd let himself be drug along with Gadot.

He grinned satisfactorily. "How long you need?"

"Five minutes." Snow got up from the kitchen table he used as a desk and slid past Gadot to his bedroom to throw on something clean. He stripped, tossing his dirty clothes on the floor and grabbed a pair of fresh underwear, sliding them on as he headed to the closet to find something suitable to dress in. Over the years he always said he'd never own anything even resembling a suit, but he had collected most of the components, he just never wore them all together. Sometimes being the head of NORA required him to do things he couldn't pass off to Yuj, and he found himself occasionally in need of some nice threads. Lebreau had actually picked out most of them. Once he found something suitable, he tossed the clothing on his borrowed bed spread. "Where are we going?" he called out down the hallway, crossing it to go to the bathroom to wash his face.

"There's this cool place on Gran Pulse I've been hearing about. It's in a cave or some shit."

"In a _cave_?" laughed Snow, splashing water on his face and towelling it off. Running a hand through his tousled blond hair, he shrugged, looking in the mirror. He had a little more scruff on his face than usual, he hadn't found the time to clean it up. He and Lightning were the same age now that she had reached twenty-five, and he wondered how different her face looked. No matter how old she became he would never think she was anything but amazingly beautiful. He nodded at himself. "Good 'nuff."

Snow hadn't been off Cocoon since the fateful day that changed his whole life, so maybe it was time to see the 'new' Pulse. Returning to his room, he snatched the black pants off the bed and wriggled into them. Pushing his arms through his favourite blue shirt, buttoning it quickly. Lebreau had called it _cornflower_ blue. She said it brought out his eyes. Slipping on some comfy black shoes, he elbowed Gadot on the way out the front door. "You're buying!"

* * *

When they arrived at the club, there had been a long line of people waiting to get in. They joined the queue between the velvet ropes and waited. Gadot quietly commented on some of the more unusual people standing in line around them. After some silent snickering, Gadot elbowed him and pointed out a dark-haired couple approaching the front of the line. Snow watched as the man caught the burly bouncer's attention with a hearty greeting and a complicated looking handshake. He couldn't hear what they were saying while motioning to his, Snow assumed, female companion. He caught himself appreciating the woman's curvy posterior and dark wavy hair.

"Hey, Zack! What's up, my man? Who's the fox?" the bouncer grinned in Lightning's direction. In an attempt to not look completely anti-social, she returned his grin with a tight smile.

"This 'fox' could tear you to shreds, my man. I wouldn't cross her if I were you." grinned Zack, putting an arm around her shoulders as she rolled her eyes. She shrugged off his embrace and made a mental note to punch him later.

"Ha! I like her already, Zacky boy. But..." he leaned towards Zack, eying his annoyed black haired companion. "You should take your own advice." Guffawing loudly, he unhooked the velvet rope. "Go on in, you two. Have fun."

They shared a laugh as he admitted the couple but Snow still couldn't see the woman's face as they entered the club.

"Ah, I guess it's who you know 'round here." remarked Gadot. "She looked like a hottie. From the back anyway..."

Snow nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah, and I'm stuck with you and your ugly mug."

"Ouch, Snow. That hurt." Gadot thudded his fist over his heart, feigning offense. "Right here, buddy."

Snow stuck out his lower lip in mock sympathy.

The bouncer let in a fairly large group of people, and the line moved slightly forward.

"We'll be here all night..." complained Snow.

"Nah. The line's already startin' to move. Besides. I know what you're thinkin', and yes you'd rather be gettin' some work done, but you wouldn't be havin' fun. Damn, dude, you're such a stiff these days."

Snow didn't have a retort for that. It was true.

* * *

As they made their way through the crowds of people, Zack hooked Lightning's slender fingers underneath his belt so he wouldn't lose her. She was a bit disoriented having never been in a place as busy or as loud as this. She'd recognized the area from her travels with her fellow l'Cie as Zack found a place to land and disembark. Beyond that, Mah'habara was a whole different place due to the revitalization of the old mining colonies. With an already established plethora of tunnels, the citizens of Cocoon who decided to make the dark and dusty underground their home, were a lively and hard working lot looking to make their fortunes from the vast underworld riches. Mah'habara was also home to the biggest, most unusual subterranean night club on Gran Pulse; really the _only_ subterranean night club. Zack couldn't stop taking about the unusual acoustics of the place and it's earthy qualities. He hadn't been kidding about the unique club carved from stone and dirt; the sound ricocheted and echoed wildly throughout, lending both ethereal and macabre undertones to the steady bass laden beats.

She saw Zack eying the crammed dance floor. He looked at her, raising an eyebrow. "I don't dance." said Lightning against Zack's unusual black hair as she leaned towards his ear. A spike brushed her cheek and she was surprised at how soft it felt. He pulled away from her and shrugged, looking around the club. She eyed him suspiciously. He wasn't one to give up and she almost felt bad. She was always a downer, never wanting to do anything 'fun' as he put it. She'd come out with him, though. He had to give her a _little_ credit.

_Surely he wouldn't make me -_

She jumped when he grabbed her hand, and started off towards the dance floor where countless sweaty bodies moved in time against one another. She stumbled along behind him, not used to the low heels she threw on before they left the house. The black death traps had been a hand-me-down find left by her predecessor, and she really had no idea why she hadn't burned the damn things years ago. Panic knocked around in her stomach as she tried to yank her hand away from his grasp and regain her quickly diminishing aloofness. He turned and looked at her, a grin playing on his lips. He wasn't about to let her hand go, so she stood stubbornly in place, pulling him to her, repeating herself. "I _don't_ dance!" Once again he looked curiously at her and cocked his head to one side.

"You like my pants?" he shouted.

She gave him _the look_, silently chiding him.

He pouted.

Lightning sighed in resignation. _Tch._

Zack winked at her and turned back around to continue his lead. She followed him, rolling her eyes. Her hand felt a little numb and she wanted to _not_ be touching him, but she trusted him. If he wanted to hurt her, he could have done it a long time ago in a far more private place. If she didn't trust him, she wouldn't have come with him tonight she reminded herself. He stopped and turned, releasing her hand only long enough to grasp it with his other, pulling her into him after a twirl. Easily standing somewhere over six feet tall, his presence was commanding and she had seen many appreciative female gazes linger on his svelte frame. Tonight she had not seen him check out any of his admirers, he only seemed to have eyes for her. It made her feel a little lightheaded if she was being honest. He kept hold of her hand and slid his other around her waist. She felt heat rise to her cheeks as he started to sway in time with the music, sliding a leg in between hers, providing her with the pace. She didn't know where to look, so she stared awkwardly at the hollow of his throat as she tried to relax, unlocking her knees, moving uncoordinatedly against his frame.

He leaned in to speak to her, his breath puffing gently against her neck. "I don't bite." She felt him roll a bit of her hair between his fingertips. Sliding his hand into her dark strands, he stroked her scalp for a moment, coaxing her eyes to close as she leaned into his touch. The thick thigh wedged between her knees was pleasant, but sensual and warm making her almost forget where she was.

He pressed her palms to his chest as he inched closer towards her, keeping with the tempo of the thumping music. Swallowing tightly, she felt embarrassed to hear her heart pound a rhythm all its own in her ears. She could feel the definition of his chest under the light fabric of his shirt. Closing her eyes, she let her hands roam over familiar muscles, remembering a time long passed with a man long gone. Chiseled pectorals twitched under her needy hands; they recalled the feel of _him_ beneath her. No matter how she tried to forget, her hands recalled the masculine angles of his flesh. She looked up and met the blue eyes belonging to her charming friend, instantly feeling quite awkward.

What the hell was she doing in a dance club?

_Dancing of course._

But she didn't dance, and now here she was on her birthday, with the very attractive man that served her the very first ale she'd ever consumed. What a small world.

* * *

Snow and Gadot finally gained entrance to the smoky, strobe light filled club. There were so many people. There was sitting room on one side and the lit up squares of the dance floor on the other. He followed Gadot to a table where the two men sat to watch the rat race of people. Watching his buddy eye everything female milling around on their side of the bar, he sighed. There was nothing that caught his eye. Nothing would ever be as beautiful to him as his absent love. Snow had often thought about what it would be like to do mundane things with the fierce Lightning Farron; going to the corner store, drinking at the Shack, walking in on her in the shower, or waking up beside her after a night of love making.

"Snow!" Gadot punched him lightly in the arm.

He looked over at the redhead. "Huh?"

"Whaddya want to drink?"

"Oh." he shook his head, thoughts of her dissipating. "Beer."

Gadot nodded and got to his feet.

He could feel eyes boring into the back of his head. He turned in his seat and caught the gaze of a mildly attractive blonde. Gadot liked blondes; she would probably be right up his alley. Unfortunately, she was shamelessly undressing Snow with her eyes, and he actually shuddered a little under her lusty stare. Breaking the contact, he turned back around hoping that staring was all she'd do. Shortly after he found something else to look at, he felt fingernails tickle the back of his neck through his hair. _Ah, hell._

"Hey, handsome. Mind if I sit here?" A throaty voice trickled into his ear, fingernails trailing down his spine.

"Be my guest." he replied, motioning across from him, hoping Gadot would come back soon.

He didn't hold out hope that she'd go for the chair on the other side of the table. She sat down beside him, slipping her arm around his, leaning in to talk to him. "I haven't seen you around here before." she purred.

"I don't get to Pulse very often." he said simply, avoiding her gaze. He wasn't into blondes; he appreciated something more... exotic. Something less blonde and more pink. On top of that, he wasn't interested in any woman who would throw herself at him.

The only woman he ever thought about was lost to him. His free hand moved to the pocket that held his cell phone. He felt his unwelcome guest experimentally squeezing his biceps, and he looked over to her. A sultry smile crossed her lips, and she licked the bottom one, taking it between her teeth. She really wasn't doing anything for him. Her hazel eyes were slightly glazed over, indicating she probably had too much to drink this evening. "What's your name?" he asked her.

"Madeleine" she replied, leaning farther than necessary into his personal space, pushing her generous cleavage against his arm, snaking her hand down to his thigh and across his very uninterested groin. Shocked, he stood up, almost knocking Gadot over as he approached the table, drinks in his hands. _Gadot will most definitely be interested in Madeline._ He chuckled uncomfortably to himself. The blonde had quite the satisfied look on her face, still eying him like a piece of meat.

"Whoa! What the hell, Snow?" laughed Gadot dodging the larger man's unexpected movements. Snow turned and took his drink from the redhead, taking a refreshing swig, sliding an arm around Gadot's broad shoulders.

"This, my friend, is Madeleine." He motioned to the mature woman sitting expectantly. She greeted him with a wave, wiggling her fingers. Snow pulled out his chair for Gadot and motioned for him to sit. "Madeleine, this is my good buddy Gadot." She held out her hand, and Gadot took it carefully, passing his thumb over her knuckles, capturing her gaze. Snow rolled his eyes in amusement. He had to admit his burly friend was pretty slick with the ladies, even if he didn't have to do much for this one's attentions.

"Hey, Snow. Go get Madeleine a drink, willya?" said Gadot, never taking his eyes off the woman.

"Sure. Anything you say, Slick." Snow gladly took his leave of them, heading back towards the bar to fulfill his buddy's request for a drink even though the girl looked more than intoxicated already.

It seemed that Snow was destined to stand in lines all night. Tapping his toe to the music, he glanced around the bar again, waiting for the line to creep forward. He noticed a few lurid female glances giving him the once over as he earnestly returned a couple of smiles. He was easily the tallest person there, and was able to see over most people's heads. Yawning, he covered his mouth covertly with his hand. Inhaling deeply, he caught a familiar scent on the smoky air.

_Lightning..._

It wasn't the first time he'd caught her scent out of nowhere. It wasn't real, but it was a pleasurable, nearly tangible fabrication. He thoroughly enjoyed it when it happened. The more he thought of her, the more often that intoxicating smell from his memories manifested itself, and she'd been on his mind a lot lately. Shuffling ever closer to the bar, he glanced over his shoulder absently, wondering where this night found her. He imagined her safe and sound at the very least. He couldn't stomach anything else. He noticed the tall, dark, spiky haired guy that was buddy buddy with the bouncer controlling the flow of people outside, dancing with that girl of his. Snow didn't dance unless he was sufficiently lubricated with alcohol, but he would if Lightning had asked him to. Not that she ever would... In fact, he would have done anything for her. If she wasn't so damn stubborn and would just call him, she'd find out for herself.

"What can I get ya, bud?" asked the bartender catching his attention.

"Whatever girls drink." shrugged Snow. The bartender nodded and prepared a shaker full of booze and mix. Draining the red liquid into a fancy cocktail glass, he added a candied cherry and one of those fancy little umbrellas.

Snow offered more payment than was necessary for the fruity smelling drink and took it with a manly nod, feeling a bit silly toting it back to the table.

* * *

Zack was smiling down at Lightning innocently and she looked away, embarrassed again. She felt his chest rumble with a chuckle. He took one of her hands in his and released her hip, taking a big step back, twirling her again but this time he nestled his chest against her back, slipping his arms around to rest on her hips, rocking back and forth to the ever present reverberation of music. She realized she was holding her breath, but as the bass dominated song progressed she started to relax against him. Even though the pose they were in was a bit awkward as she was exposed to the crowd, she closed her eyes and was thankful that she didn't have to keep staring at him. She was tucked slightly in between his long legs and he held fast to her. She kept time with the music thanks again to his movements. She wasn't much of a dancer nor blessed with the gift of rhythm, but she knew he must have made her look really good considering all the envious looks she garnered from numerous pairs of eyes.

"Are we having fun yet?" he almost purred in her ear. Although he was in impeccable physical condition, his voice was a bit breathy. The beat was entrancing and she had to admit the company was as well. Feeling a little playful, she rested her hands on his knees, pressing her behind against him. Two could play at this game.

Responding to her challenge, he leaned forward, gently moving her hair away from her neck to nuzzle the shell of her ear with his nose, then slipping his hands ever so casually over her bare thighs. His palms were warm against her skin, but she tensed as his fingertips lingered under the hemline of her skirt. She tensed for a second at the touch, but forced herself to breathe and relax.

Unable to up the ante anymore, Lightning was secretly happy as the song drew to a close. He held her close for a few moments, his hands lingering around her waist, leaving trails of heat behind. She pulled away and turned to face him, her face pink and damp. He smiled warmly at her, grabbing her hand again leading her towards the bar.

"I'm gonna get us a drink, ok?" He spoke lowly, his lips brushing against her ear.

She nodded. Anything to get him away from the dance floor.

The bar area was surrounded by people, and she was starting to feel a bit claustrophobic. She almost frantically searched for an empty space where she could keep her distance from the herds of people. Dissecting the entire area was a huge glass wall. It separated the dance floor and the tabled seating area. There was no one standing by it in the far corner of the darkened club, so she tapped Zack on the shoulder and motioned to the wall. He nodded and winked at her, giving her hand a squeeze before they parted. Staying as far as she could from the sweaty grinding groups of people, she made her way to the far end of the unique wall and leaned against it. Sighing heavily, she took the opportunity to survey the club. The dance floor was the biggest part of the bar, lit colourfully by tiles underneath it. She guessed that a couple hundred people were on the floor gyrating at any given time.

On the edge of the floor, a couple danced quite erotically working against each other in time with the repetitive beat. They were barely touching, his hand rested on her waist as hers hung at her sides. One of his knees was wedged rather intimately in between her legs and every so often he would dip his head to brush his lips over her pale throat, or she would caress his jaw with her fingertip. Lightning shifted her weight. She couldn't watch them for very long, she felt like a voyeur.

Looking back over to where she left Zack, she spied him approaching her, an amber bottle in each hand. He smiled easily at her and offered her the beverage. She nodded her thanks. It had been a long time since she had a drink, but she felt as though she was in a better place now than she was those years ago, so she took a sip. The liquid didn't taste the same as it had the last time Zack had offered her one, and she found herself underwhelmed by it. Back then she'd been seduced by its numbing qualities and she was well aware now that she may have overindulged a little.

_Ok, maybe a lot..._

Zack leaned against the wall beside her, smiling at her again. "You're having a terrible time, aren't you?" he asked.

"No, I'm ok." she nodded at him. It wasn't a lie. She was having an alright time, but it was mostly due to the company. "Do you come here a lot?"

"When I get a weekend to myself I do."

She nodded again and took another sip of her drink. They stood there, watching the tangled mess of faces and limbs comfortably standing beside one another for a couple songs. Noticing he was staring at her, she raised an eyebrow at him.

"What?"

"Your face is healing nicely. I don't think those cuts will leave scars." he smiled, raising a fingertip to trace the vanishing reminder of her mixer with the behemoth family. The slit up her side wasn't so pretty though; her stitching job had been understandably sloppy and the flesh had unevenly grown together to form a nasty looking scar. Truthfully it wasn't even completely healed yet. She didn't tell Zack about that injury though, he would have wanted to see it and she would have had to punch him.

But now her head swum pleasantly after his whisper of a touch. She nodded slightly, a familiar haze floating over her brain. She'd always been a lightweight drinker even though it was masked by a constant state of drunkenness years ago. _Speaking of scars..._ Zack had a strange sort of 'X' shaped scar on his otherwise flawless cheek and she reminded herself to ask about how he got it. He had great skin, though it was a little pale for him to have such dark hair, intense blue eyes not unlike Snow's, but more of a hot sapphire; very handsome features overall.

Just then, a pretty young thing came up to her black haired companion and hugged him. They seemed to know each other and she beckoned him to dance with her. He looked at Lightning regrettably, raising an eyebrow as if to inquire if she'd be ok alone. She nodded emphatically and shooed him away. He laughed and let himself be led into the crowd of people.

The table had gotten too crowded for Snow with that blonde draping herself all over his buddy, and he found he needed a breather. So much for having a good time. He was probably driving too. Snow hated to be a downer, but he really would have rather been back at the house working, or playing piano, or anything else. They'd barely noticed when he got up from the table and meandered to a quiet corner, standing against the interesting translucent wall. Blocking out the booming music in his ears, he closed his eyes and he ran through the score he'd composed in honour of Lightning's birthday.

Taking another couple sips of ale, Lightning turned around to peek through the curious glass wall she leaned on. It was thick, hollow in the middle, but only slightly distorted, glowing faintly. On the other side of the wall, someone had the same idea she did, but he made a better door than a window. The club was very dark, but she could make out some details about the man from the back. He was very tall, impressively so. He wore a collared solid blue shirt that fit around his sturdy figure nicely. On the bottom he wore black pants and comfortable looking black loafers. He was faced away from her, his backside pressed tantalizingly against the glass. Checking it out, she was not disappointed. She laughed at herself as she tore her eyes away from his buttocks. She must have been getting tipsy already to be checking out Zack, and now some random guy as well. Up top, he had a head of messy bright blond hair.

A long forgotten memory of herself gripping and tugging on thick blond hair flashed before her.

She stood frozen to her spot.

He kinda looked like...

"Turn around." she bid the familiar figure. Lightning felt her lips move, but the sound was choked by the droning music. Without realizing, she had pressed her hands to the glass.

_Go look._ She heard a familiar voice say inside her head.

_Don't be stupid. It can't be him. He's dead. _She reasoned with herself.

Reluctantly, she turned away, her back again to his, gripping the bottle in her hand tightly as it visibly trembled.

_If you don't go, you'll kick yourself later._ The voice in her head taunted her.

Thanks to the inhibition lowering bottle of liquid in her hand, she gave in to the voice.

She inched down the wall again to catch a glimpse of his face, but it was too dark; his features were entirely shadowed. Walking quickly towards the end of the wall where she could get into the other section of the club, her skin prickled with excitement. Her heart started thumping against her chest the minute she saw that shock of hair, but just what the hell did she expect to find?

The beer was going right through him and Snow felt a familiar urgency growing in his belly. Leaving his dark little corner, he drained the bottle in his hand and left it on a nearby table on his way to the washroom. Passing by Gadot, he was flagged by his friend and took a detour back towards the previously intimate scene. His face looked a little slack. "Hey, what's up, buddy?" asked Snow.

"Uh, Madeleine here... has a boyfriend."

Snow's face broke into a lopsided grin. "Oops."

"Yeah, so, I think it's a good idea if we get goin'." Gadot started pushing his friend towards the exit.

Madeleine was standing now, her arms held out towards an oncoming male who looked unimpressed at best while the friends beat a hasty retreat. Normally the two imposing men would have been up for a scuffle, but not over a girl that was already spoken for. In any case, Snow was happy to get out of there early. This way he could get home and spend a few hours on other activities before he had to call it a night, but not before mocking Gadot until he snapped.

The further away she got from where the familiar stranger stood, the more desperate she felt. She couldn't see him anymore as she rounded the glass corner and dodged the people and tables that were in her way. Once she got closer to where she saw him through the glass, she realized that he no longer stood there.

_Where...?_

She looked around desperately trying to find the tall man. From the corner of her eye, she saw the blond hair again. He had made his way all the way across the club to the exit and she made a mad dash for him. In her haste, she slammed head on into a woman, forcing her elegant looking cocktail to splash all over both of them.

"What the _hell?_" shrieked the busty blonde woman. The front of her dress was soaked with the red fruity smelling drink.

Lightning stopped for a second to apologize, but couldn't stay longer than that. Turning away from the angry woman, she started moving again towards the exit, but she could no longer see him.

"Hey! Where are you going? My dress -!" objected the woman as Lightning left her behind.

Frantically, she swung her head from side to side, stomach tight with anxiety; heart aching.

_Idiot._ She cursed herself, running a hand through her black tresses. _You're a damned fool._

Warmth enveloped her free hand and she jerked around to look at whoever it was, a faint hope still within her that it might be _him_.

It wasn't. _Surprise._

Zack's hand squeezed hers, a smile crossing his lips, but his eyebrows knit together when he saw something akin to loss pasted all over her face. She felt tears in her eyes as his expression changed to compassion, pulling her into his arms. He had no idea why she was crying; he only knew that she was, and that was good enough for him. "Do you wanna get outta here?" he asked her, stroking her hair.

She wiped her eyes stubbornly, willing the tears to go away, hiding her head until they relented. She didn't even think she had any tears left to shed over him; even though she was healing, she still felt dead inside. That was until she met Zack. His zest for life reminded her that hers wasn't yet over and that she should stop acting like it was. He made her remember what it was like when feeling was the only thing that fueled her; how strong she had been back then when she and her friends saved Serah and Cocoon. And finally, the exhilaration Snow had made her feel.

* * *

They sat in silence for a few minutes in the cockpit of the aircraft. Lightning was trying to pull herself together by reminding herself that it couldn't have been him she saw in the club. She had accepted his death; accepted the complete deprivation of something she had barely tasted.

Zack broke the deafening silence. "What's his name?"

How could he have guessed the topic of her embarrassing emotional outburst? Lightning shifted her gaze from her hands to the dashboard of the craft, staring absently. She hadn't said his name to anyone for years. Going through the motions all this time, attempting to control the unreasonable sadness that welled within her, she slowly but surely had dealt with the more serrated edges of self-loathing and tribulation. For years she did all the things she had to; lived life with him in the back of her mind. Days came and went; light fell upon her face every morning and ebbed away into darkness when her nights with him would begin. Only after these years did she feel strong enough to talk about him with someone else, but she never wanted to.

It was surreal seeing that figure through the glass; so close, but so far that even her most desperate and furied actions wouldn't have been able to shatter it. Hurrying through the bar, tipping a drink on someone; these actions served to make her feel the pang of loss all over again, and now she wanted to talk about it. She wanted to talk about him; as if speaking his name into existence once again would make her not crazy for seeing a dead man.

"Averia..." Zack's voice was barely above a whisper when his large hand closed around hers.

She swallowed to coax the name out. "Snow." She heard herself say his name. It felt good to say it in this moment. She'd never admitted to another human being that he even existed after she left Bodhum. "His name was Snow."

"Was...?"

She nodded slightly, feeling her eyes well with tears she thought had gone dry. "He's dead." She took a deep breath, her chest abnormally unconstricted, and continued. "I saw someone that looked like him in the bar. I... chased after him. But..." she shook her head. "I lost him." She heard Zack shift in his seat to look at her, never relinquishing his calming touch on her hands.

"It was a long time ago. My sister, Serah, had been turned into a l'Cie. The first Pulse l'Cie in a long time. She was held captive by the fal'Cie and I went to find her... to bring her home." She looked out the window ahead of her. "There were others... that came. We were... assembled... by the Pulse fal'Cie. Hope, Vanille, Sazh, myself and... Snow. Hope was the one in the newspaper you brought me... Vanille and her friend were the ones who saved Cocoon from total destruction. Sazh had a little boy who was taken by the Sanctum. And then there was Snow. He was my sister's fiancee. He went looking for her too. We all had a part to play in a production where everything was scripted; nothing left to chance."

Lightning laughed humourlessly. "I hated him when I met him. He was cocky and loudmouthed. Never thinking about the danger before he threw himself headlong into it. I didn't know if he was, but he seemed fearless." She had come to know in the end that he might not have been completely fearless, but he did what he had to do in spite of that fear.

"My parents died when I was young and left us alone. My life with my sister had been so quiet; so... routine. I did what I had to do to take care of us including putting my own life on hold. Then she met this kid, Snow, and he changed her. I didn't want to admit that I was losing Serah to him, and I hated him for it. The little girl that looked to _me_ for everything and for whom I sacrificed the years of my own childhood for I was losing. I felt as though no one could take care of her like I could and when they came to me and told me they were engaged..."

She winced inwardly, remembering the exact conversation.

"I lost it on them. Serah took off and Snow followed, later coming to tell me that Serah was being held captive by the same Pulse fal'Cie that branded her. We went our separate ways to look for Serah and ended up meeting inside the fal'Cie only to witness her turn to crystal as the legends foretold of those who fulfilled their focus. Snow vowed to free her; to save her and bring her back so he could marry her. Then our journey began. We were all branded l'Cie and given a task. We didn't know where we were going or exactly what we were supposed to do, but somehow _fate-"_ Lightning spat the word out bitterly "...helped us work that part out."

She sighed. "After some cramped quarters and admitted guilt on my part, Snow grew on me and I started to realize what Serah saw in him. I also realized that the feelings I was starting to have for my sister's fiancee were less than familial; less than faithful to her. He made me feel as though it was ok to not be strong all the time and that even the strongest people needed someone to lean on. I came to realize how fleeting and uncertain life was; especially _our_ lives as l'Cie. At any time we could have been turned into soulless monsters with regrets and unfulfilled focuses.

One night, nearing the end of our predetermined quest, I needed to clear my head. He found me when I was vulnerable and weak and alone and with just his presence it all disappeared. I hadn't cried in so long and that night he held me until I let it all out. I wanted to forget everything that night, and he took it away and gave me peace. It was short lived though and because I let him see what I'd been hiding, I put up a new wall tailor-made for him..." Lightning trailed off, and her voice took on a most sombre tone.

"That's the one thing I regret the most; not telling him how I felt. But I was scared. I was terrified that if I told him how I felt I'd be taking away the one thing that made my sister happy. Sure, she loved me and was grateful for everything I'd done for her, but he was the one thing that she'd done on her own. How could I try to take him from her? She had the one thing that I wanted as well; to be protected, wanting to hold the love of that same man. Maybe it was because I felt that time was so short and that fate was pushing us towards two separate ends. I'd be alone and she'd be with him.

There's no doubt, though. I was in love with him." She laughed flatly and bit her lip. "I still am." Lightning stared down at her clasped hands, concentrating on the coolness of Zack's slim digits stretched over them.

"Go on."

Clearing her throat, she continued bravely. "He didn't make it to the end of our journey alive. We had so short a time left before we were released unto our destinies, but I don't know how he slipped away from me. He gave his life in exchange for our young friend, Hope's life. I saw it all and by the time I got to his body it was too late..." Lightning shuddered slightly, remembering _that_ part too.

"He was never reunited with my sister in life. After wards I told Hope that there was no other way Snow would have wanted to die, but I didn't tell him how much I wanted to follow suit. I wished for so long that my heart would just stop beating in my chest and that I could go to him. All the things that mattered before he left no longer mattered. Not Serah, not Hope, not anyone or anything."

When I wandered into your bar I had just run away from my life. I couldn't handle it. I was a coward... I was so broken. I was so haunted by his memory and everything that I should have done differently and said differently... I was driven by hatred and selfishness and sorrow. I haven't even talked to Serah in years. I don't know what she's doing, how her life is now. It feels like that because I was in love with him, he paid a price for betraying Serah that _I_ should have paid. The only thing that has kept me alive all these years was his sacrifice."

"It's not your fault." said Zack quietly.

"I think I know that, but why can't I let him go?"

"There was someone like that for me once. We went through some pretty rough stuff and I realized I was in love with her. I didn't want anyone else, and I still don't, but I've never told her that."

Lightning gasped and looked up at Zack, as her emotions uncharacteristically took over. "What? Zack! You have to. Don't make the same mistake I did. Everything could be gone in an instant and you'll live the rest of your life regretting it."

He regarded her for a long moment and nodded. "Let me take you back home."

* * *

A long couple weeks of emotional recovery passed. She'd spilled everything to her important friend and it made her feel better, but worse at the same time. At least now another human being knew the story she bottled up for so long.

Curled up on the lounger, this particular warm summer evening found her reading a book. The noise of an incoming plane made her look up from the pages of the book as she watched a plane dock at the end of the pier. It was Zack, but he wasn't scheduled to deliver supplies for another week. She stood and watched him quizzically as he made his way up the dock.

"I brought you a gift!" called Zack holding a box with a mischievous smile on his lips.

"It couldn't have waited another week?" she asked when he was closer, sounding a little harsher than she meant the casual question to sound. Social graces out here in the wilds of Pulse were really non-existent, and she was glad Zack was the resilient type.

"Well I didn't get you anything for your birthday, and after that little problem with the Behemoths, I thought you might be glad for some companionship. Besides, he wasn't ready yet." he offered her the box with a wink. "I'll be right back."

Wondering what he was up to as he set off back down the pier, she sat the box on the picnic table and lifted the aerated lid. As the fading light flooded into the dark little box, she saw a fuzzy little brown and white speckled puppy sleeping inside on a warm looking blanket. It was incredibly cute, and seemed to have not even been the slightest bit disturbed by the motion of the box or their voices. It was obviously a boy, all sprawled out shamelessly on its back. Zack was jogging up the pier with a heavy bag of puppy kibble in his arms. She looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "A _puppy_?" she asked lightly, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips as she watched him put it down beside the table.

He nodded emphatically. "My friend just had a litter and no one wanted this little guy. They said he was the runt."

She looked back down at the sleeping pup, reaching a finger inside the box to stroke it's fluffy head. "The runt, hey? He doesn't seem all that small to me."

"Do you like him?"

"Is he even _alive_?" she quipped. If it weren't for the rise and fall of his spotted little belly, she would have been hard pressed to believe that he wasn't dead.

"I hope so! The poor thing has had a busy day. He's been in the air with me since this morning. I guess he's a heavy sleeper." He watched Lightning as she gingerly ran her finger over his silky ears and down the bridge of his long nose. "What will you name him?"

Cocking her head to one side, regarding the little pile of fur under her fingers, she shrugged slightly. "Dunno yet." She peeked up at him. "Thanks, Zack. He's the best gift I've had in years."

"Ha!" He laughed heartily. "The _only_ gift you've had in years, you mean!"

Lightning scowled and breathed out a laugh. "Oh, shut up." They regarded the pup quietly for a few moments before he spoke again.

"I was thinking about what you said the other night. About telling my friend about how I feel. I think I'm going to, but I'll be taking some time off."

She looked up at him as he finished his sentence. "Time off?" Her heart lept into her throat. Was Zack leaving her? She'd come to see him as a close friend and confidant since she met him. She wasn't sure if she was prepared for him to leave, but she reminded herself that he also had a life outside their friendly visits.

"Yeah. I've decided that it's time for me to do a few things in my life I've been putting off. And I have you to thank for the inspiration." He took her hand that stroked the soft fur and beckoned for her eyes to meet his.

"Oh." She looked at him, taking her hand back, casually brushing black strands of hair from her eyes. He smiled slightly at her typical avoidance tactic.

"Well, I guess I should be going." He stood and headed for the pier. She grabbed the heavy puppy from the box, cradling it. It looked up at her and yawned cutely, falling right back to sleep as she followed Zack to the plane. He turned around to face her as he spoke, his voice almost regretful. "I asked about my replacement, but they said they were short staffed and didn't have one quite yet. Sorry in advance if he's a jerk."

"It's ok. I only have to deal with you guys once a month." she said lightly. He nodded without a smile. Zack could be an intense guy and she could usually tell when something was coming. His displays of emotion and affection usually made her feel uncomfortable, but that's how he communicated his deeper feelings. She had come to accept that about him and she knew he would have liked more feeling from her, but he never pressed it. Often he said that she was hard to read, and that actually pleased her. That meant she was rebuilding her facade. "Good luck, Zack. I hope we meet again someday." She offered him her hand in friendship, meaning every single word she just said. She was very sorry to see him go.

He didn't accept her gesture, and after a moment, she tucked her arm back underneath the pup, somewhat awkwardly. Taking a step towards her, he lifted his hand to caress her face. She didn't shy away like she usually did, standing perfectly still as the backs of his warm fingers brushed against her cheekbone. She watched as he leaned his face into hers and closed his eyes as their lips met gently in a chaste kiss. The warmness of his lips and the clean scent of his breath made her eyelids heavy and she closed them. His lips didn't move against hers, nor did he attempt to deepen the kiss. It was a kiss shared between two people who held a deep respect and admiration for each other.

Finally he pulled away from her, his fingertips lingering on her cheek.

"Be safe, my friend."

His voice held a bittersweet note of finality as he turned and boarded his plane; Lightning watching him. With one last glance at her, he winked as she held up a hand bidding him farewell. She watched until he disappeared into the sunset. Looking down at the sleeping bundle in her arms, she smiled openly at it. At least she had proof of the friend that kept her sane for the last year.


	10. Chapter 10

_A/N: I am very sorry for my laziness of late. I really don't have a good excuse for why this chapter wasn't finished and posted a week ago. Thank you again for sticking with me and for your reviews/favourites. I'm sorry that I haven't gotten back to many of you lately. I will try and do better! _

_Please enjoy this chapter._

* * *

Things were too quiet.

She learned that, lately, quiet meant trouble.

Lightning peeked her eyes suspiciously over the top of her book to catch the puppy squatting to relieve itself on the kitchen floor. "No! Bad dog!" Tossing the book aside, she got to her feet to wag her finger in front of its shocked little face, startling it into stopping mid stream. Picking him up with both hands on either side of his little rib cage, she held him out in front of her in case he decided to continue his naughtiness.

_No way in hell you're gonna pee on me._

She wasn't wearing anything special, just some old jeans and a blue t-shirt, but she had no desire to go and change. Little spotted legs dangled humorously in the air as she proceeded outside. Sighing, she put him down on the grass and clipped him to the lead. "Go pee." She commanded him, her face mildly unimpressed. He looked up at her, sniffed the air, then sniffed around on the grass, dismissing her.

Sighing again, she went back inside to clean up his mess. That was the seventh time this week he'd relieved himself in the house and she was running out of paper towels. She watched carefully for signs that he may have to go, but he never gave her a heads up. Eventually he'd get it, but her patience was running a bit thin. The little puppy kept her busy; enough so that her regular morning routine of self-degradation and thoughts of Snow had been pushed aside in favour of a potty break or whatever else the little critter needed.

During the day while she was away, she kept him trapped in the kitchen with his food bowl, some water and an old shoe to chew on. The box he came in served as a makeshift bed, and she put down a couple of old blankets as well as the one he came with, to line the bottom of it. At night she found he slept the best when he was in the bedroom with her. Rarely did she have to get up with him; thankfully he was a heavy sleeper and often wasn't awake even when her alarm went off. The little ball of fluff was still settling into his new home, and she hadn't even gave him a name yet. She wanted to see his personality before choosing one.

Zack hadn't told her what to expect when he grew up; how heavy he'd be or how tall. He hadn't even told her what breed the little guy was. If Zack had it in his head that this canine would protect her out in the wild, it had to be a capable breed at the very least. That being said, she'd have to figure out how to motivate it. Unlike her handsome former delivery boy, the puppy didn't seem all that eager to please.

Pulling the last quilted sheet off the roll, she cursed. She'd not heard anything from Amodar about it, but her shipment was late. It was only a few days, but when everything was rationed, supplies became scarce. Not in almost four years had it been late. In fact, Zack had come as early as possible – and stayed as late as he could – when he ran her deliveries. Even before Zack, things had run like clockwork.

_Zack..._

It hadn't really sank in that she probably wouldn't ever see her dark haired friend again. She hoped that they would cross paths, but she wouldn't hold her breath. She sucked her lips in absently between her teeth as she remembered his parting kiss. It hadn't even been a real kiss, but if that little peck was any indication, he was a helluva kisser. She was sure if she desperately wanted to find him it wouldn't be too hard, but he was going to confess his love to another and she was sure she never wanted to come in between two people ever again. He was too good to be true, and she probably was as well. They probably made a sickeningly sweet couple.

Getting off her knees, she tossed the soiled sheet in the trash along with the cardboard tube and washed her hands in the sink. She heard the little dog barking boldly out in the front yard at something. It was the first time she'd heard him bark since he arrived, and the sound made her smile, amused. Finishing up at the sink quickly, she headed back outside. In the distance she saw the supply plane approaching.

_Finally_.

"Good boy." she praised her canine friend, patting him on the head. He wagged his tail in response. "You'd be a good little guard dog if you didn't sleep like the dead." He cocked his head to one side as she talked to him,as if he were actually listening.

The familiar plane docked and the back hatch opened revealing her boxes of supplies. The cool grass felt amazing beneath her bare feet as she stood with her dog, and she was tempted to ignore the delivery person altogether. She reminded herself that it wasn't their fault the company they worked for couldn't get their act together and meet deadlines. Who knows how long she'd have to put up with the new carrier, and knowing they'd be coming up the dock for a signature anyway, she relented and started down the slope towards the pier. She figured it would be better to make a favourable first impression.

From what she could see, the new delivery person was pretty slender and quite tall. She'd never seen a woman that tall before, aside from Fang, so she assumed it was a he. Chuckling to herself mockingly, she figured by the looks of the lanky kid she'd have to carry her own supplies. Zack had actually spoiled her when it came to her supplies. He wouldn't hear of her carrying all of it herself, and she would never have let him do it for her, so after many stubborn arguments they compromised and did it together.

When she was close enough, she called out to the newbie. "Don't hurt yourself, kiddo."

He snapped to attention and stared at her.

She got her first good look at him as well and she stopped walking, unable to believe what it was she was even seeing. Her brows furrowed and she squinted shading her eyes, blocking out the strong afternoon sun with her hand. "Hope?" she called out. The same face from the newspaper... surely that couldn't be the little boy she hugged so easily all those years ago.

He put down a small box he had in his hands and exited the plane hesitantly though the open hatch, never taking his eyes off her face. Picking up the pace as he approached her, he was running by the time he was within arm's reach. A blinding smile stretched across his face as he slid his arms around her waist, lifting her clear off her feet, crushing her smaller frame against his. "Light!"

She sputtered, and tapped urgently on his back. "Can't... breathe..." He was stronger than he looked.

"Oh! Sorry, Light." He put her back on her feet and took his arms away from her, blushing cutely, though he never let his eyes stray from her form.

Taking a second to size him up, she whistled. He wore thick black linen pants with enough fabric to make her two pairs of the same and a long tattered orange t-shirt. She actually had to tilt her head upward to look at him. His mussed hair looked neglected, but it flowed gently in the merciful breeze of the afternoon. "You've gotten so _tall_!" she commented with a smile, reaching a hand up to grab his smooth chin gently, turning his head from side to side to admire his maturing face. Gone were the rounded full cheeks she remembered, replaced by a handsome jawline and masculine cheekbones. His eyes were a mesmerizing shade of emerald, and they sparkled as he watched her examine him.

"Your hair..." His unmistakable voice had deepened appropriately with age. It was quite mature sounding and sent a little tingle up her spine. Passing his fingertips along the bottom of her earlobe, brushing against it ever so slightly, he caught a chunk of the artificial black tresses in between his fingers. Drawing the lock slowly through his digits, he watched it drop to her shoulder. The intimate gesture was rather unexpected, and it left goosebumps on her arms in its wake. She knew one day she would run into the silver-haired boy of her past, but nothing could have prepared her to run into him as an adult; especially as adult as he was. She refused to let her heart flutter in response to the _much_ younger man, but she couldn't help it if it liked what it saw.

"Yeah. I did it a long time ago, and just kinda kept it out of habit." she said, avoiding any real explanation.

He was quietly staring at her shoulder, his gaze evolving from a slight sadness to a jaw tightening intensity, looking like he was struggling with something.

"Hope?" she waved her hand in front of his face. "Is there something wrong?"

He perked up and smiled softly at her, gathering her into his arms again much to her embarrassment.

"No. Not at all. I just – I'm really glad to see you, Light."

* * *

The house was so lonely without anyone but himself in it; lonely and quiet.

Quiet when he had breakfast, quiet when he got in from work. Quiet, quiet, _quiet._ He'd actually resorted to leaving the radio on so that it wouldn't feel so deserted when he got home. Tossing his keys on the side table where he had tossed them a hundred times before, he barely heard the familiar sound of them sliding across polished wood, same as always.

Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out the cell phone. No calls. He hadn't heard from Hope in a couple months. He had attempted more than once to touch base with the boy, but never got anything more than his voice mail. Almost always he'd leave some sort of a message, no matter how awkward it felt to do so. Whether he was doing it because he felt guilty as hell or just plain lonely he didn't know, but he did miss the silver-haired young man.

Serah had called a short time after Hope's departure to check in as she did once a month or so. During polite conversation Snow had planned to avoid the topic of Hope altogether, but even after twenty-five years he still hadn't learned how to keep his mouth shut and he brought up the very topic he had tiptoed around. In fact, he'd even almost spilled the beans when Serah had asked why Hope had left. Although he might not have wanted to hide his feelings, he thought it wise to keep his ex-fiancee in the dark. Also, he hoped that the kid hadn't informed her of the truth. He knew there was a snowball's chance in hell that Hope had talked to the younger Farron, considering he didn't take too kindly to her. And as casually as he could, he lied through his teeth, telling Serah that Hope left Bodhum to do some travelling. It was complete bullshit, but much to his relief, the lie held firm.

Changing the topic of conversation from one painful subject to another, Snow asked Serah if she'd heard from Lightning, but as usual she never had a favourable answer.

He always asked about her studies, and if she was doing well. Of course she was doing well, he knew she was smart as a whip and wholly dedicated to her education. This last time she called, she seemed rushed and Snow could have sworn that he heard a male voice talking to Serah in the background. Snow didn't inquire after the voice; it was none of his business. Even though he had no right to wonder about what Serah had going on there in New Eden, he couldn't help but hope she was being careful.

Keeping the details of her studies to a minimum, she kept the call short, promising she'd call again soon.

Maybe he needed a vacation; a getaway to revitalize himself. NORA was as busy as ever, Yuj was in talks with several large developers on Pulse who wanted to contract them out. Their reputation was excellent and the only reason why they hadn't extended themselves to Pulse long ago was due to the lack of interest in the monster hunting business on the part of potential employees. Recently though, they had added three new people to bolster their ranks and take the workload off everyone's shoulders. Two had worked out nicely, Locke and Balthier, but the third was a loose cannon. Snow had heard some stories of the third hiree not being much of a team player and being a bit too whimsical when it came to loyalties; he seemed to be more of a mercenary than a monster hunter. Though, he'd proven his usefulness on more than one occasion and so they weren't sure what to do with him yet.

In spite of the fact he still had a full plate, people had been telling him to go on vacation for a while. He knew they couldn't afford to lose him for any extended period, so he decided he'd go and see an old friend to put things in perspective.

Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he found the number of the wisest man he knew and called it.

"Sazh! My man! How's it hangin'?"

* * *

"So how is everyone? I saw Hope in the newspaper. Pretty impressive if you ask me."

Sazh stood in front of his ancient coal burning grilling contraption with a spatula in hand, flipping some delicious smelling meat. When Snow had arrived at his home Sazh insisted the blond stay for dinner, promising him something like he'd never had before. He called it 'barbecue'.

Snow nodded, his smile lingering somewhere between regret and pride. "He's a good kid."

"Uh oh. What are you not telling me?" asked Sazh, closing the lid of the grill and taking a seat across from his old friend.

"Ah, man. I messed up. I messed up bad." Snow said finally, running a frustrated hand through his slightly dull locks. Since he was in the admitting mood, he'd come to visit Sazh for advice, so he might as well be completely honest. Sazh was the only one left out of their unique little group that knew Hope. "The night after Hope was in the paper, we went out for a drink to celebrate."

"Mmhmm..."

"And well, I said something I shouldn't have. I was teasing him about Lebreau hitting on him, and one thing just sorta lead to another. He kinda told me, in not so many words, that he still had feelings for Lightning, after all these years." Snow clenched his hand resting on the table, replaying the event in his mind. "I opened my big dumb mouth... It wasn't even really awful, just an offhanded comment about Lightning. He asked me what happened between us, and I didn't say much of anything... but I guess he took it and ran with it. Before I knew it, he was avoiding me like the plague. And then..." Snow paused and drew a deep breath in the name of courage. "He asked me if I was in love with Lightning."

Admitting to his mistake was harder than fighting a dozen Sie'th with one hand tied behind his back.

"And I gather you told him the truth."

"Yeah. Looking back on it now, I shouldn't have but... hey. Wait." Snow cocked an eyebrow at Sazh. "You knew? How come you never told me you knew?"

"Oh. Well. I figured that if you wanted this old man's opinion you'da asked for it." Sazh shrugged. "It wasn't any of my business, but I saw the way you looked at her."

Snow looked down at his clenched hand. "I don't know why it happened. No matter how much she hated me, I had a soft spot for her. It wasn't always like that. She used to really piss me off, but eventually I came to admire her and I wanted to earn her respect. Partly because of Serah, but what happened to her gave me a glimpse behind that mask of Lightning's. I didn't realize how important she was to me until I saw behind it.

With Serah asleep like that, I knew I had to protect Lightning. She didn't ask me to, and I wasn't convinced she needed it, but it didn't take long before I started to look at her differently than I had before."

Snow took an orange from the arrangement of fruit on the table and rolled it between his palms.

"What _did_ happen between you two?"

Snow tried to put into words what he couldn't begin to understand. "She was scared... I think. At first..." he muttered. "I mean..." Looking up at Sazh, a slight panic crossing his features "Not of me. I didn't do anything bad to her."

Sazh nodded understandingly, he knew Snow wasn't capable of hurting anyone like that anyway. The harmless behemoth of a man looked past his friend into the distance, not seeing anything.

_That was one woman who did what she wanted, not what everyone else wanted. And I could do nothing more than what she asked of me..._

Snow started again quietly. "I saw a side of her I don't think anyone has ever seen. She was terrified about Serah and about what was going to happen to everyone else." Looking straight at his friend with a serious face, he continued. "You know how sometimes when you feel like shit, you think you just wanna be left alone, and then someone comes along and you realize that you never want to be alone ever again?"

Sazh regarded him quietly.

"During those times it felt as though neither one of us ever wanted to be without the other ever again. I don't think Lightning has ever needed anyone in her life, but I think... no. I _feel_ like she needed me." He sighed. "Maybe that's just my inner hero talking again. I never knew _what_ she wanted. I mean, we weren't so good with the talking. Even the times we got a little closer... conversation seemed pointless."

Snow's cheeks tinged with heat as he stared at the piece of fruit in his hands. Even after almost four years the recollection of their handful of moments together warmed him like nothing since. "Although, in hindsight, all that silence wasn't particularly constructive... She never told me how she felt even though I thought I had a clue. And now... I just don't know." After a moment, he saw his friend staring at him, and Snow smiled sheepishly.

"You're waiting for her."

"How can I not?" Snow simply shook his head, the dull pain in his chest returning. He tried desperately to not allow the hurt to take over him, but things came back to haunt him from time to time if he wasn't careful. It was essential he stay in the light; darkness crept so easily into his heart since those times.

"My cell phone -" he took the item from his pocket and placed it on the table, though he never took his fingers off it. "I have her family phone number tied to this phone so that when she calls... I'll be here. If I didn't have that number, she might never find me." He could feel frustration building in his gut. "But she's never called. Not once in almost 4 years. Why doesn't she _call_?" Curling his fingers into a fist, he brought it down on the glass and metal lawn table to send the contraption of plastic and electronics skittering across the surface, irritation getting the best of him. "Argh!"

"U-uncle S-s-snow?" Snow's head snapped towards the hesitant sound and his face softened when he saw where it came from, instantly regretting his momentary lapse of control.

"Dajh. I thought you were playing in the sand box." said Sazh.

"I'm bored now." Skinny little Dajh, who was now almost ten, waddled over shyly to stand beside Snow. The big man affectionately pulled the kid over to sit on his knee. Sazh's son looked up at the blond with wide eyes. "Are you mad, Uncle Snow?"

"Naw..." he smiled slightly.

"What's wrong?"

"I really miss someone."

"Where'd they go?"

"Away."

"Did they die?"

"Nope." At least he was pretty sure she hadn't.

"Why'd they go away?"

"I don't know, little man."

"Do you get you sad?" he queried again.

"Do you always ask so many questions?" grinned Snow, ruffling the kid's miniature afro. Dajh looked at him, cocking his head to the side, awaiting an answer. Guess he couldn't even hide it from a little kid. He sighed. "Sometimes."

Dajh threw his arms around Snow's torso. "Don't be sad! My mommy died and my dad says that I won't get to see her until I get old and die, but if your friend isn't dead, that means you'll get to see them again, right?"

Embracing the little kid, he nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah. You're right."

Sazh caught his eye, arching a brow. "Pretty simple, eh?"

Snow patted the Dajh's back fondly and nodded.

"Hey, Dajh. You hungry, son?"

Dajh turned his head to peek at his dad from Snow's hug. "Mmmhm!"

"Well, go wash up. Dinner will be ready soon." Getting to his feet, Sazh walked over to the grill and lifted the lid to tend to dinner.

Dajh jumped off Snow's lap and took off towards the house.

"He's gotten so big." Snow mentioned absently, watching him run. Sazh nodded with a proud smile.

If he were thinking logically, things _were_ pretty simple now. Serah was essentially out of the picture, their love for each other now completely platonic. Life was good and Snow was doing well for himself, and had provided the people he cared about with a stable future if they wanted it. He just had to hurry up and wait for Lightning to come back into his life, though he wanted it to be sooner than later; but eventually it would come to pass.

Hope was the only wild card.

"So that story in the newspaper... about Hope..."

"Hmm?"

"Well... our mark was some rampaging Ochu. When we got on the scene, it had a woman trapped in a shack while it freaked out, tearing the place apart from the outside. Hope went in after her, and I ran interference. It knocked the shack down straight on top of them... they should have been goners... and I thought they were. That damn thing kept me busy, but there were these tremors and some strange light, and then the next thing I knew I saw Hope carrying the woman back to her husband and kid. They both looked unharmed." he shook his head, eyes narrowed, trying to figure out what happened. "Afterwards, I looked at the wreckage and it seemed like under where Hope and the woman were trapped, there was no rubble anymore. Almost like something had cleared a path from underneath. Something went on with Hope back then..."

"Do you think it has something to do with his old l'Cie powers?"

"I dunno really. I saw him looking at his wrists, but I didn't even get a chance to ask. Then things went downhill pretty fast..." Snow trailed off. No matter what happened, he wanted to get to the bottom of _many_ things with his friend.

"You gotta stop that, man. It's not your fault that Hope couldn't deal with your feelings. Whether you wanted to bring them to light or not is your own business. He's an adult now... and sometimes it sucks." Sazh shrugged, flipping a patty as he spoke. "It's hard to be a kid, but it's a different kind of hard to be an adult. He'll find his way. You've done what you could, and from the sounds of things, you did a pretty good job, all things considered."

Snow remembered when Bartholomew had said similar things to him about Hope. It had been hard on him to call Hope's dad after the praise he'd given Snow last time they spoke in Palompolum, but he felt a duty to the older man to at least inform him that his son had run off.

They exchanged information about the boy, and as Snow expected, the kid didn't give any reason for leaving Bodhum; just that he had to. Bartholomew informed Snow that Hope was now working for a delivery service that was affiliated with the former Sanctum government that based itself on Gran Pulse, but he didn't know much else. Hope said he was fine, and of course they both knew that was a lie.

Their conversation had ended amicably enough; Bartholomew asking Snow to stay in touch. He agreed and offered his services anytime they might be needed. He felt he owed whatever he could give to Hope's father, guilt about the situation purchasing a plot in his heart.

"Hey Sazh."

"Yeah?"

"Where's Boko?" It had taken Dajh a long time to choose a suitable name for his fast-growing yellow feathered friend, but Boko had been the first and only name he'd given to the chocobo.

Sazh looked at Snow from the corner of his eye, back down to the tantalizing patties on the grill, then back to Snow again, raising his brows oddly.

Snow's eyes widened when he realized what Sazh was getting at. "What? Boko's _dinner_?" sputtered Snow. Surely he couldn't be getting ready to _eat_ Dajh's bird buddy; he was sure his face was white as a sheet.

Sazh looked at him in all seriousness for a moment, then broke out into fits of laughter. Between gasps of air, he explained that Boko was in the barn and that he was indeed alive. "You're so gullible." taunted Sazh, beginning the maniacal laughter anew.

Snow was chuckling as well in spite of himself. Maybe he was a little naive. Although, he'd go and say good-bye to Boko before he left just in case.

* * *

Snow had played Snakes and Ladders, Dajh's favourite game, with the two before he left. It was dark when he finally managed to get away. It had been a pretty relaxing day all in all and now he welcomed the quiet drive ahead of him to sort out his thoughts. It felt good to get stuff off his chest, and coming to the realization that he couldn't help how Hope felt or reacted took a weight off his shoulders. His ex-l'Cie friend was absolutely right. Hope was an adult now, and Snow had tried not to baby him through these last years in order to make sure he had a good start on being able to handle all the misfortune and cruelness that life had to offer. He just didn't expect that he would be the one to offer up the kid's first dose of that cruelty.

The muffled sound of his phone in his pocket jerked him out of his thoughts and he patted himself down looking for the phone. His heart jumped in his throat as he realized it was the Farron number.

"Shit! Shit shit shit!" he couldn't find it. Hastily pulling over onto the side of the road, he tilted his hips up to jam his hands in his pants pockets to locate the scarcely used piece of plastic. Once in his palm he yanked it out, cracking his elbow on the door frame of the car and cursed again. "Ow, shit! Ow Ow!"

Flipping the phone open, he pushed it against his ear. "Hello?" There was no answer. "Hello?" He looked back at the phone to make sure he hadn't missed the call. It was still connected, but the signal was weak. _Stupid countryside..._ His heart thumped wildly in his ears. "Light-?" The voice on the other end cut him off.

"Snow? Are you there?" It was a female voice, but not the one he was desperate to hear. "It's Lebreau. Snow?"

He sunk back in the seat with a silent sigh. "Yeah, yeah, I'm here. What's up?"

"Are you busy?"

"I'm on my way back to Bodhum. Is everything ok?"

"Can you stop by the bar when you get into town?"

"It'll be late, I've got another hour or so ahead of me."

"That's fine."

"Ok, I'll see you later."

"Thanks, Snow."

"No prob." He closed the phone and tossed it on the seat beside him.

He would have much rather went home, but if Lebreau was calling him there must have been something wrong. And why was she using the Farron number? On the rare occasion the unique ringtone alerted him to an incoming call on the line, his heart always raced with anticipation, but now it lurched with disappointment.

_You're waiting for her._

_How can I not?_

It _was_ simple. He would wait until she came back to him. Everything else until then would serve to help him bide his time.

* * *

Snow pulled up and parked at the Shack when he said he'd be there and went inside the relaxed little bistro. Her last customer was leaving, and she followed him to the exit, chatting politely with him the whole time. After he left she locked the door behind him and turned her attention to the big boss man. He had taken a seat at the bar, and she walked around it, tossing the keys into a drawer and grabbing a bottle and two shot glasses from behind her. Lebreau didn't drink a lot, in spite of the fact that she owned and operated the popular drinking establishment. With Snow watching her quietly, she opened the nameless bottle of slightly green liquid and filled the glasses, pushing one towards Snow. Her features were unreadable. They'd all been busy, and he hadn't had much of a chance to have a casual conversation with her, but now he could clearly see something was amiss.

Without hesitation, Lebreau tipped the glass against her lips and the liquid was drained. Snow replicated her action and sat his own empty down on the bar. The strong stuff burned all the way down his throat and he drew in a thick breath between his teeth. She refilled them automatically, her face still blank.

"What's this all about, Bo? Did you just call me because you needed a drinking buddy?" he grinned at her.

"Have you heard from Hope?"

He cleared his throat, the grin dissipating. "Not lately."

She nodded and took another shot.

"You miss him?"

Another nod and more silence. She began quietly. "Did you know he always shot me down? I probably asked him a dozen times to go with me, but he never did. I mean, we were friends. Pretty close, actually, but I wanted more." she shifted in her seat to rest her arms on the padded edge of the bar. "He turned out to be a lot like you, but he has this edge to him I thought was irresistible."

"Irresistible, huh?" he muttered, swallowing the shot of foul stuff waiting and poured himself another. He had a feeling he knew where this conversation was going to go and he'd need more alcohol. He filled hers back up too, taking over the bottle.

"Yeah. He was different around you though. I guess maybe 'cause he looked at you like a father or something. Honestly, I thought he might be gay when I hit on him pretty hard a few weeks before he left. I was pretty insistent, but he rejected me."

Snow laughed at the thought of Hope being gay. He _was _a pretty boy, but Snow knew the kid had been in love with a certain pink haired woman even before he did.

"Then he came to me the night before he left. It was after closing time, but I let him in. I thought something was up. He looked distraught, and I sat him down and got him to spill it. He said that he thought you were in love with Lightning and he didn't know what to do about it. I asked him why it was his business, but he didn't answer me. He looked so unhappy, and I just gave him a hug but he turned the tables on me and he became the insistent one." Her face turned crimson. "I couldn't say no and he kept kissin' me, and we uh..." she trailed off, attempting to hide her obvious embarrassment with another drink.

Snow's eyes widened at her revealing recollection. Feeling the need for more liquor, he took two quick shots of his own. He recalled Hope telling him he needed to take care of something before coming out to Thamasa and now he wondered if Lebreau had been that something.

She looked at him sideways. After an awkwardly quiet moment she looked away and spoke again. "What's so good 'bout 'er?" She traced her finger around the edge of the little shot glass.

"Her?" he asked, regarding Lebreau even after she looked away, pinching his glass between his thumb and index finger.

"Lightnin'."

Through the encroaching inebriation, he detected a hint of bitterness when she said the older Farron's name. Hope's sordid affairs with his female friend really weren't any of his business, and he wasn't sure why Lebreau was telling him all this now. Creating a bridge to include Lightning indicated it wasn't just Hope that was on her mind.

He shrugged, knowing better than to get into this now, watching her sway slightly. Whatever they were drinking was doing a number on his much lighter companion.

"He lef' 'cause a' her, din't he?"

"I don't know why Hope left, Bo."

Suddenly her warm palm met the side of his face with a stinging slap, forcing his gaze away from hers to the floor. "Liar!" she laughed humourlessly.

He touched his hand to his slightly throbbing cheek. He could hear a tell-tale quiver in her voice.

"_What's wrong wit' me_?" she hid her head in her hands, sobbing. He remembered that Vanille once referred to Hope as a future heart-breaker. He guessed she was right.

_Ah, hell. _Snow placed his hand at the back of her head and rubbed comfortingly, forgetting all about her drunken display of violence. Understandably, she was a mess. He wondered exactly what Hope had said and done to her besides the bits he didn't want to wonder about. Snow bit back some anger at his absent young friend, but he knew Hope was hurting too. Even though Hope probably never meant to actually hurt anyone, he had. They both had. Snow offhandedly wondered if he was just as troubled as everyone else was.

He continued rubbing circles over her shoulder blades, staring at the butterfly tattoo that adorned her right side. Her breathing slowed and she twisted around on her stool to face him. Wiping salty trails of tears away from her cheeks, he smiled, his heart wrenched with the affection he held for her. She had helped him found NORA when they were young and she was a very special person to him. It hurt him to see her this way.

"I thought I could have my_ own_ hero, but she took you both from me..." she mumbled moving boldly towards him, stepping onto the round support halfway down his tall seat. Once between his casually opened knees, she wrapped her arms around his neck, the pungent smell of the liquor they'd been drinking met his nostrils as she pressed her lips sloppily against his.

"Lebreau, stop. You're drunk." protested Snow, turning his head from her lips, trying to pry her iron grip from around him.

"I'm_ so _much better than her. I can give you wha she can't. I'm _right here_." slurred Lebreau slightly between the messy kisses placed on Snow's exposed neck, kissing up his tight jawline. "Take _me_, Snow. I won't leave you."

Indeed she was right there, in his lap. A raven haired beauty; a tight, eager body for him to lose himself in. She had no idea what she was saying. He told himself that she didn't mean any of what she said, but he shuddered against her. It had been so long since he felt the touch of a woman that wanted him and although alcohol dulled his senses, he was of strong mind. He didn't want Lebreau or any other woman. The passion he felt was not for her, and on top of that, she had been used and was left to suffer; lonely and wounded. He didn't blame her for wanting to forget everything and take comfort in something strong; he'd been there himself, but he couldn't comfort her how she wanted him to.

Draping her across his sturdy arms, he carried her easily up the stairs to her apartment above the bar. She continued to kiss and entice him; trying to break him down, and if he had been any less of a man he may have given in. They'd known each other for years, but never once had she looked at him like _that_. She was one of the guys, but even so, she was the one who looked after the collective as well. Even after he fell for Serah, she'd supported him when he and Serah were at odds, and she was always there to listen and provide an unsweetened, unbiased perspective. No doubt about it. Little Bo, as Snow affectionately called her, was a valued and trusted companion who he could never see as anything more. Even if she might have wished it, he would never hurt by using her to vent his sexual frustration... no matter how much he desired release.

Putting her down on the bed, he brushed her hair out of her glazed over eyes. Going to the fridge and grabbing a bottle of water, he twisted the cap off easily and told her to drink. She did as he asked _without_ objection for once in her life. "Sleep it off. I'll talk to you in the morning." Pulling the blankets over her still fully clothed body, he tucked her in and kissed her forehead, then turned to leave. Her eyes were closed when he started to walk away, but he heard the bed creak as her hand shot out to clutch his.

"Stay with me. Please." her voice was weak and broken. He was one of the few people who ever saw her vulnerable. It had happened only once before, but it had taken her a long time to recover.

Looking back at her, he couldn't help but give in. He was a sucker for feminine weakness. "Ok, but you have to behave yourself. No groping or kissing."

She hiccupped. "Sorry. I'm jus' lonely."

"I know." Smiling at her compassionately, he moved back to her side and sat down at the edge of the bed. "Move over." he told her with a gentle shove. She did so and he wrapped a warm arm around her bare shoulders as she slumped against him, resting her head on his sturdy chest, listening to the constant, unfaltering rhythm of his heart. Tucking the covers around her once again, he pulled the loose bun out of her hair and ran his hand through it slowly listening to the sound of her breathing. It quickly slipped into a steady pattern as she passed out.

The situation may not have been ideal, but at least he wouldn't have to sleep alone tonight.


	11. Chapter 11

There were two seasons in her particular area of Pulse. Rainy and not rainy. During the dry season drought was common. Most of the flora in the area were of the thick, fleshy variety and they stored water the best during times of sparse rainfall. It was hot and dry, which made for more pleasurable days, but it was the least busy of the two. Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on her mood, it was the former season. Another heavy rain the night before prompted Lightning to go out and take readings the following morning. It had rained on and off every day this week, and she considered taking a hammock and camping out at the sites so she could cut down on fuel usage. She preferred to preserve fuel and had no desire to pollute the area with unnecessary emissions, but she was getting soft. Preferring her comfortable bed to a of night camping out with the bugs and baddies, she gave in and put in the travel time.

Once again the fiery sunset was low on the horizon when she arrived back at the house all hot and sweaty and smelly. Days like this reminded her of her travels with her friends years ago on Pulse; before the inhabitants of Cocoon came and discovered its secrets. Sazh and Hope referred to it as Hell, but Fang was quick to correct them. Lightning counted herself among those that would defend it. It was dangerous, but its immense beauty and serenity far surpassed any concern of worldly danger when one sat perched atop of trees gazing out into the sunset. She never got tired of watching the sunset, but every time she scaled down from her perch she remembered the time she could have easily bled to death; the day Pulse almost claimed her life. She held no malice for that day nor any before or after then. The planet she now called her home didn't have anything to do with the tired hatred she felt.

She'd been turned into a l'Cie because of Cocoon. _They_ had all been turned into powerless l'Cie to take part in a puppet show put on by the fal'Cie of Cocoon. _He_ had died because of that vulgar show of dominance and the need to call upon some long forgotten deity. So many times she had cursed those beings that tugged at their strings to make them do what they wanted, and so many times she had reminded herself that there was nothing anyone could do to stop the ball once it had started rolling. It almost flattened everything in its wake except for two iron-willed Pulsian women; closer than friends. Sometimes she thought about them and wondered what things they knew now that they could see everything from where they were. She also wondered if they'd ever cross paths again in her lifetime.

Parking her vehicle in the backyard, she walked up the meticulously groomed lawn and started stripping off pieces of clothing, hanging them over her arm. She peeled off pieces one by one until she stood nude in the dusky eve. Tossing her sweat-soaked articles of clothing onto a lawn chair, she sat down to work at her boots and socks. The socks were ripped and snagged in places from walking through the bush, but once again she was glad she had them. Without them, her legs would look like torn up pieces of bark. Pushing her boots aside with her bare foot, she stood and opened the patio door to allow Interceptor out to relieve himself.

"Hey, buddy." She held her hand out to him in greeting, and he licked it welcomingly before heading out to the lawn. Lightning had to smile at him. He picked up his house training pretty well and at this point and she thought that he might be ready to go out in the field with her. He was growing by leaps and bounds and even though she didn't guess he was more than six or seven months old, he was a very sturdy animal. His coat had started to curl and darkened to a rich chocolate; the patches of white were starting to become smaller, and some had disappeared altogether. He had a long snout and floppy ears. He was a curious looking canine but his face was charming and sweet. Most of all he had started to perk up and for Hope's first few visits to the house he'd always intercepted the young man's advances up the pier and would stand protectively in front of Lightning until she told him to go lay down. Interceptor seemed like a natural name for her furry friend.

_Ah, Hope._

After he had discovered that this is where she had been 'hiding out' as he put it, she wasn't able to get rid of him. He stopped by at least once a week, and even then she could tell he wanted to be with her almost all the time. They'd slipped back into a comfortable routine of friendship. She told herself it was just friendship, but it was painfully obvious that he wanted more. Lightning honestly wondered if she could even have anything left to offer anyone; although Zack had seen something in her too. Huffing a sigh, she turned her attention to her aching muscles. Stripping off her armbands, she laid them carefully over the rest of her clothing.

Resources were scarce out in the wilds of Pulse, and she quickly learned to make use of everything she could. In her spare time she tinkered and experimented, figuring out how to best make use of the natural resources her situation provided. The rain water shower she rigged in her backyard was one of the more useful devices. Rain water filled a huge storage huge tank; warmed by the sun and heat of the day, and thanks to a simple design, she took advantage of it at the end of each sweltering afternoon. There were few things more pleasurable than standing under the outside shower nude as the day she was born. Turning the knob that would begin the flow of tepid water, she stepped under the stream, letting the flow rinse away the dirt and sweat and tension. She stood there motionless for a long minute, water cascading down the treated boards of the deck at her feet. Tipping her head back to let it smooth the hair away from her face, her thoughts drifted pleasantly to Snow Villiers.

Taking the sweet honeysuckle smelling soap in her hands, she rubbed it in between her palms, slicking them with lather. Placing the soap back on the wire rack, she traced the contours of her body, stopping to pass over the rugged scar along her side. It had finally healed completely, but it was still annoyingly sensitive. She traced the raised ridge over and over with light fingertips, the action prompting her to arch her back. The surrounding flesh had lost most of its heightened sensitivity, but the ugly scar remained hypersensitive; the same way her leg wound was for a day after Snow had healed her with magic. The feel of those hands barely hovering over her skin was indecent at best; downright obscene and deliciously wicked at worst.

Taking the soap back in hand, she rubbed it against the skin of her belly and waist, the spray of water making short work of the lush bubbles. Replacing the soap, she coated her bottom with the suds, hearing Interceptor growl at something behind her. She whipped around to face an empty doorway. Interceptor had run off into the house, still growling. Finishing up quickly, she wrung out her hair and pulled a towel off the drying line. It was a bit insufficient when it came to length, but it would have to do. Right now, and more important than her modesty, there something inside that shouldn't be.

Wrapping the terrycloth securely around her form, she reached for her blade, unfolded it silently and proceeded in the house. Her heart rate surged, her limbs felt limber and ready for action while she padded down the short hallway.

As she approached the kitchen, she heard Interceptor's growls again.

"Good dog... Niiiiiice puppy..." she heard a familiar tenor voice.

Her lips curled into an evil grin.

Rounding the corner, she saw Hope perched on the kitchen counter, knees to his chest, waving a bone distractingly at Interceptor. His green eyes were wide with fear. "Here boy... h-have a bone." He tossed it to the other side of the room, sliding to a halt near Lighting. Awkwardly, he met Lightning's steely gaze as he realized she had been watching him. The canine didn't make a move towards the treat. Retracting her sword, she cocked an eyebrow in the boy's direction, but didn't say anything.

Hope sighed, obviously relieved the dog's master had arrived, and extended a foot towards the ground only to earn a warning bark from Interceptor. Yanking his foot away at the sound, he refolded it against himself, the look on panic reappearing on his face. "Lightning?"

Taking unhurried steps towards the table, she placed her weapon on the surface. Sniffing the air, she noticed the mouthwatering smells being emitted from the stove. Taking stock of her kitchen, she saw a steaming pot set on a red hot coil and a pile of fresh vegetables waiting to be sliced on her rarely used wooden chopping board. Whatever it was, it smelled great. That made her wonder just how long he had been there and why Interceptor had just now decided to turn on the boy. Turning back towards Hope, she saw his eyes rove over her near nude form. "Yes?"

"Uh, will you call him off?" Hope blushed, looking foolish all curled up safely on the counter. No matter how foolish he _looked_, she knew he had to be mortified. She didn't think Interceptor would ever bite someone he was friends with, but now she wasn't so sure. It was probably a smart thing for him to keep his distance.

"That depends." she said coolly, taking a seat, crossing her long, lean sun-kissed legs.

"On what exactly." He swallowed audibly, watching those legs for a long second before diverting his eyes to her face.

"You tell me what you're doing here."

"I thought that you might like a nice meal and some company. I actually have to... uh... cut the vegetables and stuff though." He looked at Interceptor, then back at her, his expression uneasy.

She actually thought he was sorta cute like that, and she smirked. _Maybe I should make him stay like that all night._

"Light!" he whined. "Don't look at me like that." he was blushing again. "I really have to -"

"Interceptor." she addressed the dog in an authoritative tone. Hope shut his mouth. Her faithful pet looked back at her from his position at Hope's feet. "Go lay down." He stood and meandered over to a pile of blankets in the corner of the room, and after a couple circles to get comfortable, did as she commanded.

She could feel her young friend watching her as she stood. He didn't jump down off the counter as quickly as she would have assumed. "Well, _chop chop_." she said over her shoulder as she bent down to pick up the bone Hope had attempted to distract her dog with. Giving it to the canine, she grabbed her weapon and headed back outside to retrieve the rest of her clothing.

Once she was out of sight, Hope addressed the munching dog with a whisper. "Way to ruin a guy's fun..."

Almost positive that he had been watching her shower, she wondered if the fear of a maiming from Interceptor should have been his only punishment. She'd have to think on it, but the thought of him watching her did elicit a slight pooling of blood under her cheeks, though she wasn't sure if it was because she was flattered, embarrassed or angry. Maybe it was a little of everything.

She did know that Hope wouldn't treat her furry friend lightly anymore.

* * *

"Snow. It's Gadot. I'm at the hospital." His best friend's voice lacked it's usual upbeat tone as he informed Snow of his whereabouts.

"Hospital? Why? What's wrong?" Silence came back to him on the line before he heard a reply.

"It's Lebreau. She got hurt... bad."

"I'm on my way." Snow grabbed his keys off the side table and ran out the door.

Lebreau had slipped into a depression reminiscent of his own after he lost Lightning. He wasn't sure how long she'd been depressed for after Hope left. He was a terrible friend to not notice such a thing right away, but she started taking stupid risks and being careless on missions shortly after that night at the Shack. If he didn't know any better he would have guessed she had a death wish. He took her off duty for a few months shortly after and she seemed to be doing better, but now...

Gadot was never one to sugar coat anything, and so when he said she was 'hurt bad' he meant it.

The drive to the hospital took so little time that it was illegal. He had been advised at the desk that she was in critical care and he took the stairs three flights up so he didn't have to wait for the elevator. As soon as he emerged onto the floor, he saw Gadot slumped over; his head in his hands. He'd never seen the big guy so small. "Hey." Snow put a hand on his shoulder.

The redhead looked up. His eyes were drooped sadly.

"She's not good. The doctors don't think she'll make it through the night." Snow saw his friend clench his hands, cracking his large knuckles. "The doc is in there with her now."

"What happened?" Snow knew that injuries were inevitable; part of the job description, but he was always unprepared to deal with that very subject.

"I don't know. Set's nowhere to be found either."

"Set was supposed to be out with her?"

"Yeah, but he didn't show... and she went out without backup."

Snow cussed. "That guy... He better be dead."

"Gentlemen..." said the doctor, interrupting their conversation, facing Snow. He recognized her right away as the blonde doctor that he tied up and blind folded when he escaped from Bodhum hospital's morgue. "I'm Rosa Farrell. I've been assigned to your friend."

"How is she...?" asked Snow, fearing the worst.

Dr. Farrell's voice took on a sombre note as she reported to Snow the same thing Gadot had. "Her prognosis isn't good. She has _massive_ internal damage. There's so much damage that even surgery won't help... It will only prolong the inevitable, but we have her on antibiotics to try and buy her some time until you were contacted." she took off her glasses and tucked them away in the breast pocket of her perfectly white coat. "I honestly don't know how she lived through all of that."

Snow bit his lip. "She's a tough chick."

The doctor nodded with a tight smile. "I can tell."

Gadot piped up. "Can we go see her?"

"Of course. We've given her plenty of pain medication. She's not awake... I don't expect she'll regain consciousness... but that's probably for the best." she added quietly.

"Thank you, Doctor..." said Snow. His whole body felt heavy as he shuffled towards the door to Lebreau's room. Gadot didn't make a move for the door and Snow turned back to him. "You're not coming?"

"I already seen her. You go ahead."

The blond nodded, took a deep breath, and continued pushing the door open to reveal his trusted friend. She lay in the sterile bed, her pretty face was slack and calm looking. There had been no damage to her head; none that he could see anyway. Her hair was messy and tangled, and her cheeks looked cold. The overhead lamp's artificial light accentuated the deathly pallor painted over her usually tanned skin. A battery of tubes ran in and out from underneath the blankets as his gaze travelled over her. He didn't know how long he stood in the doorway staring at her still body. The constant beep of her heart monitor was the only thing that indicated to Snow that she was actually still alive. Random bags of, what was to him, unidentifiable liquids hung on either side of her bed posts. He suspected that one might be blood, another antibiotics; another had to be the painkillers Dr. Farrell had mentioned, but there was a fourth that remained unknown. The room was darkened; the shades drawn. It was late afternoon and the sun shone brilliantly outside in spite of what was happening in the little room he was in.

"I'm afraid of the dark." he remembered her saying once when they were just kids. She quickly backpedalled and told him she was joking, but he saw the honest look on her face when she made her 'admission'. "Ha! I'm just kidding. I just wanna get a sexy tan!" she had winked animatedly at him, any darker feeling swept under her confident tone.

He had always wondered if she was actually afraid of the dark and why she would have said something like that, but he refrained from asking for clarification. Sometimes she was more like one of the guys than he was; emotion not an easy topic to breach with the disarming looking woman. Snow hadn't always been strong, so he had taken queues from her. They all grew up fast, but none faster than Lebreau. She took on the role Mistress to the naughtier boys over the years; keeping them in line. He knew that even though she claimed that she loved her life and how she lived it, he often wondered if she was happy.

How sad it was now that she was laying in this dark little room.

Snow made his way to the large windows, drawing back the shades to let the bright light flood into the room and over her broken form.

Lebreau was a sun worshipper; always on the beach or doing something outside. She loved to lay there on her favourite purple towel on a hot day, staying out long after others had relented and gone inside. If you were ever looking for her, you'd either find her in the bar surrounded by people or out on the beach with the sun she loved.

Pulling over a wheeled stool, he sat. Feeling awkward, he didn't really know what to do at first. He looked over her face and began to affectionately stroke her hairline. "What am I gonna do without you, Bo?" he wondered aloud, his voice barely above a whisper. He kicked himself for letting their bonds of friendship rust under his preoccupation with Lightning. Knowing what he now did about how Lebreau felt about him, he imagined it was hard for her to watch him pine for each sister in their time. Eventually they grew apart and because she wasn't the type to admit to weakness, so she'd kept quiet until liquor brought it out of her.

With every passing year, he realized time so easily got away from him if he wasn't paying attention. It always seemed like he had so much of it; he never thought that time would run out for someone so dear to him. Resting his forehead on her shoulder, fighting the sting in his eyes, he felt a wispy touch on his neck. Looking up, he saw that she was awake. A brave smile broke on his face and he continued to trace her hairline. "Hey, kiddo."

She blinked a few times, clearing the glaze from her eyes. "Snow..." she whispered and smiled back at him weakly. Her hand moved slightly under neath the sheet. Snow pulled the sheet back and took her cold, trembling hand in his own.

"I'm here, Bo. I'm not goin' anywhere."

So many unknown tubes tethered her to the bed where she lay, she could only move her head to look at him. "Tell me..." She coughed and hacked, the heart monitor racing as she gasped for air. "you... love me." Blood trickled from the corner of her mouth. His hand tightened around hers, feeling completely helpless as she laid there, sounding like she was drowning.

_She has massive internal damage._ Dr. Rosa had told him, and he realized with horror that she was probably drowning in her own blood.

"Shhh, Bo. Don't talk..." His other hand still traced her clammy hairline.

Emotion took over. He closed the painful distance between them and gifted his warmth against her body in an embrace. He heard the heart monitor gradually slow as he hugged her, pressing his cheek, flushed with life, against hers.

"Tell... me." she mumbled into his ear. If Snow hadn't been so close to her face, he wouldn't have heard her. Closing his eyes, he steadied his own breathing and composure. Finally, calmness reclaiming him, he pulled back to look in her familiar brown eyes.

Tucking stray ebony locks behind her ear, he smiled at her gently, fighting the tightness in his chest. He wouldn't have said such a thing to her ever before, and especially not after her quasi confession. But now they were alone in the hospital room, Lebreau barely hanging on. Snow did love her, but she didn't need to know that he wasn't _in_ love with her. Still, if those words would comfort her, he would gladly say them. Cupping her cheek with his warm hand, he brushed his thumb over her damp skin. "I love you, Bo."

He kissed her softly, feeling her cooled blood smear itself on his lower lip. She tried feebly to return the kiss, but she coughed and sputtered some more. Soothing her with his hand in her hair, he didn't want the heart monitor to report to him as her life ebbed, but it did it's job coldly and cruelly anyway.

Gripping her hand in his, the seconds lengthening between apathetic beeps heralded them as her last. Eventually the droning beeps faded from his ear and he saw himself in her eyes. Her grip on his big hand slackened with each passing moment. With her coppery tasty on his tongue, he kept his hand on her face as she slipped away. Maybe he couldn't go with her where ever it was she was going, but he could walk her to the edge; be a witness to her transition from life to death. In fact, Snow never looked away from her even after her eyes became vacant; barely noticing when Rosa came back into the room and turned the monotone sound off, placing a comforting hand upon his shoulder.

Closing her eyelids with a pass of his hand, he hoped she'd never have to be in the dark again.

* * *

Hope had shown up rather suddenly this morning, a box of tasty treats for his 'favourite dog' under his arm, and asked if she wanted him to come along on her rounds. He insisted that he didn't have anything better to do, and she told him that she didn't believe him. Surely a handsome young man had _something_ to do instead of hanging out with some boring old woman. She teased him, embarrassing him into silence, but since it had been raining again all week her usual circuit to the water stations everyday was getting tedious. Honestly thankful for Hope's company, she allowed him to come along, but she would drive. At least she wouldn't have to wrap her arms around him to hold on, but she overlooked the fact that he'd have to hold onto _her_.

The chatter had been light during the day, with Hope choosing to obviously enjoy the company in silence. She did catch him looking at her while she did her work. When she gave him a menial task, he'd do it with a silly little grin plastered on his face. All she could do was shake her head at the eager boy. They reached her favourite station, and she had been somewhat excited to show it to him. Once they'd climbed the pole and were above the canopy of treetops, Lightning noticed the ominous clouds.

Lightning had seen the storm clouds approach, but she had miscalculated somehow and they caught up to them faster than she anticipated. Having to make the decision of trying to outrun the unpredictable weather or to seek some natural shelter, she chose the latter. It would have been dangerous to be caught in a Pulse storm. She knew the area pretty well, but she knew the weather better, and she sheltered their transportation as best she could before taking Hope and dashing off into the brush to seek more reliable cover for themselves.

The tempest had been fast moving and unpredictable, and she'd been stupid and impetuous. This was not the time or the place to be chasing old memories, but about three feet down from where she and Hope had been running to find shelter, something caught her eye. She had no idea what it was at first, but it was a glint of silver. "Hope! Wait!" She stopped as the wind gusted, sending her hair whipping in all directions. Hope came to a sliding halt beside her, confusion furrowing his brows. Standing on the edge of a shadowed drop, she saw it. Squinting into the direction of the sparkle, she saw it growing in the lee side of the dirt wall. _Could it be...?_

_It's an Averia. The plants themselves can live in the harshest conditions all 'round, but they only bloom a couple days outta the year. If you're not lookin' for 'em, you'll miss 'em. And it's a good omen to find one._

"What is it?" Hope shouted over the wind. She stood there dumbly for a moment, then attempted to formulate a plan around the retrieval of the familiar flower before the storm enveloped them.

"Light? We have to go!" He took her hand and she shook him off. The gap between the cliff where she stood and the crumbling dirt wall on the other side was wide enough to swallow her up if she were to lose her footing, but in that instant all she cared about was the little piece of familiar vegetation; and the man who had given her one years ago.

The air temperature dropped as heavy mist swirled around them. She needed to be quick. Lightning knelt, single-mindedly pulling on some embedded roots to make sure they'd take her weight. Turning around to place her feet in holds, she was determined to grapple down the wall and pluck the flower, but Hope's hands closed tightly around her wrists.

"What are you doing?" he shouted, panic etched on his face.

Lightning's eyes flashed hotly and Hope's hands released their grip. He watched helplessly as she crawled down into the crevasse, her midnight hair obscuring her view of the wall as she turned to check the distance to her goal. She'd lost sight of it through the thick fog and curtain of hair.

Logical thoughts threatened to cut her illogical resolve. Why was she even doing this? Risking her life for a stupid flower to replace the long dead token of that man's affections?

_Maybe I didn't see it here... maybe I just wanted to... No. I didn't come all this way to leave without it; without him. Just a little piece of him. That's all I want... that's all I ever wanted._

She felt a hot tear slide down her cheek as a stagnant breath from the emptiness below cleared the air in front of her, blowing the hair from her face. Her hands gripped the thick roots as the flower was once again revealed to her. She reached for it, but she came up short. Bracing her foot against the wall from which she hung perilously, she extended her fingers, locking her elbow. Pushing slightly off with her one foot, she finally wrapped her hand around the bloom, plucking it. An honest smile spread across her face, feeling the bloom trapped in her hand.

Cutting her smile short, the sickening sound of the root structure snapping under her intrusive weight reminded her that she was in a precarious position. With lightning quick reflexes, she flung her foot out to dig into the wall opposite her as the roots in her hand broke completely away. Pressing her feet into the soft, sticky dirt, she stood between them with her legs spread in an easy split. She was thankful she had never quit training; flexibility did come in handy. Feeling short fingernails scratch against the back of her neck, a hand gripped the collar of her coat.

"Light!" Hope's voice was choked, his face white as a sheet. Rain had accumulated on his face and dripped off his nose as he looked down to where she was. His own hair lashed at his face. "Grab on!" It may have been the light playing tricks on her; refracting off the fog, but she thought she saw Hope's forearm _glowing_... She clutched the flower inside the palm used to retrieve it, and with the other, she curled her fingers around the safety of his hands. Instantly the strain on her legs was lessened as he pulled her up almost too easily from below the edge. Finding footholds to steady herself with along the way up, she needlessly assisted Hope in her rescue. Once she was out of danger, he hauled her up into his arms and crushed her guardedly against his chest.

_When did he get so strong?_

He placed hurried kisses all over her face, his hands tangled in her hair. Feeling his overwhelming reaction only made her realize what she had done and what kind of danger she may have faced if it weren't for him. She shuddered. He pressed her to his chest one last time. "Please don't ever do that again. I can't lose you." Taking her loose hand, he pulled her along after him. The storm was only getting worse and they may be in more trouble if they didn't find shelter.

_I can't lose you._ His words echoed oddly in her mind.

Forcing the event to the back of her mind, she brought her attention around. "I think there's a cave up here! Just a little farther!" she screamed into the violent winds and driving rain. "Up on the right!"

Hope dragged her along, her feet barely touching the ground as they neared the cave mouth. Just inside the entrance, an ancient tree came crashing down behind them, causing the ground to tremble. As Lightning was ushered inside, Hope covered her with his body to shelter her from any unexpected debris.

With the sky blotted out by the storm clouds, darkness consumed any light it may have loaned to the little cave.

Hope didn't let her go, not that she expected him to. Even if she didn't know what she felt for young Estheim, she couldn't deny his affections for her. She wasn't so blind that she didn't see how he looked at her, almost longingly so, sometimes almost lustily. All she had to do was whisper the right things, or show a shred of interest and she knew the dam that so feebly held back his feelings would burst.

As they stood together, soaked completely through, their clothes suctioned onto their bodies as if painted on. Trails of rainwater slid over her skin where the fabric did not lay flat upon her, but it was his touch, an almost indecent feeling on the soaked layer of skin that made her tremble. Though fully clothed, she felt very exposed under his palms. Deprived of sight, her hands moved instinctively to rest on his chest feeling his pulse strong and sure under her fingertips. His breathing betrayed his thoughts; the puffs shallow and irregular; his scent was a complex bouquet of rain, mud and desire. As her eyes took a long second to adjust to the darkness, she wasn't aware when Hope leaned in to claim a kiss. She felt warm breath on her lips, and she jerked away from him, her head spinning.

Lightning heard his breath hitch, but he had let her break free from his embrace nonetheless. Her eyes finally began to adjust and she saw him reaching for her, his palm brushing the side of her cloth clad breast as she turned away from him to present her back.

_Light. We need Light._ She repeated in her mind, silencing the other more inappropriate voices.

Thankful for the distracting sound as she unzipped her leg pack, she took the opportunity to rein in her emotions and calm her breathing. _Dammit, Hope. Don't do this to me._ Palming a couple thin plastic tubes, she pulled them out of the pack, bending them between her fingers to crack open the inside casing. Shaking them in her hand to distribute the chemicals, a white light began to illuminate the inside of the cave. Taking a look at her surroundings, she realized that it wasn't really even a cave, it was more like a natural hollow in the hill. It had probably been an animal den at one time, but it had been worn down by the erosion of time.

Setting the sticks down into the middle of the hovel, she sat with her back against the wall, listening to the howling wind and driving rain. Hope came to sit beside her, but kept a comfortable distance, his hands in his lap. Both were silent. Lightning hoped that for her sanity's sake that the storm wouldn't take long to pass. The weather could be unpredictable and dangerous, but it often found its end quickly.

She remembered the blossom trapped in her still clenched fist and shook her head, silently admonishing herself. _Stupid. And for what?_ Nothing had happened, but something _ could_ have happened and _would _have happened if it weren't for Hope.

"Thanks... for back there. I... don't know what I was thinking."

"No problem. You really scared me though." he said quietly. "Before you slipped..." he started, scooting over towards her. Resting her fist in his hand, he gently pried open her fingers to expose the item that caused them so much trouble. "...you grabbed this." Picking it up by the short stem, both sets of eyes examined it. The silver petals sparkled in the dim, artificial light as Hope twirled the bloom between his fingers, still holding her hand in his.

She stared at the dewy memento but only now in the confines of the cave could she smell its nostalgic perfume. Over the years she had wondered when _he_ had slipped the flower into her hair. Fang had found it and fished it out, but nothing was ever said about the token after that. Except for the Pulsian's explanation of said flower.

At some point Hope had stopped looking at the flower and started looking at _her_.

"Beautiful."

She looked up at him when he spoke and unwittingly met his gaze. "What does this flower mean to you, Light?" he placed it gently back in her palm, never removing his hand from hers.

She couldn't look away from his eyes. The darkness and the weight of his gaze granted him a sort of dizzying power over her. As if he knew the hold he had, his free hand travelled to find her decorated arm, gripping it, reminding her that he was very much here and that he very much expected an answer.

Though absent an answer, something _else_ might do... She wasn't sure if she was willing to go that far in order to maintain her silence in the matter.

They were silent again as Lightning fought a battle within herself whether or not to confide in Hope about the gloomy clouds she'd been under for the last few years. She opened her mouth to speak and Hope's cell phone rang. He sat unmoving for a moment, staring intently in her face, seemingly fine with letting the annoyance continue.

"Are you gonna...?" she said finally, feeling a weight being lifted from her shoulders.

Groaning and redirecting the hand that had been closed around Snow's cloth memento, Hope fiddled in his jacket pocket for the noisy thing. Looking at the display he smirked.

Putting the unit to his ear, his voice turned cold. "What do _you_ want?" He paused, the smirk twisting into an expression she'd never seen him wear before.

"I dunno."

"Well, I'm a little busy right now..." Hope pointedly kissed the back of Lightning's hand. She squirmed out of his grasp, annoyed that he had the audacity to do that, and while on the line with someone no less. When she shrugged him off, he diverted his eyes into the darkness at the back of the cave.

She wasn't sure what she thought of this new, bolder Hope Estheim. He was barely predictable and never constant; a bit erratic at times. One thing she knew about him, or rather about herself when she was with him; he intrigued her.

Staring past him, she saw the sun shining through the fallen tree outside. It seemed like the storm had broke. If it hadn't, Hope's cell wouldn't have had any reception._ Just in time._ His tone snapped her back to the conversation he was having.

"What do you want _me_ to do about it?" Hope grew more contemptuous with each word.

She could hear whoever was on the other side of the conversation beginning to speak quite loudly. They were probably reacting to his flippant attitude.

"Fine. I'll be there." Hope pushed a button on the pad and stuck the phone back in his pocket hissing air through his teeth.

"That didn't sound pleasant." Lightning said, raising an eyebrow.

"That was... my _ex_ best friend." Hope said shortly, still seeming annoyed. "He..." Lightning stared at him, a slight twinge of annoyance on her own face. "...brings out the worst in me. Sorry." He sighed admittedly.

"Is everything ok?" She scrutinized his face. He was acting strange, but she had no idea why,and she was sure he wasn't about to tell her. Unlike years ago, he had been guarded since their reunion, always seeming to heavily consider anything before he said it. It made her wonder what he had gone through for such a trait to manifest.

"Yeah. Fine. Now where were we...?" he said, slinking towards her again.

Panic leapt in her throat, and Lightning sneezed awkwardly, hoping it didn't sound too fake. "The storm's broke. We should probably get back to the house. We're soaked." She wasn't sure if going back to her place and stripping themselves was the best course of action, but at least it would put some immediate distance between them.

He nodded, trying to hide his displeasure at being interrupted, but silently she thanked whoever it was on the other end of the line. They had just saved her from what she knew would've been a compromising position if the intimate moment between her and the young man had continued. That and she would have had a _lot _ of explaining to do.

Praising the distraction was enough to indicate to her that she wasn't quite ready to leave _him_ behind yet, and she had a nagging feeling that Hope wasn't really as confident as he seemed. At the very least something was bothering him. She was unable to put her finger on it, but it was heavy enough that she could almost see his shoulders sag under it's weight.

No matter what it it was, Zack had helped to show her that things wouldn't always be so bad and that life would go on. Maybe Hope was the sign that her life was finally moving on; maybe after years of painful mourning, Hope might have been her reward. Though she was getting ahead of herself.

It was going to take a lot for her to fall in love with a boy.

* * *

The ride back to the house had been quiet. He offered to drive, but she refused, muttering something about it technically being a company vehicle. She had gone to her room to change out of her wet clothes, and Hope said he had a spare set of clothing back on the cargo craft. Their short physical separation was welcome and much needed; at least to Lightning.

The sun had departed the sky a couple of hours ago. They had completely missed the sunset; having spent the time hiding in the cave. The heat and humidity would remain throughout the night. Lightning sat at the picnic table out in the front yard, Interceptor sprawled out at her feet sleeping soundly, only perking an ear at Hope's approach.

He came walking back up the pier, smiling, his eyes on her as she towelled off her hair. He claimed he had a change of clothing, but she wondered if he simply forgot his shirt or if he came out bare chested on purpose. In any case, he strode confidently towards her, his hair still heavy with rainwater, the droplets leaving trails down his lean, gently defined physique. He wasn't hard-bodied and ruggedly handsome like Snow, but he had a grace that Snow lacked. She balled up the damp towel and tossed it at his chest, quickly redirecting her gaze to Interceptor, stroking his belly with her toes.

"Hey, Hope. Can I ask you something?"

"Sure. Anything." he replied, voice muffled under the terry cloth sheet as he rubbed his silvery head dry.

Even though she couldn't see his face, she was nervous about asking him about Snow. She had dodged the bullet earlier thanks to his "ex" friend's perfect timing, but now she hoped he wouldn't pull the old _quid pro quo_ on her. For now, maybe she'd stay safe.

"How long were you with NORA?" She wasn't good at manipulating conversations into the direction she wanted them to go. A severe lack of finesse only assisted her awkwardness in bridging subjects, but she wanted to know more about everyone else's life after Snow.

He paused in drying his hair for a second to answer. "A couple years. Why do you ask?"

"Curiosity. I saw you in the newspaper with that family you saved. That was good."

"Oh, you saw that, hey?" Came another muffled reply, still rubbing. His hair ought to have been as dry as it was going to get by now. His reluctance to share much personal information and his sometimes curious behaviour about it kept her guessing.

"Snow would have been proud of you." Her voice was even, speaking _his_ name easily. The sentence even _felt_ good, but Hope still didn't have a reply for her.

Hope pulled the towel over his head and draped it easily behind his neck to dangle over his slim chest. He took a seat across from her, picking at his fingernails. Without looking at him, she decided to just get it over with.

"What was his vigil like?" She quickly redirected. "I mean, how was Serah...?"

He looked down at his hands for a brief moment. "It was sad. She was sad... we all were."

She nodded silently. _What a stupid question._ Cursing herself and her cowardice, she clenched her teeth angrily. Not attending Snow's vigil was the one small regret, out of the many she had, that still nagged her. She should have been there for Serah; should have been there to comfort her friends and to _be_ comforted. It seemed so long ago now but she would never forget those days after the fall of Cocoon and the rest that followed, nor would she forget that regret.

"Why didn't you show?"

Lightning snapped her head up to look at him, intimidatingly. "I don't think that's any of your business."

He gaped at her for a second, seemingly surprised. "I'm sorry. Of course it's not." He conceded quietly as they both turned their heads away from the strange confrontation.

He didn't speak again, choosing instead to look back down at his nails. She looked at him from the corner of her narrow eyes and saw a shimmer of the old Hope there. It wasn't fair for her to keep looking at him like the kid he used to be, but she slipped into her old protective shell so easily. When he was young it had been easy to keep him out; utilizing the promise of anger and a few short words. Now the Hope Esthiem that she shared space with was an adult, and no matter how she wanted to deny that, the fact remained that she couldn't do it forever. She quickly realized that the sooner she accepted that he was an adult the sooner she could deal with the confusing feelings he roused within her whenever he came around. She sighed heavily.

"I've upset you." he said, standing. "I should go."

She was at a loss for words. Maybe it was best that he go.

He stood to leave, but first he caught her chin in his hand, pressing his pliable lips against her forehead chastely. "Good night, Light." Without a glance back at her, he left her and her homey quarters behind.

* * *

He couldn't believe that she was gone. Snow was really in the business of losing friends lately. Fang, Vanille, Lightning, Serah, Hope and now Lebreau. Even his friendship with Maqui hadn't been the same since the fallout. If he didn't know any better he'd say he was bad luck.

Thoughts of Lightning had been prevalent in his mind since Lebreau had passed. He welcomed no personal visits; only attending to work matters when he had to. He knew everyone was concerned about him, but he needed a bit of time to deal with things. Her death had been the prick on his skin reminding him that life wasn't a dream and now he found himself to be a man obsessed with finding out any information about the older Farron. Snow was sure she was alive, but he would have felt so much better if he could have at least confirmed it. Though to confirm it, he would beat anyone within an inch of their life that had information of her whereabouts if they were unwilling to share. Simply put, it had been too long and he was too desperate to go on wild goose chases. He needed some concrete information, but where to get it from was the tough part. Arrangements and the like forced him to put his renewed search on hold for the time being.

The funeral itself had not been as unpleasant as it could have been. The sun was warm in the afternoon as they stood on an oft overlooked piece of beach where her many friends had gathered to pay their respects and say their good-byes. Everyone was quiet while the officiate recited a speech about life, death and the circle that bound each and every one of them to the planet. For Snow, however, he found himself still in a bit of stubborn denial despite his integral part of the afternoon's ceremony. He hadn't looked back at the gathering since it had started, and now he turned his head to look at the slightly saddened faces. Among those faces, but out from the main crowd, was one silver-haired ex-l'Cie. Hope's gaze was downcast and restrained.

The end of the venerable cleric's speech signalled the beginning of Snow's sad duty. He nodded his thanks to the little white haired old man. Sun-warmed grit worked its way between his bare toes as he took a couple large steps toward the edge of the shoreline. The sound of the water gently caressing white sand sounded unnaturally loud as everyone stood silent while he opened the ornate piece of porcelain that contained Lebreau's remains. The breeze of the day was playful; one minute whipping little whorls in the air around them, the next barely a puff. Snow felt the warm breath ruffle his hair, playing with the blonde strands as he clutched the urn between his palms. Tipping it slowly to one side, he watched as the stream of white ash was carried away from the grievers by a mischievous whirlwind until there was nothing more to be presented to the sun.

_I'll catch up with you later, Bo._

When all of what was left of her had vanished, he replaced the wide stopper, taking an extra moment to dwell on her face; committing it to memory. He would never forget her, nor what she meant to so many people on their small corner of cocoon. She would be sorely missed, and as surely as his life had been enriched by her, it would be forever changed by her passing. Turning around to face the solemn crowd, he took his leave, her brightly painted urn under his arm.

His thoughts shifted from the honoured dead to Hope, walking slowly towards him as the crowed began to disperse.

"I didn't come to talk to you." he started, pushing his hands in his pockets, leaning against his car.

Snow looked beaten. His eyes were sunken in his skull, dark circles painted around them. "I know. I just want five minutes. I just really don't want you to hate me."

Hope's face was set in a hard line as he considered Snow's request for an audience. He looked like he wanted to talk even though he said he didn't. "Fine. Five minutes."

Snow jumped right in. This was his chance, maybe his only chance to try and make things right. "I don't want what we feel for Lightning to be the end of our friendship. Neither one of us knows where she is and she doesn't seem to want to be found."

He saw the young man's eyes narrow, pulling keys out of his pocket, signalling he was nearing the end of his line of patience with the blond.

_Ah hell. Ok, so maybe I shouldn't have started quite so directly but I've lost too many friends. I won't let Hope be another casualty..._

"The simple fact is that she isn't in either one of our lives anymore. You're like a brother to me, Hope. No, we were closer than family. That's gotta count for _something_." pleaded Snow. He clenched his fists, determined to make Hope listen to reason.

Hope's face flushed with anger. "You knew how I felt about her!" he half shouted, taking a bold step towards the taller man. Hope was a good six inches shorter than his former mentor, but he had a dangerous glint in his emerald eyes as he met Snow toe to toe. "Were you _that _dense? I think probably everyone knew!"

The pep talk Sazh had given him about it not being his fault for someone else's inability or unwillingness to deal with a problem slid down the proverbial drain as that _someone else _stood before him. "I'm sorry, Hope. There was no reason I should have told you about how I felt towards..." He met Hope's angry eyes with his own honest gaze. "I miss her just as much as you do... but now I miss _you_ too. Come home. Come back to NORA. Everyone misses you."

This seemed to hit home somewhere inside of Hope, and Snow watched his face soften. He had no idea what was going on with the kid. Something seemed different between them and the more Snow threw his empathetic feelings at the boy, the less Hope was able to reciprocate the stare between them. He knew that the only real home that the young Estheim had since his mother died was there in Bodhum with his oafish self. Maybe he could win him back. "Whaddya say?"

The question hung in the air between them.

"I had a reason for leaving, Snow." Snow caught Hope's sadly contemplative expression before he turned away. Opening the door to his vehicle, he stood still, almost seeming to hesitate. Turning his head slightly, he spoke very clearly.

"Things can't ever be the same as they were."

Without so much as another glance in Snow's direction, Hope got in his car, slid his sunglasses up over his nose, and drove away.

"That went well..." Snow muttered, looking down at the urn in his hands.

Something glittering on the ground caught his attention.

Tucking the urn back under his arm, he took a knee, reaching out to pick up the item on the sand at his feet. Twirling the silver bloom between his fingers, the memories of a night from long ago overtook him like the nostalgic scent of the flower itself.

"Lightning..." he murmured.

Inhaling sharply, realization came crashing down around him. _Lightning!_

Jumping to his feet, Snow vainly searched the horizon for the only person that could have dropped such a meaningful item.


	12. Chapter 12

_A/N: Thanks to everyone for the reviews, notes, faves and alerts. Above all, I would like to thank everyone for their patience. Please enjoy._

* * *

"Hey, take it easy man. You let us know if you need something."

"I will. Thanks." Snow saw his friend to the front door of the Farron house, and with a worried look Gadot left Snow alone.

Every morning he'd feel ready to try to persevere, but then something would tip his scale in favour of uncontrollable thoughts of her, and he'd be brought to his knees. Taking up residence in her room didn't help either. He knew he was just wallowing, but he couldn't help it. He called into work everyday and just left everything to those who were capable of rational thought, because he sure as hell wasn't.

At the end of every work day, Gadot would knock on his door under the guise of keeping him up to speed with NORA-related news. He vaguely heard Gadot when he mentioned that the negotiations with the new Sanctum order on Pulse were wrapped up, and they'd have some work on Gran Pulse very soon. Snow nodded through the briefing, showing slight interest at the mention of Colonel Amodar's name. He hadn't heard anything from Amodar since Serah had talked to him years ago, asking about Lightning. Snow had thought to inquire further, but Serah did tell him that if he heard from her older sister he should call, and he never did.

Also, Set had shown his face in Bodhum. According to his recount, Lebreau had gone off alone to take on the mark because he had gotten wasted the night before and showed up late for work. When he got there, he trailed her and found her already badly injured. He took the time to call for help before he ran off like a coward; Snow's words, not his. He didn't have an excuse for his irresponsible behaviour, but Gadot said the guy seemed genuinely remorseful about what happened to Lebreau and for his part in it. His burly buddy reminded him that he was still the boss and was the one decide an individual's fate within NORA. Even so, Snow didn't have an answer to the problem. If he beat the kid to a bloody pulp it wouldn't bring Lebreau back. Snow also knew that if he saw Set again there was no guarantee he wouldn't beat him senseless for good measure. Gadot nodded understandingly and moved on to the next topic.

Even though all these things were important he couldn't bring himself to pay much attention and once his best friend was gone, he closed the door and fell back against it, huffing a great sigh. He knew people were still worried about him, and they assumed it was because of Lebreau which was fine with him. After all, he didn't have the energy to explain himself.

Surely someone besides Hope had to know something about Lightning Farron. The fact that she _was_ out there was a relief but as comforting as that thought was to him, he felt angry, betrayed and hurt by his trusted friend's silence. Snow almost felt indignant; like _he_ had Lightning first and that Hope should back off, but then he remembered that Hope was just a kid.

After repeated attempts at trying to reach him during the week after the funeral, Snow found himself leaving message after message to have his call returned. Surely Hope noticed that he was missing something even if he didn't know where he'd lost it. There was no way that he possessed a meaningful item like that by pure chance. As a result he was unable to eat or sleep; his nerves completely shot. First Lebreau and now this.

He wanted to punch something until his knuckles bled.

He wanted to yell at the top of his lungs until he collapsed.

He wanted to weep until he was barren of all feeling and emotion.

Shuffling back into the living room, Snow picked up the silver bloom he always kept within arms reach since acquiring it over a week ago. Cradling it in the palm of his mammoth hand, he stared at it, feeling tears sting his eyes. Of course he remembered everything like it was yesterday; his memory had always been long and cruelly reliable. Nary a day went by for the last four years where he hadn't thought of her in some capacity. In the early days, his thoughts were dominated by her, but more recently she was just there in the back of his mind.

Over the years he'd thought about looking for her, and he had kept his eyes and ears open, but no one he talked to had even heard her name. He had a quite a few connections throughout Cocoon, but never had anyone reported back to him that they saw his petal haired 'friend'.

"You'd know her if you saw her." he'd tell whoever would listen... not that it got him anywhere.

He looked at the clock. It was near midnight. He'd call _one _more time tonight.

The mad temptation to dial Hope's number repeatedly was getting the better of him; the need to reconnect with the boy had not let up since he laid eyes on discarded memento laying in the sand.

Snow refused to believe Hope could have been malicious enough to have _planted_ the token, but he couldn't be sure about anything anymore.

Redialing the number, it rang four times before the line picked up, and a sleepy voice met his ear. Snow jerked himself up to sit straight on the couch.

"Jeeze, Snow. What do you want?" Hope sighed, sounding annoyed.

"You know where she is, don't you?"

"Where who is?"

"Lightning."

He heard Hope yawn."I don't know know where Light is. Stop calling me."

"Like hell you don't. Tell me where you got that flower from."

Silence.

_I got you now, you little bastard._

"What if I said I did?"

"Then I would politely ask you to share information." Snow said through gritted teeth. _You catch more flies with honey... _he reminded himself as Hope paused again.

"And if I refused?"

Snow's fist came down hard on his knee, clutching it to try and keep his cool.

"Well, there isn't much I can do about it, then." he admitted tightly. "Look. I know you probably don't give a rat's ass about me anymore... but I am asking you as an adult, Hope, to tell me where Lightning is."

Hope laughed.

_He actually laughed._

"Hope...!" Snow snarled, the kid interrupting icily.

"I'm not going to tell you where she is, Snow. She doesn't want me to."

It was Snow's turn to be stunned speechless, his lack of response speaking louder than words ever could, the cruel realization of his confirmed suspicions crushing the breath from his lungs.

"Sorry, Snow. You should forget about Light. She's mine now."

The line went dead and all he could do was sit uselessly staring at the phone in his hand.

Knowing full well that he was as good as dead without her, he ghosted through life, simply looking forward to the next moment, waiting to see if it would be the one where he'd be reunited with her. It was great to have something to look forward to, like your birthday, but this was pure torture inflicted upon him by someone he thought possessed the most innocent of souls. He had to wonder if Hope really was just a kid.

_Does he hate me that much?_

Appealing to the powers that be, he implored them to show him an ounce of mercy and place her in his path. It would only take one chance; he wouldn't screw it up.

* * *

Amodar didn't call her often on the communication channel, so when she heard the chirp that heralded an incoming call, it surprised her. She had just finished breakfast and was actually getting ready to take Interceptor and head out the door to collect some samples. Tapping the nearest panel, her boss' face popped up on the tiny screen

"Good morning, Farron." He was smiling.

She was not. "Sir." she replied in her normally short tone.

"Someone get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?" he asked her teasingly.

"I got up on the same side I do every morning." He raised an eyebrow. "Sir." She'd forgotten how to interact with other members of the corps. There was no need for ranks or niceties in middle of nowhere with only her dog and a silver-haired civilian friend for company. Speaking of her former protege, he had been MIA for a few weeks.

Amodar chuckled heartily at her awkward but serious answer. "Ha! It's nice to talk to you, Farron."

"Likewise, Sir." she replied with the distinct lack of emotion she was known for.

"Well, I'll get down to business. We've been negotiating a contract with NORA. You remember them from Bodhum?"

She bit her lip. NORA was Snow's baby; his way to protect the people he loved. Of course she remembered... "Yes, sir."

"Ah good. I've put them in charge of a new security effort on Gran Pulse. They've been contracted to clear out areas scouted for a new settlement, and grade them for safety before they're settled. There's plenty of dangers on Gran Pulse, and it's important that these matters be treated with the utmost diligence."

_Dangers, huh? Don't I know it._

It had been almost 4 years since she'd even been near a human population. Not counting the nightclub Zack had dragged her to for her birthday. Other than that, the only contact she'd had with people were the ones that brought her supplies; most recently Zack and Hope. Amodar himself didn't stop by unless there was a good reason. She talked to her boss more than saw him. And apparently without warning, the office had made the decision to recall her from her secluded life in the wilds of Pulse. Remembering the day she stood in Amodar's office, brokenhearted and lost, she was glad he had granted her the assignment. It had been like someone was reading her mind; she had wanted to disappear after everything that happened in Bodhum, on Cocoon... with Snow. Time had gone by so fast after she had begun to put herself back together.

"So, why do you need _me_ there? Uh.. Sir."

He laughed openly at her latest misstep in protocol. "Well, Farron. I think it's about time you got back on the horse, so to speak. I am planning on assigning you to their brigade. I know that you don't want to be observing weather and taking rock samples the rest of your life." He paused. "I may be overstepping my bounds as a superior officer, but as a friend, I'm telling you to stop punishing yourself. You've done it long enough."

_Have I?_ She thought bitterly.

"I also know that you train everyday, and are in top condition. There's no reason for you to stay out there any longer." he said matter-of-factly, sipping his coffee.

"But, Sir," started Lightning. She wasn't sure if she wanted to leave her safe little corner of the world.

He cut her off. "I myself am leaving to tend to a matter in Oerba later today and will not be here to meet you. G will be available in my office, so please report to him after you arrive. Someone will be along to pick you up tomorrow afternoon and you are to meet with the General the day after tomorrow at oh-nine-hundred."

"Sir. I must insist -"

"That is an _order,_ Lieutenant. Farron." he said shortly.

Did she hear him right? "Lieutenant, Sir?"

"Oh, I forgot to tell you. You've been promoted." Amodar grinned knowingly.

_Damn it._

"G will take care of the paperwork when you arrive."

"Thank you, Sir..." she started "but I still -"

"Amodar out."

The communique ended with a blank screen.

Cussing under her breath, she turned to see Interceptor looking up at her.

"Well, what am I going to do with _you_?"

Interceptor cocked his head to one side, as he usually did when he 'listened' to her.

"I didn't ask if I could bring you, but I can't very well leave you here all by yourself, can I?" Lightning stroked her chin. She really didn't have anyone to look after him, and she wasn't even sure how long she'd be gone. As the crow flew, her destination, Leámonde in Yaschas Massif, was a couple hours flight from her secluded home. Coming back to take care of Interceptor was out.

"I guess you'll just have to come with me."

He barked, wagging his tail. She smiled and knelt on the ground in front of him, putting her arms around his neck in an embrace. Zack would have been pleased to see that she'd taken to her gift so well. At first she'd been annoyed by having to take care of him; convinced that he'd never learn how to behave. Shocked by what a quick learner he turned out to be, she quickly found herself glad to have him around. Interceptor kept her company and loved her without any strings or expectations, unlike Hope and his intense, ever-present undercurrent of sexual tension. Though she had to admit they were comfortable together, she always felt like he wanted something she couldn't, or wouldn't, give him.

The night found her restless and unable to sleep. Whenever she began to drift off she'd start falling helplessly down a dark and unending void, and jerk herself awake again, clutching the blankets. Laying back down, she slowed her breathing in an attempt to relax. She had heard somewhere that dreams were the children of an idle brain. Although that may have been true, she wondered why her stupid brain just couldn't go on vacation and leave her to have a good night's sleep for once.

* * *

Taking her time getting ready, she packed very light; sleepwear, her casual pair of jeans, comfortable fitted t-shirt, some socks, panties and a bra. She would have taken more, but she really didn't have much else in her wardrobe. Maybe she'd have to stop to get a few things while she was in Leámonde... especially if she was going to start working with actual _people_ again.

The slam of the screen door startled her. Interceptor got to his feet and took off towards the front to check things out.

"Light!" Hurried footsteps came towards the hallway.

"I'm in the bathroom, Hope!" she reported, tossing a tube of toothpaste and toothbrush into her travel case, zipping it up. It seemed odd that he was here now. Heading back into her room, Hope spotted her and rushed towards her with his hands out. He looked very anxious.

"Come with me." He grabbed her hands and swung her around to face him. Breathing unevenly, his chest heaved, eyes were urgent.

"What?" Lightning cocked an eyebrow, pulling her hands away. "Hope, calm down."

"Come with me. Light. Right now."

She rolled her eyes, going back to her packing. "What are you on about?"

"Listen to me!" he shouted. She looked back, annoyed by his outburst, as he demanded her attention. "If I wanted you to leave with me right now, would you?"

"Leave with you where?"

"Anywhere. Look, Light." Hope breathed in and out therapeutically. "I wanted to tell you some other way, but I'm out of time..."

"Hope?" She was beginning to become alarmed, but allowed him to take her hands in his when he sought them out again. Her touch seemed to calm him down a little.

Choosing to look down at their joined hands instead of her perturbed expression, he continued with his speech. "I love you. I always have." He finally met her gaze, squeezing her hands firmly. "From the first moment I saw you in the Vestige. I knew I wanted to be with you, but it can't be here. Please. I'm begging you."

Utter shock washed over her face. She expected to hear it at some point, but she thought it would have been a while off. And what did he mean about running out of time? She wasn't about to run off with some kid who didn't have his shit together. What about _her_ life? Now she was simply irritated by his vague explanations and odd, questionable behaviour. "You're just a _kid_, Hope! You don't know what you want!"

"Don't patronize me, Lightning. I'm not that scared little kid anymore." He spoke quietly, his youthful tenor softened. His hands ventured up her arms, and over her shoulders to cup her warming cheeks. "I'm a man now and I know what I want." He was trembling; she didn't need to feel it, she could _see_ it. "I've always known."

_This can't be happening. _

"And what about what I want, Hope? What about _my_ life?" She needed more time to get things sorted out; he needed to back off.

By the twisted look on his face, that wasn't what he expected to hear from her. Wiggling out of his hands to take a safe step backwards, she saw his face flush with anger.

"What life?" he spat out. "Oh wait. You mean _hiding_ here on Gran Pulse playing out in the mud and rain? What kind of life is that?"

Hope was mocking her. How dare he. Her temper flared; the long absent edge of anger peaked naturally, burning its way back into her chest.

"You have no idea what I've been through! The only man that I ever loved is _dead_ and some days I wish I would have went with him! I've spent the last four years of my life picking up the pieces. Putting myself back together. Then you just come along and think you have all the answers**, **when you don't even know the fucking questions?"

Lashing out like a cornered animal, Lightning drew back her open palm and landed a stinging blow on Hope's cheek.

After flesh met flesh, he made no attempt to comfort his reddened cheek with a hand. Instead, he took the opportunity to seize her arm and pull her roughly against him, kissing her hard. Her head was spinning, hearing him say all these things to her; spilling his heart to her so aggressively. She honestly didn't think he had the guts to tell her these things. Obviously he'd changed, but something inside warned her that it wasn't for the better.

The heat of his lips on hers threatened the wall of her resolve and once his arms closed around her, his clearly capable hands began their journey down her body. Gripping the sides of his shirt in her hands, she held on for dear life as he continued to devour her, attempting to drive her mad. Cupping her rear in his hands, he evoked surprise from her, and she opened her mouth against him. Not wasting any time, he met her tongue with his, sending a new shock of surprise through her. Lightning fought desperately to seal away the encouraging noises he was so purposefully trying to pull from her.

Electricity rippled through her as Hope's smouldering green eyes met hers; his voice wavering ever so slightly, the dam holding him back bending under the weight of his desire. "_This_ is what you do to me." Still cupping her backside, he held their bodies tighter together until his hips were flush with hers, pressing his urgent rigidity against her belly. His teeth nipped up the soft line of her jaw. "You're the only woman I want. It's always been you, Light."

Biting her lip, heat spread rampantly over her body, originating from the site of his masculine declaration. His palms made their way down the front of her skirt, pulling the zippers apart to give him access without pulling the barely there fabric over her hips. The thumping in her ears was out of control, but no matter how much her body betrayed her, she didn't want this. Not right now in any event; everything was too quick and he had made her too emotional. Additionally, she was leery about his unusual proposal of escape.

His digits rubbed against her heated treacherous centre, sending panic jolting through her, drawing a strangled gasp from her lips.

Speaking of escape, that's just what she needed right now. Somehow she didn't think she'd be granted another chance to get away from him if she didn't seize it this second.

"Hope... Stop." His continued touch between her legs summoned feelings of shame to the forefront of her mind. Desperately, she twisted in his arms, the spell he had held over her shattered. "Enough!"

Seeming to collect himself as he took in her apprehensive face, he awkwardly set her free.

She hated feeling this way in front of him. His unfavourable advances left her angry and empty. Why did he have to go and touch her like that? Trying to recoup some lost dignity, she turned away from him, crossing her arms over her chest. "Can... we talk about this when I get back?"

He respected the distance she put between them, but she could also see his conflicted reflection in the mirror hanging on the wall beside her.

"No. You need to decide now."

She was certain the only answer she could give he'd find rather undesirable. Even if he forced her decision, it would be the same next week, and the week after that.

"What's gotten into you?"

"I thought it was obvious." he replied dryly; teasingly. He'd recovered a suggestive edge that gave her goosebumps. Apparently he took her last statement as an invitation, coming to stand at her back, running fingertips along her arm, over the bands adorning it.

Blue eyes met green in the mirror. She almost couldn't bring herself to speak the refusal aloud; she didn't _want_ to hurt him, but she had to, and she had to do it with confidence.

The energy emanating from Hope was dangerous and feral; he was hungry. To falter or show any weakness at all would be to throw herself into the lion's den. He wouldn't take no for an answer twice, and she believed he would act upon her self-doubt, so as she narrowed her gaze, she spoke with cool courage. "I can't go with you."

The hand on her dropped away and for an instant his guard came down. The young, fragile, unsure Hope fell open to her; shock and surprise creasing his youthfully smooth visage.

Had he _truly_ thought that he would have been able to sway her; to talk her into leaving with him? She might as well have kicked him in the gut. With the wind knocked out of his sails, a new tension filled the room as a dark resentment became apparent on his face.

"Fine." Turning on his heel, he left her.

She heard the screen door slam and Interceptor came back into the room to nuzzle her leg comfortingly.

* * *

Lightning would have rather spent the rest of her life on the ill-fated Palamecia than spend one more minute cooped up with Hope Esthiem on the transport vessel. Whatever it was that transpired between them left Lightning confused and Hope hurt. If she would have known that the intense teenager was going to be the one escorting her to Leámonde, she would have attempted to smooth things over a bit better between them; not that she even would have known how to do that. Time may have helped her to heal her own wounds, but when it came to other people's, she usually failed miserably. It wasn't Amodar's fault that Hope felt the need to say what he did – and _do _what he did – but she would have appreciated a heads up. As it was, her furry friend refused to leave her side the whole trip, sitting in front of her as a buffer.

Petting Interceptor's head absently, she sighed, watching Hope pilot the craft. How ironic it was now that he wanted nothing more than to be with her and she wanted nothing more than to get away from him.

Once docked safely at the nearest aerodrome, Hope all but ignored Lightning and the canine as they disembarked. She knew she should have just left and not looked back, but it nagged her with every click of her boot heel.

"Interceptor. Stay." she commanded her hairy companion.

Turning back towards the vessel, she took a deep breath and re-entered the main cabin. Hope was still sitting in the pilot's seat when she approached quietly. She took a seat on the passenger's side, and turned towards him. Looking away from her, he sniffled, brushing a quick hand over his cheek. There was something going on, she was sure of it. She wasn't seeing the whole picture, and what she didn't see was crippling her young friend. Even though Hope had fundamentally assaulted her back there, she wondered if she didn't want it just as much as he had. Her hang ups were probably as just as bad as his, but at least she was an adult and had a few more coping mechanisms in order to deal.

Though, now, she was sure he had been crying.

_Dammit. I'm the worst._

"Hope... I do want to talk more when I get back home, ok? I wasn't just saying that." she touched his bare arm for emphasis.

"Don't do that." Hope shifted away from her show of compassion.

"Hope..."

"Don't, Light. Just go. I'll... see you around."

And that was that.

As much as she would have liked and dreaded staying with Hope to try and squeeze information out of him, she reminded herself that he was a budding adult and that if he needed help he knew where she was. Maybe she wouldn't have been able to be what he wanted her to be, but she could at least try to remain his friend.

Once out on the tarmac, a trotting Interceptor beside her, she spied Amodar's handsome assistant, G. It had been years since she had last seen him, but he looked surprisingly the same as he had during her first trip to Leámonde. He'd gone out of his way to make her comfortable back when she had forgotten how to exist without the assistance of some mind-numbing substance and even though she'd never forgotten his quiet compassion and kindness he had insisted that it was his 'job'. Suit immaculately pressed, deep red hair still in its short calculated disarray, he smiled at her charmingly, offering her a hand in greeting.

"Miss Farron. Pleasure to see you again."

"It's been a long time, G." Almost regretting taking his pampered, well-manicured hand against her own abrasive one, she couldn't help but return his smile awkwardly.

"That it has. You are looking well." he commented, probably more out of courtesy than anything else. She was positive she looked horrid from the lack of sleep and the dramatic tension she'd been wading through all day. She was hungry and kind of grumpy, actually.

"And who is this?" He nodded towards Interceptor who was sitting politely looking around at the busy tarmac.

"That's Interceptor. Amodar didn't tell me how long I'd be in Leámonde for, and I couldn't leave him at home by himself. I hope it won't be any trouble..."

"Interceptor, huh? Sounds mighty fierce." he smiled at the animal and typically Interceptor cocked his head to the side. G turned his attention back to Lightning. "It's absolutely fine." Motioning to the limousine sitting idle behind him he nodded. "Well, shall we?"

While they had been talking, the driver, a very exotic looking man with an excessively long but luxurious mane of silver hair that would make any woman jealous, put Lightning's single suitcase in the trunk, then opened the door for G. The man stepped quickly and gracefully, his silver hair barely moving in the stirred air he created carrying out his duties. Lightning watched the silent servant's cheeks blush when the redhead's hand covered his own gloved one before ducking into the interior. It was an interesting dynamic for Lightning to witness and she found herself wondering if they might have been something more to each other. The almost beautiful man hurried around to her side and opened the door for her in the same manner, never meeting her gaze, the pink on his cheeks disappearing as quickly as it had surfaced.

Interceptor looked curious as to what could possibly be inside and lept in. A shocked sound and an audible expulsion of air came from inside and when she got in, the heavy pup was sprawled across G's lap, huge paws and nose against the tinted window trying to look out. She saw the restrained surprise on his face as he patted the animal awkwardly, offering her tight smile.

_Maybe he's not a dog person._

Even though she managed to suppress a chuckle, she thought she heard one from the driver's seat.

* * *

By the time she got free of G, paperwork and duty related activities to settle in her hotel room, it was twilight outside. Interceptor was already asleep on her bed, taking up most of it, leaving her to flop down in an expensive looking leather chaise posted by a picture window. Lightning had wanted to do a little shopping after she arrived, but the afternoon had been meticulously arranged so that she had no free time before the shops closed. Sure that she'd been in meetings all day tomorrow, she resolved to at least buy some new clothing before she left Leámonde.

She had changed into something more comfortable, a new pair of pajamas she'd ordered the last time she had her monthly delivery. The shower incident had encouraged her to get a proper pair of pajamas just in case Hope had decided to pay her a visit in the middle of the night. Ever since Hope had come back into her life, there'd been more drama than she was used to. She was very happy to have reconnected with him, but it was unrealistic of her to believe that he wouldn't have changed very much. After all, she had been completely absent for his most impressionable teenage years. Lightning could see the obvious good that had been instilled in him even behind his raw teenage hormones. Every time she thought about him she was bombarded by suspicions and curiosities about whatever he wasn't telling her. With each shady action her trust in him waned.

Picking up the phone to order some dinner, she received possibly the worst news of the day.

"I'm sorry, Lieutenant. Room service is unavailable at this time. The kitchen is undergoing some minor repairs but will be in full service tomorrow." the voice informed her on the other line.

"I see." Lightning's stomach grumbled in response. _Tch. Figures._

"I'm very sorry for the inconvenience. The bar is still open, though. They don't have a full kitchen, but I'm sure they can whip something up for you. Please let them know I sent you and they will do their best. My name is Jessie."

"Alright. Thank you, Jessie." said Lightning, hanging up the phone. There was no way she wanted to get dressed and go sit in some smoky bar to eat. Her stomach growled again, insistent. "Fine, fine." she muttered.

Before she stood, she saw an envelope with her name on it sitting by the phone. She recognized the scrawl as Amodar's. Curious, she took it in hand and ripped open the end, dumping the contents into her palm.

Inside was key with a tag.

"Hmmm..." Flipping it around in her hand, she noted his writing on the tag. _P2 – 57_. After giving it a minutes thought, it dawned on her.

_The parking garage!_

Flinging open her suitcase, she retrieved her jeans and t-shirt. Pulling her satiny night clothes off and tossing them on the bed, she dressed casually; boots, skirt, shirt. Slipping the room key and the little metal motorcycle key into her back pocket, she stood for a long minute regarding her image in the mirror. On her right arm, she always wore the three bands; two brown, one black.

She'd come a long way from being a broken, crying, lovesick mess, and now she felt like she was approaching something new, as she had four years ago. Once again it was time for courage. Life was all about change and as long as she didn't forget him and forget why he did what he did, she would be able to go on.

Maybe she'd try to talk to Serah soon as well; it was far overdue.

_One step at a time..._

She unbuckled the two brown pieces of leather, laying them across the marble vanity. Stroking the lone token left tied on her bicep with her middle and index finger, she closed her eyes. He was always with her no matter where she went and she wouldn't have it any other way.

Taking a second to ruffle her black hair, she nodded at herself, peeking into the main part of the room to make sure Interceptor was still asleep. She should have known better than to think he might have been awake at this hour. Before leaving the room, she retrieved the little picture album she always carried on her person in her leg pack, tucking it in her other back pocket.

Lightning wasn't used to being in such lavish surroundings. The interior of the building was larger than she had anticipated and it took a few minutes to make her way, somewhat excitedly, to the parking garage. As the elevator doors opened to reveal brightly painted concrete columns indicating on what level she was, she made her way around to the appropriately numbered lane of parked vehicles.

_Fifty... two..._

_Fifty... three.._

Looking down the line, she saw it sitting there under the yellow after hours illumination; black and sleek.

_So we meet again._ She chuckled and threw her leg over to sit astride it, her skirt sliding up her thighs, fitting the key in the ignition to make sure it fit. It felt good to have the beautiful chunk of metal between her legs again. Leaning forward on the handles she remembered when that was the only friend she had.

If she had brought her leathers she would have taken the old girl out for a spin, but the cold smooth steel heated up against her thighs as the humidity glued them to it. Chafing wasn't pleasant, so she decided to forego the ride tonight. She had no use for this item back at home, so she assumed that maybe this, and the promotion was a deal sweetener for whatever Amodar and this 'General' from NORA had in mind for her.

She had never given much of a thought to who had taken over for Snow after he passed, but she assumed it was probably one of the more senior members. It wasn't Hope, even though he said he had spent some time with them. Maybe Gadot or Serah's friend Maqui, though he would still be quite young for such a task. Either way, whoever it was would probably be shocked to see _her_ of all people tomorrow. It would be troublesome and they'd probably make a big deal out of it, but she'd cross that bridge when she got there.

Tucking the key back into her pocket, and with a slight spring in her step, she made her way back to the main floor of the hotel, to find the bar the helpful girl on the phone had mentioned.

The fact that it was a weeknight was readily apparent when she stepped foot into the low key atmosphere. Crossing the darkened room, she passed by the male piano player who was playing a tranquil but complicated sounding piece. She hadn't heard much piano in her day, though she heard her grandmother used to play often when she was a young lady. The tinkle of the decorative piano was relaxing; the notes like muse-inspired raindrops upon her ears.

Taking a seat at the bar she explained her phone conversation about the restaurant's kitchen woes and dropped the appropriate name. Met with a smile and a warm demeanour, the brunette barista disappeared into the back after taking Lightning's order from a rather deficient menu posted on the bar. Made up entirely of greasy finger foods, Lightning found a compromise in some tasty sounding deep fried vegetables and dipping sauce.

Reaching around to pull the small booklet from her pocket, she set it on the bar and flipped through its pages. There were a couple pictures of her when she was just a baby, before Serah came. After that there were pictures of her holding her baby sister, then more pictures of little Claire and little Serah getting into all sorts of trouble looking painfully innocent all the while. With the exception the photos when she was just a baby, Lightning could remember a story associated with almost every picture. Things were so simplistic when they were young; before she had become Lightning. They never wanted for anything, always had what they needed and had more love than they knew what to do with.

Eventually the picture book didn't run out of pages so much as it ran out of photos. The last few pictures featured Lightning frowning, but the very last one had a scowling Lightning and an excited Serah standing in front of a dress boutique in downtown Bodhum. They were shopping for the older sister's first formal school dance. In Lightning's opinion. a dress store was the absolute wrong place to be shopping. She fought her mother tooth and nail, at first begging not to have to go, and when she saw her mother wasn't going to budge, she 'compromised' and said she'd go to the stupid dance but she wasn't going to wear a _dress_ of all things. She would have rather attended such a gathering in jeans.

Appealing to her father to talk some sense into her mother, he advised her with an apologetic look that it was in fact mom that had the last word. Triumphantly mother announced she would go to the school dance and she would wear a dress and that was _final_.

Lightning sulked for days about it with Serah telling her the whole time that she was so lucky to be going to the dance and that she was jealous and that _she_ would have worn the dress without argument.

In the end Lightning didn't do either of the things her mother lovingly demanded she do. She didn't go to the dance and she didn't wear that dress.

A month before the dance, her parents got sick and passed on, leaving the two girls alone.

As far as she knew, that dress was still tucked away in her closet, unworn to this day.

Silly as it was, Lightning blamed herself in a way. If she would have just worn the damn dress and not put up a fight maybe something might have changed to allow her mother and father to remain alive. She knew it was pointless to think that way, but even the smallest ripples in a pond created waves somewhere down the line. All her decisions, good _and_ bad, had led her to this very point in time. She'd lost another person she cared about because of a decision she had made and all the wishing in the world wasn't going to change that. In all cases she had to come to terms with the fact that her parents were dead and that _he_ was dead. Nothing was going to bring them back.

Coming to the last page in the book, she looked at the pressed, dried out flower. There should have been another flower pressed within these pages, but somehow she managed to lose it somewhere. That silly little flower she'd put both her and Hope's lives in danger for had disappeared. She had her suspicions that Interceptor got a hold of it and ate it, but she really had no idea what actually happened. Where did things go when they were lost? Where did _people_ go when they were lost?

Boisterous laughter came from the front door of the establishment, startling her enough that she flipped the book closed hastily.

The woman who was tending to her dinner re-entered the room, platter in hand.

Lightning's stomach grumbled again, the salty smell of the deep fried food wafting to her nose.

"Ah hell! I forgot. If I'm not back, start without me!" said an oddly familiar voice at the back of the room.

It took a second, but the sound that had reached her ear told her that it was him; her desperate heart warring with her logical brain. Nothing was going to bring him back but without a doubt her heart told her that the voice belonged to Snow Villiers. Swivelling on the stool, she quickly surveyed the bar's occupants, but there were no tall blonds among them; no familiar faces at all. Launching herself off the stool, garnering odd looks from the new occupants as she ran out the front door, looking from side to side in an attempt to track the man. She didn't see him, but the revolving front door was still circling. Dashing towards it, she slipped inside and pushed her way through as quickly as she could manage. It couldn't have revolved any slower; seconds creeping by as she waited to be free of the contraption. Once outside, she was breathless with anticipation looking up and down each side of the street to no avail. Bathed in the artificial light from a single streetlamp above her, she sighed.

_Idiot. Just when are you gonna get it through your thick skull?_

They say a little hope does wonders, and sometimes it did, but other times hope was downright devastating.

* * *

She had hardly gotten any sleep last night. She kept hearing that voice in the head. The deep resonating timbre that was so familiar, but so ghostly and distant, she wondered if it wasn't her mind playing tricks on her again. Surely someone else in the world possessed the same voice as he. She should have asked the men who the unknown voice belonged to, but embarrassment got the best of her and she decided to wait in the bar for the promised return that never came to pass.

Either way, he'd been on her mind lately despite the fact that she tried to keep him locked away far beneath conscious thought. How silly she must have looked to turn her head at the sound, like he'd been whispering in her ear, and chase after the phantom like some lovesick teenager out the door into the night.

_He's dead. He's not coming back. _

Lightning wondered how many times she told herself that.

In the early days she'd seen 'him' everywhere; someone tall, someone blond, rough hands, a familiar laugh in her ear. That had been the hardest part of losing him. If he'd simply died and faded from her memory she thought she'd be fine, but he never went away. No matter how she tried to forget him and leave him behind, he haunted her. Over the years it got easier to say his name to herself and eventually she was able to remember, with appreciation, the short and sweet time they'd been granted on their journey to save the world. Over the years her heart ached less, but the old wound festered still. It would be there always; like the jagged wound on her side reminding her that she wasn't invincible as she liked to think.

Two sleepless nights was about her limit these days.

Amodar's decision to put her back on the job had been a point of worry for her. She didn't know if she was ready, but clearing out potential threats sounded like a good time. She sure liked a good fight, but she'd be forced to work with other people this time around. That was what she wasn't sure of.

Hope's emotional proposition troubled her deeply. With no idea what to think or feel about her young friend now that her suspicion was spoken into existance, she wondered what would have happened if she would have taken him up on his offer, oddly timed as it was. With trembling hands and honest body Hope declared his love. No one had ever done anything like that for her. Even though it was confusing and difficult to hear and feel, she had to admit that there was a thin line of aroused interest.

Given time and opportunity, she liked to think that those words would have flowed freely from Snow's lips. If it had been Snow and not Hope that begged her to run away with him she would never have given it a second thought and they'd be halfway to anywhere by now.

She felt heavy and appropriately exhausted this morning but didn't have time to make any coffee in her hotel room before tromping uninspiredly across the street to Amodar's office tower.

_Hell, I barely even remember getting dressed._

A silly thought popped in her head and she looked down at herself to make sure she _was_ in fact dressed and she laughed at herself. She needed to wake up.

"The General awaits your arrival in conference room five, Lieutenant." said a cheery voice, greeting her as she entered the building. It was curious the woman at the front even knew who she was.

Lightning just nodded her thanks tiredly, stifling a yawn.

The receptionist grinned knowingly at her and pointed over to a table set with clean glass coffee cups and a small coffee machine. "Help yourself."

"Thanks." she muttered nearly incoherently, relieved as she made a bee line for the table, her boot heels breaking the deep silence of the common area. She was running late, but whoever the suit was waiting for her in the conference room, he could wait. She wasn't much for social graces these days, and that included being on time. Amodar wouldn't be present; but he had mentioned off-handedly that he'd heard good things about the General, being assured that he was a good man. Lightning didn't care about the man's character; she just wanted to do this job and get on with things.

Her hands felt weak as she slipped them around the handle of the carafe, filling the mug with steaming coffee. It smelled strong; just how she liked it. No sugar, no cream, black as her hair. She turned towards the reception desk and spared an appreciative smile for the observant girl that manned it. "Have a great day, Lieutenant. Farron."

_Maybe I will now._ She thought, hugging the hot cup in her hands, making for the conference room.

Her heels clicked almost hypnotically on the bare floor of the hallway, as she glanced at the plates by the various vacant rooms. Conference room five looked to be all the way down at the end of the hall. She stopped when she came to stand in front of the door; anxious as she reached a hand out to the cool steel handle, turning it. The conference room housed a long mahogany table with a few chairs around its perimeter. She came in silently, and closed the door behind her before surveying the room. Her gaze followed the runway of a meeting table to the figure that stood with his back to her at the its head, looking out the plate windows, bathed in the sunlight of the early morning.

He wore a suit; it was tailored to fit his form perfectly. The man was very tall and well built with wild blond hair that took her breath away.

"You're late." said an eerily familiar voice, tempered with a friendly, teasing tone.

Time stopped, all sounds drowned out by the deafness in her ears as he spoke.

Her hand loosened around the handle of the glass mug, and it slipped from her grasp, her mouth agape, heart faltering from its usual steady rhythm.

When the glass shattered on floor he turned around, alarmed, barely seeing her face before she dropped to her knees. Stunned, it didn't register right away _who_ he was looking at. As he examined her, his heartbeat surged. Her hair was black, but was distinctly hers. On her upper arm was the signature Farron sister token, her old buckled leather strip and in the middle of the two... his favourite bandana. He almost couldn't believe it.

Lightning stared down at the shards of glass for a moment before starting to pick up the razor sharp pieces.

_No. It can't be him. I must be..._

She shook her head wondering if someone had slipped something in her coffee. She was definitely hallucinating; dreaming at the very least. What a mess she had made. The hot coffee that had spilled all over the floor and her boots, kept her thoughts occupied. She couldn't pay attention to what she'd seen when she walked into the room; it made her feel broken all over again.

_Gotta clean this up. What a mess... I need some paper towel..._

A large shard slipped from her shaking hand and cut her fingertip as the pile clattered back to the floor. "Ow..." She looked at her hand, a drop of blood squeezing out from the superficial wound. Her eyes locked on the crimson trail it left as it started to ooze down her fingertip. Out of focus beyond her hand, she saw large boots approaching. They halted in front of her. _Don't look at them. It's not him. It can't be._

Snow leaned forward, extending his hand to grip her wrist. Feeling her tremble, very real beneath him, made him sigh with inexplicable relief. She was dead weight and clearly confused about the whole scenario, so he sank to his knees with her and slid a strong arm around her waist. Tears stung his eyes as he clutched her, his free hand on the back of her head buried in her hair. She didn't return the embrace, and as he pulled back from her, he saw her destitute eyes staring at her finger. He took her hand in his as he examined the small cut. It was bleeding. His expression turned painfully tender as he raised the slender finger to his mouth, watching her face.

She clamped her eyes shut, terrified that if this _was_ a dream it was about to crumble and fall away, leaving her to wake up back home in her bed without him as always.

All thought ceased with the slight sting on the pad of her finger as it passed lips into the warmness of his mouth and she breathed in deeply. His unmistakable male aroma, accompanied by the faint smell of unfamiliar cologne curled within her nostrils.

_Now _ this_ is a dream._ She revelled. No dream to date had been so vividly real. He sucked gently on the wound, brushing his tongue over it, making her shudder in delight.

_Heavenly..._

Taking the digit out of his mouth, he rested her hand on his chest and took her fully in his arms again, feeling more complete than he had in years, as though no time had passed between them at all.

"Lightning." he murmured against her black hair, stroking it, trying to breathe her in thirstily... greedily. The rare bloom had finally come back into his arms. "Oh, Light." She remained rigid in his embrace and he pulled back again to look in her face. Her eyes were closed this time, her features were serene, the hint of a strange little smile on her lips. "Look at me."

_One helluva dream, alright. I hope I have this one again tomorrow... but I'll skip the coffee and get right to the good part._

"Lightning. Look at me." he repeated, touching her cheek with the back of his hand.

Her blue eyes opened slowly to meet his, and in that instant she could swear that her heart stopped beating in her chest. He raised her hand to his face and rubbed her knuckles over his ever present stubble. She forgot to breathe; his hand tightened around hers. Neither one of them could say anything; their voices both choked into silence with things left unresolved.

She was motionless and everything about him came flooding back around her. Single tears dripped from the corners of her eyes as she blinked away the quickly gathering heat. Everything she missed about him was now overwhelmingly within reach. All the things she longed for and all the feelings she had tried so hard to kill came rushing back. Sobbing, she wavered and leaned against him for support like she had many times before. His eyes were soft and compassionate as he looked at her face seeing both the confusion and understanding housed there.

"Where have you _been_?" he asked, the words tumbling out of his mouth. He crushed her against him again, but couldn't hold her as close as he wanted; their physical bodies in the way of the affection he wanted so desperately to immerse her in.

"You're... alive." she said, her words muffled, her face buried in his warm chest. He could feel the tears soak through his shirt as she clutched the lapels of his jacket so tightly her knuckles turned white. "How...?"


	13. Chapter 13

_A/N: Many thank yous to everyone still following my tale. _

_I was browsing youtube looking for some sort of piano composition that would suit the story - something that Snow might play - something that sounded... right... I guess. Anyway, take out the spaces, and here it is._ **http : / / www. youtube. com /watch?v=hYJUFFyRrf0** _ A very talented pianist created this moving piece, but I only used a portion of it - with permission of course! - I've left credit and links for their youtube channel and the full video if anyone wants to check it out! It's good stuff. Sorry about the quality of the repost, it's not as good as the original. That being said, I have the address in the body of the story as a prompt for the appropriate time to be heard._

_Sorry about my long A/N! Please enjoy this chapter.  
_

* * *

Their reunion had been surreal.

Lightning was in complete shock.

Snow had not wanted to leave her side after managing to haul her off the soiled floor and into a leather chair. She sat, never taking her eyes off him with a furrowed brow, as he pulled his own chair around to face her. He could barely sit still. His mind had kicked into overdrive and was moving too fast for words. Assuring her that he'd be back, he dashed out of the conference room to the main area and retrieved a bottle of cold water. Once she was more comfortable and refreshed, he hoped to get more than half a dozen words out of her.

Stopping on a dime in front of the small cooler at the beverage table in the main common area, the receptionist looked at him rather oddly, asking if everything was all right. Spinning around to answer her question, and with great exuberance, he advised her that everything was 'perfect', soliciting yet another odd look as he ran back down the marbled hallway.

Cracking open the bottle while he entered the room, he sat it on the conference table in front of her, taking his seat. Not taking her eyes off him, she sipped from the bottle.

He took her free hand in his and raised the back of it to his lips. She only watched him, fascinated.

"What..." Lightning croaked, quickly clearing her throat. "What the _hell_ happened to you?"

Over the years he had posed that very question to himself. Every time he thought about it, his memories were sketchy and the events utilizing those memories were fuzzy. He knew only a few things and had come to a few different conclusions, but nothing that he could truly comprehend.

Beginning down the path he'd gone down in his own mind, he gave Lightning as best an explanation as he could.

He had her rapt attention as his full lips formed words given life by his warm and comforting voice. She had almost forgotten what he sounded like and every syllable was music to her starved ears. She never wanted him to stop.

"So I think I had a different focus. Well not _different_... I think I had a little something extra in mine. I think I was supposed to protect you... well... protect the group." He smiled and brandished his forearm in a familiar gesture. "Y'know! Be the hero!"

Lightning only blinked at him. "A different _focus_? What are you talking about?"

"Yeah, it's crazy. I know. I don't understand it either. Anyway, I don't know if I was really dead or not, but everyone thought I was and they dumped me in the morgue at the hospital in Bodhum. That's where I woke up." he looked down at his hands. "I had the strangest dream that someone had sent me back..."

"Well, if your focus _had_ been to protect us... you did a pretty good job of it." She wanted to take his hands, but made no move to do so. She wasn't ready for that again so soon. "You were always ready to give it all up for one of us... and you did. For Hope. I didn't get a chance to thank you for that." _I didn't __get a chance to thank you for a lot of things._

Snow nodded, still looking down at his hands. He had never regretted the decision that had lead to his impermanent death or had caused him to lose almost everything in his life he held dear. He hated being at odds with the teenager, but the venom he spat at their every interaction after Snow's untimely confession would have a saint pissed off. And now, with Lightning, that was just below the belt. "You know that Hope knew I was alive."

She sighed heavily, knowing the truth. "I figured that once I saw you for myself. I just can't figure out why he wouldn't have told me."

He looked up at her, surprised. According to Hope, she didn't want to have anything to do with Snow and that he should give up on her. "Really? Aren't you two ... y'know... _together_?"

"What? Hope and I? Together?" she laughed coldly. "No."

Turning her head away to look out the tinted window, she fell silent.

_But we could have been. _

_

* * *

_

After relocating to a more comfortable venue, they'd spent all afternoon sitting and talking; him more than she, and mostly about mundane things. Getting to know you topics; the new government, what NORA had been up to and their expansion of territory, what she was doing, but not why. As the day drew to a close and piles of empty sugar packets were strewn across the tabletop on Snow's side, and she'd lost count of how many cups of coffee they'd sipped in each other's presence. It had been early in the morning when they discovered each other, but distant stars glinted in the sky as she only now glanced outside the window from the small cafe. Often Lightning found herself staring at the blond in a calm sort of wonder as it sunk in that he was actually sitting right across from her, constantly fighting a fluttering heart.

She didn't know how to approach the subject, but she wanted to know about Serah. Despite her lack of attempts to contact her little sister, she did care about what was happening with her. Somewhat ashamed to be thinking that way she couldn't stop herself from wondering if Snow thought she was the worst kind of coward.

It had been a long time since she'd seen her sister. In fact, she'd insured Amodar's silence when she changed her name before he reinstated her and sent her off on assignment. The beginning of her life in the wilds of Gran Pulse had been hard. Dealing with the pain of sobriety and the pain of reality had been almost more then she thought she could handle. Sometimes she though about ending her life; maybe going back to the place where she and Snow first confronted their impossible feelings for one another and take her life there. She'd imagined so many scenarios of how she might die by her own hand, or maybe she'd take on some overpowering beast who would best her and end her pathetic existence for her. She didn't feel that she could protect Serah anymore and maybe Serah would be better off without her back stabbing sister. At that point voluntary confinement might not have been the best course of action, but she had survived. Shortly there after she had met Zack and things had taken a turn for the better.

"So what about Serah?"

"Oh yeah. She's in university in New Eden. Been there for a while now." He paused as the waitress came to warm up their coffees. "Thanks." he smiled politely at the waitress.

Opening two packets of sugar, he dumped them and swished his stir stick around. "She's doing really great as far as I know. I talked to her a couple months ago. We... had different ideas about where we wanted to be in life. She told me that she wanted to make something of herself and that she didn't want to keep having to worry about my stupid ass..." He laughed slightly. "Well, she didn't say _that_ exactly."

Lightning smirked, but she hated to hear him speak about himself that way. "Monster hunting is a dangerous profession."

"Yeah. I guess." he looked back down at his cup. "I don't suppose you heard about Lebreau."

"I haven't heard anything since that article in the newspaper about Hope."

He looked up. "You mean you _saw_ that?"

"Someone brought me a Bodhum newspaper, and Hope just happened to be on the front page."

"Oh." So she _had_ seen the newspaper article. The same article he insisted Hope be the singular star of. What a colossal mistake he had made. The kid _was_ the hero, but now he kicked himself. _Hindsight is twenty twenty..._ he mused bitterly. Snow sighed. "Lebreau died, about a month ago."

"How?" Lightning frowned, taking a sip of the strong brew. She knew him and the lone NORA female practically grew up together. They had to have been close.

"Accident." he didn't really want to get into details about it. He focused his blurring eyes on his hands resting on the table. "I was there when she..."

Lightning watched as he looked away from her down to the table, his voice softening, the loss still new. She knew how he felt. It was hard to lose someone you loved. She reached across the table and covered his hands with hers comfortingly. They didn't speak for a long while, but Lightning didn't take her hands away. The compassionate touch warmed them both.

When Snow broke the silence, his voice was hoarse. "Why didn't you call, Lightning? I mean, once Serah left I took over the old number. I didn't want you to call and not have someone at the other end, but never once was it you."

She didn't know if she wanted to recount things to him, even now. Though, she supposed she owed him an explanation at the very least. Neither of them met each other's gaze, and instead they both stared intently at their pile of hands in the middle of the table. Borrowing some strength through the physical contact with him, she began.

"I didn't know how to handle your death. And I didn't know how to grieve for you and be a sister at the same time. It killed me to know what I'd done to Serah."

"_We_. What _we_ did to Serah. It wasn't all just on you, Lightning." Snow shuffled a hand to cover hers now.

"When you were gone it was..." she noted. "And back then I didn't do anything to stop it from happening."

"Neither did I." _I didn't want to stop_. _I wanted you so bad that I could taste it. I still do._ Snow added mentally, finding himself wishing she could read minds.

"Back then I thought that if I ran away I could just leave everything behind, so that's what I did. I ran. Like a coward; all because I couldn't admit what happened."

"What _did_ happen?" He blurted out, instantly wishing he could stuff the words back into his mouth.

Her heart quickened at his query, words spinning in her head.

_I fell in love with my sister's fiancee and I was too scared and stubborn to admit it. _Lightning slid her hands out from under his, taking them back, feeling too exposed.

_Dammit._ Snow was sure he blew it.

Silence settled over them, the sound of dishes banging in the kitchen suddenly deafening.

"Did you guys ever ... get married?" She didn't know if she wanted to know the answer, but there was the question. Lightning hadn't seen the tell-tale symbol on his finger, but that didn't really mean much of anything.

"No. Things... happened pretty fast. After I came back, it was never the same between us." Snow considered the idea of telling Lightning about Serah's relations with Maqui, but decided it wouldn't serve any purpose other than to tarnish both the youngsters reputations. Besides, he was no one to judge. He never blamed the younger Farron for anything that happened. Crazy situations made people do crazy things. This he knew.

"I see." Came the simple reply. She saw that Snow didn't seem broken up about it, but he did have a few years without her under his belt.

Reading the young woman sitting across from him was still a challenge and even though a lot of talking had happened today they hadn't gotten to the most tender parts of their feelings. He wanted to tell her everything he'd thought about her, all the dreams he had, all the feelings that filled his heart during their absence from each other.

"Lightning?"

"Hmm?"

"I... uh..."

_I'm in love with you, Lightning Farron. I can't remember my life before you were in it and I don't want to ever be without you again. _He swallowed tightly, preparing himself to say those words.

"...I... really like your hair."

Inwardly he grimaced. _Fool! You have her sitting a foot away from you and all you can manage to say is that you like her hair? _

She blinked, confused at his out of place statement, but she fingered a piece of hair thoughtfully.

More silence.

_Just like the old days._

They looked at each other and she felt her cheeks heat up, that flutter coming back to haunt her.

"I'm happy you're here." he whispered earnestly, smiling.

The look on his face was heart breakingly sweet, so reminiscent of days past that she couldn't help but smile back at him. He was always so honest. What you saw was what you got with him, and she realized she liked that about him too.

_I missed you so much that everyday I thought death would have been better than a life without you._ She wished she could say that, but it would sound so unnatural coming from her.

They sat silently for a few moments, just looking at each other, until Lightning cleared her throat spied the clock on the wall behind the counter. It was scandalously late.

"We should probably get some rest. We didn't do much mission briefing today." said Lightning, standing and smoothing out her clothing. Snow stood with her, panic rising in the back of his throat. He wanted to grab her hand and make her stay with him.

"Can I walk you to your hotel?" he asked her, picking his coat up from the leather cafe seat.

"Uh, sure. It's just down the street though."

"Oh. The Plaza? They put me up there too." he smiled, tossing some gil on the table, motioning her ahead of him.

"Oh. Gil. Right. Sorry..." There was no need for currency back where she lived, noticing awkwardly she had just made him pay for their evening.

He laughed easily. "It's my pleasure."

The streets were relatively quiet as they walked towards the hotel. A couple of times she felt the back of his hand brush against hers, sending spark after spark hurtling through her. The heady feeling of his heat beside her overstimulated her senses and the feeling to run was just as strong as the feeling to throw herself into his arms. She decided on neither.

Upon reaching the lobby, she turned around to face him, pulling her room's keycard from her pocket.

"Uh, you're heading up?"

"I'll see you tomorrow, General. Oh-nine-hundred again?" she said stiffly, offering her hand to him.

He took it and pulled her into a tight, warm hug.

"I might be wearing a monkey suit now, but I'm still the same old blockhead." She closed her eyes against him, feeling better than good, and thrillingly keyed up. She lingered in his arms, Snow didn't seem to want to let her go.

Breaking the contact, she started to turn away from him, but he laced their fingers together, stubbornly; familiarly.

"Wait."

When he didn't let her go she didn't turn around, she just stopped moving; her back towards him. Snow told himself that of course he'd see her in the morning, but he didn't want to let her go yet. He was sure that she'd tell him to go to hell, but he had to try.

"Snow?"

"I wanna show you something..." Without argument, he lead her to the dark little lounge and sat her down at the fancy wooden bar almost precisely where she sat last night. The memory of his voice seemed distant now that she had the real thing so close. "Wait here for me. I'll be right back, ok?" He started to walk away from her, and she glanced around the posh parlour. It looked the same as it did before, but there were no other patrons. "Don't go anywhere." he warned, turning around to make sure she was still sitting where he left her.

"I'm won't." she assured him with a roll of her eyes as he disappeared behind a set of heavy double doors.

The pretty brunette bartender greeted her with a smile of recognition. "Can I get you anything?"

"No, thank you. I'm fine."

She nodded, going back to her busy work. It looked like they were closing up for the night. The establishment was small and intimate, only having a dozen or so tables, and it was completely empty except for her and the woman cleaning up. She stared absently at the black grand piano in the middle of the main area while warm, undefined thoughts spread anxiously over her.

The soft ring of a telephone filled the silent space around her. Lightning listened as the woman answered it, spoke briefly and quietly, then hung up the receiver.

Lightning awkwardly picked up a coaster from the top of the bar and feigned interest in it as the woman went to the massive floor to ceiling picture windows, drawing thick, dark velvet curtains closed across them. Nodding to the singular patron, she bid Lightning a good evening and left through the same doors as Snow had. Now the only person in the empty lounge, she drummed her fingertips on the solid wood underneath her hand.

Taking a deep breath to steady his nerves, he finally reentered the abandoned parlour. He was only slightly surprised that Lightning was still sitting where he'd left her. He'd scarcely known what to do when she'd presented herself to him this morning in the conference room and now here he was, completely alone with the woman he'd fantasized about for almost half a decade. Clinging to those scare few memories they shared, hoping that one day he could have the privilege of creating more with her. But it was really starting to sink in now that he was here with her, she with him, and they together.

Snow didn't want to think about what he would be doing now if he hadn't accepted Yuj's offer to come to Leámonde in his stead. He'd have to treat him to a shopping spree, one hundred chocobos or something equally fantastic.

He slipped around behind the bar, reaching in the cooler to grab a beer. He needed help to gather his wits around her.

"Beer?" he asked, looking over to her, popping off the lid on his.

"No, thanks."

"Cocktail? Not that I know how to make any." he grinned goofily, feeling awkward as hell.

She shook her head, looking at him cockeyed, then looked at the beer in his hand.

"Oh, it's ok. I was actually back there talking to the manager. We go way back." Snow motioned with his thumb to the door. "I asked him if I could borrow his bar for a bit."

"I see." she said simply, trying to keep her voice even while the slight warmth from before began to grow exponentially. She was still trying to beat back the fluttering in her chest. "Hey... Were you down here last night around ten thirty?"

"Yeah, I came down with a couple people from my brigade, but I forgot something back in my room. I got tied up there, so I never did come back down. Why do you ask?"

"I heard you."

"What? Last night?"

"I was down here getting something to eat because..."

"...The kitchen was closed." he provided.

"Yeah. I heard your voice, and saw the door close behind you." she said, meeting his eyes. He didn't need to know that she ran out of the room after him like a lovesick teenager. He slid his thick fingers underneath her hand sitting cupped against the bar.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For not finding you sooner."

Lightning chuckled slightly. "I didn't make it easy for anyone to find me."

Coming out from around the bar, his pulse steadily quickening in his ear, he pulled her into his arms once again to press a gentle kiss to her forehead. "Believe me when I say that I wish this had happened years ago..."

She nodded silently, surprised when tears stung her eyes.

Without lingering, he released her and shuffled towards the piano. Placing a coaster underneath the damp amber bottle as he set it down on the piano, he took a seat on the bench patting the empty space beside him.

When she didn't move, he tilted his head in suggestion. "C'mere."

Carefully she removed herself from the stool and sat beside him, her posture rigid. She was close enough for him to be able to smell the natural perfume of her skin and hair. It made him feel bold; just bold enough to place his battle-hardened fingers on the cool ivory keys. Staring at the keys, he inhaled deeply and began the piece that he practised over and over again hoping against hope that one day he would be able to play it for her.

**( http : / / www. youtube. com /watch?v=hYJUFFyRrf0 )**

That day had come.

From the moment the first pure notes filled the room, Lightning was captivated. She had no idea that he even played an instrument, let alone one that was all but forgotten in their modern world. Watching his thick-skinned fingers move across the keys to weave the beautiful, albeit sad, melody was the last thing she thought she'd be doing.

_Lots of surprises today_.

The sounds he drew from the piano almost reflected the once sorrowful sounds of her heart. So much darkness and emptiness had found its way inside her, threatening to destroy everything that was left. She had almost done herself in thanks to it. Somehow she'd been saved in the darkness of that last night in the alleys of Nautilus. Even if she had to give up something in exchange to see the end of the longest night of her life, the light was only a pinpoint, but it had been there; waiting for her, never giving up. Something she never thought she'd use again had been sacrificed, but in the wake of the realization that even though she would most likely never see him again, she didn't care. She never wanted another man's touch, so why would she need to feel _that_ ever again? She had thought it had been a fair trade.

The pin points of light had granted her new life. Like a phoenix reborn from the ashes, she had to go on.

Her heart swelled with the natural crescendo of the music, the lonely inaugural notes were now joined with lyrical partners as Snow's hands worked the keys, his hair obscuring his eyes as he concentrated.

Even if she had been fated to be physically without him for eternity, he would always be with her.

Lightning touched the knotted fabric on her arm. He made sure that she would never be without a part of him. Could she really have been able to deny the life that he granted her by sacrificing his own? It was for this reason alone that she chose to live. She had no idea their paths would ever cross again. The fact that death had always been a permanent ailment up until recently, she had no reason to think they'd ever be granted another chance. But once again life was out to surprise her. They had only spent the afternoon together, but already she felt the sadness being overcome, replaced by his overwhelming presence. It was like being forced under the freezing water, unable to breathe and eventually feeling nothing but numbness. Then, once all hope had been extinguished, the warm sun was once again on her face and all those choking memories were nothing but a bad dream.

Quieting her mind, she closed her eyes to listen to how every lovely note swirled around her.

Every part of this composition had been wrought from his guts. He had lost count how many times he'd played these sections over and over from his memory. There was no need to record it on paper, this song was how he felt in it's simplest form. When he couldn't speak aloud those words of confession meant for her anymore to thin air, he sat down on the black bench in the lonely Farron house to pour them out all over the keys. For all the things he said and all the things he did he found his only release; his only solace, in the caressing of something beautiful, even if it was all wood and wire and cold ivory when he so desperately wanted it to be her smooth, warm, petal scented skin. He would play this song for no one else; only for the one he loved with all his heart and soul.

Snow's hands fell still. From the peripheral, he saw Lightning take up his bottle and take a deep swig. Swallowing tightly, he was sure she hated it; it even drove her to drink! With the composition over, his posture slumped slightly, feeling painfully foolish.

_Way to go, doofus._

Replacing it on the coaster carefully, she took a moment to collect her thoughts but eventually broke the stale silence of the room.

"I drank all your drink..." she admitted quietly. "Sorry. Maybe I should get one of my own."

She had no idea why she was controlling herself. He was warm and inviting sitting beside her, their thighs touching; knees rubbing together as he slowly pumped the pedals of the piano. What good would it do to deny herself what she had wanted for years? He wasn't married, least of all to Serah. Why was she hesitating?

He stood from the bench and instantly she regretted asking him to get up. An unwelcome breath of coolness tickled her bare skin. She sat and shivered once, forcing her spine straight. Soundlessly he came back, placing a new opened bottle on the coaster closest to her, retaking his seat, sipping on his own.

"That was... incredible." she said finally finding a voice.

"Incredibly bad." he added quietly, pulling at the label on the bottle. He _knew_ it had been a bad idea when it came to him, but he needed an excuse to keep her with him for a little bit longer, partially because he thought she may disappear again and partially because he felt so complete with her sitting beside him. If he had to stay up all night to chase the dawn away he would; just as long as he didn't have to witness the end of this night. The strangling loneliness of the last four years was hard to forget even if they were together now, though with her help he was sure that it would feel like nothing but a nightmare.

She was beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol and she boldly touched his knee, correcting him. "Incredibly beautiful."

His knee tingled. "Happy belated birthday."

_...Belated birthday? _

"Wait. That was for me?"

He nodded again, uncharacteristically quiet, tilting the bottle once again against his lips. "I wrote it."

She was speechless. Not only did he just shock the hell out of her by actually playing the piano very competently, but he had actually composed that piece himself with her in mind. No wonder it sounded so sad, considering all had that happened. Maybe he had been just as sad as she.

"Play it for me again?"

He glanced over at her. Her beautiful face was calm, her blue eyes softer than he'd ever seen them before. The lovely dark hair cascading around her face and down her shoulders was possibly the most breathtaking thing he'd ever seen. The years had been good to her and he found himself even more taken with her than he had been back then in the rain when he supported the weight of her body with his very own. Tracing a single fingertip across her slightly tinged cheek, he nodded.

"Of course." Snow would gladly play until his fingers bled if it pleased her. He would do anything for her, and that would never change.

* * *

With her request for an encore completed, he noticed that she had slumped against him. He poked her gently, glancing over at her almost empty bottle.

_What a lightweight._

With a goofy grin on his face, Snow threw Lightning's arm around his shoulders to help her up from the piano bench. It would have been useful if Lightning had _some_ control of her body, but as it was, she was literally asleep on her feet. Though, on the bright side, he was quite pleased with himself that he could lull her to sleep so easily. "Up we go..."

During their conversation today, she had mentioned that she was a bit sleep deprived, but he wasn't thinking when he offered her a drink. That obviously contributed to her current state.

The height difference was quite troublesome and so he made sure her arm was securely around his neck, his around her back and scooped up her legs. Her head lolled backwards.

_She must really be out._

Shifting his weight, he managed to roll her head around so it rested on his shoulder. His hotel room was in the same wing of the hotel, just twelve floors up.

With his demigoddess draped over his arms, he allowed himself an indulgent moment where he saw himself holding her like this, lifting her across the threshold of their home together. The grin on his face widened and he chuckled quietly at himself, looking into her sleeping face.

_Easy, lover boy. You have to tell her you love her first._

And he would.

There had been no question whether or not he was going to make good on his promise to profess his love for her, and he'd _tried_ but it could wait another day. He had waited so long and dreamt countless times of touching her again and loving her in many ways, but he couldn't help smile at her now. After all, things had to be perfect; the culmination of four years of longing and loneliness. For his range of innocent, romantic daydreams to not-so-innocent fantasies – and everything in between – that featured the woman in his arms, he planned to not only be part of her life, but he planned to be the _best _part. Even though she had been physically absent for a long time, she had never been far from his heart.

Heading out the back door of the dim establishment, he wondered if it might be best to drop her off in her own room. He didn't want to move too fast or give her any reason to think that he hadn't been a perfect gentleman if she awoke in his suite. Much as it pained him, he reminded himself that even though he barely knew Lightning Farron before they had been so unceremoniously torn apart, he might even know her _less_ now. He wanted to believe that she was the same girl he pined for; bought birthday gifts for; composed for, but he couldn't be sure that he hadn't over-inflated her memory. Even if he had exaggerated it so much to the point where she'd never be how he remembered her, he never thought for a moment that he couldn't love her for everything that she was now.

Once in the alleyway of the hotel, he put her back on her feet, leaning her on the brick wall. Stopping to look at her under the slivers of moonlight, the sight of her almost took his breath away. That striking hair of hers curled against the gentle angles of her face. She possessed such a confident beauty and the shadows that played on her skin loaned her an edgy mystery... even if she _was_ murmuring cutely.

_GAH!_

He just wanted to squeeze her until she popped. Lightning wasn't even awake and he couldn't keep his eyes off of her. Their day of catching up had been almost like a dream and he ended up pinching himself a couple times to make sure it was real. For once he didn't have to wonder about how she felt; from the first moment he saw her on her knees, avoiding his gaze, he knew that she had been rocked to her core by the discovery that he was alive. Every bit of her body betrayed her when he finally got her to admit to herself that he was actually alive. After all, he knew what the last four years had been like for him – absolutely terrible, some days almost unbearable – but for her it must have been a whole other ballgame.

Eventually she had returned to the cool facade she was known for, but at the beginning of the day he had a rare chance to see her with her guard down. It only made him want to see her guard down more until it was non-existant.

Snow brushed aside some hair strewn messily across her neck, his fingers brushing against her skin, the small gesture encouraging his pulse to quicken.

He had at least known that Lightning was out there doing her thing, living her life as best she could. Life had put her through enough and he was convinced that she just _had_ to be alright. Of course he had nothing to go on, but he swore that sometimes he could just _feel_ that she was. Living out the remainder of his life with that knowledge would allow him to go on; sad and brokenhearted, but he'd survive... and maybe one day they'd meet again. He only hoped. On the other hand, if he were in her shoes and he was the one that thought she was dead... he couldn't even begin to imagine how he would have dealt with it.

Something like that had to fundamentally change a person.

"I hope you didn't give up on me, Light." he whispered, leaning in towards her, brushing her cheek with the back of his hand. "I never gave up on you. Not once."

She murmured incoherently again, this time jerking slightly in her sleep.

Snow had let himself get carried away... again. That seemed to happen a lot today. If he was being honest, he had wanted to be as close to her as humanly possible... maybe even closer than that. He was pleasantly reminded why he was hopelessly in love with this woman. But now it was time to get his lady somewhere safe and comfortable so she could sleep soundly and wake quickly to come back to him.

Kneeling in front of her, he held her against the wall with a steady hand on her waist. Sliding his fingers into the little pack wound around her leg he tried to locate her hotel access card. While he was digging around, he felt her twitch again, and the leg lashed out, almost kicking him square in the jaw. Losing his balance, he recovered, throwing his hand out behind him. Lightning was whimpering now, and he got to his feet, putting his hands on either side of her. "Light..." His tone was soft but urgent.

"No..." she hissed, her eyes still closed; mouth set in a deep frown.

"Light." he put a hand on her shoulder and shook her. She must have been dreaming, but from the sounds coming from her and the violent shakes, it had to have been more of a nightmare. "Wake up..."

"_NO!" _she screamed, her eyes flying open._ "Get off_ _me!_" Her palms met Snow's chest and she heaved him backwards. Stumbling, his head spinning with confusion, he turned his palms out to her in a nonthreatening gesture. Upon closer examination of her face, her eyes were glazed over; almost looking straight through him. It didn't look like she even knew what she was doing.

A woman passed by the end of the alley, looking at them curiously. Snow smiled at the woman as disarmingly as he could given the current situation, hoping she'd pass by quietly. He heard the hasty clicking of her heels along the pavement as she scurried out of sight.

Turning his attention back to Lightning, he slowly closed upon her again as she flailed, fighting off something imaginary. He held her tightly against him as she wailed on his back, her cries muffled by the soft material of his haphazardly tucked in dress shirt.

"Light, it's ok. Wake up. Wake up." he repeated until she stopped flailing suddenly, her grip on him slackening. He pulled back to examine her.

"What happened?" she asked, shaking her head a little. A single tear dropped off her lashes onto her cheek and she wiped it away quickly. He could see she was trying to regain her composure, but whatever had happened rattled her.

"I don't know. I was looking for your keycard to put you to bed. I think the liquor laid you out... Where's your keycard...?" he rambled. Snow saw the tear and it shocked him. He'd never get used to a girl crying, especially Lightning, but now he felt it important to pretend as if he hadn't see it. Maybe she'd tell him about it later... although he wouldn't count on it.

Communication still seemed to be their Achilles heel. Their conversations today had been mostly filler; polite chatter aimed to skillfully cover up and detract from the more raw topics. In other words, they hadn't discussed anything with more than skin deep relevance to their relationship; or lack there of. He wanted to change that. No, he _had_ to change that.

She shuddered slightly, reaching into her hidden breast pocket to retrieve the item. Shoving it in his hand, she turned her face away into the shadows just before another tear fell. "Get me out of here."

* * *

They made it safely to her floor, Lightning insisting on walking without assistance but Snow was burning to touch her again. It was almost painful to be near but not so near to touch. Her room was on the other side of the hotel, but he preferred that she be in her own surroundings after what happened out in the alley. She'd been fine until he started rummaging around in that pack...

Watching the hallway in front of her, Lightning considered the recently passed event of her strange nightmare. That's exactly what it had been. Firstly, she remembered being sleepy as she listened to Snow's soporific piano playing, recalling amazement as to how his fingers could create the most relaxing, beautiful sounds she'd ever heard. After that, there had been stirrings in her mind as she saw herself being pulled into a darkened alley. She fought against intrusive hands that made her skin crawl as they left trails of filth in their wake. A heavy presence on her chest, pinning her unwillingly; fingers breaching cloth and fleshy barriers.

Opening her eyes to the darkened alley scared her, but it was Snow's calm aura and soft voice that soothed her.

Even so, she hadn't thought about that event in years. Why think about it now? Was it selfish for her to want him to take it away; to help heal her long lost hurt? She wondered if he would if she could ever even begin to explain things.

_Ugh. _It felt like someone was playing blitzball in her stomach.

A shaky breath escaped her lips.

"Lightning?"

His voice. She was weak in the knees already from being dozy and from the alcohol in her system, but it was his _voice _that did the strangest things to her.

They arrived at her room. She stopped at the door and turned around to face him. "This is me."

"Oh." He examined the door behind, then at her. "Will you be ok for the night? If there's anything you wanna get off your chest..."

This was her chance. She monopolized his company all day and now he issued an opened ended invitation.

Her mouth opened to seize it, but she hardly believed what actually came out. "No. I'm fine."

Snow heard what she said, but somehow he wasn't feeling it. His heart fell. So, she still didn't want to talk to him after all; but again, he desperately didn't want to let her go. He nodded, pushing his suspicions about her actual intentions aside.

They stood looking at each other.

Snow had a distinguished air about him despite his claim that he was the same old lunkhead. Maybe it was the suit, or maybe it was the lack of black head accessory.

She wanted to invite him inside.

He didn't want to let her out of his sight.

"Uh. I need the room key back."

"Oh! Right. Yeah. Sorry." said Snow lightly, pulling the plastic card from his pants pocket. Surrendering the card to her, he easily caught her hand in his, taking a step towards her. She tensed, her fingers tightening on the edge of the card.

_Say something, you idiot._ He scolded himself. _Don't let her get away._

"Uh, how's your finger...?" That was the second time tonight he blatantly attempted to extend the duration of her company. He hoped that she hadn't noticed.

Trying to control her breathing as her head filled with nothing other than the rough texture of his skin, she couldn't spare any attention to remember what he was talking about. "Ummmmm..." She felt him trace from the injured tip down and across her palm, the keycard falling silently to the carpeted floor. He had always had more than his fair share of self-confidence, but now it seemed to come more naturally than before. Whatever it was, it made his presence more intoxicating than it had been the first time they met exposed under the moonlight on Pulse. Lightning was about to tread on dangerous territory yet again. Even though she had done nothing but wish against a simple reality, now that her wish had been granted she found herself pulling away when all she wanted was to give in to it all.

Between her stomach lurching with anticipation, unhelpful brain and burning skin she was in dire risk of transforming into a boneless mess.

"Your finger." The irony of the situation was not lost upon him; he had waited so long to even be within arms reach of her, but he found himself lacking the guts to do anything now that his prayers had been answered. Thanks to the deflating words from Hope that kept knocking around in his head like a spiked ball, he felt incredibly unsure of himself. What if she actually harboured feelings for his young friend and lied to cover them up?

In spite of that, he took another step towards her, scarcely being able to help himself.

Did he really care about that after all Hope had done?

Now he found he had little control over what he was doing; like there was something bigger than him at work.

"Oh, that." she muttered. The feeling of his mouth around her wound had been thrilling as it immersed her into a world of physical stimulation. She had thought it was a dream until he brought her around to see his reality. Things were starting to feel like a dream again but not depressingly empty as before. Would being with him make her feel like this all the time?

_I could get used to that._

"It's fine."

Working his way up her arm with his strong hand, he murmured her name, closing the remaining distance between them.

Twirling deftly out of his grip, she swept the abandoned card off the floor and past the reader to unlock the door. "Well! Good-night!" she said with an awkwardly innocent smile. Pushing the barrier between them closed behind her, leaving poor Snow out in the hallway, she turned to rest against it, sighing.

As the door was slammed in his face, he stood looking at it, only blinking confusedly.

_What the...?_

Raising a hand to knock on her door, he thought better of it. This all had to be a lot for her to take in, and the last thing he wanted was to become a point of anxiety for her. Maybe he'd read her wrong all along. Maybe she didn't have any interest in him anymore... but what about the conference room? The hand on the knee? The touches... the longing glances...? Maybe she didn't know what she wanted. Maybe she really was with Hope now as the boy had said... Frustration welled up within him.

But he knew what he wanted. He wouldn't leave her now.

Sliding down the wall next to her door, Snow hung his head between his knees, arms stretched out in front of him. He didn't feel like going back to his room to be by himself... at least this way he could be near her but still alone. And if she were to pull her disappearing act, she'd have to get past _him_ first.

* * *

He was _alive._ The man she gave up physically, but remained forever in her heart, was in her life again. She barely knew what to think, or what to do next.

She moved away from the door, and went to her bag to pull out her night clothes. Trying not to think of anything at all, she dressed in her black satin pants and matching camisole, standing in front of the mirror to examine herself. Taking her hairbrush in hand, she ran the bristles through her tresses over and over again, trying desperately to clear her mind. Wavy black hair fell over her shoulder, and she twisted a few strands around her finger absently. Still riled up, she put the brush down on the counter, removing the two brown bands off her arm and set them by the sink. She closed her eyes and remembered Snow's touch on her skin, tracing his finger over her palm. She'd locked up their memories, especially once she thought he had left her alone in this world. Her sanity had depended on never again thinking about the man who held her heart. But it was all different now. She left the bathroom and paced around the room, Interceptor raising his head off the bed to look quizzically at her. He'd probably been in that same position all day and even though she'd only been in her room for ten minutes she was already going stir crazy. Maybe some fresh air would help...

Thinking about Snow, she wondered how could she wallow in the old memories when she wanted so much to make new ones with him? Free of guilt, free of fear, free of deadlines. They had all the time in the world now.

Snatching her keycard for her suite off the desk, she slid it in her pocket and hurriedly threw the hotel room door open, almost tripping over something hunched over, partially blocking the entryway. She stopped dead in her tracks as he raised his head to look at her.

Her mouth dropped open in slight surprise.

"Hi." They both said at the same time, laughing nervously.

He hadn't been to his room yet, she guessed. He was still dressed in that charcoal grey suit and loose blue tie that set off his eyes, of course, in typical Snow style, the jacket was undone and the shirt haphazardly tucked in. Of course he hadn't gone back to his room, she hadn't been inside her room very long before she wanted to see him again and came rushing out with intent. But now she couldn't help but stare at him mutely.

Had he planned on sitting out there all night?

"Uh, were you going somewhere...?" he looked her up and down once, appreciating her change in apparel, getting to his feet.

"Do you want to come with me to take my dog for a walk?" she blurted out entirely too fast, unable to hear anything over the renewed pitter-patter of her heart.

"Dog? Oh, I... um... yeah. I mean... Yes!"

* * *

Down in the small deserted courtyard, she let a sleepy Interceptor off his lead to go sniff in whatever bushes he felt deserved his attention. The usually protective dog had sniffed Snow a few times during their initial meeting, but had not bothered with him the whole way downstairs.

The evening air was pleasant. Much more so than what she was used to; drier and a quite a few degrees cooler. They found a wooden bench to sit on side by side as the curly haired canine pranced through the well groomed grass.

"I didn't peg you'd for a dog person." Snow smiled, watching the animal in question.

"I'm not. I got him as a ... gift." She had come to love the pooch Zack had given her, but she still didn't like dogs in general.

"Well he sure is an interesting fella." Snow laughed. Interceptor was happily rolling around in the dewy grass. He watched Lightning smile at her four-legged friend.

Considering what to say next, Lightning breathed in the light evening air, shivering slightly against it's shadowy coolness.

She thought for a long moment, but he spoke before she did, at the same time removing his coat to lay over her shoulders.

He spoke quietly to her, not knowing how this was going to turn out. "There was a guy in Nautilus... when I went to look for you. He said that he..." Snow paused to find the right words. He had wanted to ask her about him since the incident happened so long ago, but now he didn't want to directly quote the busted up man. "That he slept with you."

Lightning growled lowly, clenching her fist. She couldn't help but wonder if he had believed that bald faced lie. It was impossible that he could have thought that she went with that trash willingly, but stranger things had happened. "Lowest of the low are the men who try and take what they want by force. He should consider himself lucky that I left him with a tongue to make such a claim."

Snow turned towards her, concerned. She remained stoic. "Lightning...?" Repeating back in his head what she had just said, he soon realized what she had meant. He recollected his own encounter with the man and the guy's battered face. He should have known that it was Lightning who had taught him a lesson, but at what cost to herself? What horror had she endured at his hand? Snow was sure that he didn't want to know the details; they would only serve to inflame him more, and he was pissed enough already. But more than that, he was heartbroken for Lightning. "If I would have known what that guy did to you... he'd be pushing up daisies right now." He gritted his teeth. "I _knew _something wasn't right." He couldn't imagine much worse than having someone force themselves on you and even though she was a soldier, it had been obvious to him from the first time he held her that she was a woman first.

Interceptor meandered back to them, nudging Lightning's hand. Clipping the lead onto his collar, she stood, pulling Snow's masculine scented coat tighter around her frame. He guessed the time for talking was at an end for now. Snow added his arm protectively over her shoulders as they made their way inside.

* * *

Freeing Interceptor of both his collar and leash, she waved Snow into the room in front of her, closing the door behind them. The mutt reclaimed his usual side of the bed, yawning and closing his eyes, totally relaxed and apathetic to the hulking male caller his master had in her private quarters.

Standing somewhat uncomfortably in the middle of the room he looked around noting the small differences between their temporary living areas; a lamp in a different place, the clock on the other side of the nightstand... From the corner of his eye he watched Lightning move slowly to the table by the picture window, setting the leash down without a sound, letting her hand linger there for a moment. He saw her posture stiffen slightly as she breathed in and turned to face him, his own body reacting to the slight movement; breath coming to him shallowly. His coat draped over her shoulders was more than charming. Way too big for her small frame, it swallowed her up, but he could see the gentle curves of her body passed the unbuttoned front.

The privacy of her room was both thrilling and alarming, and after finding her second wind out in the cool evening, Lightning couldn't stand the distance between them anymore. Summoning as much courage as she could, she voluntarily breached her comfort zone by crossing the distance of the room to stand in front of him, grazing the front of his body with hers. Never leaving his gaze as the world withdrew around them, she could see only him; longing and vulnerable, the shadows of disappearing heartache behind his bright blue eyes.

Caressing his stubbly cheek, he covered her delicate hand with his, leaning into the touch, letting his eyes slip shut. The flesh of his cheek warmed under her palm; his slightly parted lips forming a kiss when she traced their lines with her thumb. Looking over his face, she was unable to stop from committing every handsome feature to memory, secretly glad his eyes were closed as she took her time. The messy blond locks she would have died to run her hands through a week ago, his darker brows, short thick lashes lining his eyes, the smooth planes of his unblemished skin, slight crinkles at the corners of his mouth. She adored every little detail from every prickly patch of five o'clock shadow to the pronounced lump in his throat.

Incredibly nervous and not wanting to seem over-eager when it came to her own advances, her mind whirled at the prospects of being alone with him, now only satin, cotton and air between them. Only in her dreams had she done things with him that would make her blush in reality, and it was almost too much knowing that no longer would life pale in comparison to her midnight reveries.

Her destination were those plush lips under her thumb as she leaned towards him.

Acquiescing to the gentle draw of her body, he dipped his head as she sought his gently parted mouth.

Touching her lips to his softly, experimentally, her other hand came to rest on his stout shoulder.

It had been much too long since he felt the softness of her skin and the taste of her lips against his. With his eyes closed he could hear the pick up of her breathing and the feel of her fingertips pressing into his flesh. Pushing his coat off her shoulders and onto the floor, he circled her waist with his strong arms, pressing against her lips with weighty need. Once again he reminded himself what she said about that creep in Nautilus and how horrible that must have been for her. Additionally he did not have any details about what the man had done to her to deserve such a brutal beating, but he was sure that he'd deserved it. He realized that after being confided in, he needed to be considerate of her and made a promise to control himself and move at her pace no matter what. Saving himself for her had not been a problem and he figured since he'd waited this long he could more than spare the time for her to get on the same page.

Breaking the kiss, Lightning relaxed against him, standing on her tiptoes. With both arms now wound around his neck and her hands barely dipped past the line of his golden hair, she nuzzled the warm skin of his neck. Embarrassed by the shame that threatened to keep the words locked up in her throat, she could only whisper passed his ear.

"Help me forget."


	14. Chapter 14

_A/N: (!) Fluff and smut warning... (!) It's about damn time! Although... I did have to chop this chapter in half. My apologies. I will post the second half when it gets edited._

_Pretty much no plot elements. XD Please enjoy the love.  
_

* * *

_Help me forget..._

Long thoughtful seconds passed before he picked Lightning up easily, and without warning, to sit her down at the end of the long leather chaise.

He dropped to his knees in front of her. Resting his heavy head in her lap, he closed his eyes, sliding his hands innocently under her resting thighs. The feel of her warmth both calmed and inflamed his heart. Out of all the 'heroic' things he'd done, he was deathly afraid that he had missed the chance to seize the one thing in his life that would matter to him. He'd helped people; saved them; watched over them; defended them when they couldn't defend themselves, but he simply didn't do the one thing that would have brought him happiness... and now maybe it was too late. He hoped that wasn't the case. He longed to be the one that she could lean on; the one that would show her what utter and absolute devotion was.

"I would _never _hurt you. You _have_ to know that." he whispered, his warm breath sliding over her satin covered thigh.

"Snow..." Her hands drifted into his mane, stroking the coarse hair achingly slow.

With every action she dared the fire within him grew. If she didn't want him she wouldn't be here; wouldn't have invited him inside, and soon it would be too late to turn back. She said that she wanted him to help her forget... He assumed she was referring to the most recently discussed events, but he didn't need to be reminded where assuming got him.

With her vulnerable voice still in his ear, the only thing he knew for sure was that he intended to make her forget everything but him.

Shifting a hand from under her, Snow stroked the familiar black cloth tied around her arm, finally closing a large hand around it. He looked up at her from his place on the lush pile carpet under his knees.

"Do you trust me?" The look on his upturned face had evolved. No longer was it his usual silly and endearing expression, but it wasn't entirely unfamiliar to her either. She'd seen it before when they had been together in the past; something seductive in the gaze of the man that melted the woman within her.

Painfully self-aware, Lightning's uneven voice surprised her as she confirmed out loud what she'd known all along. Of course she trusted him. She hadn't been nervous like this before, but both times they had kissed and wallowed voluntarily in each other's intoxicating presence had been backed with some intense emotion. Anger, fear, impending doom... but now none of these emotions reigned supreme and all they had was time. Time to explore, time to enjoy, time to share the love that had never faded.

Snow nodded, a piece of flaxen hair falling in his eyes. Finding herself unable to stop, she brushed it from his face, caressing the mature skin of his cheeks.

Inching closer, she parted her legs for him to fit in between while his hands slipped around her waist, pulling her closer in an embrace.

A breath away from his tantalizing lips, the raven-haired beauty conquered the final inch of torturous space between them.

Initially keeping her mouth modestly closed, Lightning slipped her hands into Snow's hair, eliciting a slight shiver from her sentry. In response, he brushed his tongue over her lower lip as she very readily parted her lips gently against his. Stroking long meandering patterns over the expanse of her back, his firm actions helped to drain the tensions of the day from her, but added some skittish energy of his own. The play between their mouths was unhurried and exploratory in nature punctuated with short, sweet affectionate kisses in between.

Nothing could have prepared him for the generous curve of her smile against his lips; knowing whatever he was doing, that whatever they had together made her _smile_ nearly made his heart burst.

This was how it was meant to be all along.

Taking her precious head in his hands, silky black tresses cascading between his fingers, he pulled back to look her in the eyes. He was kneeling, completely defenceless, in front of the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. It had taken longer than he would have liked, but somehow they were reunited. Someone had heard his pleas from the cold darkness of his bed to bring her back to his arms.

"If I knew you were on Gran Pulse this whole time and that I could have had you in my arms sooner, I would have walked here." he near whispered to her, hypnotically massaging the nape of her neck.

Slightly stunned at his profession, she wasn't sure what to say. No one had ever said anything like that to her before. She was usually the one doing for others. "You can't _walk_ to Pulse." She stated, her weakened voice losing all of its intended teasing tone as her head tipped back into his hands. _Always the hero..._

"You can't come back from the dead either..." he trailed off, pressing lazy, luxurious kisses below her ears and down her neck "...but here I am."

If the feel of his stubble brushing over her skin wasn't enough, the masculine rumble of his voice was a very sensual and very real reminder of that fact.

_Touche._

Loving the feel of him against her, she let herself go limp in his capable arms. She felt so good with him; safer than she had ever felt in her life. Her skin became feverish under the sweet worship of his lips; soon needing to be rid of some of the clothing she was wearing.

The taste of her honeysuckle skin was not what he remembered it to be; it was so much more addictive than his lackluster memory had led him to believe. Taking his time at the base of her throat, he gently tongued the small indent, moving one hand to the centre of her back as she arched towards him. The dim light of the room caught the slight sheen on her skin. So it wasn't just him that thought it was unusually hot. Sitting her back up, he teasingly fingered the hem of her camisole, pulling it up past her waist, swollen bust and finally over her head, flinging it aside.

She watched as it hit the floor.

Before she fled Bodhum, she'd clutched the ruined jacket Snow's lifeblood had stained to try and hold on to some piece of him. Emptiness had consumed her then; always kept her raw and broken, but now things would be different. She held in her arms the key to her resuscitation. His love would breathe life into her damaged and scarred heart. Snow would fix her like he had before, but with a different type of magic.

Cradling her cheek in his hand once again, she closed her eyes as he brushed his lips against hers. Drawing her long legs up to wrap around his waist, she sought his warmth not to keep her warm, but to comfort; to keep him close. Exploring the lengths of his firm arms under his smooth dress shirt, she decided to relieve him of it.

Feeling her legs locked around his body and her fingers fumbling with the front of his shirt sent him reeling, pressing farther into her lips encouragingly. While she worked clumsily at the buttons, he pulled apart his loosened tie. When her hands freed the last button and his shirt fell open, her delicate fingers probed every inch of his supple skin, teasing small sounds of pleasure from his mouth as they continued their breathy kisses.

Wanting to make damn sure he never forgot a moment, Snow took note of everything he felt. The way her fingers appreciatively massaged the hardened muscle of his slightly heaving chest; how they walked down his sides and over his tight abdominals and all the newly discovered places in between. Lightning's face was set in a cute concentrated line as she took in the sight of his bare skin. He couldn't help but smile; he'd never been so happy in his life.

Suddenly sliding a tight nipple between her fingers made him jerk, the front of his pants unintendingly rubbing against the flattened angle between her legs, as they gasped against each other's open mouths. Locking lust-laden gazes, they continued the exploration of one another's warm mouth. Boldly, Lightning kept her eyes open, not backing down from the challenge of his virile stare. She teasingly flicked a short nailed fingertip over the same hard nub that had made him jerk. With a sharp intake of breath, his eyes became heavy, but he did not break their steamy eye contact. Wondering what reaction she'd get out of him next, she continued to play the little game. Not until she slid her tongue against his and buried her hands in his wild locks did his eyes roll into the back of his head and close. Now pressing the entire length of her body against him quite willingly, she eased his head back to nip at the prickly skin of his jaw, his tempting moan suitable spoils for her victory.

Guiding her arms around his neck, he whispered lowly against her ear. "Hang on." Picking her up effortlessly against his frame, he stood only to kneel on the end of the chaise to drape her over it, head on the pillows at the other end. He shifted so that only one leg was between hers, the other kept him firmly upright with foot braced on the ground, and his knee was awarded with searing heat as it pressed against her shielded centre. Her waiting, wanting body evoked a pleasingly sympathetic reaction from his; the constant throb of his groin like a biological alarm clock.

Snow had to set the time back a little.

He was already getting way too excited; he'd ended up rubbing against the chaise every time she moved and shifted and wriggled. It had regrettably sped up the process immensely for him, and he did _not_ want to make a fool out of himself. After all, he had no idea this day would turn out as it did and he had no chance to prepare himself for any test of endurance.

Straddling her provided only a slight reprieve of stimulation, but at least he wouldn't be able to grind himself against the place he longed to breach and make things worse by moving too fast for her, or losing control prematurely. There was so much sensation already, he could barely stand it. On top of that, Lightning had stripped down to her bra, and once he'd sat her down, he raised himself up to get a good look at the woman laying prone beneath him. Long absent was the mark of the l'Cie he so fondly liked to taste, replaced with vibrant healthy skin, giving no indication it had even been there. He was almost sad it was gone.

"Don't stare like that..." Lightning said shyly, shifting her gaze away from his face.

He shook his head slightly. "Can't help it. The last thing I thought about last night was you, but I never thought then I'd be here with you like this... together." he took a deep breath to attempt to calm himself a little. "I just want to remember everything about this."

"You can remember later, _hero._" Lightning assured, pulling his hands to her lips, pressing kisses against the centre of his palms.

He watched, fascinated, as she placed his hands flat against her throat and manipulated them down her chest to her covered mounds.

With a sharp intake of breath, Snow cupped her breasts gently, tracing the half crescent of exposed skin atop the cups with his thumbs. Amazement etched upon his features, he followed the fabric of the brassiere with his hands towards the clasped back, when she shuddered. He stopped abruptly, yanking his hands away. "Lightning?"

She looked away from him again, sourly.

"What's wrong?"

With a slight huff, she twisted around to display the marred skin of her side, he saw the long white scar running from her hip and under the band of the bra. A pang of regret tugged at his heart looking at her injury. The skin that covered it was still quite new looking, making him wonder how long ago it had happened. If she would have known he was alive, would she have had to experience the trial that granted her this wound?

Holding her arm loosely above her, he examined it. "Does it hurt...?" he wondered out loud, reaching a hand out to touch it tentatively. She shuddered again as he traced its length. Not sure that she wanted to talk about it, he debated putting off asking her anything further.

"It's... sensitive." she offered, pulling her arm away to slide a thumb under the clasp that was his original destination. Unhooking the back expertly, she crossed an arm over her chest to hold the garment in place as she slid the straps down and off. "Are you finished look -"

Not hearing her remark, and strangely entranced by the sight below him, Snow fearlessly sampled the long line of scarred flesh from bottom to top in a long firm lick. A shock of warm, wet sensation jolted her eyes wide and she involuntarily arched her back, pressing her head into the pillows, ripping a surprised moan from her. Her hand knotted in his hair as the intensity quickly passed, leaving Lightning senseless and quivering.

"Wow..." breathed Snow unsteadily. He didn't expect to get that strong of a reaction from her, let alone a sound like _that_. He resolved to hear more.

Shrugging out of his own shirt he slid his hands around her back, lifting her loose body to him. Pulling the black barrier out from between them as their lips met, her bare breasts were forced against his taut chest. Rewarding her earlier exclamation with a deep, demanding kiss, he relished the warmth that radiated off her lithe frame... and from between her legs.

Supporting her with one strong arm, he slipped the other hand into her hair, caressing her scalp and teasing her head backwards again to lap at her throat. As long as he was concentrating on her he would attempt to ignore his own building pressure, but if she insisted on making those noises he didn't think he'd last as long as he would like...

He could feel her widely spread hands moving up and down the corded muscles of his back, her fingertips pushing into his flesh, never lingering in one spot for very long. Feeling her quickened pulse against his lips, he kissed up the side of her face and over her forehead before claiming another passionate kiss from her lips. She planted her fingers into his flesh as their mouths worked to deepen the kiss. The caress of his tongue, the sweet taste of his mouth and the feel of his supple lips against hers continued to assail her senses.

While he savoured the sweetness of her mouth, she crawled to her knees in front of him, depriving him of further mouthy ministrations to begin a sensual journey over his body. Snow's unique scent swirled around her when she pushed her nose past his ear, placing short sweet kisses all over, snaking her tongue out to touch the lobe of his ear tentatively. He quaked against her, his hands gripping her waist. Making her way down his throat, brushing her tongue over the expanse of his collarbone, Lightning pressed open mouth kisses over his hairless, chiseled chest, revelling in the delightful sounds he made.

Stroking her hair gently, he tucked it behind her ears and over her shoulders so he could look down and watch her, half unbelievingly, half lost in pure sensation. "You are... the most beautiful thing I have ever seen..." he murmured, prompting her to look up at him with a knowing half smile. Seeing her smile was a rare pleasure indeed, but seeing such a smile now was encouraging.

Holding his gaze, she slipped her hands down to unbuckle his belt.

A tinkle of metal on metal drew him back to the realization that he was beginning to lose control once again, but no matter how good it felt he didn't want things to get out of hand and end early. He had waited too long for that to happen.

Her hands worked quickly at the button and zipper of his pants, but he had to act quicker.

Beckoning her back up to his lips, he attempted to bring the stimulation full circle, tracing the smooth curvature of her neck, down her chest and over the swell of a breast. She invaded his mouth with her tongue excitedly when he eventually palmed the supple fullness of her stripped bosom, unsealing their lips to pant against him. He opened his eyes to peek at her expression as the pleasure bricked up in her. A lovely flush began to creep its way across her cheeks and forehead. As large hands honoured the feminine shape of her chest, her mouth hung open helplessly, obviously unable to keep her mind from straying. Smiling, he tasted the swollen entrance of her mouth with his tongue, continuing to slowly stoke and knead her chest, intentionally avoiding the peaks of rose-coloured flesh.

Quivering under him, she rolled her breasts into his teasing palms, tangling her own hands in his hair to tug roughly as molten desire pooled low in her core.

Pulling away from him, she stood, teasing open the drawstring of her satin sleep pants, as they slid down her long tanned legs to pool around her feet.

The sight of her standing there in tight, black panties was almost too much; his mind blissfully blank, staring blatantly, but appreciatively at her fine form. It wasn't the first time he'd witnessed her like this, and although he had no right to expect it, he at least hoped that he had been the only man to witness her under just these conditions.

As his gaze travelled down her flat belly, he noticed something about her that he hadn't seen before. She had a navel piercing. Not only that, butit was very alluring; the way the small diamond glinted in the dim light of the room. Coming to seat himself on the chaise, he reached out to clutch the swells of her hips, slowly edging her towards him, staring at the tiny glint in the middle of her belly. When she was close enough, he tongued the piece of jewellery, taking it between his teeth, tugging it. Nails scratched their way up his shoulder blades. Making a pathway with his clever tongue, he followed the straight line from her belly button to the waist of her panties. Before he had time to do anything else, she pushed him firmly back into the leather chaise, straddling his lap to shove a taut nipple into his surprised mouth.

Electricity coursed through him, her boldness pushing him into a near frenzy. Latching onto the firm piece of flesh with his mouth, he squeezed it teasingly in his hand and began his devilish assault.

She had accused him of having a big mouth in the past, but now she found it more of a blessing than a curse. A wicked little smile danced on her lips as she watched him easily take a fabulously satisfactory amount of her breast past his lips, his suckling reckless and unrelenting. She barely managed to restrain herself from vocalizing the chorus of embarrassing sounds that clawed their way up her throat.

He felt the sounds trapped in her chest, and he frowned slightly. He was desperate to hear her sing his name as she used to. With strong hands, he pressed her tightly against his hot mouth, moaning huskily to try inciting the same vocal reaction within her. Curling his talented tongue around her nipple, she split her legs farther, at first resting on the growing hardness in his lap, but soon rubbing herself firmly against it as he moved from one side of her chest to the other. Humming as her hips rolled faster against his length, he _almost_ wished she would choose another activity to keep those sinful sounds coming. Threading her hands over and over again through his hair, she wriggled against him as his hand glided down the curve of her backside to cup it, lifting her slightly away from the bulge with relief.

Protesting at the loss with a little whimper, she took his hands away from her body and held them in her own, lowering herself back onto his excited covered flesh.

He growled lowly against her, lapping shamelessly at her breasts; around, over, under, in between. If she kept rubbing on him he wasn't going to last at all. Through a lust-hazed brain, he needed to figure out a way to keep her from grinding against him... not that he didn't take the utmost pleasure in it – he just needed her to concentrate on something else for a spell. Slowing his ministrations above the waist, but still adoring and worshipping her feminine scented flesh, he placed her hands on the back of his head, in his hair. Words could not describe how his skin tingled with excitement when she stroked his pale strands. Dragging his hands once again down the curve of her buttocks to pull her up and off him, his hand closed around the tops of her thighs, brushing his thick fingers against her centre.

He almost lost it when he pushed tenderly against the soaking cotton between her legs.

A sharp pain shot through her when she felt his fingertips on her ache and she gasped, suddenly terrified. She struggled against him, her body quickly expelling the slow collected heat as a chill of unabashed fear gripped her.

"Lightning?"

"Not... there..." she begged, sounding unlike herself as she tried to shrink away from him.

His mind was still sluggish, but he quickly came to his senses. _Ah hell. So this is what he did..._

Snow scowled, pushing his face into her chest suddenly to hide his obvious displeasure. He was wondering how long it would take for that part of her past to rear its ugly head. Snow didn't blame her for reacting, actually quite the opposite, but he was angry at his own uselessness. "I wish I could make you forget..." he said, muffled. Maybe it was as far as she could go tonight. And he would accept that.

She remembered what she requested of him, but at the time she obviously didn't know what she was saying. Now she didn't feel as though she could go through with it, and at the first hint of him initiating that specific contact, she clammed up. After all, the rest of their foreplay had no where else to go but _there_. Of course she knew that he wouldn't hurt her... and that her feelings of shame and guilt were useless and destructive, but still, they were there and she was honestly unsure how to rid herself of them... or even if they_ could_ be banished.

He kept her pressed tightly against him until her breathing calmed and once he could manage to keep his face serene and detached from the vengeful rage, Snow once again picked her up to carry her to the bed. Wrapping her arms securely around his neck, he pulled back the sheets to deposit her inside. She looked utterly exhausted, the passion and lust that was so apparent before was replaced with droopy eyelids and loose, uncoordinated limbs. Interceptor had raised his head from the far side of the bed as Snow tucked his master in.

Pressing his lips to her forehead affectionately, he had no intention of leaving her room. He'd sleep on the chaise where she could see him if she awoke and needed him. There was no way he would sleep another night without her as close as possible. Only a moment before he pulled away from her did she grab his wrist, eyes still half open. She didn't have to even say anything, her silent request to keep him close was written all over her face.

Peering down and brushing a mammoth hand through her hair, her lids now completely concealed her blue eyes. Slipping out of his boots and dress pants, he crawled in beside her, immediately taking her in his comforting arms and letting her settle against him before he settled himself. Stroking her hair and kissing her brow, he stayed awake until she was fast asleep, then allowed himself the leisure of following her into slumber.

* * *

Rays of light lit the back of his lids, prompting him to roll over in escape.

Feeling warm breath on his face, he smiled, remembering where he was.

_Lightning Farron's bed..._

With eyes closed, he brought a hand up to caress her face, her fur so soft and her nose so elegantly long...

_Wait... a minute... she wasn't this furry last night..._

Peeking an eye open, he discovered that he was face to snout with Interceptor, and not his Farron sister. The dog snaked his slobbery tongue out to lick Snow's cheek and he jerked back in surprise, throwing him himself into a seated position, looking around the room for her through sleepy eyes. "Lightning?...!"

"Oh. You're awake." Lightning said from the chaise with a slight smile for him, reclining, folding back the newspaper she'd been reading to look at him. She was dressed casually in jeans and a t-shirt, the night attire sadly nowhere to be seen. Her hair was damp from the shower he guessed she'd already taken – sadly he had missed that part too. Smooth, tanned skin glowed in the light spilling through the huge windows, and he could see a teasing hint of curved flesh at the bottom of the v-neck of her shirt.

Without even thinking, words of praise tumbled from his lips. "You're so beautiful..."

She huffed at him, raising the newspaper back over her face.

_If you could only see what I see..._ he thought at her. Random thoughts of the night previous scampered fleetingly through his memory and he sighed, feeling himself twitch with interest.

_Maybe I better stay in bed for a few more minutes..._

He rubbed the back of his neck, a little embarrassed to be waking up to the deceptively gentle breathing of that mutt. Laying back down, Interceptor again tried to lick his face, but he dodged this time."Easy, you. We just met." he grinned at the canine, offering his hand for Interceptor to sniff.

_You're so beautiful..._

Lightning felt her cheeks blush hotly from behind the safety of the newspaper wall. The printed words bled together as she barely skimmed the article, choosing to think about the man in her bed instead. At least he still felt something for her after the way she behaved last night. She didn't understand why she'd felt how she did after so long. It was true that she never really dealt with the situation, but it was totally unfair that it had to keep popping up with Snow. She trusted him implicitly, without a doubt. So why had she locked up under his promise of further pleasure...?

Peeking at him from behind the very corner of the newspaper, she saw he was laying back down under the massive white coverlet. She wanted to go and launch herself into the bed and hide away in the safety of his arms. She slept dreamlessly and calmly all night in his arms. Just once she'd woken up before dawn to witness the first blush of light on his face. Sleepily she had regarded him; so handsome with his strong jaw and kissable lips. Winding her fingers into his hair, she had pulled his arm tighter around her and fell back asleep.

Refolding the paper in her hands silently, she stood and walked over to the bed, touching the edge of the rumpled comforter as she approached his sleeping figure. Interceptor raised his head as she leaned over him curiously. Placing a finger over her lips, she silently hushed her hairy companion.

Preemptive strike!

Snow flung back the covers, snatching a delightfully surprised Lightning and pulled her down playfully into the bed with him.

Flailing her arms wildly about as he cackled trying to pin her to the mattress, she unceremoniously decked him square in the nose. Shocked, and a little dazed, he sat up, covering his nose as blood dribbled past his hands and down his chin.

"Oh shit!" she cursed, scrambling to sit upright. Pulling at his bloodied hands, she maneuvered his fingers to pinch the bridge of his nose closed. "Hold that." she demanded, hopping off the bed and running to the bathroom.

Snow's head was spinning slightly as she did what he asked. _That's the arm I remember..._ He thought with a grin.

As she dashed out of the bathroom and back to him, there came a knock at the door.

"And that's breakfast." she informed him, slipping her hands into the back of his hair, holding the damp facecloth underneath his lowered face. The small comfort of her warm palm against the back of his head was amazingly tranquilizing, but shortlived as the distracting knock came again.

"Sorry... I've got to get the door." She said quietly in his ear, unknowingly tempting him to attack her and smother her with kisses even though she just made him bleed. Apparently he was a sucker for punishment. Instead, he took the terrycloth in his free hand, lamenting the loss of her touch.

Dismissing the attendant and ushering the cart into the room, she parked it in front of the empty table and went back into the bathroom. The sound of running water made its way to his ears, and soon she emerged once again with a white steaming tub in her hands. Stationing the container on the end table, she perched in front of him, taking the soiled cloth from his hand to immerse it in the steaming water. Wringing it out, she pressed it against his bloodied chin and lips, gently wiping him clean. He took his hand away from his nose, and she snapped at him to keep it positioned where she'd left it.

Muttering an apology, and holding back a smile, he did as she commanded. Watching and feeling her tend to him seemed to be the most natural thing in the world, and he almost thanked the Maker that he had gotten in the way of her fist.

After a few quiet moments of unhurried care, and the realization that he was still only in his underwear, she spoke; her tone very much like the one he'd heard during her apology in Palompolum. "You... surprised me. I... didn't mean to slug you like that..."

"Hey, it's ok. I was asking for it. This is a first though, huh? You've never drawn blood before!" he noted nasally, still smiling.

She snorted in her usual obstinate manner, rinsing out the face cloth once again, wiping it across his stubbly chin, chasing the small tributaries of blood drying on his throat.

_What an idiot. First I leave him hanging and now I assault him. Good going, Farron. Let's see if you can make up for any of this. He'll probably never let me near him ever again..._

"Hey." His voice interrupted her thoughts. "Can I take my fingers off now?"

She looked up from her work as he spoke, finishing up. "Sure."

Experimentally, he released the pinch on his nose and wiggled it. "Feels ok now..."

Taking the cloth from her hand, he pushed it into the hot water and squeezed it as she had, but took her blood caked fingertips in his. Sliding the wash cloth thoroughly across the backs of her hands first, he cleansed her of his involuntarily spilled gore. At one point they met each other's eyes, taking turns wiping fingertips and knuckles and palms. Once their hands were free of splotches, and the cloth was tossed back into the bucket, he took her chin in his hand and presented her with a lingering kiss.

"What was that for...?" she asked quietly, a blush settling in over her cheeks and a phony scowl pulling at the corner of her lip.

"Just because I can." He _loved_ the sound of that and thought having her around to kiss whenever he wanted was going to be something he would quickly get used to. "And because you took care of me."

"Well, I _was_ the one that -"

He silenced her with another kiss, this time holding her head against his.

Slumping forward into his waiting arms, Lightning resigned herself to his charm. Snuggling his freshly wiped face into her hair, he whispered to her what he knew to be the truth now that they had found each other.

"It's ok now. Everything is going to be fine. You'll see."

Those words wrapped themselves securely around her heart, a lump rising in her throat. Returning the embrace, a happy tear escaped her eye.

With him she never had to be strong.

With him she didn't have to pretend.

With him she never had to be anything more than what she was.

Now she realized that all she wanted was him.

* * *

Over night she had received a text message from Amodar advising that the potential site wouldn't be ready for another week and that she should take the week off. She offhandedly wondered if he knew who was waiting for her yesterday in the conference room.

When she informed Snow of this fact over breakfast, he got the most thoughtful look on his face. She guessed what he could have been thinking about as it was probably quite similar to what she had been considering as well. Although, she didn't want to stay in Leámonde any longer. She wanted to get back home and Interceptor was getting a little antsy being cooped up all day, even though the untrained eye would never be able to tell over his sheer laziness and tendency to sleep all day.

Her long lost lover was very receptive to her suggestion that he come home with her for the week. She had admitted to him that Hope was the one who brought her to Leámonde in the first place, and he happily informed her that he had an aircraft from home waiting for him at the Aerodrome they could use to get back.

Snow didn't want to leave her side for a single moment, but he had to go pack up his own hotel room, and make a quick stop at a shop downstairs.

With the promise that he'd be back as soon as humanly possible, she packed her things and got Interceptor ready. Snow was waiting for her in the hall when she was done. They bid farewell to the hotel room where they'd spent their first night together, Snow insisting he carry their luggage down to the parking garage. Not shocked to discover, when one considered all the chances that fate had lined up for them throughout their absence from one another, his rented vehicle was parked right beside her gift from Amodar. With a ironic laugh they swapped stories once again about their near miss in Nautilus at the other hotel parking lot and how he'd admired that ride.

Lightning said if he was good maybe she'd let him take it for a spin sometime.

Before leaving the city, she stopped to grab a few food items to tide them over for the week until her monthly delivery. She sincerely hoped that Hope wouldn't be waiting for her when they arrived, although if it was his intent to harass her he would have made it known by now, and she had seen hide nor hair of him since her departure from his supply plane two days ago.

During the trip back they discussed a range of topics. Mostly they returned to the missed opportunities they'd had. She mentioned the trip to the dance club on her birthday and asked if it had been him that she saw. He confirmed that he was there that night, but hadn't seen her.

_So that _was_ him._

How cruel fate was to bat her around like a cat with a mouse.

"Now that I think about it, there was this tall kid with a girl. She was sexy as hell from the back, but I never got to see her face..." he trailed off, trying to remember what details he could about that night.

"The guy was tall with spiky black hair?" she mumbled.

"Hmm. Yeah. That's him. Was real chummy with the bouncer."

Looking at him from the corner of her eye, she noticed he wasn't looking her way. "...Sexy as hell, huh?" she prodded suggestively.

"Oooh yeah. She was something else." Snow whistled appreciatively.

"Long sexy legs?"

"Hell yeah. They went on and on... And she had this wavy black hair." He wet his lips, wishing he didn't have to keep his hands on the wheel the whole time.

Lightning fell silent.

And then an alarm went off in his head.

_Ah hell._

Why did he have a feeling his mouth had got him into trouble? He talked too much... and now he was talking about some woman he salivated over in passing. There were very few women who caught his eye, but the one in that short skirt with the long hair had piqued his interest. She was something special, but even then he had been distracted by thoughts of Lightning Farron all night.

She couldn't help but chuckle, blowing her disgruntled cover.

His mouth went dry. Why was she doing this? Was she testing him? He didn't understand women at all, so he really didn't know what he could say to keep him on the right side of her fist.

_Oh man. Please don't hit me again..._ He could feel the tight swelling in his nose from her _accidental _jab earlier.

Her chuckle turned into a laugh, and he turned his head to her in utter confusion.

"...Wha...?"

She just kept laughing.

_She's lost her marbles!_ He thought, joining her awkwardly in laughter, still not sure what it was that she thought was so funny.

They chortled together for a few short moments, but when she looked at him she stopped cold, boring a hole through him with her icy gaze.

"What the hell are _ you_ laughing at?" she asked flatly.

_Oh, man... I'm gonna get it..._ Snow snapped his attention back to the empty sky before him and waited for his punishment.

Hearing her rise from her seat beside him, she leant down, her warm breath tickling his ear, tracing a single fingertip over his stubbly jaw. His heart knocked around unevenly in his chest.

"That was me." she whispered clearly in his ear.

Snow's mouth hung open. Quickly closing the gaping maw, he cleared his throat. "Uh... Really...?"

Then he hit the accelerator.


	15. Chapter 15

_A/N: Finally, the second half of chapter 14! Thanks again for all the comments and encouragement. You all are awesome! ^_^_

* * *

"Whew! It's like a sauna in here!"

The heat wafted thickly out of the front door as Snow walked into Lightning's modest home with a couple bags filled with food stuffs and supplies. Interceptor ran into the house and rolled around on the tiny throw rug by the door. Snow grinned at the dog. "You're sure happy to be home."

He thought he heard her laugh and that made him smile even more. After so many years alone, Lightning had changed. She was still quiet and introverted, but she had lost a lot of the bite she had back then. He liked the old Lightning, but he found he was very partial to the new, more agreeable, Lightning as well.

"I'll turn the air conditioning on. You can just put that stuff down in the kitchen." She called back to him, walking down the hall to the thermostat. Outside the back door, she heard the air conditioning unit hum to life, but it would be a while before it cooled the entire place. Walking past the kitchen, she stopped for a moment in the doorway to admire him as he put the supplies away even though he had no idea where anything went. Taking their bags into her room, she sat them down and began to unpack her own. It felt strange to know he was in the very next room, but even though they weren't literally right besides each other at the moment, there was an addictive undercurrent of sweet static between them.

As she turned to put away her few toiletries, she caught her reflection in the mirror. The last time she had looked into it, Hope had just hastily confessed his feelings for her. She could hardly believe that Hope had known all along that she would be reunited with Snow in Leámonde and not said anything to her. Not to mention that Hope knew Snow was alive and hid_ that_ bomb from her as well. To say she was upset at the boy would be an understatement. Lightning wanted to, very literally, knock some sense into his stupid teenage brain. Who did he think he was?

But she could do nothing about it now and attempted to quiet her thoughts.

In the bathroom, she put things away, but something was off. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but something seemed missing... or out of place at least. Taking a minute to look around the sink area, she finally realized one of the brassieres she was air drying before the trip to Leámonde was hanging backwards. She only noticed because of the struggle she'd had when she hung it initially.

Though it was odd; she was _sure_ she'd hung it the other way. Shrugging, she pulled it from the hanger and flung it into the closet, hidden away from her handsome house guest.

When she finished unpacking her small valise, she tossed it in the bedroom closet, straightening the bed spread automatically.

For a moment she reflected again on why she had even started to make the bed in the first place. She made it every morning to distract herself from thoughts of loneliness; to maintain some normalcy in a life that was anything but normal. But now...

Reaching down a hand to muss the covers, Snow's voice startled her.

"So this is your room, huh?" smiled Snow, walking in. Turning to look at him, she noted a sheen of sweat over his cheeks as she looked at him. It made her feel even warmer.

She nodded, glancing around the room. "Home sweet -"

In an instant, his lips were crushed heatedly against hers, demanding her full attention. Melting against him, not only because of the unyielding heat, she sunk her hands into his blond locks; twisting and tugging, exactly how she liked it...

Just the way that drove him absolutely crazy. A firm trace from the tip of her tongue against his lips made him shudder and they deepened their feverish kisses, hands groping each other's clothing, pulling up or pushing down barriers. Hooking her fingers underneath the bottom of his dampened shirt, he helped her pull it over and off his body. Panting, Lightning backed him up to the foot of her bed and pushed him down. Straddling his hips with her slim thighs, she lowered her chest to his and stopped a breath away from his lips.

Her mischievous little mouth kissed and teased his, her hands brushed maddeningly over the aroused flesh of his pectorals. The roughness of his stubble on her smooth skin delighted and aroused her, though discovering that he was already delightfully hard did more for her libido and she lowered her clothed centre on him, teasing him with a quick thrust of her hips.

With a playful grin, he slid his hands up the front of her shirt and under her bra, groping the supple swells.

She bit her lip to hold back a gasp, and dipped her head to take a salty nipple past her lips, flicking her tongue around it.

Sensation beat against him like a hurricane from all angles, blanking his brain and threatening to force him into a purely instinctive frenzy. Snow's vision spun, black spots appearing in front of his eyes, lightheadedness swirling menacingly around him. He felt like he was laying in a furnace, though he was unsure if the burning had begun from the inside out or the other way around. All he could feel was her delicious weight on him and _ heat._

A few seconds later, he woke to the slight sting of her slapping his cheeks.

"Snow. Hey, wake up."

Opening his eyes, she came into focus but he remained disoriented, boiling in his skin.

"Let's get you outside. It's cooler out there for now."

Helping the big lug outside was no small feat. She had helped him once before, many years ago, but she also had another body to support some of his bulk.

They managed to make it out to the back deck, Interceptor bringing up the rear, and she sat him down on a shaded chair. There was a compassionate breeze that stirred the early evening air. He let his head loll backwards, still feeling woozy.

"Ugh, I'm hot. Did I pass out...?" Lightning's curly haired companion was licking the back of Snow's hand.

"Yeah." she scoffed teasingly, standing above him. "I thought you loved the heat."

His neck was uselessly weak, but he managed to pull his head up to look at her. "I do... but that back there was ... a different kind of heat." Pushing his huge legs out in front of him, he reclined, wishing the world would stop its damn spinning.

"I'll say." He barely heard her comment, closing his eyes, concentrating on the breeze that swept over his wet skin. Something was pulling at his feet, and he half grinned thinking it was Interceptor playing with him. Shaking his feet to encourage more play, he heard Lightning's voice from far away. "Stop moving."

Though the feel of her hands working at his pants made him snap to attention. "Hey... what are you doing?" He asked, his own voice prodding at the doozy of a headache beginning to settle over his brain.

"You need to cool down." she said simply, continuing to pull his pants off like it was the most natural thing for her to be doing. Once she folded them sloppily, and tossed them on the wrought iron table, she undressed herself, removing everything but her bra and panties. She felt his stare on her body. This set of underwear were as blue as her eyes. "C'mon, you pervert."

Helping him back on his feet, she slowly guided him to the simple shower on the far side of the deck. Settling his chest against hers, she reached past him to turn the knob that would begin the flow of rainwater. She kept him steady on his feet as sun-warmed water washed away the heat radiating from his pores.

For a brief second Interceptor's bark grabbed her attention as he bolted down the yard and into the trees. It wasn't all that unusual for him to take off after a small animal, but he usually wasn't vocal about it.

Snow could feel the change in him almost instantly. His clouded mind cleared and his headache eased the more that he let the water run over his head and down his back.

After a few minutes, Lightning inquired after his state. "Better...?"

"Much." He must have had a touch of heat exhaustion, and she'd thought enough to get him out into the fresh air and under some cool water. That reminded him that there were other times she'd helped him that he hadn't thanked her for. Pushing his hands through his wet hair, he smiled down into her face. "Thanks."

"Mmhm." When she began to untangle herself from him, he stopped her, his arms begging her silently to stay.

"No. Really. Thank you. I know that it's because of you that I'm still alive." he admitted, tenderly taking her hands to lace their fingers.

"Don't be daft." she said coolly. "You just got a little warm in there, that's all."

His face was serious. "That time when we fell down that damn mountain and into that hole. I was really beat up, wasn't I?"

"Ah, you remember that." Lightning looked away from his face. Anyone would have done the same for him, and even though she knew that she would have gone farther to protect him, she knew even then that he meant more to her than she could ever have imagined.

"How could I forget? I would have died down there without you. I've replayed every single moment between the two of us for the last four years. I've thought about you every day; waiting for you to call and find out that I was alive, hoping for a chance meeting somewhere." He shook his head, realizing the irony of that very statement. Placing her hands over his heart, he hoped she could feel the uncontrolled rhythm that only she could conjure. "I don't know if you ever loved me, but..." he trailed off, brushing dampened tendrils of dark hair from her shoulders, summoning the courage to continue. Touching a soft kiss to her lips, he squeezed her hands, meeting her eyes surely. "I love you, Lightning Farron. I always have and I always will."

Standing, staring blankly at him, the sound of the water trickling from the overhead spout and over their bodies now faint against the workings of her brain, weighing what he had just said to her.

"Lightning...?"

She was speechless, and the only thing that she could think was that he was still calling her _Lightning._

"It's Light." She commented, dazed.

He smiled, quickly claiming her lips.

Something within her exploded and once again passion overtook them.

He made short work of her bra, kissing her shoulders now bare of straps. Guarding her against the flow of water, he turned her around, grazing the smooth canvas of her back, winding her hair in his hands to hold it out of the way as he paid due attention to the nape of her neck. Cupping a breast in his hand, he fondled the peak, drawing the first gasp from her. Spurred on, Snow nuzzled her earlobe and let her hair loose making his way down to her waist. Warm water dribbled down his mouth as he lapped at the small of her back. Sliding his hands hands flat underneath the sides of her underwear, he massaged her hips soothingly with his thumbs.

Lightning felt as though her knees would give way, and she didn't have anything to hold on to. As he continued his ministrations around her waist, all she could think about was his hands slipped so casually under the sides of her panties. She wanted him to take them off. The thought of his loving touches against her most intimate place still seemed a bit unnerving, but she wanted to give herself wholly to him. She wanted him to try again. Shifting her weight, she felt her aroused slickness slide independently against the tight blue cotton. Heat gathered there as she clenched involuntarily as need flared.

Placing her hand courageously over his, she shifted again, breaking his hold on her hip. Still under the line of her underwear, she guided his hand where she needed it the most; cupped over her sensitive mound. With a sharp intake of breath she calmed herself as best she could, not letting the fear resurface. She had nothing to be afraid of. No matter what happened in the past, it was the past, and he was her present; her future. He wanted to love both her_ and_ her body. He confessed as much.

Snow didn't move his hand at all once it rested against the almost ridiculously slick patch of skin, and at that expense, he felt his own excitement surge. Standing, he pressed against her back comfortingly, wrapping the other arm around her chest to hold her even more securely.

With her hand still on his, she parted her pillowed folds with his fingertips, coating them with her desire.

_I can still smell her._ That cocky voice resurfaced in Snow's head as he felt her muscles stiffen against him. That piece of trash had humiliated her, but he would make her forget about that monster. His heart commanded that he tighten his hold on the woman he loved, closing his eyes.

Forcing herself to relax against his hand she closed her eyes and leaned into him. Clinging to his hand, she almost couldn't let go, but eventually she dropped both of her hands to her sides, leaving him to shoulder her weight entirely.

_Please let me help her... _

"Light..." he huffed breathlessly against her ear. "Are you sure...?"

She simply nodded, waiting for him to begin.

And begin he did; slowly and with no sign of hesitation.

She fed off his sureness; his confidence. With him she always felt safe.

A huge sigh of relief laced with eager thrill was was expelled as the weight of old shame was lifted from her chest.

_That's the brave girl I know... now let me take care of you._

Soon Lightning was lost in the moment, her mind whitewashed with every wave of intense carnal indulgence. Snow played her body like a well-loved instrument, forcing her hips to roll intuitively, one second pressing against his hardness behind her; the next assisting his thick fingers which sought to call forth her sweet sounds of pleasure. Letting her head fall backwards onto his shoulder, he calmly kissed her throat as water rushed over her body, not providing any relief from the burning inside.

And it would only get deliciously worse for her before it got better.

Turning her to face him, he quickly rid her of her panties, she herself almost unaware of how or when he did it, only knowing that she wanted his attention back in the worst possible way. Happening upon her again, he hooked a silken leg around his body, and her arms around his neck, working a hand in between them to continue his skilled actions.

This time he spent a short time teasing her swollen lips and instead eased a slippery finger inside her, seeking her mouth to greedily swallow her broken voice mid-moan. His own need strained against his sopping wet underwear, driving him to push her over the edge. Setting a slow, deliberate rhythm, it only took a moment for her to grow accustomed to his sensual invasion. Expectedly, she was tight, but he pressed on within her as she panted into his mouth, squirming like he had only ever fantasized she could. With eyes squeezed shut, she murmured his name like a hymn, clutching his shoulders to stop from collapsing to the ground.

Pressure built as his stout digit curled wickedly, stroking some previously untouched place within her.

Nurturing the exquisite passage that would lead to her eventual break, he held her against him, free hand in her hair, mouthing breathless words of adoration and encouragement. Lightning deserved everything he could give her; everything he had to offer. Snow would be her faithful and ever present slave if that's what she wished for him to be. For her, he would gladly be her servant, ally, hero; even conqueror if she asked. He would see to it that he'd keep her near for the rest of their lives.

She grew still and quiet for a mere moment; breath caught up somewhere inside her, and he picked up the obviously effective pace, enthralled by the smallest movement flickering over her features.

With a strangled cry she flung her head back, her core pulsating around him as she shattered in his arms, knees finally giving out.

Kissing her collarbone as she rode out the intensity, he let her body naturally dispel him. Boneless and quivering in his arms, he turned the tap off, picking her up to carry her back in the – hopefully somewhat cooled off – house. Even his knees were a bit shaky, but her weight was always a pleasure to tote, and his easy strength allowed him to do so effortlessly.

Once in the house, he took her back to the bedroom and sat her on the bed. Droopy eyes watched him as he retrieved a few folded towels from her connecting bathroom. Using one to dry her off with and one to help dry her hair, he tended to her tenderly without a single expected objection muttered. Even when he untied the soaked piece of black fabric from around her bicep she didn't utter a complaint. Unfolding it, he draped it over the lamp next to the bed.

Lightning could hardly hardly sit up, let alone think. What Snow had gifted her with had been so earth-shattering, she was left unable to speak as he wiped her dry and put her into bed. She had given herself completely to him; been utterly unguarded for once in her whole life. He smashed every wall she possessed and they'd both been rewarded for it.

For the first time ever she felt as though everything she had been put through was worth it to be with him now.

Once tucked away in the bed, she watched him cross the room and open his suitcase. Pulling out a familiar blanket, he unfurled it and draped it over her. She recognized it almost instantly. It was her childhood quilt from her home in Bodhum. Tucking her in, he turned to remove his own underwear and dry off, only his nude backside displayed to her.

"Why... do you have this...?" she pulled the blanket to her nose and inhaled nostalgically. It smelled like home and made her want to be back in Bodhum badly.

"I... uh... bring it with me when I travel..." he commented quietly. "It's kind of like having you with me."

The generous curve of his creamy, sun deprived, but finely chiseled, backside drew her attention away from the conversation, but she added a cheeky "That's kind of creepy..." which made him chuckle. She admired the deep dimples just above his cheeks and the smooth slightly dented sides. It was both charming and alluring, just like the rest of him.

As a yawn forced her eyes shut, she felt him hop into bed and gather her up in his arms, a satisfied grin pasted across his mouth. "But now you can have it back. I don't need it when I have the real thing."

Feeling her way around his chest, she smiled at his honest flattery, tucking herself into his embrace. Staring silently out the long window of the room, she saw the fiery sky brought upon by dusk, but for the first time in years she felt no pain in her heart. No fierce longing; no gaping chasm.

Everything she wanted was right here.

"Gil for your thoughts?" he asked quietly, nuzzling her ear, tracing a fingertip lazily around the base of her throat.

"I..." she started, not knowing exactly what she wanted to say. "I'm... happy."

Returning his hand to her hair, he kissed the crown of her head affectionately. "Me too."

* * *

When she woke again, the moon was high in the sky, spilling its glow proudly into her bedroom. She heard Interceptor's low growl at the bare window, wondering fleetingly what he was on about, but soon a satisfying realization settled around her.

Snow Villiers was in her bed.

She and he were wrapped around each other, legs tangled, his rough hand splayed comfortably across her belly, the other one somewhere under his head. Rolling over to look at him, she caressed his rough but calm face, her fingers dancing over his cheeks and nose and finally lingering in his trademark pale hair. A strong thigh remained wedged between her legs, pressing against her sensitive centre, reminding her of the selfless love he'd shown her earlier.

Selfless indeed.

The only physical indication she noticed betraying him of the fact that he was just as aroused as she was, was the imposing thickness she rubbed against while he brought her to climax. Glancing down at the bed sheet, Lightning realized that she had not actually _seen_ his member, and now curiosity trickled into her fingertips. Sitting, staring, she warred with herself. Surely a little peek wouldn't hurt, and he'd never know. In the soft glow of the evening, she could just pull back the sheet...

Snow usually slept like a rock, but he wasn't tired. He'd been laying there awake for a long while, listening to the sound of her even breathing and the cute little sounds she made in her sleep. If he wasn't concentrating on that, he was replaying the last two days in his head, more specifically he concentrated on the way she made him feel and the sense of contentment that had settled in his heart since he saw her that first morning...

He would have been lying if he said that he wasn't upset at her abrupt halt to that night's intimate encounter, but only because he wanted to brutally murder the piece of filth that had dared touch his girl. He was certain that he could bring her around and actually it hadn't taken as long as he thought it could have; for that he was thankful. Snow might have seemed intimidating to some and stupid to others, but he was really neither. Those who knew him gave him all the credit he deserved, but Lightning hadn't been around him for years to know what kind of man he had turned out to be. Little did she know that when he was around her, he was hers.

When she awoke in his arms and twisted around to tactility examine his face, he maintained his sleeping facade, attempting to keep his surging heart at bay and his mouth from twitching into a smile. Her touch did the most interesting things to him, but most of all, it made him crave more, so when she ceased her caresses, he cracked an eye open. Biting his lip to stay quiet, he watched the back of her tilted head as she slowly and almost painfully, drew back the thin layer of cotton covering his manhood. Feeling almost embarrassed, he knew he was still agonizingly hard from thinking about her, and she was about to witness it. Feeling the cool air swirl around his newly exposed body, he saw her posture stiffen, and he slammed his eyelids shut hoping to not be discovered.

Deprived of his sense of sight, he could smell the sweet scent of her hair and skin as she crawled up his body, pressing slow languid kisses all over his upper torso. Her lips felt a bit rough when they ghosted over his skin and he smiled inwardly at the thought of the myriad of kisses they had shared drying them out. Short nails tickled his sides, sliding their way down his belly, looping around his navel, gliding ever lower.

When the silky pad of a single finger ran the entire length of his shaft, it took all that he had to not thrust against it to seek more and instead he stirred, feigning sleep, though allowing himself a small sound of pleasure. "...Light?"

Her head snapped to attention, dark lashes and shadow concealing her eyes as she drew her hands away from him.

The slivers of moonlight played in her black hair, her skin paling slightly beneath them and once again he was lost in the beauty of her. She could never understand what he saw when he looked at her. The most perfect of creatures, the most loved and treasured of all people; an innocent temptress who knew not what she did to him.

He felt warmness creep onto his cheeks, clearing his throat awkwardly. "You don't have to stop."

Her pink lips were the only part of her face that wasn't shadowed and he caught them twist in a playful smile, eliciting an interested twitch from his nether regions.

Creeping her delicate hand back towards his length, she continued to touch him in soft, slow caresses, driving him mad. When he thought he couldn't take anymore of her teasing, intended or not, he took her hand and wrapped it around his aching girth, though he knew he'd not be able to take much of that type of activity.

Watching her pump him experimentally a few times, the restrained thrusting of his hips and throaty murmurs heralded his sensual ascent. In a quick motion, her hands were free of his arousal and she straddled his hips, her hot slickness all but melted around him. Eyes screwed shut again, he gasped loudly at the new flood of sensation, clutching her backside to keep her still, but somehow she managed to rub against him.

Plunged into bliss over and over as Lightning sat astride him, she anointed him with her unique fragrance.

Shaking his head manically, Snow's breath came in ragged pants as he flipped her over onto her back. "I can't.. handle.. that." The rush of air between his legs cooled the scorching desire she'd left behind and he shuddered, desperately needing to regain control. With her, he didn't have to wonder how he'd lost it so quickly. The scent of her hung thick in the air around them, tempting him to bury himself within her without restraint, but somehow he kept a sliver of his composure.

Wrapping her limbs around him, she pulled him down to her to meet in a lingering kiss. Arching her back, she slyly drug herself over his shaft, coaxing another breathy moan from him.

Pinning her firmly against the bed, he held her gaze, fingers walking down past her glinting navel and into the sparse nest of curls between her legs. His lady was already sopping wet, but when he pressed a finger into her body, he realized she was no more loose than before.

Without another thought, all that drove him was the desire to have her join him at the very edge where he stood so that they may tumble into that fleeting sublime pleasure together.

Pushing irregularly into his hand, a variation of unabashed half-words and strangled sounds pleased his ears as he played with her. Sprinkling kisses over her chest, mouthing a nipple, suckling on the supple skin of her breasts, he dared to leave a tiny mark, as a candle would be lit in a cathedral; proof that he'd worshipped there.

"Snow... please."

At the sweet sound of his name, he looked up at her, slowing his motions.

Seeing the blatant need on her face spoke far louder than words ever could.

She had had enough, but was ready for more.

Without hesitation, he unwrapped her legs from around him, parting them fully with bent knees and slid a slick hand against the small of her back.

Only now did unsteady nervousness travel down his arm as he guided himself to her glistening entrance, watching her face as he slipped the very tip inside.

Unexpectedly, he met resistance. His eyebrows furrowed before his thoughts caught up to him, surprise crossing his face.

_So this is why she was so tight._

Lightning knew it too, but she hadn't told him. Honestly, after the shameful violation of her body in Nautilus she actually wondered if she could still be a virgin, but the pressure between her legs as he poked bluntly at her maidenhead confirmed that that part of her was still intact.

She never desired any other man's touch in her life. The only time she entertained thoughts like that had been when she was with him, and back then he was promised to another... but not anymore.

Lightning nodded resolutely.

Keeping himself barely inside, he leaned forward to distract her with a passionate kiss.

"Wait, wait! Stop!" she pleaded breathlessly, pushing her hands against his chest.

Snow snapped into complete awareness, checking his depth within her and where his hands and knees were to make sure he wasn't hurting her. "Light? What is it...?"

He watched her swallow tightly and look away from him, her face becoming unlined and smooth.

Maybe she wasn't ready.

"We can stop. It's ok if you're not ready." He said reassuringly.

"I _am_ ready. Just..."

Snow couldn't have been any more confused if he had been sitting in one of his high school physics classes. He _hated_ how unreadable she could become in an instant.

"I love you." She blurted out.

Snow raised an eyebrow.

"What...?" He had already accepted the fact that it may a long while before Lightning could say such a thing to him. It was a proven fact she wasn't very good with feelings, and he no longer wanted to wait, but by no means did he want her to say it to him just because he said it to her.

His expression shifted from confusion to understanding. "You don't have to say it just to make me happy..."

"I'm not, so just shut up!" she almost growled.

He carried out her command and shut his mouth.

Watching her pull herself up, she wrapped her arms around his broad chest. Once again she told him, but the words were nary a whisper.

Hugging her tightly to him for a long comfortable moment, he clenched his eyes shut, feeling as though he might burst with all sorts of nameless emotion.

They had so much time to do all sorts of things together; their futures and their lives would now be filled with and by one another, but right now Snow wanted to share himself with her. Hearing those words from her lips made him want to possess her and offer all of himself to her in return.

Laying her back down on the bed, he returned to her reciprocating lips, waiting to feel the slight tension drain from her. Once he felt her meld against him, he thrust firmly past the barrier, plunging into her waiting heat.

A small hiss of pain and sharp intake of breath into each other's mouths found them voluntarily still. He'd heard that the first time hurt, but of course he had no idea. He did know, although, that being inside her was almost the best thing he'd ever experienced.

Covering her face with quick, affectionate kisses, he whispered not formed words, but sounds intended to soothe.

Her hands skimmed over his skin, pressing into his backside requesting movement.

He obliged, holding no illusion that he could have done anything different.

Watching her face eagerly, Snow began slow but confident movements, every motion stretching her to accommodate his thickness. Pulling his head to hers, Lightning brought her open mouth against his, moaning what might have been his name, sensation overcoming her.

Snow had to fight to not get lost in the shared experience. He hadn't been expecting it or her to feel so_ good_. She was unbelievably tight around him as he tried to maintain some semblance of pace.

There had been the slightest bit of pain in the beginning, quickly being replaced with impossible pleasure as Snow moved inside of her. Unsure of what to do from her place below her blond lover, she rocked her hips against his, contributing to the mysterious but natural rhythm she had been entirely uneducated about this morning. Quickly, Lightning was on auto-pilot, at the mercy of blown senses and mania caused by his amazing heat between her legs.

Soon he picked up the pace, rolling his hips against hers, their flesh meeting noisily, suggestive sounds originating from their deep connection. Kneeling, he gripped her hips and pulled her forward to meet him firmly, watching her swollen breasts slide over her chest with every thrust.

No words were spoke, save her name from his lips and his from hers. Moaned in every octave possible, slowly, quickly, passionately, desperately. Sometimes syllables were slurred into a flat, breathless pant or a bodily grunt.

The last two days had been ones of reunion and of firsts; for both of them. It wasn't something he readily talked about with anyone. It had been a bit awkward to have to admit that he was in his mid-twenties and still a virgin. He had been given plenty of opportunities, but he'd taken none; instead stopping before 'sealing the deal'. He had experiences with other forms of pleasure, but he hadn't found anyone worth doing _this_ with. Maybe he was a little old fashioned, but he always thought that intercourse should be reserved for people that he loved... and he, without reservation or hesitation or doubt loved Lightning Farron.

Only recently the heady mix of that love, running together with lust and passion like a blood red shirt in with the white laundry, coloured everything he felt and saw. Though as amazing as everything was feeling, he refused to let himself climax before she did. Watching her writhe at the end of him would be his final undoing; she looked like she was very much enjoying herself, but she wasn't where he wanted her to be.

Pulling herself into his lap, she straddled him easily, working tirelessly, possessed as she demanded his lips lock with hers. He fondled her tight backside as they neared the sweet summit he wanted to plummet over in tandem.

"Light... I'm gonna... uh..." Snow panted a warning to his temptress. She had her legs locked tightly around him in ecstasy, not letting up. "Light...! Stop...!"

There wasn't enough sensation to and she pushed him down into the bed, not unlike how they began their tryst, keeping him inside of her.

And all Snow could do was hang on and try to keep from losing himself until he felt the tell-tale clench of her imminent orgasm.

Quickly she found a satisfying place to grind herself on, not keeping him waiting too long, although things weren't going according to his plan. He was desperate to release, but he didn't want to do it _inside_ of her. He honestly hadn't thought of an alternative plan if she got on top of him and he was unable to get out of her before the end.

"I don't wanna..." Snow groaned, his brain unable to form a complete sentence and his voice unwilling to carry it out. "...inside you..." The sensation was at a breaking point and quickly passing the point of no return; he'd have to get out _now_ or there would be no getting out.

"St...ay..." she breathed raggedly, never letting up on his body, twisting on him mindlessly, her fingertips digging into the hard muscle of his abdomen. His battle-hardened hands on her waist supported her weight above him as he added his own delirious collisions with her body to bring her along. Moaning into the empty luminous room, her hands gripped his sides, stopping suddenly. Quietly meeting his gaze for a split second before her voice shattered, she tossed her head back in a wild flourish of midnight black and silver waves.

Fighting to keep his eyes open to watch her succumb as she slipped over the edge, the rhythmic clamping of her around his aching, forcefully reined in manhood, sent him hurling off the precipice behind her.

Through clenched teeth, he growled lowly in his chest, feeling himself jerk and pulsate in her heat as she still cried out in rapture atop him.

Refusing to expel him from her body, she collapsed a trembling mess on her trusted lover, passion quelled for the time being.

* * *

Lightning had dreamt that night.

A record of her life; loves and losses, parents and friends, joys and sorrows being flashed in front of her slumbering eyes. Somehow she felt disconnected from it, like it wasn't her, as if she were witnessing someone else's life, but knew what would be around the next curve.

The only time she didn't feel like an outsider during the predictable memoir was when she saw his face. Snow Villiers; the man she hated once, then loved more than anything. She felt such peace when she looked at him.

She suspected it was the product of a big ego, but whenever she was anywhere near him she felt revered. Surpassing her wall of cold and aloofness, he treated her as a most beloved Goddess, her single blond subject honouring her with kisses and touches and soft words.

Then there was blood.

And his voice.

_I will find you._

Lightning's eyes snapped open to darkness.

Not moving, she only shifted her eyes to glance around under a heavy curtain of hair. She was face down in her pillow, posed somewhat immodestly, but sinfully comfortable. Parting the dark curtain, she looked around the room from her place in the cottony cloud, tantalizing scents floating past her nose, prompting her to forget all about the dream.

"And to hell with making the bed today." She declared to the empty room, seeing the black cloth on her bedside lamp.

Smiling impishly, she snatched it and draped it over her head, pushing her face farther into the pillow. Closing her eyes again, she heard Snow's deep voice carry from the kitchen. He could play the hell out of a piano, but he sure couldn't sing.

Snow was standing shirtless in the kitchen cracking eggs into a heated pan, humming lively. Flourishing and tossing utensils in the air, breaking into song as he caught them with pizazz, he was sure that he had never been so happy in all his life.

Lightning Farron, Claire, Averia, Light... perhaps soon the future Mrs. Villiers lay asleep in the next room. Pulling a black silk box out of his pocket, he went to the prepared table and turned her empty coffee mug over to conceal it and grinned, dusting his hands.

Last night had been amazing, and the last couple days had been more than he'd ever dare hope for. He had no idea what state he would find her in once he did, but now all his fears had dissipated. He had every confidence that he could shower her in his love and give her anything and everything she needed.

Snow was giddy, practically skipping around the kitchen like a little girl, but stopped in his tracks, noticing that Light was leaning in the doorway wearing nothing but his oversized t-shirt.

He stood stunned, unable to take his eyes from her wild hair and long silky legs. The same silky legs that had wrapped around his waist, galvanizing his resolve as he made love to her last night; the moon - and maybe her dog he realized - were the only witnesses. His gaze must have betrayed his more lust-driven thoughts, as she blushed and shifted her weight.

"Good morning..." he grinned, trying to look less predatory and more gentlemanly.

"I didn't know you cooked..." Lightning said casually, crossing the room to sit in front of her place-setting. She assumed it was where he intended for her to sit, due to the regularly used upside down coffee mug.

Snow returned to the stove, flipping the contents of the pan showingly, offering her a charismatic wink. "It appears there is a lot you don't know about me."

This brought some heat to her cheeks, remembering pointedly the way he had manipulated her body with various parts of his own. "I smell coffee..." she started weakly, looking around, reaching out to turn her mug right-side up.

"Wait!" shouted Snow, a little excitedly, the pan slamming down on the stove top. His interruption had its desired effect, as she stopped her reach and eyed him quizzically. "Let... me get that for you..."

_Ah hell! Shoulda known she'd want coffee. Under the coffee mug. How dumb can I be?_

Panicked, he wasn't sure what to do, but he couldn't turn back now. Instead of crossing the room to retrieve the coffee, he sat down stiffly across from her and began to speak.

"Hey... uh there's something I wanted to talk to you about..."

"Can I have some coffee first...?" she mumbled. Her mind wasn't sharp, still groggy after the late night activity. Raking a hand through her tousled hair, she yawned.

Not hearing her request, he plowed on, digging deeply for some courage. "In Nautilus... at that hotel. I saw that you signed my name in the registry..."

Lightning was glad that she wasn't looking at him, or else she would have had to divert her eyes. She muttered something under her breath, feeling utterly foolish that he had discovered that.

"What?" He noticed her uncomfortable posture.

"I never thought that you'd find out..." she admitted quietly. "I thought you were..."

Taking her hand in one of his own, he beckoned her downcast gaze with a soft hand under her chin.

She snorted stubbornly, trying to pull her chin away with a quick snap of her head, but he held her in place with a large thumb, shaking his head softly. "I didn't mean to embarrass you. I just ..." Snow was unsure of where the temporary surge of courage came from, but it was ebbing quickly. Pulse racing in his ear, he sat his hand over the bottom of the mug.

He took a deep breath and continued, unsure of what to say next. He had planned out a speech having to do with the name in the book and how he wanted to share that name with her indefinitely if she'd have him... but such words didn't surface. Maybe he felt they were too corny, he didn't know, but heroes didn't need plans anyway, right? He wanted to sound completely sincere, and no better way to do that than to speak from his heart, even if he bumbled and tripped over the words, she'd know they were honest.

"No matter where I was or what I was doing over these last years without you, I could only ever remember how you looked those nights that you allowed me a glimpse of who you really were."

With a quivering hand, he lifted the painted ceramic cup and sat it aside, taking the black box in hand. Opening the tiny case to quickly discard it, he removed a shimmering adornment. The facets of crystal shattered the afternoon rays of light, refracting rainbow glints all over her face as she leaned in to examine the item in his cupped hands. Looking closer at the oddly shaped piece of beauty, she came to realize it was not oddly shaped at all; in fact it was just the opposite. It was perfectly shaped, for encased in the cool layer of crystal was the familiar flower of their past.

"I found this one..." he said absently, not considering it to be important now where it came from. It had found its way back to the woman it should be with.

"Averia..." She whispered, spellbound.

Picking it up in his thick fingers, he took his time securing it in her charcoal hair, exactly where he had placed it after she hadsaved his life.

How exactly he could have procured such an item ran through her mind. She had an old, now dry blossom pressed in the pages of a precious book, but this most certainly was not the same one. The other flower she had risked life and limb for had disappeared shortly after it had been plucked. She thought she'd lost it and was sad about it. Those little silver flowers had meant so much and yet like everything in her life she cared about, she lost it. Surely this had to be the same one, but she didn't know how it managed to find its way into his hands, and now back into her hair.

"Is that what it's called?" Snow traced down her softened jawline thoughtfully. "Where have I heard that before...?"

"That's the name I used after I came back to work for Amodar..." She closed her eyes, leaning into his touch.

"...When you didn't want to be found..." sighed Snow, feeling another stab of long-delayed remorse. So many things would be different right now if he had found her standing in the kitchen instead of Serah and Maqui after his resurrection.

Another surge of impassioned courage welled within him. He would ask her now; he wouldn't wait. "I don't want to ever be without you again!"

Her eyes fluttered open as he grasped her hands urgently, searching his face.

"Light. Will you -"

An urgent knock came from the front of the house, and Lightning looked towards the sound, her face creasing with an old concern.

She knew this day would come, she just wasn't sure when. Lightning knew there could only be one person who waited for her on the other side of the door.

And yet, what about the man in front of her?

Snow cursed quietly under his breath as his lover stood. He'd had enough of interruptions. "Don't go..." he almost pleaded, grabbing her hand, his stomach flipped strangely. The gentleness he'd come to admire over the last couple days disappeared, replaced with what he was sure to be her famous facade.

"I gotta get that. It's probably work." She lied to his face. She also had a feeling things weren't going to end well for Hope.

In a rare gesture, she bent and placed a lingering kiss against his forehead. "I won't be long."

Once out of sight, she strode with furious intent towards the front door and flung it open.

Before her stood the usual suspect; young Hope Estheim.


	16. Finality

_A/N: I apologize for not getting this out in my usual more-or-less timely manner. I honestly had a hard time writing it... and if I'm being honest, tears were shed in the creation of this chapter! _

_Please enjoy it this, the final chapter of Misdirection. If it pleases you, let me know your thoughts._

* * *

With a gentle kiss pressed to his forehead, she spoke confidently. "I won't be long."

Snow watched Lightning leave the kitchen with long purposeful strides, dumbfounded.

"Worst timing ever..." he muttered picking up her coffee mug, toting it over to the well used coffee carafe to fill it. He knew Lightning _must_ have been dedicated to her work if she was going to get up in the middle of a_ proposal _of all things. Replacing the mug at her spot at the table, he went back to the stove to serve the table before anything got any colder than it already was.

Having dished out the food, he sat down alone in front of his lovingly prepared breakfast, pushing his fork around the plate, not wanting to eat anything before she returned. The silk box that had once contained the jewelled averia sat empty and open on the table. He picked it up in his hand, opening and closing it mechanically.

His nerves were shot. He hadn't been this nervous about asking Serah to marry him, but Lightning had been an ordeal. He hadn't been planning on popping the question originally and was just going to offer the token as a symbol of his enduring affection, but he made the last minute change only this morning. He just didn't want to waste a single moment this time. Even if she said no, that wouldn't have changed his plan of loving her for the rest of his life, but it would have been more than he could have ever hoped for if she had said yes.

Snapping the box shut once more, he placed it back on the table.

Standing a bit frustratedly, he trudged into the bedroom to grab a shirt just in case her conversation was brought inside. It was odd though that she had gone to answer the knock wearing _only_ the t-shirt he himself had been sporting yesterday.

She had almost seemed a bit anxious about it too.

Once in the bedroom, he saw his old bandana sprawled out over her pillow. A smile returning to his face, he crossed the room and picked it up, raising it to his nose. Taking a deep breath, her comforting scent soothed his mind of worries and tension. Once again that romantic in him made him consider how wonderful it would be if he could feel this way for the rest of his life.

"Exactly who do you think you are?" shouted Lightning from outside.

Concerned at the tone of his love's voice, he looked out the long windows of her bedroom. Through them, he could see Lightning standing there in his shirt and Hope Estheim standing across from her.

_Ah hell._

Stuffing the memento inside of his pocket, he made for the front door. Lightning was coiled dangerously, but Snow knew the kid had it coming... sooner or later. Either way, he wanted to be out there to help her in any way he could, and maybe prevent her from ending Hope out of the rage she was radiating.

Opening the door to the front, Snow jumped down the short set of stairs but stopped dead with a surprised gasp when he witnessed Lightning backhand the tall boy, sending him staggering back.

_...or maybe she's got this._ He grinned inwardly. Snow felt bad for Hope to be on the wrong side of Lightning's temper, but he'd incurred her wrath and now he had to deal with it. After all, the blond had been there many times.

Snow was still angry at the kid too, but he thought Lightning was more than capable of conveying their mutual anger.

"What the hell is_ he_ doing here?" snarled Hope, regaining his footing, but not taking his squinted eyes off his former mentor.

Snow slowly approached Lightning's side, staying quiet, not taking his eyes off the kid either. Something about Hope's glare made his hair stand on end.

"That's none of your business, Hope." Lightning replied coolly.

A look of disgust came over Hope's face as his gaze shifted from her half clothed body to Snow's bare chest. Hope's youthful face turned red with anger. "How could you, Snow? I told you that I..."

"How could _I?" _ Snow shook his head, unable to stay silent. His deep voice resonated in the tension filled distance between them. "And what did you think was going to happen when she found out that I wasn't dead? How long were you going to pretend? Do you have any idea how much Light was hurting?"

Referring to Lightning's feelings and sadness made him feel intensely protective, but he refrained from reaching out a hand to her. She didn't need any help from him right now, and he didn't want to overstep his boundaries.

"I..." Hope faltered. "I didn't think about all that." In spite of his uncertain words he recovered, his tone growing bold. "But if she loved _me_ then she'd forget all about _you_!"

"You can't have a relationship founded on _lies_! You're not stupid, Hope. You knew Snow and I had something together, but instead of either helping or leaving well enough alone, you chose to take advantage of the circumstances and betrayed us both." She gritted her teeth. "I thought you were _better_ than that."

When Hope spoke to Lightning the edge left his voice. "But Snow had Serah! _I_ was the one that was supposed to love you forever, Light." His eyes pleaded, reflecting the naive fantasies they once held. "You were supposed to have come with me when I came for you..."

Her features took a fleeting reprieve from anger to crease in unbelieving understanding before her temper took over once again. She took a heavy step towards the green eyed boy.

"You fucking _knew_ he'd be there in Leámonde." She seethed, her voice growing louder with each word as she descended upon him. He could see her muscles quiver as she clenched her fists. "That's why you wanted me to go with you...!"

Snow sidestepped in front of his lover, his back to the offender, attempting to stop her with his outstretched hands. More than wanting to protect Hope from Lightning, he wanted to protect Lightning from herself. If she did something to Hope, she'd most likely regret it, no matter what had transpired between them. After all, he _was_ just a kid; albeit a conniving and manipulative kid, but a kid nonetheless.

"Light... It's ok." Snow spoke low enough that only she could hear him.

"No, it's _not! _But it will be once I pulverize him..." she growled as she tried to move Snow with her body, forcing him to plant his bare feet in the ground to hold her back. She needed to cool down. The honeysuckle scent of her hair kept his mind on the goal of keeping her safe.

"Light. It's not worth it. We're together now. Let's just move on." appealed Snow quietly, putting his hands on her shoulders, pressing his fingertips affectionately into her cotton covered flesh.

"But he _knew_ you were alive." The fierce ice in her blue eyes melted as she lost herself in his warm ones. From the day he met the beautiful and intense Lightning Farron, he never thought that he would ever be the person who could temper her. He was sure that she had hated him when they met, but things were very different now.

Her once angry voice turned to a whisper. "How much time did we waste because of him...?"

He caressed her cheek lovingly with the back of his hand, sliding his fingers into her hair, smiling down at her. "We have all the time in the world now -"

"I'm still here Snow, you bastard. Don't touch her like that in front of me!" screamed Hope, his voice cracking with emotion.

Snow scowled slightly as Lightning took her attention away from him, and looked at the unwelcome interloper. Lightning's eyes grew wide and she threw her weight into Snow's side, pivoting them around quickly, Lightning's back now to Hope. They groaned together in agony as a blinding burst of light enveloped the pair, throwing Lightning's body forward into her lover's. The light and inertia of her slamming against him had been accompanied by a ripping pain spanning his belly. As the light dissipated, he looked down at Lightning who was staring at his bloody stomach; the wound oozing crimson. It didn't feel awful, and he could breathe unfettered, but Lightning was doused in his blood as well.

_So much blood..._

His gaze fell on Hope when he gasped in shock. Lightning was touching Snow's bare torso experimentally, her eyes trained on it, black hair obscuring her face. "It's ok. I'll live..." Assured Snow, taking her soiled hands in his for a moment. They were rigid, but he gave them a quick squeeze before freeing them.

_But now I'm pissed._

Beginning his own descent on the teenager, Hope backed away from him. The kid needed to be dealt with. "No! Stop! Stay away from me, Snow!" Hope warned, his voice shaky. Raising his arms against the coming onslaught, Snow saw the haunting red and black brand of the l'Cie on Hope's thin wrist glowing ominously.

"What the _hell_ was that, Hope? You could have hurt Light...!"

Another light blinded him, stopping the giant of a man in his tracks. Pain ripped through him again, daring to bring him to his knees. He pressed on stubbornly, barely affected through the anger, but soon was reduced to a stagger while enduring one soul shredding bolt after the other before he got within arms-reach of the kid.

The second Snow was within arms reach of Hope's face, he swung a devastating fist towards the boy, connecting with his cheek to feel the bone crack under the impact, sending Hope flying backwards to land some feet behind his original position. Snow bent down and picked up the lanky male by the bloodied scruff of his neck and prepared another blow. Hope's face was already swollen; nose and lips coated in his rapidly clotting blood.

He sputtered, expelling red tinged spittle from his throat, as Snow held him easily off his feet with one large hand. "Li...ght..." Hope choked out, sounding panicked. Snow raised an eyebrow, as he hadn't said anything in the way of his own self preservation, and just her name alone wasn't going to save him from Snow's wrath.

No.

There was something else.

Some sort of terror in his eyes as they shifted to where Snow had left Lightning only moments ago. "I... didn't mean to..." The silver-haired teenager began to choke as tears gathered in his eyes. "...acc...i...dent..."

Snow followed the slight turn of Hope's head just as Lightning's knees gave out underneath her, collapsing in near slow motion.

Dropping Hope unceremoniously into a crumpled heap, Snow dashed back to Lightning as quick as he could, his body screaming in pain, every nerve over-stimulated and raw due to the repeated attacks. Reaching her before she hit the ground, he let her softly fall into him.

"Light?" he breathed, dropping to his knees with her in his protective arms.

Her face was deathly pale; skin damp and clammy. His shirt she wore had a tattered blood soaked hole in it just below her ribcage. Her brows were knit together, the pain was tight on her face as her body trembled stiffly with shock and spasms. She could barely breathe let alone talk, but her lips parted and she managed to stutter his name.

It didn't take long before he realized the dire alarm of the situation.

_No... This can't be happening..._

"Shh, Light." Snow laid her on the grass and pushed his hands inside the hole, ripping it open to expose her abdomen. He choked down a gasp of dread as he saw the way Hope's first attack had ravaged her body.

Blackened flesh surrounded a bloody, gaping hole in her the size of his fist. When she pivoted around to thrust herself in front of the big blond to take the brunt of Hope's destructive rage, the lightning strike had filtered through her body before it reached him.

"I-it's... b-bad... isn't it...?"

He tried to cap off the drowning fright in his chest before looking at her.

"Naw. You'll be ok." he smiled down into her face, hoisting her against him. Her eyes rolled back and forth; disoriented as her eyelids fluttered, fighting to stay open. Not wanting to take his watchful eye off her for a second, he reluctantly glanced to see where Hope was.

Sprawled on the ground where he landed, he could hear Hope cough and spit. He called out Hope's name, dazed and in shock. Lightning needed immediate attention if she was to have any chance at all but first and foremost, he had to stop the bleeding in order to move her.

"Snow..." sputtered Lightning. He looked down at her, forgetting all about the young man. "F-forgive him. I know what he's d-done – what he _did_ is t-terrible... b-but he's just a k-kid."

Just like her to forgive that boy – no that _man_; the same one who might have very well snuffed out her flame of life with a single burst of uncontrolled anger. She didn't have to forgive him, but he understood why she would want to now. He would have never told her but if he was destined to lose her at Hope's hand, he wasn't sure he could carry out a request for his forgiveness.

Of all the things that Hope could have done... he _had_ to take away the one thing that meant everything to Snow. He would have taken any punishment that Hope wanted to hand out; he could break all his bones, or drag his name through the mud even try to turn Lightning against him but as long as at the end he and Lightning were still alive he'd pursue her relentlessly and demonstrate his love for her at every given opportunity.

But now all that felt impossible.

He was choked up; his throat barely able to let him swallow against the tears that welled in his eyes. Snow planned to grow old with this woman and never thought that either of their deaths would arrive so soon.

After the first attack, he had initially thought that she was covered in his blood, but the sad reality was that _he_ had been soaked in _hers_. Her blood on his hands was the one thing he never gave a thought to... but it had come to pass.

"Shhh. Save your strength. You'll need it for when we get you to Leámonde."

"Leá...monde...? I-I won't make i-it t-there." She was shivering.

"Yes, you will. You'll make it and you'll get better and then we'll do whatever you want."

"No!" she coughed, gripping his hand.

"Whaddya mean, 'no'?"

"I want to die here. This is my home."

"Dammit, Light..."

She smiled slightly, the crimson lining her lips made Snow's stomach lurch with undesired knowledge. Even though he didn't want to admit it... she was right; somehow they both knew she wouldn't make it to the city.

"Snow..." She took as deep a breath as she could, fresh blood pouring unhindered from the wound, a grimace creased her fine features. "I... was going to say yes."

That's right. He was going to ask her to marry him. He had expected her to slug him or laugh at him or at the very least refuse him. But now as she lay dying in his arms, his body stained with the life that trickled out of her uncontrollably, he chuckled, trying to hide the heartbreak her words, never to be realized, caused within him.

Fresh tears stung his eyes. "You sure you want to marry some moron like me?"

She only nodded gently, unable to reply.

Touching his forehead to hers, he tried again to push a grin onto his lips, but his chin quivered and his eyes began to run. His tears dripped onto her ashen cheeks and he shook his head, warm droplets flying in every direction.

Snow propped her up against him to free both his hands, one around the back of her head, stroking her adorned temple, the other across her chest, holding onto her shoulder securely. Lightning began to tug weakly at something sticking out of his pocket. Looking down, he whipped the black piece of cotton out of his pocket and held it against her palm, lacing his fingers with hers, to trap it in the middle of their grasp.

Had they really come all this way just to say good-bye now?

"I will find you... wherever you go, Light." His throat constricted again. He didn't know what would be next for her, but he could do so little for her now... it was out of his hands.

This time there would be no finding her in this world. There would be no call, he'd never hear her voice again, he'd never touch her skin; never find solace within her, against her. She would be gone forever and he didn't know if he could handle that. He had no idea how she managed to survive the last four years thinking he was dead... for he believed with a cold certainty that he would be unable to live without her.

He bent to place a kiss against her forehead.

"I wish we had more time." She remarked with an unusual note of emotion in her voice. He'd only heard her genuine voice as many times as they had days together, and always during the times when they were the most intimate. It was like she saved the most beautiful; the most honest notes for him, but now it almost ripped out his tattered heart and he would have done anything to turn back time in order to never hear that note of sad honesty this day; this minute from the woman he loved more than life itself.

Snow brushed darkened tendrils of hair from her face, never taking his fingers off her cool skin, knowing that he was now experiencing the same loss that she had years ago. He had tried to keep the thought from his mind, but he could think of nothing else as she slipped away from him.

Every breath was difficult for her and the vibrations that wracked her body could be felt by her fair sentinel.

She offered him a brave smile that he fought to return.

_She is not long for this world._ A voice in his head forewarned.

With great difficulty, she raised her hand to caress his stubbly cheek which he quickly engulfed in his own. There was so much that she wanted to say to him... so many things... if she only had more time. It was impossible to sum up her feelings with the few words that remained for her, but she couldn't leave him with nothing when he deserved everything. "Thank you... for loving me"

Emotion swelled within him again. The words she spoke were coated in thick finality. "I never had a choice but to love you." He replied honestly. "My heart has been yours from the moment I saw you on the beach that day in Bodhum. You've been the only one."

She remembered that day.

The corner of her mouth turned up slightly, and tears now flowed freely from her eyes, distorting her vision. Why did he have to say such sweet things? Such things made her want to cling to him until she was healed and even past then to spend forever by his side. Not long ago had she longed for death and now that it was upon her, she simply longed for life.

No one knows the circumstances in which they will pass into whatever awaits them after life ebbs into darkness, and no one knows when, but for Lightning her life had been one cruel joke; one sadistic moment after the other. Now that she had found love and a reason to live, fate found it appropriate to tear her away from all of it.

It was nothing more than she deserved she supposed.

Maybe her sins would never be forgiven. Afterall, she felt that their union had been one born in shadow, something secret and ill-fated, and now things would come full circle. They had been doomed from the beginning but even though she knew that, there was no way Lightning could ever come to regret anything that happened between them. Fate could take her body; something beyond that repossess her soul, but their memory would live on as long as he did.

...Still so much to say that would never be said.

It was then Snow remembered Hope. If his old l'Cie powers had lingered, or returned, surely he'd be able to save Lightning's life!

Looking at the gangly kid quietly slouched over his knees, he called again for him. "Come and heal her, Hope! You have l'Cie powers, don't you?"

"I can't..." He saw Hope's head shake slowly; sadly. "not... anymore."

_But why...?_

Never in all his life did he ever feel ripped apart inside like he did right now. He'd felt useless before, but nothing ever like this. There was no anger, no rage. There was only a choking desperation that squeezed the breath from his lungs. Still stroking her hairline, Interceptor came to his master's side, pushing his muzzle against her bare and bloodied thigh. She moved her hand to rest on his curly head, her eyes never leaving Snow's as her breath became more shallow with every draw. He stared at her precious face, mouth open slightly, as her last exhale slipped from between those most beloved lips.

Snow watched as the delicate hand that had been resting on her faithful companion's head slipped off and meet the sullied grass soundlessly.

Just like that she was gone.

He looked at her sadly, her eyes still slightly open but dull and vacant. Brushing his fingertips over her lids, he helped closed her eyes for the last time and pressing his lips to hers he claimed a final kiss.

With that, he now he would be forever left to wander the world alone.

Clutching her cold body in his arms, he buried his head in her hair and sobbed silently. There was nothing else he could do.

What had she done when he had died? Had her heart felt as heavy and as empty as his did now; was her chest tight and did she feel sick to her stomach? Had she heard her own choked sobs in her pulse-pounding ears? Had she cried for him... and did she want to die without him?

The sound of uneven footsteps halting in front of him prompted Snow to raise his head. Snow looked up at the injured kid from his sunken seat in the red tinted grass and blinked. "Could you have saved her...?" he whispered, turning his gaze away, stroking her hair.

A bloodied and hunched Hope brandished a familiar dagger down in Snow's face. For a moment he hoped that maybe his old friend would just put him out of his misery, but Hope turned the blade around and offered the handle to Snow instead.

"Kill me." he requested with a broken voice. "I don't want to live."

Snow's heart was seized anew, and all he could do was stare at the blade. It was the same survival blade that Lightning had given to Hope many years ago when he had wished to end Snow's existence out of anger and misunderstanding. Hope had been such a sweet kid back then, full of promise and potential...

Hope's face turned hard. "Do it, Snow!" he shouted, shocking Snow out of his reverie.

"I won't." Snow said firmly, turning his eyes to the glinting crystal flower lodged in his love's hair, tears still finding their way out of his eyes.

"I _killed_ her, Snow!" proclaimed Hope, fighting back his own tears. "I killed Light. Take your revenge and kill me!"

Snow just sat there and shook his head, emotion weighing his body down as well as the injuries he'd sustained at Hope's hands. His eyes stung and his stomach churned. For the first time he noticed not the scent of her honeysuckle hair or the paleness of her skin, but the sickening smell of her charred flesh.

He didn't want to let go of the empty shell that had once been Lightning Farron. The woman who he adored; the woman who he'd been blissfully inside of not half a day ago. He'd given himself to her and she'd not truly known that she had been his only one. Had he been given the chance, she would have known that he wanted it to stay that way, but he'd not been given the opportunity to admit that very personal and somewhat embarrassing tidbit of information before these devastating events transpired. The once pink haired ill-tempered girl had turned into a most amazing woman, but he always knew she was the only one for him.

Had he been given the chance he would have made her happy. He was sure of it.

_Thank you for loving me._

These words had given him hope that maybe he had been able to make her happy in a small way, but he doubted that could ever be enough for him. Now that he had a taste of the nirvana she had brought him, he had no idea if he would be strong enough to go back to his lonesome life.

Laying her down flat on the grass, he wrapped the bandana around her hand, kissing the knot he tied in her palm.

Hope shoved Snow to the ground and screamed something at him, causing the blond to look up from his place on the stained grass, bewildered. Everything was becoming harder to focus on as he looked up at his young friend against the bright rays of sun. Hope's lips were moving, but the only thing that Snow could hear was the near-silent breeze through the trees and the rustling of leaves and the sounds of singing birds in the distance,as if nothing had happened. Didn't they know it was the the end of the world...?

Hope knelt before him, a thin hand sliding under Snow's chin as his head was forced forward, snapping him out of his peaceful disorientation.

Green eyes met blue and the kid's voice was very clear as it cut into Snow's soul.

"Kill me."

Snow inhaled deeply, holding Hope's gaze for a long moment. "She told me to forgive you... but..." he paused, staring Hope down. The older man's voice was very calm; almost too calm, his gaze scornful. "I want you to live with what you've done."

Hope looked hurt for a moment. Snow had never looked at anyone like with such distaste before and it seemed to take him aback, but soon he composed himself. Standing, Hope turned the blade on himself, training the blade over his heart. "Then I'll do it myself."

Snow's eyes widened in shock as he leapt to his feet, desperately reaching for Hope's arm. As he gripped it, Snow fought to stop Hope from carrying out his intentions. Sluggishness made his movements clumsy and the two tumbled to the ground in a flurry of tangled limbs.

Landing on top of and pinning Hope, the boy's eyes widened in surprise as they both lost their breath. A great puff of air from Snow's lungs was forced out by something pushing obstinately against his chest.

Snow rolled off the lithe boy and rubbed his face, gasping to return oxygen to his body, checking his chest for fresh wounds.

He found nothing other than the shared smeared blood on his torso, but could hear slight gasps from one who couldn't seem to catch his breath.

Quickly checking on his young friend, his eyes met with tragedy.

The horrific sight of the handle of Lightning's old knife jutting out of Hope's chest brought an overwhelming swell of nausea, and he jerked his head away from the scene, gagging and dry heaving behind him.

Fighting against the incessant tossing of his innards, Snow was finally able to return to Hope's body on his hands and knees. Hope had been stuck by the weapon during their struggle. Salty tears cut clean lines through the blood caked to his face; his jaded eyes were pools of terrified regret. Scared out of his wits, his breath was lost to him and quickly the eerie stillness of his chest and body was indication enough that he too was gone.

Overcome with lethargy and loss, Snow's body began to shut down. Trauma took its toll as his own eyes became heavy, his limbs becoming impossible to move, but somehow he crawled to Lightning's body, reaching his hands out in front of him to take hers wrapped in the bandana before blackness overtook him.

* * *

"It looks like we'll be able to stabilize him, but it's a good thing he's such a big boy..."

"..."

Snow heard voices around him speaking, but he couldn't manage to open his eyes yet. His body felt so heavy and warm and soon he slipped back into darkness.

"...I don't know. He keeps muttering a name in his sleep..."

"..."

Words and voices, the sounds of quiet curiosity and pity swirled around him as he dipped in and out of consciousness.

"...but he's lucky to be alive. They say that lightning doesn't strike the same place twice, but from the looks of him and the extent of the damage it looks like he got hit half a dozen times..."

"..."

_Lightning..._

"He should be coming around soon..."

"..."

The world came into focus as he opened his weary eyes, blinking slowly to clear the glaze from his disused sight.

A face twisted with interested concern pushed its way into his field of view. It was Colonel Amodar.

Obviously, and much to his own dismay, Snow was alive.

"Villiers! You're finally awake!"

Snow frowned, turning his head away towards the window. His neck ached as he moved and was quickly aware of every pain and stiffened muscle in his body. Amodar moved away from the bed and sat down in a chair by the door.

He tried to keep his mind blank, tried desperately to not think about anything; or anyone... or why he was in the hospital and not by her side. But if he wasn't going to think about her, what else would he think about?

What else was there but her?

Maybe it had all been just a bad dream and if he didn't recall the details... maybe that would mean it didn't actually happen.

There was no such luck in store for him and not long after Snow woke, as the cobwebs in his head were beginning to clear, Amodar had him shuffling in a hospital gown down a drab, drafty corridor.

"They need you to identify the two you were found with."

_The two... bodies._

Snow sighed as reality came rushing back around him and swallowed tightly. They walked silently side by side until they came to a stop in front of a set of double doors. Amodar opened them and ushered the taller man in first.

The room they entered was cold and two bodies lay covered, each on their own icy steel tables.

He wished he'd never ever have to see a place like this ever again.

His bare feet were stuck to the floor out of fear and apprehension for what was about to come. No longer could he fight back the recollection of what happened a short time ago, his memory now sharp and painfully complete. He knew even without looking which empty faces waited to be uncovered; to be given names. Taking a deep breath to steady himself, his heart yearned for her quiet strength to help him through this time.

But forever his yearnings and pleas for help and warmth would remain unanswered.

Snow would never understand what grievous injury he caused to anyone that the instant his love was realized it was snatched away from him. What did he ever do to anyone to deserve this? What did _she_ ever do?

It wasn't fair.

Life wasn't fair.

If it had to be one or the other, Snow wished it could have been him.

"Villiers. What the hell happened out there?"

Of course Amodar didn't know. How could he have? No one knew except for him. Afterall, these empty flesh vessels would tell no stories; reveal no secrets.

Snow didn't answer the question posed, prompted by the look of sadness etched upon his features.

Instead, he took short strides to the taller of the two bodies and drew back the sheet to expose the dull silver hair and young, smooth features of his one time fraternal brother. He swallowed tightly as he gazed upon Hope's face. The blood had be cleansed and Hope looked at peace.

Snow had wanted Hope to live. He wanted Hope to feel even a sliver of the pain that Snow felt; wanted Hope to be haunted by what he'd done to the woman they loved. The kid had brought ruin upon him in the worst way imaginable. One day he'd been flying higher than he'd ever been in his life and the next he was standing in a veritable tomb with his cherished consort beside him less a soul and the blush of life. Pulling the sheet down a little farther, Snow took Hope's thin wrist in his hand and examined the mark of the l'Cie.

From behind him, he heard the sharp intake of Amodar's breath as he witnessed the unveiling of the now white and useless looking brand. It looked just like Fang's had all those years ago.

"A _l'Cie_?"

Snow nodded, staring.

"What was his focus?"

Only the shock-induced numbness in his heart for the boy he loved as though they shared the same blood allowed him to speak.

"I don't know. I had no idea he had even been branded..." Snow muttered. "I mean... I had my suspicions..."

_But things happened so fast after that. _

Replacing the boy's arm at his side, Snow ran his hands over his face, through his messy hair and sighed.

_Why didn't he tell me? Did he hate me that much? He wasn't alone... he was never alone._

"I don't know why he didn't tell anyone..."

With one last glance at the once scared and twisted, but now peaceful face, Snow returned the cover to Hope's body and turned hesitantly to the table behind him.

Reaching a hand down to grasp the white sheet that covered her, his hand stilled.

He closed his eyes, stopping himself from drawing it back from her countenance, simply unable and unwilling to gaze upon her corpse. Snow wanted to remember her alive and beautiful and feisty... not _dead_. Looking at her unresponsive expression wasn't the only way to identify her. Sliding his hand under the cool cloth that covered her body, he searched out the unique gash on her side that would have, once-upon-a-time, made her quiver with anticipation and made him want more.

Now the marked flesh under his fingertips only made him want to weep, but he couldn't take his hand off her body as his warmth seeped into her.

The only thing he'd ever wanted to do was to take care of her and keep her safe. With her in his arms, everything felt right. The world stilled, the unknown wasn't scary and there wasn't a speck of darkness within his heart, but now there was nothing but black emptiness.

And it hurt more than any physical wound he'd ever endured.

"We..." Snow started weakly, clearing his throat, the sound deafening in the silence.

Amodar laid a hand on his large shoulder. "It's ok. Lets go get you discharged."

Snow shook his head lightly. "Can I... just... have a minute?"

Amodar nodded. "Of course. I'll be outside."

When the doors closed behind him, returning darkness to the chilly room, Snow clutched the side of the table where Lightning Farron lay stone dead, sinking to his knees.

And he wept.

* * *

Sleep wouldn't come, nor did he want it to. He didn't want to see what his dreams had in store for him. He was sure he'd be made to relive the recent past and he felt if he had been made to do that he'd surely go insane.

It had only been a day since he had been let out of the hospital with a good prognosis for a full recovery.

His body would recover, but the rest of him felt dead.

Without the chance of hope or light being restored in his heart, he was lost.

He'd dressed in the suit he wore the first day he'd be reunited with her; the little crystal flower tucked into the hole of his lapel. It was a little rumpled but it was almost a comfort to wear it.

Snow stared blankly out the window of Amodar's office while the Colonel made a few calls and scribbled on some related paperwork.

He'd probably wear it for her service too...

A knock came at the door.

"Come in."

He didn't look at the door as it opened, barely noting the footfalls as someone entered or the click from the latch as it closed behind the visitor.

"Ah! Zack! Thanks for stopping by." said Amodar amiably.

_Zack..._

With a flat gaze Snow turned to look at the tall man with black spiky hair. He recognized him from time gone by and references from _her_. It was Lightning's companion he'd seen at the club back then. He tried to remember what she had said his name was, but his memory failed him.

They looked at each other curiously, but Zack was the first to offer his hand in greeting.

"Zack Fair."

Standing rigidly, Snow took the calloused hand and shook it firmly. "Snow Villiers."

The dark haired man's mouth opened slightly as though he was surprised.

"That's who I _thought_ you were." he said with a pained look in his unusually bright eyes. Zack looked away and released the blond's hand as Amodar spoke.

"Zack was sent by the courier company to track down Hope Esthiem due to his absences over the past few days. He's the one that found you three."

Zack nodded in somber agreement, watching Snow carefully from the corner of his eye.

Amodar made some small talk with the newest occupant of the room, shuffling things around on his desk.

Sitting back down, Snow couldn't take his eyes off the tall man. This had been the man that kept Lightning company for so long in his own absence.

He couldn't help but feel he owed this man a great debt, but at the same time he felt envious that this Zack Fair had got to spend so much more time with the object of his affection than he did.

When Lightning had spoke of him, she did so in a warm way; much like she did when she talked about Serah or old friends. She'd had a bond with this man, and now Snow couldn't help but wonder what Lightning's fate would have been were he not in the picture. If fate had never set him on the path to Leámonde and it had been Yuj who had attended the briefing just a few short days ago, Lightning would still be alive.

Perhaps one day in the future they would have met up. Maybe not long from now. Perhaps Yuj would have been the one to give her the news that Snow lived and perhaps she would have went back to Bodhum in search of him. If he had found out first where she was, he would have sought her out. It would have happened eventually. He was sure of it.

And as that path was tread... _this_ path wouldn't have come to pass.

Amodar finally found the paperwork he was searching for and set it down on the end of his desk with a pen. "Just need your signature here if you wouldn't mind, Zack..." He pointed out an empty signature line. The black haired man pressed pen to paper and Amodar pointed out another to sign. "And here." Another signature.

"That's all then?" asked Zack, dropping the pen in a holder on the Colonel's desk.

"Yeah, that should just about do it." nodded Amodar, gathering the freshly marked paper and sticking it in a file.

Zack stood and nodded to the two men, turning back towards the door.

"Oh. I almost forgot." He reached in his jacket pocket and pulled out a small letter with Lightning's name neatly scrawled on the front. "I guess I should give this to you. I found it in Hope's locker at work." He offered the otherwise unblemished envelope to Snow.

The blond stared at it for a moment, hesitating, staring at the name written in his young friend's neat hand. The thought of the letter piqued his interest, but it really wasn't any of his business what it said inside. It wasn't addressed to him. It was addressed to the woman the sender loved and adored and as such probably contained thoughts and feelings he wasn't privy to.

Finally Snow took the envelope and tucked it away in a file folder that sat on his big lap.

With the missive delivered, Zack once again turned to leave. As Snow watched him leave, it felt as though he was watching _her_ leave. Not physically of course, but within that man resided memories of Lightning that would be lost when the dark-haired man left the office. He thought that maybe if he could just talk about Lightning with someone else who knew her that maybe he'd be able to feel less empty.

He clenched his fist, but his voice was strained and weak. "Zack."

"Hmm?" With a hand on the door knob, he looked back as Snow spoke his name.

He didn't know what to say. He hadn't thought this through before he'd spoke.

_Typical._

All he knew is that he didn't want to let Zack leave before he'd gotten a chance to speak her name a few times with someone who shared even a bit of his sorrow.

With an understanding smile, Zack took over. "Wanna go grab something to eat?"

Snow nodded mutely, blinking back fresh tears as he looked down at the crystal flower on his chest before thankfully busying himself with the folder on his lap.

Standing, he followed his comrade in mourning out of the office and into the cool marble hallway.

Maybe Zack wanted to talk about her as well. It sounded that they had meant something to one another and Snow took comfort that even though he wasn't the one who provided it, she had found some measure of happiness before this storm blew in.

The sweetest, most fleeting days and nights of his life lead into an unending twilight without her.

And in that dark verdict; his sentence of life without pardon, he wondered if he would ever give in to the misery in his mind; the sombre tunnel of limbo he would have to tread somewhere between life and death while his decision fell at the whim of how many times he recalled her memory.

Never could he see beyond a day; but somehow he was always comfortable hoping that one day soon might be his last.

Although, he was sure that the fates would see to it that he lived a long and inconsolable life.

In spite of that belief, Snow would wait patiently until he was relieved of his fleshy prison and was free to search for her again.

He would find her no matter how many times she was stolen from him.

He would always be hers.

* * *

_P.S. - Because some people don't/won't check my profile page for regular updates, I'll let everyone know now that there *will* be an Epilogue (which technically isn't a *chapter* per se...) Heh._


	17. Epilogue

~ Epilogue ~

* * *

A warm late summer breeze swirled lazily throughout the house. The sun's bright rays streamed into the kitchen where Snow sat at the old table, holding a slightly rumpled piece of paper.

In spite of the news he had received in the form of the paper in his hands, Snow reckoned that today was a good day.

He hadn't been upset when he got the letter from the hospital in the mail a few months ago. He had been informed by the doctor that he wasn't alone and that he would go through stages, ending in acceptance... _blah blah blah_. All the blather about it irritated him and if he was being honest, he just wanted to get it over with. He had lived many years as he always suspected he would, mostly alone, mostly missing her, but now that he'd put in his time, he just wanted it to be done.

Now it seemed his fondest wish would not be far off at all in comparison to his lengthy and drawn out life.

Over the years, he had watched a hamlet grow into a thriving city and Sazh's son Dahj grow up, get married and and make a family of his own. Sazh and Dajh eventually moved to the settlement Snow and Lightning's work had helped to create, and they came by regularly. Even after his father became gravely and while Dajh was in the early stages of courtship with the future Mrs. Katzroy, he still found time to have dinner and play cards with the aging brawler. Sazh was the only family the kid had and took his father's death very hard, so Snow had done what only came natural to him; he offered as much strength and support as he could to the young man. Afterall, he knew death and loss intimately.

Opportunities for socialization were few and far between once he had negotiated the purchase of the parcel of land Lightning's home was built on. Colonel Amodar had done a lot of good for Pulse and the immigrants from Cocoon as a servant acting in earnest with power from the Neo Sanctum. Amodar had asked Snow if he wanted to take over Lightning's duties for the few remaining years before the settlement was founded and after that he would be free to purchase the land and do with it what he wished. Snow accepted. It wasn't like he had anything better to do.

He relinquished his position with NORA to Yuj and they continued to grow even more successful as time passed. His old friends would come to see him from time to time, always trying to get him to move closer to them or to town... but Snow never wanted anything more than to be as close as he could to the woman he loved even if she wasn't physically there anymore.

As he had no plans to ever return to Bodhum, he closed up the Farron household, and as far as he knew it sat there vacant to this day. Serah had never wanted to return either. After Lightning's passing, any dealings Snow had with Serah were strained at best. She never said anything, but he could only assume that she was angry that she didn't get to see her sister before she died. He couldn't blame the remaining member of the Farron family; there hadn't been time for much of anything before the raven haired soldier left the lackluster world he now regrettably drew breath inside of. Serah simply didn't keep him up to date on her worldly ventures.

Once he'd been tempted to try and get Serah back, just so he could have something that was familiar; something that could remind him of _her_, but of course he would never have wanted to hurt Serah like that; she deserved better. Sometimes, on dark days, he lamented the loss of both Lebreau and Lightning, knowing that there had been at least two women that loved him. The odd time that made him feel better, other times it made him feel worse when he reminded himself that they were both dead.

There was no denying Lightning was never coming back and no matter how he tried to appease his sense of loss and guilt, he never found anything to feed it that would quell its voracious appetite... so he let it slowly consume parts of him. The scar inside him never did heal, but there were so many layers of life on top of it now that most days he could almost convince himself that he didn't even feel it anymore.

Zack came by as often as he could to visit, but eventually hegrew ill and stopped coming altogether. The last time he saw Zack had been a dozen years ago before the man passed away, leaving behind his wife and four adult children. The two men had been as close as they could have been, and in the impossible months after Lightning's death Zack had been the only one Snow could turn to for comfort. They spent many a long hour sitting outside on the deck of Lightning's home drinking, laughing and commemorating the dead and living alike.

Snow, himself, never married. He never even had a woman after Lightning. There were many who had expressed an interest – even when the blond was well into his late fifties – but he could never fathom such a thing with anyone other than his beautiful soldier. When she left it seemed she had taken his desire with her.

And then one day he was old. He had loose skin on his face, creased in the usual places from laughing and smiling but it was wrinkled and dotted irregularly with light brown spots. His blond hair turned white,lost its vibrant shine and was brittle. Even though his body had been in good shape since he was a young man, he had begun to turn soft many years ago. His frame was still very powerful and imposing, but he was more lean than ever, lending a certain fragility to his once robust aura. Blue eyes still held the mischievousness they always had, but instead of the intense zeal they once reflected, they were now calm and cool; mature.

The kettle whistled and Snow folded the letter back up tossing it aside on the tabletop before ceasing the screaming of the pot. His eyes travelled to an old hutch in the corner of the room that housed random knick knacks he'd collected over the years. Kid's sculptures, drawings, pictures of his beloved friends and family, most now long passed. Approaching it slowly, he opened the door to the bottom cubby and pulled out a small rectangular box held shut by a thick elastic. He stared at the faded container for a long few seconds and stuffed it under his arm.

Preparing some afternoon tea for himself, he took the cracked and well used mug in one hand, old box in the other and headed out into the backyard to reminisce and enjoy the day.

Placing the box gently on the wrought iron table, he sat in the warm afternoon, his eyes drooping lazily, tipping his head back against the lounge chair and letting the sun permeate his body. When it was quiet and warm like this, he could remember her like it was yesterday. She was so beautiful and so strong, and she'd forever remain that way. Sometimes he could hear her voice on the wind or her scent drift nostalgically under his nose, and he wondered if she was watching him even now. Afterall, she had died not 10 yards from where he now sat. To him she had never gone away completely, and one day he knew he'd be able to see her again.

He smiled slightly, remembering what little Dahj had said to him one day when he wasn't much taller than a weed.

_My mommy died and my dad says that I won't get to see her until I get old and die..._

Yawning, Snow figured hehad filled one out of two criteria. He was old... now he just had to ...

* * *

Snow awoke with a start at a shrill voice calling his name.

"Uncle Snow! Uncle Snow!" A little girl with bouncy brown curls threw herself into Snow's arms.

"Oof! Hey! There's my big girl!" He smiled sleepily, pulling the little girl into a monster embrace.

Letting her go, shesat on a knee and grinned up at him. "Whatcha doin', Uncle Snow?"

"I'm hanging out with my favourite girl." He winked at her.

"Uncle Snoooow!" she giggled shyly, locking her little arms around his neck.

_Such a sweet girl..._ Snow mused, rubbing her affectionately on the back. "Where's your grandpa Dajh?"

"He's in the house! We brought you a cake!"

"A _cake_?" Snow pulled her back to look in her face. She was all smiles as usual, as words tumbled forth in her cheery sing-song voice.

"Yeah! For your birth-"

"Nora Dia Katzroy!" A playful voice chided, interrupting the child. "Didn't we tell you to keep that a secret!"

Nora clamped a tiny hand over her mouth, her bright eyes wide as she tucked her little head into the crook of Snow's neck and whispered. "Oopsie..."

Snow chuckled. None of the Katzroy family were particularly good at keeping secrets.

_A cake, hmm? Is it really that time again...?_ Snow wondered idly.

"Go in the house you little snitch. Get your grandpa." Laughed the lovely young woman watching little Nora jump off Snow's lap giggling all the while.

Dodging a playful swat on the backside from her mom, little Nora dashed towards the open screen door and into the house.

Warm arms wrapped themselves around Snow's neck, a sweet familial kiss pressed against his wrinkled cheek, and a smile crossed his aged features. "How are you feeling today, Uncle Snow?"

"Oh, I'm just fine, Claire." He patted her crossed wrists on his collarbone affectionately. She lingered in the embrace.

"Looking handsome as always." She smiled softly, releasing him to take a seat across the patio table.

"It's nice to see you, Claire, and Nora too." It _was_ nice to see his family even though they had nary a drop of common blood. These people, along with his friends comprised the family he had always wanted, but could never have. He would have liked his own children, but he accepted long ago that such a thing wasn't written on the page of his future. Not without her in any case...

Snow wrapped his thick hand around the worn mug, but halted his movements when Dajh's daughter laid her hand over his.

She had a look of concern carved into her features that Snow knew all too well. He'd helped Dajh raise this little girl after Sazh's death shortly after she was born, and the divorce from his estranged wife. He knew her moods and her expressions better than his own and he could tell something was worrying her. It was something big.

"Claire?" Every time he said her name his heart ached a little.

His friend's son had no idea what _Claire_ had been to him, and so he couldn't have known how Snow's constitution weakened just being around the little girl. He found he couldn't deny her anything and soon she wrapped her little hands around his heart so tightly, just like her namesake. She grew into a loving, compassionate, guileless young woman and Snow loved her like she was his own.

"Uncle Snow..." she stared, looking him honestly in the face, taking his hand in her own, brushing her thumb over his swollen knuckles. "I saw that letter from the hospital -" Snow winced inwardly, cursing himself for not trashing that piece of paper long ago. The last thing he wanted to do was to make the people he loved worry about him, and now surely now they all knew.

"Hey, old man!" Called Dajh, emerging from the patio door.

Eyes both young and old snapped over to the interruption.

"Who you calling _old_?" smirked Snow good-naturedly, waving the pepper haired man over. He heard Claire sigh slightly; knowingly.

He'd dodged that bullet for now.

"I've sat Nora down with some juice, but she won't be busy for long..." laughed Dajh, looking at Claire. Taking her queue, she stood and hugged Snow lingeringly again.

She whispered tenderly in his ear. "I love you, Uncle Snow. Happy birthday."

The white haired old man smiled softly as she pressed another kiss to his cheek and took her leave.

"So what's this I hear about a cake?" Snow raised an eyebrow at Dajh as he took up Claire's vacant seat.

"Yeah... I know you don't like to celebrate, but Claire and Nora insisted."

Snow finally took a sip of the lukewarm tea, not saying anything. He didn't have to. Dajh knew well that Snow hated to make a fuss about his birthday, but of course the former sentinel didn't ever tell him why; only that he didn't want to be reminded of the passing of time.

"They love you to death, you know." Dahj said quietly.

Snow nodded, not looking at the younger man. "Thanks for coming around..."

"You know that we love to come to see you!" Dajh's tone picked up. "What're you doing out here anyway?"

"Oh... just remembering." said Snow casually, putting his hand on the decrepit box.

"Her?"

Snow nodded.

"I remember when you and dad used to talk about her. I wish I could remember more about her."

"Yeah, you were pretty young before she left..." At this moment, Snow had something he wanted to share with another human being. He hadn't touched the letter Zack had delivered to him that day so many years ago, except to eventually transfer it from the old file folder to the box that was now under his hand. "Speaking of... do you have a few minutes?"

"Sure I do. What's up?"

Snow pulled the elastic from the small container and sat it aside.

Taking the lid off, his old eyes were greeted by a shattered rainbow of shimmering colours. Tucked into the side of the box was a sparkling hair adornment; the jewelled averia he'd given Lightning the day she was taken from him. He eyed it for a thoughtful moment as the colours danced on his aged skin, but he didn't disturb it.

On the very top of a pile of various papers and pictures, there was a folded piece of black fabric. His eyebrows creased with aching memory as he took it in hand and tucked it away into the breast pocket of his shirt. He'd forgotten that was the last memory he'd sealed up. He actually held onto it after he'd packed away everything else many years ago. It was the one thing, save her, that he couldn't seem to part with.

Rifling through the various pieces of paper, he came to the piece of memorabilia he sought. He pulled out the letter with Lightning's name written on it.

Curiosity had almost gotten the best of him several times in the early years without her, but things had been so painful that he didn't want to read it in case it brought back more unwanted feelings. But now seemed like a good day to read it. Today he felt able to bear witness to the words inside.

He handed the letter to Dajh.

Dajh looked at him curiously, taking it and looking at the name on the front, the back to Snow. "Uh... Do you want me to read this to you?" Snow nodded and the pepper haired man opened it easily, the glue at the back barely keeping the envelope shut.

Taking his reading glasses out of his pocket, he adjusted them on his face and began to recite the written words.

_Light._

_Ever since I met you that day in the Pulse Vestige I've been in love with you. I love you more than I could ever say, and I've done things over this last year I'm not proud of. I have nothing to say in my defense except that I love you, and I want you to remember that._

_I know I should have told you that Snow was alive. And I know I shouldn't have tried to get in the way._

Dajh looked up questioningly at Snow from the folded piece of paper in his hands.

"Go on." Nodded Snow.

_I wondered for a long time how much you loved him, and if you even did, but if you didn't then why would you have something of his tied to you? I didn't want to admit what was right in front of my eyes. I wanted you to love me and that was all I could see. I couldn't bring myself to understand how much of a better man he was for you.._

_I'm sorry I tried to keep you apart. If it weren't for the things I did, then life would be different for all of us._

Dajh paused briefly to push up his glasses and clear his throat. Snow knew that he was aware of how Lightning died, but not of much else.

_If you're reading this now, that probably means I'm dead and you're wondering what happened._

_Do you remember when I saved that woman and was in the newspaper? Snow was the only one that witnessed it, and he never asked me what happened. I wanted to explain, but I was scared to. Maybe it's too late now, but I feel that I should explain myself to someone._

Snow's eyebrows raised in interest.

_In order to save that woman so that she could be reunited with her family, I made a deal with the devil. I didn't want that little girl to grow up without a mother, like I had to and while I was inside that crumbling building, I prayed that I could save her. 'I couldn't save my own, but maybe I could save someone else's' I thought. I don't know what fal'Cie was left on Cocoon to grant my wish, but it was granted. I saved the woman but was reshackled to the inescapable fate of a l'Cie. _

Dahj paused for a short second, his eyes still moving over the paper even though he fell silent. "Are you sure you don't want to read this yourself...?"

Snow said nothing in response.

The younger man peeked at Snow's face over the top of his reading glasses and witnessing his friend's resolve, he continued.

_I was given this cursed brand once again, and with it a focus._

_Snow Villiers was never meant to return to this world once he fulfilled his duty, so I am to kill him and send him back to where he belongs._

_I want you to know that I didn't leave Bodhum solely because of my anger towards Snow for being in love with you, I left Bodhum so that I wouldn't accidentally carry out my focus when all I wanted to do was renounce it. My anger towards him stemmed from the same vein as the love I felt for him... and so I was consumed with internal conflict and turmoil. I thought it best to just leave and never look back._

_That was my plan before I found you._

_Even as I write this to you now, I am still unsure of the path I will take and I don't want to carry out this focus._

_But..._

_If I don't, then I'll turn into a ci'eth to live forever wallowing in my own regret for not just failing my focus but losing you, although you two could live happily ever after without hassle or threat._

_I could kill him and fulfil my focus, but how can I end a life that has been so important to so many people while I just sit here and pout selfishly about all the crummy things that have happened to me? Will I take the life of the person that took me in and showed me how to be a good man? Snow was never anything but loyal and caring and warm to everyone, and everyone loves him dearly. But even if I go through with it, you'll lose us both._

_I know what I want in my heart, and I know it's selfish, but I love you, Light. I want to be with you until the day I turn into a ci'eth. I don't want to kill the man who's been more of a father to me than my own, and eventually you'll be reunited, but I want to make you as happy as I can until I'm not... _me_ anymore. The only way that I can have you is if I keep you two apart, but even if I'm able to do that, how much time will we have together before the chance I have to complete my task is taken away and I fall to ruin?_

_I have no answers, but now the clock is ticking and time is running out in one way or another._

_In the end, I want to come and take you away. Maybe one day you'll find out that Snow is alive, but perhaps by then you'll have forgotten all about him and maybe one day you'll grow to love me when there is no one else._

_In spite of all this, one thing is for certain... it's him or me._

_I don't want you to hate me. I'm sorry for everything I've done... and everything I will do._

_Forgive me... and if you cannot, then please think of me from time to time._

_Hope_

A whisper of a breeze blew between the friends as they sat quietly, both looking down at their hands. Dahj refolded the letter, its words finally spoken aloud, but didn't tuck it back in the yellowed envelope before he placed it on the tabletop.

Snow had wondered what secrets were concealed within those pages adorned with her beloved name, but now he knew for sure. He had always been in the dark about Hope's motivation; always wondering what drove the boy besides his teenage hormones and anger.

Now his chest was tight, his breath short as he considered the weight of what Hope had written. He had no idea that he had traded away his life to save that woman's, and if Snow had been in the same situation, he wasn't sure he would have chosen any differently. Afterall, at that time, Lightning had been so far away that she might as well have been dead, leaving the young men that adored her far behind.

"Uncle Snow...?"

Snow found it interesting that Hope's focus consisted of taking Snow's life, and some how wondered why it was that he'd been given his life back in the first place. He'd never gotten any answers in regard to that either, and he didn't expect any, especially now that it was really a moot point. He'd lived his life for the last seventy years and now according to the doctors he'd leave as naturally as he had come.

"...Snow?"

Considering the events of the past, Snow had deduced long ago that Hope had never actually meant to hurt Lightning. He said as much during that sunny day that he had stolen the light from Snow's life. She had been a tragic causality. Resolution and acceptance took months before it happened; Snow felt anger and bitterness like he'd never felt before.

Hope had been so self-centered to take his own life when Snow had denied him death. Hope had been angry with Snow judging by the boy's tone towards him in the end, but from the information in the letter, Lightning wasn't the only tragic causality that day.

How long had Snow felt cheated and robbed by the boy's last actions? The answer to that was almost too easy; every single cursed day that passed. The passage of time was slow and meticulous; birthdays and the changing of seasons reminding him of yet another passing year laced with empty animosity and unrequited retribution.

Pain throbbed down his arm, and he clenched his fist against it; his heart beating a dangerous and uneven rhythm in his tense chest. His breaths were unsatisfying and shallow, his body seizing like an old rusted clock that had seen its fair share of the flow of time.

"Snow!"

He heard a voice call his name, but it sounded far away. It continued to shout above him, but he paid it no mind.

"Claire! Claire! Call the hospital! Get someone out here now! Something's wrong!"

So the puppet strings that bound his old friends had tangled Hope once again, sealing his fate, along with the woman they loved. He was unsure if he could let go of that hatred he held for the coward who took his life instead of living with what he'd done. If his focus had been to end Snow, then it really wouldn't have been feasible to live side by side one another, but it would have been better than having to give up the woman he loved. Even if he would have had to sleep with one eye open for the rest of his life, it would have been preferable to live that paranoid life with her than without her. Surely anything would have been better than what he'd lived.

_But Claire... little Nora... Dajh... my family._

If things had been different, then maybe he would have never had the pleasure of meeting Claire and helping to mould her into the beautiful woman she was today. Maybe there would be no knowing little Nora and the boundless joy they brought to his life over these last years. Maybe life had turned out like it was meant to. They'd all been sent down paths, given trials to overcome and learn from.

Even Hope.

Knowing the truth about the kid's motivation melted the icy hatred in his heart just as it ceased its foreboding staccato.

He felt cool hands on his face, but his body was pleasantly numb as he drifted from consciousness into consuming darkness.

* * *

"It's about time this all ended..." Breathed a gentle voice, the scent of honeysuckle ghosting over his visage.

Snow opened his heavy eyes.

He was already on his feet, standing somewhere familiar; somewhere empty and white but endless and timeless. Looking around into the void, behind him an intensely warm palm came to rest in the middle of his back.

"I've been waiting for you to keep your promise." She said solemnly.

Snow spun around, his heart jumping into his throat.

There she stood, a small smile on her lips.

His Valkyrie.

His Lady.

His love.

"Light..."

Was she really there, or had senility taken over completely?

He wasn't sure what he should do at first, keeping a constant eye on her face, hesitantly reaching out to touch her. If he could feel the warmth of her skin against his, he could be stark raving mad and he would have been fine with it... as long as he could _feel _her again.

Snow felt his hand brush against hers, the weight of emotion and relief flooding over him and then floating away, taking with it the sadness and guilt of the years etched upon his soul. Wanting to put the theory that she could possibly be a solid figure to the test, he pulled her tightly into his chest, hiding his face in her rose hair.

She chuckled as she wrapped her own arms around him to return the crushing embrace. It was an odd sound to hear from her even as muffled as it was, but it was surely a _laugh_. Lightning somehow pulled back to look at his watery gaze, tracing a her thumb along the corner of his eye to collect some of the warmed moisture. He took her hand in his and placed her palm against his lips, relishing in the myriad of emotions and the renewed tingle in his skin; the taste of her hand and the sound of her voice.

"We've got to get going." she said, pulling reluctantly out of his arms.

"Huh? Where?"

Lightning remained silent but turned and started to walk away from the confused man. He stalled for a second, but hurried to her side and eagerly snatched her hand up in his own. She looked up at him with a raised brow, feigning annoyance, pulling her hand away.

"What? Do I have to hold your hand now?" she asked dryly, cocking her head to the side, a grin tugging at the corner of her beautiful mouth. "You're not an old man anymore, y'know."

Snow was confused again by her words.

_...not an old man? ... Surely..._

Looking down at his hands, he no longer recognized them. Turning them over and over again, he was shocked to see that they were the strong, capable hands he knew decades ago. Raising them to his face, he examined it with his fingertips, expecting to feel the loosened flesh he had become accustomed to. Surprise flashed on his features as he felt the smooth, supple skin of his cheeks and chin beneath his constant five o'clock shadow.

She smiled genuinely, obviously entertained by watching him begin to put together a piece or two of the puzzle that was only beginning for them. Folding her hand around his this time, she turned towards a shimmer in the near distance.

Snow had no idea what was going on, but he breathed a sigh of sweet contentment as he felt her hand in his, corporeal and real against his own. He watched her hair sway gently with her steps as she tugged him along. She was as perfect as he ever remember her to be. Maybe too perfect... he once again wondered if this was even happening...

"Wait." he said, stopping all of a sudden.

She turned back to him, a question on her lips. Before words could pass, Snow pressed a long-awaited kiss against her, keeping his eyes open to see her expression. A light blush passed over her cheeks as her eyes slipped shut when he deepened their innocent kiss. She obliged him, silent promise passing between them.

He may not have known what was really going on, and maybe he never would, but he was convinced that she was feeling what he was in that very moment as their lips met and mingled, and somehow that was all that he needed. He let his own eyes close as he leaned into her, cupping her cheek with his smooth, unabused, uncalloused hand. After a long moment, they pulled apart, leaving them both breathless.

"Ok. I'm ready now." he grinned, perhaps a bit too confidently, enjoying her sweet taste on his lips.

She snorted in mock annoyance, attempting to restore her reserved mask at seeing his old endearing cockiness return.

How she had missed him.

Turning back around, she gave his hand a fond squeeze before once again taking her place as his consort to lead him through the veil.

* * *

_A/N: I would like to thank everyone who stuck with me these last few months. Whether you were reading and reviewing, or just enjoying my story in silence, I appreciate it. Truly I do.  
_

_I must thank my wonderful husband who treats me very sweetly and was very supportive and encouraging when I stayed up into the early morning or bitched and complained about not getting something posted in time or how something wasn't coming as easily as I wanted it to... etc. Also, I have to thank him for talking things over with me and supplying me with lots of ideas and directions in which I could take this tale... his male insights were particularly useful as well as his slightly morbid imagination. He really is the best and I am really very lucky that he puts up with my BS. Thanks, baby._

_Thank you again for reading. See you around! ^_^_


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